


A flight over lives paths

by DameSeshat



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: AU, Adoption, Alternate Universe - War, Angst, Domestic, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kwon Jiyong - Freeform, Mentioned Lee Jooheon, Mentioned Lee Minhyuk, Mentioned Lim Changkyun | I.M, Mentioned Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Mentioned Yoo Kihyun, Mentions of Death, Multi, POV Third Person, Slice of Life, University student Hyungwon, War time, alternative universe, chae hyungwon - Freeform, kang daesung - Freeform, mentioned drinking, mentions abuse, shin hoseok - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-04-05 02:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 102,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameSeshat/pseuds/DameSeshat
Summary: Five years ago Hyungwon lost his parents, his statues and resorted to the only way to keep himself alive - entering the system. Early spring, on a Saturday morning Hyungwon is adopted by the UN official named Shin Hoseok. What comes next is life itself.





	1. The Meeting

The quote unquote funny thing about war is how it changes people and society, especially their views of life and how truly fleeting it is. Understandings change as well as behavior, so it was no surprise when war broke out the world, as we knew it, changed significantly as after years of dispute those higher up wanted to settle things once and for all. It boiled down to the age old question - whose was bigger, badder and better? It resulted in a war that engulfed every single patch of Mother Earth, leaving no stone unturned and no city, town or village attacked. It has been nearly 25 years of these fights, where in the night battles are held and once daily comes they died down, waiting for the darkness of the night once more. This hunger to finally settle the question, who was the most powerful left countries to wither away, cities abandoned and the population of earth shrink to barely over two million. Not all could be blamed on warfare, but the famine, suffering and pain that followed once the first battle lines had been drawn - however no excuses were made. You adapted or were left on the sidelines, dead. With that everyone came to face the facts that what had been seen as normal would never be so again, the path of life someone chose not the one they would always walk on. One of such individuals was Hyungwon, who had lost his parents five years ago and with that his statues in life. A great loss, one which would alter the life of Hyungwon initially had planned out on his mind.

In the society ruling the world of now it had come back to the concept that those with money and statues were those, who had every single freedom imaginable. Anyone, who lost statues, were left to fend for themselves or join what was called the system. The system is set up to take in anyone under the age of 21, statusless, without family or money to their name - nobodies in the eyes of the current state of the world. The system provided them a place to stay, regular healthy meals, regular health check ups and medical care needed to keep them alive, off the streets and safe from the war. It worked, but only because of one detail - Suitors. Suitors were the ones, who had a high statues in life, money and above all the want to adopt someone from the system. Suitors, a name given to them because they are suited to the ones they adopt as well as always being in suits - female or male, without any distinction. People, who understood the power they had, but above all found the easiest way to find themselves what they wanted, needed or desired. The system has a file on everyone in it, an extensive piece where every bit of the person is chronicled, interviews are written down as well as psychological test results. Through that a profile is set up, one through which the database finds a Suitor the perfect one to adopt or several of them. It is a natural part of society, so no one looks down upon it at least not openly and keep their critical thinking to themselves, understanding the several ways of life.

Suitors had free range what they did with their adoptees, as long as they weren’t treated as slaves, sold to another person or injured - physically or mentally. Regular check ups where set up to ensure no one coming from the system ended up being abused, a concept set in motion as in the beginning years many suffered greatly. Now constant error correction was set in place, tested and constantly bettered to ensure that those in it wouldn’t be seen as something lesser to those living with a lot of money and statues.

Those who didn’t fit the concept of the system, but lacked either statues or money would end up in the armed forces, securing that the countries had a constant supply of men and women to fight for them. As such there was no official concept of poverty or homeless people, because no one survived longer than a week without any support from the world around them or a caring hand to help them stand up. The bombs, constant combat, lack of food and shelter meant anyone without protection was dead quite quickly, if they didn’t have their wits about them. There were rumors that inside the woods lived those, who had managed to fall off the grid and stay alive - some said that entire villages lived like that, maybe even happily and peacefully. Speculations estimated that the true number of people on the planet was close to three or even five million, simply undocumented and hidden in the thick forests around the world. After all with the population small and more contained, nature had taken back whatever parts free from humans. People didn’t remember what peaceful is or was.

Hyungwon entered the system only a few weeks after his parents death, struggling to keep himself afloat as he was in high school, not allowed to work and dealing with the grief. When people say everything changes with a death of a loved one, then those weren’t empty words, but ones filled with change itself. It had been a change, naturally, but one which he didn’t mind as it changed only such a small part of his life. He could finish high school, enter his bachelors in engineering, had a roof over his head and food on the table as the system made sure the ones to be adopted by Suitors looked their utmost best. Even now looks topped knowledge - some things never could or would change. Thus around Seoul several safe houses had been set up with a wonderful kitchen and weekly health check ups - Hyungwon could only cough and have all he needed to cure his “severe cough that could be the first indication of falling ill”. In his file he had been noted that he was of good physical health and looks, owned a great mind and yet emotionally wasn’t available. Signs of stressed caused by grief and change of lifestyle were blamed for it, but no need for any psychological treatment of any kind.

Over the past few years he had focused only on his studies, met up with a few Suitors and yet stayed in the system, while the world around him only tried to destroy itself further. His agent, a kind man with a warm heart and love for rules, did grow fond of the slender tall male with curious eyes, which had a great deal of sadness within them. Even though he had grown to care for Hyungwon, the agent never let it show and kept things simple, clean and work related. Much to his own happiness, simply since he found it hard to see others suffer, the agent had only twice needed to intervene on two different occasion, when a Suitor was as they said “inspecting” Hyungwon. Even though there was a well established way of action, manners and rules - some believed themselves above it, thus the agents had the right to defend a maybe adoptive from anyone causing them harm. It never went beyond inappropriate touches or suggestions, but it was enough for end the meeting and make sure Hyungwon got the medical care and attention he needed. However one never could fully be sure if the mental scars healed or if Hyungwon let them even be born, because he explained it with logic and barely let it become emotional. That was what made things complicated for Hyungwon - it wasn’t easy to adopt him to fit into a box. Unriddling a riddle wasn’t everyones cup of tea.

Early spring. It was Saturday morning when continuous knocking on his door finally left Hyungwon to awaken from his sleep, dragging his slender frame dressed in a simple too big T-shirt and his underwear, to the door to open it. “Yeah?”  
His hair was an absolute mess, eyes barely opened and his glasses sat crookedly on his face as the male opened the door - only to be met with his the head of the house and a man behind the strict female. It was odd how he did some things even without thinking - putting on his glasses, not switching on the lights to keep the chance to fall asleep again. Simple things, but effective.

“Get dressed,” she hissed through her teeth, the man behind her eyeing the slender figure with interest and yet discreetly enough not to be rude. Dark brown orbs curiously taking in the sleeping figures expression, struggling a good bit to keep a smile off his face. Hyungwon was sure he hadn’t seen him before, but couldn’t be sure as there were several thousand agents working in the system. His mind didn’t even consider that the stranger could be a Suitor to eager to see his adoptive. “It is already 10AM! Get dressed! Come to the usual room. _Now!_ ” The head of the house was plump female, who always wore at least eight centimeter heels, glasses on the tip of her nose and a blueberry colour lipstick on her lips. She barely smiled, kept an iron grip on the whole house and when she spoke she sounded like a snake, hissing out words as if orders, not replies or welcoming words. A woman with not a drop of warmth in her system, but a kind of kindness within her to care for the people living here.

Nodding Hyungwon only half way got the message and closed the door, yawning loudly as his arms stretched above his head - having been studying for several weeks straight and taking the last exam on Friday, he had hoped for a quiet slow Saturday filled with sleep. Guess not. Hyungwon took a long while to wake up especially his brain, which was half asleep and left him moving around his small room rather slowly. Although there was a whole week to recharge his batteries, Hyungwon knew that he also needed to find a bachelor thesis subject as well as catch up on some reading. The short break needed to be divided between those activities, while fitting in more sleep, food, check ups and a bit of socialising.

After having made his hair look less like a birds nest, brushed his teeth and put on the simplest outfit out there - a very baggy sweater, underneath a white shirt, comfortable looking sweats and sneakers. Today he had no real wish to bother with contacts, but it was a known fact that to get adopted you needed to bother your eyes with them. Ten minutes he struggled, cursed and finally had them in - he could skip on them for the rest of the coming week, naturally only if he wasn’t adopted. Hyungwon moved sluggishly towards the meeting room located on the top floor with a view of the half destroyed city underneath. Every time he saw how the previously alive and thriving city having slowly been destroyed, previous districts now a pile of buildings and memories. His hometown wasn't in a better state, but something about seeing the capital city of your motherland being destroyed left your heart aching with a unknown pain. After three knocks against the simple white door he opened it, peering inside to find his usual agent mister Son Jack and the man who had previously stood behind the head of the house.

“Ah Hyungwon,” his agent spoke, used to him looking the way he did. Hyungwon knew that if the head of the house saw him like that, he would get a lengthy speech on how someone like him should dress. She would lecture him on style and fashionable actions, never able to praise and instead just critic. Mister Son however liked the natural no fuss side of Hyungwon, leaving him to simply smile before turning his attention to the man opposite him. “This is mister Shin. He is a representative of Korea at the UN.”

Hyunwon’s brown eyes slowly wandered over to the male seated on the sofa, dressed in a well tailored navy blue thin striped suit, who wore a simple smile on his lips. Giving the other a deep bow, as he was taught, Hyunwon slowly slipped into the room and stood there - his mind was half asleep, but awake enough to understand he stood before a Suitor. By now he knew the ropes of such meetings - he was there to be shown to the man or woman about to adopt him to fulfil any of their wishes, desires and or wants. Some told stories of being there for sexual relief and cooking, others spoke of fairytale endings with love and devotion having developed. He didn’t know or care which it ended up being - he wanted to survive, do whatever he was told and have the freedom to pursue his own life. Simple really, but hard to get when you were in the system.

The start would always be the same as the Suitors would ask him questions, then would come the overview - which meant that the Suitors could see however much of the adoptives body. That part was the most uncomfortable one, especially since those prying eyes never were subtle with their glances. Hyungwon resorted to this clothing purely so it was easy to strip and going commando in sweats was rather comfortable - after all one too many times he had been stripped down, so the less to take off, the less to put back on.  
“Hello,” Hyunwon finally spoke, rather surprised the Suitor wasn’t that talkative, but much more observed in silence. The Suitors eyes took in every single bit of Hyungwon, but only to notice changes in expressions and not to imagine the slender figure without a single item of clothing. His eyes were different to those usually upon him - they wanted to know what was going on as well as trying to control every single bit of his surroundings. “I am Chae Hyungwon, currently 23 years old, Aquarius, born in the year of the Wooden Pig and soon set to finish my engineering studies.”

Silence. Mister Shin nodded slowly, looking at the agent before at Hyungwon. “Please, sit.”  
His voice was soft, much softer than Hyungwon had expected and rather smooth like velvet or silk - the voice was capturing and enchanting, leaving him to easily take a seat and feel at ease. It was as if it would wrap itself around you, lulling you into the belief everything was okay and you need not to worry about the world. A voice that could be dangerous, but for now was the best thing to hear on a Saturday morning.  
As the line of communication had opened up the agent excused himself to stand before the door, giving the two of them some much needed privacy as well as acting as the bodyguard to Hyungwon. They had both decided the moment Hyungwon would knock three times on whatever surface the agent had the right to enter and end whatever was happening - Son Jack had a very good ears, thus this method usually worked.

Silence, again. However this time it was much more one where both parties were looking for the right words to speak and not make things uncomfortable. Hyungwon never asked questions when he met Suitors, because truly he wasn’t sure how curious someone could be when meeting with someone who would essentially there to adopt you. That and he never knew what to ask as he didn’t know what his purpose would be - a simple thing to show off and say that a Suitor has done their part in the world, a sex toy, a maid, all rolled into one or simply there to show they had done their part for society. Adopting showed you cared for the less fortunate - that was usually the sappiest world peace way of speaking, but believable enough not to prompt more questions.  
“Well you are handsome,” mr. Shin opened up with, leaving Hyungwon to look at him with a raised brow. “What?”  
“No one ever has opened up with that. Points for originality.”  
“What have they then usually?  
Hyungwon hesitated, not sure if he could badmouth Suitors, but then again couldn’t simply not reply. “Well. Some want me to simply strip down without asking me a thing, others ask me about my life and usual habits - depends on what they are curious about I guess. Their questions can be a sign of what they are looking for - I have been asked about my sexual likings as well as cleaning skills. Honestly they just question me, then want to see skin and leave.”  
“Ah,” mister Shin spoke, nodding slowly before chuckling. “I saw your info in your file. Your grades are good, no criminal record or surgeries. Everything else I plan to find out over the course of time.”  
“Wait,” Hyungwon spoke, rather confused with the males rather bold yet simple words. “You have already decided?”  
“Yes. Of course. I wouldn’t have woken you up at this hour if it wasn’t so. The head of the house informed me that you had finally gotten some sleep after studying diligently at the library for the past two and a half weeks. Coming home with the last bus and leaving again with the first one heading towards your university. I do apologize for taking must needed rest from you.”  
“Uh...okay.” It was all that Hyungwon could say, not sure how to act around someone who wasn’t trying to be mysterious and instead was simply open, honest and still kind. Thinking he slowly got up from the sofa and walked around, trying to get his mind to be awake enough to process everything going on. He had been worried for how much longer he could be in the system, but then again never really entered to be adopted - he had entered to get the benefits and not a Suitor to make life sweeter. Now here sat someone, who wished to adopt him and Hyungwon didn’t know what to do or where to stand with this. “So…?”

“So I have decided to adopt you as of today. Your agent said that he was rather surprised I was so determined to have this settled so quickly, which you seem to echo. Truthfully speaking I am not doing this to have some sort of social commitment achieved, but much more that I am lonely in my job and life. I don’t have the social standing to date freely, my job keeps me occupied and my friends suggested to adopt. I thought about it and had inner debates over it, up until I decided to do it. To me this is finding a companion for a life I am not sure how will go on.”  
Hyunwon stared at mister Shin, surprised by how honest the man was and honestly pondering over how he could be in the UN. The United Nations had developed from a simple organization to keep peace, as much as possible, to one where it tried to keep people alive, while the worlds super powers tried to kill each other. Over the years it had transpired that the UN was more than initially showed, having well trained forces to protect powerful people, defuse potential reasons for a spike in war activity and on extremes kill. A revamp that proved rather positive in the eyes of the people, whose views had changed towards it. Standing between the two sofas where usually his agent sat, the slender figure looked at the UN agent and tried to understand what was going on his head.  
“Uh...do you want to see my body or is your adoption so certain that you wish to skip it?” He didn’t know what to say, so sticking to the usual ways seemed like the only way to go while he still knew what was expected. Without a reply he nudged his sweater up and over his head, letting it drop onto the seat behind him and standing there in the simple white T-shirt, sweats and sneakers, without socks and, hopefully unknown to mister Shin, without underwear. The room was warm enough, but still a small shudder passed through Hyungwons frame as he lost the warmth of his too big yet very warm black sweater. It was still early spring time and the grip of the cold hadn't left Seoul, if anything seemed to linger like an unwanted guest. Standing there, he swallowed thickly as he knew how tall and slender he was - compared to mister Shin he was nearly a collection of bones, a bit of muscle and skin pulled over it.

“I think...no.” There was a hesitation in his voice, one which Hyungwon decided to ignore as he picked up the large comfortable sweater and walked over to the door to let the agent back in. There was no more to discuss, nothing that couldn’t be heard by the agent and his always quizzical brow. This had been the easiest and most comfortable meeting to date, which left Hyungwon happy and yet a bit on the edge. A companion? That wasn't something people looked for these days - you could easily set up marriages and dates, declare yourself a lifelong bachelor and not be judged. This wasn't the norm, but then again the slender figure didn't know what "the norm" was anymore - it changed like the city scape under them, nightly.

“I had the paper work brought up and Hyungwon you should go pack. As I understand you will live in the gated community called Falcons Eye near where Gangnam used to be. With this we have also redone your documentation, erased the last remaining files of your previous life from our system, changed every emergency number to that of mister Shin and officially giving you the allowance to move out,” the man spoke, walking over with a large pack of papers in his hands, while Hyungwon shrugged on the sweater again. It was too big, hanging off his frame and making him seem much smaller than he actually was. Add to that he had learned quickly that usually Suitors wanted adoptees, who put in a lot of effort to look their utmost best at any given hour - he wasn’t of that thinking, which had kept him in the system for so long. After all the usual time within the system was something close to one and a half years, not five - he didn’t hold the record, but did stand out. Nothing of that really mattered to him, because he still struggled to realize he had finally been adopted and by someone, who seemed like a nice person. Someone with whom he could be himself and live his life - a rarity, for sure, but then again with his thin luck a wonderful surprise he welcomed. Finally he could have a full life, which sounded rather amazing to his ears.

What followed were mister Shin signing different forms, deals and contracts as his agent explained the legal side of everything and Hyungwon silently watching on. The paper work was to secure Hyungwon safety, legally bond mister Shin to protect him and not abuse his adoptive; declare himself aware that if he did abuse his adoptive he was aware of the legal consequences and above all understanding Hyungwon wasn’t a thing, but a human being. It seemed wrong for the need to sign such a document, but the war had changed people and some didn't always have the best intentions when it came to the lives of others. The forms were there to have information about the Suitor. His agent was a man in his forties, a soft smile on his lips and always kind towards him, though never making their relationship too close or friendly. This was an official arrangement, where they had to trust each other and knew that no secret ought to be between them. Mister Shin however was very much a mystery even now - silently signing everything after giving them a quick read and filling out the forms with ease . Every try of the agent to send Hyungwon away was vocally cancelled by mister Shin, informing the two surprised figures that this was very much something that affected Hyungwon and should be around to hear every detail. Hyungwon didn’t know what to think of this as his kindness showcased right now could easily be a gimmick and once they were really alone a different man could amerge. No such vibe was given, but you never knew. That was the mystery of man - you never knew what lay behind a warm smile and simple words, that painted out a presence of empathy, but didn’t confirm it.  
After five to ten minutes of splattering pieces of paper with ink, mister Shin slowly rose to his feet and took the large package of papers. “Well then, let's go gather your things and leave for home.”


	2. New home, new life

Hyungwon had gathered the following information - mister Shin was rather straight forward, honest, didn’t view him as a thing and was content with observing what was happening around him in silence. That all put together made up a rather mysterious man as beyond simple soft smiles and honest words nothing told you about his personality, his passions or what he exactly was expecting out of this. Even now as Hyungwon was gathering his things into his bags - two large suitcases and a beaten up yet big backpack - the man stood there and simply observed, on occasion helping with larger things. It was as if he held himself back, even if the slender figure didn't know from what. Hoseok was his Suitor, legally allowed to do as he wished as long as he didn't violate any of the general rules or leave him hospitalized. Yet instead of trying to initiate more physical contact or quiz Hyungwon, he simply watched on as if gathering intel on a potential target. Hyunwon’s agent had left to file the paperwork and the head of the house only was around for about five minutes, appalled how Hyungwon could live in a such a mess. What she missed to understand what that Hyungwon had barely been at home - exam season was nothing less than a period of time where you didn’t sleep, constantly studied and prayed that you wouldn’t flunk the exam. Additionally came the cold sweat from fearing to have failed and the constant confinements of time itself, which seemed to race ahead as it manically laughed at you for having thought of it as your ally. Fitting in being social, keeping everything tidy and being generally a human being seemed impossible, even if Hyungwon was used to this.  
“The Falcons Eye apartment complex is rather far from the campus,” mister Shin said after a while, watching how the last things Hyungwon gathered were his few books on engineering. “I apologize for that, but as an UN official they simply put me there without asking any questions.”

  
“Closer than it is right now,” Hyungwon replied, with a huff sitting down as he had managed to gather the majority of his possessions and needing a minute. Feeling how his head spun and a small sense of nausea slowly developed a death grip on his stomach was what made the colour slowly vanish from Hyunwon's face. It only slowly dawned on the slender figure that he had forgotten to eat a single thing since last nights simple dinner consisting of chicken wings, rise and salad. Rubbing his stomach he looked up to meet miser Shin's gaze, giving him a small smile before asking the most important question in his mind. “I don’t know if I am allowed to ask this, but will I have a room of my own?”  
“Yes,” Hoseok replied calmly, a small spark of worry in his expression as his eyes scanned his adoptive, “Yes you will and you don’t have to think you are now a thing I own. I meant it when I said I see you as a companion to whatever limits you see fit.”  
“Okay.” Hyungwon looked at the last pieces he needed to store away and then back at the Suitor. Companion sounded nice, but seemed like a broad term to use. “Do I have to call you mister Shin?”  
“You can call me Hoseok, if you please.”

  
Nodding slowly he moved to tuck away the last items, observing how his whole life fit into two large suitcases and backpack. One suitcase was mostly winter clothes, which he had prepacked with spring finally here, the other suitcase filled with his current clothes, everything he needed for personal hygiene and half of his books. His backpack contained his old yet functional laptop and everything connected to it, the rest of his books and a few personal items. That was it, that was his life. The room with bare beige walls seemed colder now, leaving Hyungwon to sudder slightly while standing up. “Well I am all packed.”  
“This is really all?”  
“This is really all. I never had much.” Giving a small shrug, Hoseok moved to get the two suitcases and start to roll them out of the room and Hyungwon right behind him. The space he had inhabited for the past five years didn’t really mean anything to him, so there was no tearful goodbye needed and all the slender figure really wanted was breakfast and maybe a long hot shower. After all these years in the system and its set in stone schedule, a small part of Hyungwon was gleeful to know he had a good chunk of freedom back at his disposal - it would end being filled to the brim with studying, yet still his.  
The corridors were rather narrow, but clean. No one lingered in them and usually at this hour on a Saturday most were already awake running errands or still asleep, thus silence was only broken by Hoseoks and Hyungwons footsteps, along with the suitcases being rolled down the corridor. None of this would be missed or mourned for, even though he was very grateful for all the system had given him. Certainly not ungrateful, but glad never to leave this life behind and start a new one as an adoptive, even if it for now seemed like dangerous uncharted territory. Change was good and very much needed.

  
Riding the elevator down to the parking level 3P, there was more silence than empty chatter, which Hyungwon didn't mind that much and rather glad he doesn’t need to be socially engaged all the time. The sleek metal doors open to the small parking space, the two figure exiting the metal box to walk over to a sleek black Cadillac Escalade, which seemed like a normal car and yet surely wasn't, considering who its owner was. It seemed like the car had more space than the room Hyungwon just left behind, but instead of lingering on it he helped to hoist his suitcases into the vehicle. He waited, because he didn’t know what else to do.  
“Get in,” Hoseok encouraged him, but without an immediate reaction looked around before looking at Hyungwon. “You can sit upfront, if you like. Sit wherever you want really, just get in. We won't be walking to the Falcons Eye.”

  
Hyungwon nodded and moved to the passenger seat, climbing into the car and buckling up as he took in the sleek interior - everything was kept in a tasteful black and dark grey combo, the seats themselves feeling nothing short of luxurious. His limbs slowly sunk into the wonderful soft leather, eyes falling shut - his body still exhausted and mind trying to kickstart itself. The roar of the engine wasn’t there, instead the vehicle purred to life and smoothly started to drive out of the parking level and onto the streets of half destroyed Seoul.  
Every morning cities around the world had changed as during the night battles had been fought, people killed and lives changed. Thus no city became familiar to the eye or mind, instead was this ever changing slowly dying beast and by now abandoned by those, who didn’t need to be there. Famous districts were changed to the point you couldn’t even imagine that here once ruled massive entertainment companies and fans came to worship at their doors as if they were holy places. Where once shopping districts lured the money out of consumer pockets, now where only a few remaining stores struggling to keep their costumers coming to the destroyed area. Castles and fortresses had been destroyed many attacks ago, now living on through pictures and the stories left behind in history books. Nothing was the same and yet the people living in the middle of it all seemed to be - still there were the rich, the poor, the studied and the drop outs. A weird scene, but it was simply the world now.

  
“So you know how the meetings go, but not further?” Hoseok asked, breaking the silence between them.  
“No,” Hyunwon replied, looking ahead, “When I entered the system at the age of 17 and only so I had a roof over my head, food and a chance to finish high school and hopefully get into university. Luckily I managed it - my high school demanded I stayed back a year after the death, but gave me time to study for my finals, managed to enter SNU for my bachelors. My agent made sure I wasn’t really bothered with Suitors before finishing high school and past the first year in university. I had them, yes, but non really showed interest and much more wanted to see me or my body. The past few years I have met up with more of them, but really a few showed interest up until you. Well you really just came and adopted me, least amount of fuss to date.”  
“So you used the system to keep living?”  
“Yeah.”

  
There was a small maybe even proud smile on Hoseok’s face, leaving Hyungwon himself breaking into a soft smile as a soft chuckle passed over his lush lips as well. The mood inside of the car lifted and shifted, having changed from a slight awkwardness to that of light friendliness. People in the system weren't victims of their life, but much more understood their place and worked with what had been given to them. In the world of now there was no room for those, who wished to be pitied and only favoured those, who understood what was needed to be done. War changed mindsets and understandings, but also peoples connection to their own life.  
They reached the massively guarded apartment complex after another five minutes of driving, traffic flowing smoothly and neither of them knowing what else to say. Seouls streets were busy even now, which only showed that a city could survive the harshest attack if there were willing inhabitants pushing to keep things going, keep things alive. Hyungwon wasn’t someone to fill the air with meaningless chatter and honestly didn’t know fully how much Hoseok would appreciate long rambling talks. Even though he was silent upon first meeting, Hyungwon could get rather talkative when a topic truly interested him and he saw a way to discuss his ideas. For now it was easier to observe, to make notes of what he saw.

  
Falcons Eye is known to be one Koreas most guarded buildings after the presidential compound as so many important officials lived there for some periods of time - the concept of a permanent resident existed, though few used it. It was a tall concrete and glass structure that was dead in the center of Gangnam, but that is all that really was known about the massive building dominating the landscape. Its floor plans, personnel, defense systems and anything else connected to it had been classified, thus no one really knew more than they were allowed too or saw. Add to that the residents of the building changed at least every six to twelve months, sometimes even weekly, which also brought along changes within the building as some needed more space than others.

  
Hoseok had an apartment on the 15th floor. In the Falcon Eye, on the floors from 10-20, there weren’t several apartments on one floor, but the floor itself was the apartment. It was a mansion fitted into the concept of an apartment, which wasn’t something anyone really complained about. From the 20th floor till the 26th were two level apartments, which were given to the highest ranked men and women within Korea. Everything from the 10th floor down where smaller apartments for the military personal, who chose not to live on base and preferred a more homely feeling to their accommodations. Falcons Eye also had a in house cook and kitchen, 24hour dry cleaning and helicopter landing patch, which was the minimum requirement for such a building.  
Having parked the car on its spot, the men exited the vehicle, fished out the luggage before starting to move towards the door as silently the car disappeared underground. That left Hyungwon to stand still, watching the massive sleek black car be swallowed by the ground and no one even lifted a brow. The logistics and engineering behind it left his mind to ponder, before he felt Hoseok lean in closer than he had expect and whisper. “Shall we?”

  
The playful smile on the males face was one which Hyungwon only could respond with a small but well suited blush, as it gave a hue of colour to his cheeks and left him to scramble to catch up. In the lobby you couldn’t be sure where you had ended up as two guards walked up, guiding the men to pass through the security control, while Hyungwon’s bags were taken to check if they wouldn’t be exploding at any point in time. As he was new resident it took longer than usual to pass the check, as he was finger printed, faced scanned and his identity double checked in the database. The security guard shot glances at the two men before asking Hoseok to come closer, who didn't seem to mind explaining the situation on hand and waiting for their reaction.  
After about twenty minutes, his bags clean and all scanned in, they finally could enter the massive elevator and have a moment alone.  
“Am I the only…?” he asked, leaving the question hanging in the air.

  
“Mmm no. Though as I understand they were surprised by your background, considering your parents worked for a political party and yet you are an adoptive. It is rare that someone like you ends up in the system, which indeed is unusual. I think they initially expected you to be related to me as it is common that UN officials share their bachelor pads with someone of the family. They both were surprised to realise you were an adoptive - I explained the situation to them and the matter was settled. On the 25th floor lives my friend and boss Jiyong, whose adoptive is his now fiancee Daesung and they act like a married couple, so the truth is barely known. Honestly if you meet them it is hard to think they are anything else, but two people in love and ready to marry. Though that won't happen any time soon seeing the ridiculously packed schedule Jiyong had for the coming six months - he is lucky to even have a few days at home. From the 5th to the 10th floor live military personnel, whose adoptees are mostly there for sex and keeping clean house, many are both rolled into one. They are very much like a clique - closed up and tend not to want to interact with anyone from the outside. Add to that they never stay longer than for a couple of month before they are reassigned to a new area and need to move. A rather unstable life, but those men and women live and breath for our country, so nothing but respect. The top floors are empty for now as anyone of higher importance are for the time being have been evacuated to safer grounds.”

  
“Ou wow,” Hyungwon let out a surprised sound, trying to absorb everything being told to him and wondering what it will be like living in this massively guarded place. Hoseok seemed comfortable in his surroundings, confident in his knowledge and constantly kept an eye on his adoptive. “But at least I know what to expect.”  
The elevator only moved if you used your fingerprint, soundlessly and softly pulling the car up to the right floor before the doors slowly slid open. They were welcomed by a massive apartment, kept in a simple yet comfortable style, but failed to sport any kinds of personal touches. It was a home, but not a personalised space where you wished to return and enjoy the comforts that it had to offer to its inhabitants. Even though Hoseok seemed like the warm kind man, his apartment was anything but that - decorated to be inviting, but not a space that told you anything about him. The slender figure mentally sighed as several questions popped into his head, wanting to know why someone would choose to live like this - then again his own room had been similar. Bare of anything that could make it a home, a place to connect memories and emotions too. The two were more similar than it first seemed. Physically Hyungwon stood there in awe as Hoseok pushed off his shoes, waiting for the other to reanimate and do the same.

  
“So it is simple. Your room will be next to mine. You have your own bathroom and the key to your room is the only one in this apartment. I do not have one and without an invite won't enter it either - I think respecting each other privacy would be a good start, no? Next to my room is my study and a bathroom. In front of us is the first living room which is connected to the dining room. From there you get into the kitchen and pantry. The corridor leading to our rooms is connected to the first living room. If you don’t go through that route tehn from the first living room you can get into the actual living room, guest room and small gym along with a large bathroom. All of the rooms are for your use, though I would keep my study for myself if you don't mind. It is also my work space as I have weeks where I can work from home.”  
Hyungwon nodded, following Hoseok as the male directed him towards his room and amazed by the massive apartment. Everything around him seemed to expensive to be touch, so surely his own room had to be simple and small - yet reality was different. It was a pretty big space, at least three times the size of his pervious room, with a large bed, walk in closet, a bathroom and space for him to give shelter to another two people without breaking a sweat. Light flooded and simply beautiful, Hyungwon oddly felt happy to be here and yet his face couldn’t emote the feelings 100% - too awe struck with the sight to fully express himself.

  
“I will give you time to settle in and order some food.”  
It was the scent of coffee that lured Hyungwon out of his room, having unpacked one of his suitcases and backpack only to fill up a small percentage of the space he now could call his own. For the first ten minutes he spent simply sitting on the bed, staring at the vast room as his brain tried to someone comprehend everything - in the end he simply grabbed and opened up his ragged black leather notebook to note down everything. It felt like his brain was going into overdrive as it fitted all the given puzzle pieces together into a coherent picture. A lot was missing, but he still tried. He knew his Suitors name was Shin Hoseok, an UN official and by the looks of it ranked rather high considering the massive place he called home. Beyond that he knew one thing - Hyungwon had been adopted to be a companion on his own terms. That was freeing, sort of, but also meant that whatever Hyungwon decided this relationship to be it could be too little for his Suitor. He had heard stories of people being sent back into the system, personally seen people like him return beat up and abused to the point where they twitch and scream the moment anyone touches them. Surely Hoseok wasn't a man to inflict such violence upon him, but the fear was there not to be enough - he needed to understand what 'companion' meant to his Suitor.

  
In the end he smelt coffee ended his wonderings as he left everything on the bed, walking out in the same clothes he wore before only having added a pair of underwear and socks. Hoseok had changed as well, now sporting a loose fitting white shirt and blood red sweats which seemed to hang on his hips. A gentleman turned into the every man, yet still wearing that soft smile on his lips as he noticed his adoptive emerge from his room. The in house cook had sent up a traditional style Korean breakfast, while Hoseok had made them some deliciously smelling coffee. Mouthwatering scents mixed together, leaving Hyungwon to swallow back a good bit of saliva and help to bring everything to the dining room. He watched Hoseok to see where he kept the cutlery and other needed items, noting how everything had its own place.

  
“Settled?” Hoseok asked, walking towards the dining area and settling on one of the simple looking stools.  
“Sort of.” Hyungwon replied, walking to a stool as well and trying to figure out how much space to leave between himself and his Suitor. Finally deciding on keeping one chair between them would be the ideal solution. “I ended up sitting on the bed and trying to figure this out.”  
“How far did you get?”  
“Well I know your name is Shin Hoseok and you adopted me to be your companion,” he spoke, keeping his sight on the food and source of life - coffee - as he didn’t want to look at his Suitor at this given moment. Hyungwon wasn't always the best at keeping eye contact when speaking to someone, needing to be comfortable with them to do so. “I know your job, but really what makes be hesitant is your reasoning.”

  
There was a small bit of silence as both of them piled on food onto their plates, Hyungwon’s eyes settling on the clock hung on the wall to understand this was much more a brunch setting than breakfast. Hoseok instead seemed deep in thought, clearly trying to figure out a reply that didn’t seem too demanding and yet honest. Slipping onto the comfortable chair, Hyungwon silently watched his Suitor as he still felt out of place and as if visiting. This wasn't his home, not yet. Just yesterday he had arrived into his home of five years after a gruelling exam season and now he sat at a luxury dining table, filling his stomach with amazing food and endless supply of coffee. “You don’t have to explain your reasoning to me. I simply...this is so unreal to me. I never expected to be adopted, even though I played with the thought quite a bit over the years and was, after all, in the system. Adoption should be expected, anticipated and celebrated - still seems unreal it happened. But the fast pace this happened at probably is making me analyse this more than I would have given any other setting.”  
“Do you have any questions I can answer without going into monologue mode?” Hoseok acquired, once more only observing Hyunwon as the the latter did the same. Both tried to understand where they stood and what the end goal was, especially if there actually was one to begin with. Life of now was uncertain, making longterm plans impossible. This was also a good way for Hoseok not to explain his reasoning, simply since the he wasn’t fully sure himself. He had wanted a companion, yes, but was a bit restless to know what would come along down the line. The unknown never sat right with him.

  
“Am I allowed to finish my studies? I have a good chance to get a scholarship and into the masters program,” Hyungwon spoke carefully, expressing his desire to pursue a life beyond that what a Suitor would provide. He was well aware that most of them wished for the adopted ones to stay at home, but seeing as this was nothing close to usual he had a small spark of hope within him. “Also how often are you at home as an UN official and do I get money from you? I don’t really know much about the adoptee and Suitor relationship.”  
Hosoek chuckled, sipping a bit of his coffee as he found it rather adorable when Hyungwon showed eagerness to know more about something. Setting the simple looking white cup down onto the table he couldn’t help the second round of chuckles, before settling. “Of course, yes you are.” he started off, looking at the male, “As long as you enjoy it, by all means go on with your studies. Although I am not sure how far you can actually go into your field, but by all means study. I support filling ones mind with knowledge, which you seem eager to do. Now the second part of the questions you directed to me. Well these days I am mostly working in Korea so longer stays abroad are rare, but happen at least once every two months. For instance the coming week I am fully at home, filling paperwork and trying to find someone to redo my bedroom. But there are trips abroad which do take me away for a longer period of time. With the subject of money - as required by the system there will be a bank account set up in your name and I will make sure you have money. Now…”

  
He stopped, looking at Hyungwon before his eyes flickered to his breakfast before him. Hoseok knew that with being a Suitor certain actions were expected by society, thus he couldn’t simply leave things hanging in the air. However he wasn’t going to chain Hyungwon to the apartment or demand the man to give up on his life. “...I only know what my friends have told me about being a Suitor and I intend to act like one, but in public. I don’t think you should be cleaning this whole place on your own or wish for a sexual relationship, even though I know it is common practice. Truthfully I do not know what to expect of this, because of how the world around us is constantly changing. What I know is that I hate coming home to an empty apartment, not have anyone to talk to and simply feel lonely - I have friends, but everyone is tied up in their work, their own love life or something else. So...I...decided to adopt to have a companion - sounds selfish, I know. Honestly I am not sure of what is to come, but I hope my ramblings gave you some sort of reply to what I wish for. However I do think we need to keep up the facade of Suitor and adoptive out in public..”

  
“Which means what? Grateful, silent and obedient - always at your side and never speaking about our life at home. Never speak to you directly, when in public, and keep a distance to anyone not you?” Hyungwon tried to clarify, head tilted to the side as he once more tried to remember what he heard others say was the norm. Though he had heard others talk about this life, he still hadn't quite managed to figure things out in his head and understand that from this day onward he lived a new life. His lush locks moved along with the action, leaving him to acquire a cute factor to it that let Hoseoks face turn to a softer expression. The explanation was enough, for now.  
“So you do know a little, huh?” he replied with a small firm nod of his head, figuring that Hyungwon wouldn't act upon rumours and wait for confirmation. “However otherwise I do not think we need to stick to the usual unwritten rules. I suggest we split the cooking and cleaning duties. I rather see how this develops, as I stated, rather than sticking a label on it.”

  
“I wouldn’t let myself near any stove,” Hyungwon spoke with a small smile on his lips, feeling at ease knowing he wouldn’t be some thing hanging around in a large apartment, without a life of his own, and instead to could continue with what he had built for himself. He simply wasn’t mentally in a state to be someones maid or boy toy, focused much more on making sure the life he had would be as fulfilling as possible. For now he had hung onto the chance to stay normal, no signs indicating what his statues actually was - it was a concept he dearly wished to hold onto and keep up appearances. Surely not everything would be the same as he had a Suitor, but at least for now the changes coming towards him weren't negatively life altering. Instead they promised him a brighter future, one where he could be as much as himself and fit into the life of another person. The unknown factor was what life would let their relationship involve towards, but for now a sense of calm settled in both of the males minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting twice a week.  
> Kudos and comments are highly welcomed. Would love some feedback!


	3. Everyday life of getting to know the other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know each other is a work in process, but one which makes it easier to discover new details about each other. However how to even explained things to outsiders, when you yourself haven't figured everything out? How to break the news to your friends? How to do anything when all this is fresh and new?

As neither really had an idea how this should go, a phase of figuring things out was inevitable to happen - Hoseok understanding Hyungwon and vice versa. Luckily one was on a week long vacation and the other mostly stuck with work that kept him in Seoul, thus figuring out the domestic aspect was possible. An air of slight awkwardness was present for the first few mornings, both men used to being alone and not having to deal with anyone before their first coffee. Especially Hyungwon was hard to wake up, looking like an upset puppy whenever he emerged from his room - Hoseok had learned not to talk to him before the male looked slightly more alert. Neither of them really had an idea how to be a Suitor and an adoptive, especially as they now inhabited the same space, knowing well that the system matched them. There had to be something that had overlapped when it came either to their interests, personality or even life, though what was the question. 

The system had worked out a rather complex algorithm to match people, but never published the results in order for the two people to grow their relationship more naturally. Starting off by knowing what you had in common with someone had lead in the past to Suitors growing bored of their adoptees, some even abandoning them which caused a high death rate to be present in the starting years. Adoptees were seen as things, so the system had to work hard to set in place good matching algorithm as well as making sure the Suitors had legal responsibilities. Thus the algorithm results were kept classified, Suitors signed several forms, contracts and other legally binding documents - finally the regular heath check up were set in place to have several safety nets in place. The focus wasn't on the Suitors and satisfying their needs, but to help the adoptees to get a better chance at life.

Breakfast would mostly fall either onto ordering from the in house service or Hoseok having the mood to cook up a simple breakfast consisting of bacon, scrambled eggs or going for a sweeter version by making pancakes. Both liked their coffee strong and black, Hoseok with a bit of sugar in it - he would always have his coffee from a large red cup, which read “Kiss of caffeine”, while Hyungwon chose a simple looking large white mug. Cleaning up after breakfast would be Hyungwons job, which he did without a complaint even if it at times took a lot of time. A natural way of dealing with cleaning duties naturally set itself in place - Hoseok did the cooking, while Hyungwon cleaned up the amount of dirty dishes. Taking out the trash was left to Hoseok, since he frequently needed to go outside while vacuuming was left for Hyungwon. The only thing that they did together was dealing with laundry - deciding every Saturday would be a big laundry day, spending a good part of the day loading the washing machine, hanging the clean washing and finally ironing.

Neither watched that much TV, if then only the popular shows that everyone talked about anyway, but did like to listen to music when the mood struck. Discovering they liked similar artists, it was easier to choose what would play from the sound system and enjoy the musical creations while cleaning or having a meal. Another thing to come to light was that they enjoyed watching movies - crime, thriller or fantasy usually were the genres they went from, rarely picking a documentary or horror. The latter had never been Hyungwons cup of tea as his overly active imagination had enough to keep him up at night, unrealistic murders wasn't needed. Hoseok simply explained he had seen enough that horror movies seemed rather unimaginative, hiding the fact that they freaked him out just like his adoptive. 

Hoseok was focused on his physical strength and health, working out at least twice a day at his home gym, and that entailed his rather lack of wanting to hide the results. Rarely did he bother with too much clothing, when it wasn’t needed, and so Hyungwon slowly got used to see his Suitor shirtless state around the breakfast table. By no means would he complain or thought to have the freedom too, much more amazed how a human body could be sculpted to perfection in such a way. Being of a slender slim built, especially compared to his Suitor, the male could easily see their physical difference. Hoseok didn’t comment on his adoptees body, never asked for a peep show or anything lewd - rather unusual for a Suitor, but more than happily welcomed by Hyungwon. It wasn’t that he hated his body, no, but that because of his slender built at times didn’t think himself masculine enough. Naturally if he had given the doubt a bit of a logical side, he would have easily understood that every body was different and comparing himself to others was rather pointless. 

Another thing Hyungwon noticed about his Suitor was that he spent good amount of time on the phone or in conference calls in his study, which meant complete silence needed to be present in the apartment, along with a pen and paper nearby. Whenever he spoke on the phone it was like a different more serious man emerged, who never joked about his job and didn’t let any mistake happen. Hyungwon suited this because he spent most days researching for thesis advisors and topic, which turned out to be a rather frustrating topic to dwell upon. Past works seemed too eloquent and well researched to the point where Hyungwon wasn’t sure he could do much better. Pondering over if he should choose a freshly less tapped topic or stick with the old faithful ones, left him seeking ways to distract himself. By swallowing book after book was how he spent the hours not pondering over his thesis, which ended up with the two of the going to a bookstore on Tuesday. 

After the end of his lectures, Hyungwon walked out of the university together with his friend Hyunwoo as they discussed the upcoming sports event - their universities spring sports day. Hyungwon didn’t express much eagerness for it while his friend seemingly bounced on his heels as he wanted to take part in both the wrestling matches as well as track and field. In the end it was a social event one attended, so the next day you knew what the gossip was about. Finally outside the university building, they started to walk towards the bus station, passing by the parking lot in the process. It was an odd part of the university as many had cars picking them up, but telling adoptees apart from "normal people" was nearly impossible.

Especially once anyone reached the university years it was rather difficult to say what statues they held, because it was a time of freedom. Lines were blurred and no one even cared, who your parents or Suitor was - what mattered was what was in your head. The education system was rebooted to favour knowledge over statues, which didn't mean there was no competition to get into the university of their wish. As world wide the universities were free and open to anyone, the spots in each university were limited and so no one ever just applied for one field. Usually when someone wanted to study architecture they also would apply for civil engineering or design - your interest would be met, in some way.

“Hyungwon!” a voice called out, leaving the tall slender figure to stop in his track, brain quickly figuring who it was and feeling how his heart clenched painfully. Guilt manifested itself in the slender figures body along with a small wish to run. Turning to his right, he was faced with Hoseok standing outside of his car, looking like a fashionable twenty something year old and catching the eye of several people passing by. No one could blame them as for several girls and boys his physical appearance was the ideal eye candy, especially after a long hard day at university. Hyunwoo gave the male next to him a look before a light flickered on in his mind, raising a brow at his friend. Full aware of his best friends situation, Hyunwoo hadn’t expected Hyungwon to be adopted - yet it seemed life never went as you expected it to. 

“Wait you got adopted? Why didn’t you tell me?” the male asked, well in hearing range of Hoseok, but ignoring him while his eyes fully focused on Hyungwon. “Is this your Suitor?” Honestly Hyunwoo could be so deadpan honest and simple with words, it would make you either groan loudly or laugh heartedly. There was a reason Hyungwons best friend had been nicknamed Robot Man, because his replies could sound automated and emotionless. 

“Yes, didn’t get a chance and yes,” he spoke, looking at his friend before eyes flickered to Hoseok. Expecting to see disapproval, Hoseok simply looked like he was sorry for having put his adoptive on the spot like this. In his mind it was a nice gesture to pick him up and give him the small surprise of a shopping spree at Kyobo Bookstore. A miscalculation - something which rarely happened to Hoseok. Whatever the matter their deal was to act like they ought to when in public, so Hyungwon moved to his suitors side, eyes kept lowered as well as his head. Clearing his throat, he tried to remember what he actually had to say to be a respectful person. After all the system did some preparing work, even if it was a 45 minute instructional video with bad graphics and worse acting. In moments like this he would forget his own name if possible, because he had no practice with such public declarations of statues and possession. It wasn’t natural, at least not to him. “This is my Suitor, Shin Hoseok. His kind welcoming heart adopted me on last Saturday morning from the system. I have the privilege and honour to live with him, enjoying a better life.” 

“Stiff as a board and a lot more awkward than I expected,” Hyunwoo spoke, before turning to Hoseok to give the male a 90 degree bow before turning towards his friend again, grinning a bit. Hyungwon simply groaned silently, however it seemed he was the only one in such a mood as Hoseok showed signs of amusement. “Hello I am Kim Hyunwoo, best friend of Hyungwon since the first lecture on higher mathematics, year one. I am studying architecture.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Hoseok smile and returning the bow, gesturing to his car for them all to get inside. After all due to the size of the vehicle, they could have transported about half of the civil engineering class if need be. Hyungwon tried his best not to be bothered by how embarrassed he felt, knowing there was a need to practice his actions out in public so it sounded less stiff. Seated, buckled up and ready to drive, it was Hoseok, who picked up the conversation. “I asked Hyungwon to act like a adoptive when we are out in public, so I think this was the first practice run.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hyunwoo simply asked again, giving a nod to the explanation and really a lot more focused on the man trying to disappear through the front passengers seat.   
“Today you told me that you are set to marry, so I couldn’t just barge in with my news, at least I felt like that. I know you and your whole family have been working hard to find the right bride,” Hyungwon explained, looking behind at Hyunwoo, who sighed softly and shook his head. “Plus you know how little emphasis I put on the whole system thing, so I didn't even know if you cared.”

While Hyungwon didn’t have statues, money or a place in sociaty before the adoption, his best friend was on a different path. Hyunwoo’s father was a highly respected politician, who frequently represented the party at official meetings and gatherings - he was nearly idol statues popular in China and what remained of Indonesia. Hyunwoo’s mother used to be a famous actress before marrying her ideal suitor, fixating her statues and making sure whatever happened, her children would be respected. Hyunwoo has a little sister he cherishes and even now calls ‘little princess’, even though she is set to finish high school spring next year. It was easy to think that coming from a well off family meant he had freedom, an easy life and could make any decisions without any strings attached. Yet Hyunwoo was the first born son and needed to make sure his family kept and raised their statues in society with an iron grip. That meant an arranged marriage with a girl, who would either bring in money or statues - hopefully both. Thanks to Hyunwoo mothers extensive network of connections, it wasn’t the problem of if they find someone and much more, who was ideally suited to their sons personality. At least the past two years had been spent interviewing anyone who fitted the bill, some not making the cut because of their lacking manners or knowledge, others because it was apparent they wanted to marry up. An endless parade of vanity, which finally produced a suitable bride. 

“You really should be more ready to talk about yourself, especially with your friends. I mean yeah I had massive news to share, but this change is equally so,” Hyunwoo argued, silently feeling sad that Hoseok was here to hear this and wondered if it hurt the males feelings. Being a Suitor was after all a honourable position within todays society, thus Hyungwons lack of want to share this detail might be hurting the mans ego. “I thought you would be happier to be out of that place and...” Hyunwoo locked eyes with Hyungwon through the rearview mirror, not able to finish the sentence - he didn’t know Hoseok, thus exposing the other further felt wrong. Add to that the short flash of pure panic and horror crossing his friends eyes was enough to put him off from even uttering another word. 

“I am sorry.” The words were clearly spoken as an apology to his friend and his Suitor, which left Hoseok to shortly look over at Hyungwon with a small encouraging smile on his lips as his hand rose from the wheel to pat the males shoulder. There was no anger, no annoyance of not automatically having been made the number one person in Hyungwons life, but instead understanding. Hyunwoo watched the scene from the back with a slight awe, because he knew his friend of three years - Hyungwon frequently apologized and never gotten this moment of comfort. In the past he wasn't even sure if the other had time to properly mourn his parents, because he had done everything to first secure his life and not think of what he was feeling. Add to that he had known something was off with his friend, but couldn’t figure it out until now - of course an adoption would change his mood and focus. Even though Hyungwon insisted this was only to keep him alive and on the path of knowledge, Hyunwoo long ago realized that the system was more than that. How it was set up, it had a promise of finding a home and care - the promise of warmth, love, a sense of belonging and commitment was what Hyungwon truly craved. How aware the slender tall figure with big curious eyes was of that was unknown to Hyunwoo, but it pained him to see how his friend wanted all that and yet was so closed up that none of it came into his life. 

The pain had only found a deeper rooting when his father had told him about Hyungwon’s parents - both endlessly hard working for a better future for their son and overflowing with love. While Hyunwoo’s family held back with their affections then Hyungwon’s parents never had done so - happily displaying affection for their son and encouraging him at every single stage of his life. Both understood their child's introverted nature, giving him space to feel comfortable in and encourage any display for a hobby or interest. Only thing limiting them was of course money of lack of statues to get it. Their home life was nothing short of loving and caring, which with a snap of faiths fingers had been cruelly taken away from Hyungwon. Hyunwoo couldn’t imagine how a home that had been filled to the brim with nothing but positivity and love could so easily be robbed to be left behind a cold and lonely space. How Hyungwon would silently usher between rooms to pack his and his parents things, no one there to comfort him as he had to arrange the funeral, make sure everything was in order to give up their home and move out into a small room in the systems housing. At no stage could he lean on someone, get a hug when he felt his heart break again and again over the loss of his parents - Hyungwon had no extensive family after all. Instead only pushing forward, studying and hopefully from all the stress from wanting an education forgetting what grief was. Hyunwoo silently wondered if Hyungwon ever actually got to cry, because Hyunwoo’s father had said that at the funeral the tall slender boy stood there with a blank face, like a shell of a human. 

“So where should I drop you off? Would you like to come to the bookstore?” Hoseok asked once the moment passed by and silence settled in for them to drive a bit, looking into his rearview mirror to catch Hyunwoo’s rather sad look. It was clearly something of a confusing sight, yet he couldn’t flat out ask the younger man on the backseat what was wrong. Right now he barely knew how to comfort his adoptive, thus how to offer a shoulder to lean on for a complete stranger left him riddled.  
“That is where you are going? Yeah sure. There is a new book on the architecture of the 21st century I need for uni.”

The drive to the only Kyobo in Seoul took them nearly an hour, where Hyungwon simply stared out of the window, trying his best to figure out his feelings. The whole reason he hadn’t told anyone anything is because he didn’t know how to do so without having to explain a row of other events in his life. It was a tangled mess of connections, which took time to unravel and understand - a construction site Hyungwon happily ignored. Easier to ignore, at least in the past few years it was like that. Besides Hyunwoo no one else knew of him being in the system, because he knew how to live a life of someone without a single problem present im his life, besides surviving the next exam season. The idea of having to sit his friends down, explain everything and answer a bunch of not so simple questions left his horrified - the fear of losing them settled deep within his mind and heart. Once before he had to give up on everything, thus a replay was clearly unwanted.

Once they had parked the shiny black car in one of the parking lots, Hyungwon honestly wanted to stay behind - he hadn’t expected to be taken to the bookstore or that he would have to tell anyone anything for some time. After all he hadn’t figure out a way to solve this and felt bad for having not proudly talked of his Suitor or been honest with Hyunwoo. His friend was the first out of the car, giving Hosoek and Hyungwon a moment alone as well as calling his family to let them know where he was. Although everything was safe during daytime, one could never be sure.   
“I am not angry,” Hoseok repeated his sentiment, looking at Hyungwon with a soft smile . “I should have not sprung this surprise on you. I simply saw how you devouring books, I figured getting you few new ones would be a good idea. Your friends seems nice, by the way.”  
“I really didn’t want this to be awkward. He broke the news before I could say a thing, so later on I didn’t know how to say ‘hey also by the way I was adopted by an UN official and won’t be a sex toy’. I didn’t want to be disrespectful,” he spoke and looked at Hoseok, unable to look at the man and instead stared at his shoulders. “I am sorry, truly.” What he felt and words to describe always seemed to be lacking in his vocabulary, so he hoped his facial expression along with the words would be enough.  
Hoseok once more repeated the action he had before, putting a hand on Hyungwon shoulder and tried his best to comfort the other. “I haven’t told anyone either. No need to apologize, okay?”

Nodding slowly, the two climbed out of the car, Hyungwon landing next to his friend and decided to continue on with the endlessly awkward chat. “Look sorry for not telling you. I know I promised to stop pushing away, but I really didn’t know how to explain this while I was figuring it out. Do the others know?”

“Yes, of course they do. I didn’t figure it out on my own, you know, simply since I had chosen from the start not to push you to talk about things so personal. Minhyuk was the one to suggest it one night, Jooheon and Changkyun figured out the broader picture and I added in the history to give the full idea of what was going on. We all decided to simply let the knowledge be that - knowledge, not something to push you to talk about. Minhyuk is dying to know more though, but Jooheon told him to keep his mouth shut,” Hyunwoo explained, giving his friend a half hug as he wasn’t sure how much affection was allowed with an adoptive. However Hosoek didn’t seem to mind or be angry, thus he went in for a full bear hug simply to comfort the other a bit more, knowing full well how Hyungwon beat himself up over smallest details in his life.

After the Second Great Attack nearly 45% of Seoul was destroyed, so several stores gathered together in a large hives and built defenses not to lose themselves completely. To the happiness of Kyobo now more than even people loved to read, the sales of books had gone up to record highs. Now keeping books in stock was the actual problem, much like comic books and anything printed on paper - probably the hardest were the classics as they had a living waiting list. It was reported that people in Korea spent more money on books than electronics, clothes or cars. Having a large library at home was the ultimate goal. 

“I will be in the arts section. Hyungwon do you have the book our professor spoke about in the metal lecture?” Hyunwoo asked, loving the sight of such a large amount of books and people hungering for them. They had entered from the south entrance, which was also the main way to get into the large bookstore and be left in awe of the large selection of works. 

“No,” he replied and looked at his friend with a small frown, because Hyunwoo knew that he photocopied all his books that were available in the university library as he had no money on him. Only those he truly needed were gifts from his friends - now he knew why they took turns in gifting them to him. Hoseok looked at the two of them, but didn’t ask anything and instead looked over the floor plan of the massive book store. The two friends moved towards the book section connected to their studies, only Hyungwon was halted by a hand on his shoulder.

“Get all the books you want. No limit,” he told the male and left towards the crime novel section located in the west wing of the store. Hyungwon left to stare at the males broad back, surprised riddling his face into that of a dumbfounded puppy. The way Hoseok said it wasn't an order, sure, but clearly the tone of voice a Suitor would use in public. It seemed so unreal how the other could switch it on, seem so natural - maybe because he meant his words did it end up sounding as such.

Missing out on three years worth of books meant around twenty books had piled themselves into Hyungwons shopping cart, him barely looking at his friend as he selected the works. Some of them he had still copies of at home, since they had been needed for several classes and others simply catered to his interest.   
“I am guessing you finally have the chance to get what you need, right?” Hyunwoo finally asked as all the needed books had been gathered up, the two of them holding up the heavy cart and getting a bigger one by one of the shop assistance. 

“I do...though this feels so weird. I never had the chance to do so even with my parents,” Hyungwon spoke, chewing on his bottom lip as he was close to putting them all back not to bother Hoseok. However Hoseok was his Suitor, thus if the man had decided to spoil him in this way he wouldn’t be a brat about it and accept the gesture without whining. There honestly wasn’t any wiggle room or reasoning why he shouldn’t - he was an adoptive, barely with a statues in life and so this genuinely nice gesture was only there to be accepted, welcomed and respected. They slowly moved onto the section that interested them a lot more - classical novels, art books and fantasy novels. That section was the true place to leave behind millions, but Hyungwon held back considerably as he couldn’t expect Hoseok to pay for everything. While he had gathered the books he truly was interested in, Hyungwon sat down in the reading area and read a few random pages to engage if the chosen piece of literature was for him. 

“I have that one home,” Hoseok suddenly spoke from behind of Hyunwon, holding a good amount of books himself. Watching the other jump in his seat was a bit amusing, leaving him to chuckle under his breath as he sat next to the man and inspected the load the male had gathered. Hoseok was a man who had his own way of finding humour in life, but also found it rather cute how the other looked and reacted when he was surprised by something. Even in this short time of a week was enough for him to know what he found rather charming about his adoptive - the hunger for knowledge and how he could look like a frightened puppy. 

“Not all are mine. Hyunwoo also put his in there, really,” Hyungwon quickly explained, looking at the man with a sheepish smile, “I picked only the ones I really need. Nothing too much since it would be pointless.”  
“I said you can have every book you want, so don’t excuse yourself again. I brought you here so you can have whatever you want,” he spoke, leaning back against the seat, “What I have gathered since Saturday is that you love books, but you only owned around ten? So we are here for you to get whatever you heart desires.”

Both of them simply looked at each other, once more trying to understand what is going on in the others head without using words. Hyungwon did feel like he was being spoiled, just like those who had been adopted just for sex and nothing more - given treats so they would be more compliant in the bedroom. Then again he had a deal with Hoseok, where they would keep up the facade as long as they didn’t know what this would entail. Thus his Suitors behaviour was normal, the proper way. Being spoiled wasn’t what he was used too, however he was grateful for Hoseok to be this ready to give him what he wanted. The verdict on how he felt about this was still out, but for now he accepted it.

Hoseok on the other hand wasn’t sure if his actions were right and weren’t against what Hyungwon wished. However he had observed how the man, who was four years younger than him, according to the files, had little to no belongings that truly were his. Two suitcases and a backpack could fit a twenty three year olds life, which seemed rather sad to Hoseok. Thus he had decided to use one of his Suitor attributes to spoil the male, to give him the chance and have more to his name than some clothes, his notes on lectures and a laptop. As he had read from the file the laptop had been a gift from his parents before their death, thus more than five years old and still functioning - seeing and hearing Hyunwoo, he was sure Hyungwon’s friends helped a great deal. They needed to discuss some matters that were a lot more personal, but it was evident Hyungwon wouldn’t open up quickly, but only when he was sure that nothing would come back around to bite him. For now the material aspect needed to be tackled first.

“Hyungwon!” Hyunwoo called out, catching his friends attention and ending the seemingly wordless conversation between the other two males. “Did you scribble down the book name? It was something something works.”

Setting aside his book Hyunwon opened up his backpack, which looked like it had seen rougher days and yet wouldn’t tell you its age easily. Pulling out his battered leather bound notebook where he had noted down anything for the past year or so - it looked like it had not only been used to write in, but store important pieces of paper, pictures and whatever else. Hyungwons life fitted between that simple A5 sized book, which spoke bounds of his statues before the adoption. Nothing was wrong with his simple lifestyle, however Hyungwon wasn’t even living clutter free much more just living. “Let me see. I think you mean the book on “Tada Andos works in time” - right? The other one your professor suggested was the book on uh...Rem Koolhaas?”

“I have the Koolhaas book, but yes of course Ando. Huh I don't think I will go look for it as the price is probably astronomical. Maybe I can ask for it as a weddind or graduation present,” Hyunwoo spoke, coming over to take the remaining seat in said area. He didn’t pick up on the tension between the other two, instead looked over what he had gathered and checked if the money was available for the massive purchase. 

“How will you get hom?” Hyungwon asked, stuffing the battered notebook into his backpack again as he tried to come up with reasons not to take the books he was interested in. Only looking at his pile would cost a good sum of money, which could be used - honestly he didn’t know how else it could be used as technically speaking he was apart of Hoseoks household. 

“My father is nearby and will pick me up. He had to settle a few things with the party before going over to China to meet with their parties branch there,” Hyunwoo spoke, smiling a bit shyly before he started to pull out the books belonging to him - the cart didn’t seem so full now, thus Hoseok wordlessly added his own and those Hyungwon had picked out. The latter bit his lip not to let out a small sound of protest, but knew if he did this whole facade they needed to put up would be blown to smithereens. 

“Ah your father is mister Kim from the conservative party, right? I am flying out with him.” Hoseoks comment seemed out of the blue, rendering both university students speechless and Hyunwoo especially seemed surprised by it, staring at his friend with a small unrest in those brown orbs. Everyone stood up, slowly moving towards the cash register as Hyunwoo tried to get a word out of his friend again, whispering to him so that Hoseok hopefully didn’t hear. “What does he do?”  
“UN,” Hyungwon replied shortly, a reply that left some colour drain from Hyunwoo’s face and struggle to regain it for some time. They were taken to different registers, Hyungwon following his friend while Hoseok seemed occupied with a call. “You look like someone punched you in the gut.”

“UN men are no laughing matter. The way my father speaks of them you would think their are special OPs with the licence to do whatever as long as it is in with the UNs laws. We both know how the UN laws have changed considerably and still are seeing how the thirst for conflict seems to only grow. He doesn’t seem like the sort to be in the UN, but I stand corrected,” Hyunwoo replied, paying for his purchase and taking careful glances at Hosoek as well as Hyungwon. “You see these guys first have to pass a four year long intense no holds back field training where they are put through the worst or the worst to test their fit for the UN. Usually only 30% survive the process, many coming back horrified and barely useful fro more than a simple office job. After that they go through diplomatic training, which can last years as they constantly learn and adapt to the changing world. These men would take a bullet for anyone and later on complain about the shooter being a poor shot, giving them advice how to be better by putting a bullet into the attackers head.”

Hyungwon let out a small short laugh before catching his friends gaze, letting the laughter die down in his throat and move with him towards his Suitor once both had payed for everything. Hoseok was carrying four big bags filled with books, gesturing to move towards the exit as Hyunwoo, having two bags, now watched the man with hawk eyes, Hyungwon instead stared at the book bags with a small guilt in the pits of his stomach. Feeling bad for his Suitor to have to carry those heavy bags, he tried to snatch two of them only to get a warning graze from Hoseok and halting his actions. Instead a small sigh passed his lips as it took time to exit the massive store complex. Eager to read everything purchased, Hyunwon still wasn't sure how to feel about this and how to thank the man without making things too awkward. It seemed like a hopeless setting, one which could have been avoided if his Suitor wouldn't have acted so generously. By that point the slender figure mentally groaned at his own thoughts, figuring he should for once accept things as they came and not overanalyse everything.

Near where Hoseok had parked his car stood Hyunwoo’s fathers mate black van, leaving the trio to politely greet the elderly politician standing before it as they were getting closer. The man wasn’t much shorter than his son, had a soft fatherly smile and yet sharp eyes as they took in its surroundings with a critical filter applied. “Ah Hyungwon, I haven’t seen you for quite some time. Please do come for dinner some day, my wife has expressed her wish to see you again too. My son surely has passed on this sentiments,” the politician spoke, giving Hyungwon a warm hug before moving aside and stretching out a hand to Hoseok. “Mister Shin, what a pleasure to see you again. I expect the preparations for China have been completed and my travel there will be as pleasant as usual.” The elderly man didn’t comment on the situation as it was clear to him, simply went through the motions of greeting everyone properly. It wasn't hard to do so - why else would his sons best friend and mister Shin Hoseok be hanging around each other? Their social statues was miles apart, thus adoption seemed the only way to bridge the gap. He was one of the few politicians, who hadn’t found his wife through the system and thus knew his luck and didn’t pass judgement. Although not fully aware or briefed how the system worked, the elderly male never spoke evil of it or about it. 

They parted ways soon after, Hyungwon and Hyunwoo promising to work out the details about the dinner as well as meeting up tomorrow to go to the first lecture together. Hyunwoo lingered before getting into the van, watching his friend and his Suitor walk away. He didn't have a bad feeling about Hoseok, yet knowing he was in the UN left his stomach to turn slightly. Something told him that Hyungwon wouldn't always be safe, yet his Suitor would do the utmost to keep him safe. Walking back to the car Hoseok made a few glances behind him as well, before focusing on what lay ahead. He noticed Hyunwoo lingering, but didn't comment. Putting away the heavy book bags and getting into the car, Hyungwon remembered his friends words and wondered what his Suitor had experienced in his life. 

“Your friend suddenly seemed more careful of me.”  
“I told him what you do for a living and he lost any colour in his face,” Hyungwon explained, listening as the car once more purr to life once more. “I guess because of his father he has a better understanding of what your work is, right?”  
“Surely, yes,” Hoseok spoke, looking over at Hyunwon before pulling out of the parking spot and starting to drive back home. "Why?"  
"He made your work seem...He made you seem. Ah, how to say this?"  
Hoseok cracked a smile, looking over at his adoptive fore a moment before focusing his eyes back on the traffic ahead. "UN men are no laughing matter?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments highly welcomed!!!  
> Always feel free to leave feedback!


	4. Opening your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living in this close proximity will birth awkward as well as emotion filled moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late post. It took me time to edit this and figure out where things are heading.

Once they were back home and had parked the car, Hyungwon insisted to at least take two bags, even though the weight of them had his arms screaming from discomfort. However it looked comical that Hoseok was carrying everything, even though Hyungwon was perfectly capable of carrying his own thing. After all out of the four bags three were filled with his own books, thus he wished to carry some of the weight. Stubbornly he dragged them to the elevator, sighing in relief when he could set the bags down and also shrug off his backpack in the process - his back was aching a bit from the heavy bag and sitting on uncomfortable chairs during lectures. Whoever thought those seats were comfortable clearly never had a three hour lecture on concrete, the structures one are able to create and the problems one can face.

Looking at the battered leather backpack, he remembered how his parents had given it to him as a small present for the start of his high school years - a simple looking black bag, which seemed small and could fit whatever needed. Yet as time passed on time wore down the leather, Hyungwons books and laptop did the rest to beat down the otherwise respectable accessory. Though it clearlu needed replacement, he was a bit too attached to it - getting a new backpack seemed nearly criminal. Hyungwon had so few things remaining from his parents, from his past before being an adoptive, so he ended up desperately clambering onto the few old items. His friends had pointed it out to him several times that he should get a new bag, better laptop and other exchangeable items, yet he persistently disagreed with them. Being aware of how attached he was to these silly objects lifted the situation to another level - his friends didn't know how it was to lose both parents at once. Lose people in your life, who spent their time loving and raising you to the best of their abilities - even the smallest remembrall was worth keeping around, however beat up and "useless" it seemed. 

Back at his room it took Hyungwon a good half a hour to settle his books into the previously empty shelves, trying to figure out how to order them. The task seemed nearly overwhelming as he never had had so many books, never having to worry how to read all of them or work through the theoretical texts hidden behind the covers. Now Hyungwon had gone from owning ten books to what seemed like owning a small library of close to 50 - Hoseok truly had spoiled him a bit too much. Hyungwon struggled to figure out a way in which he could properly thank his Suitor as he wasn't a sex toy and they weren't sexual in no way, nor was he maid. Expressing his feelings with words always would fail him, thus he would have to come up with something that could covey his true gratitude. While pondering over how to express himself within the boundaries of feeling comfortable, he also tried to figure out a system by which he would put the books on the shelf. In the end he went with logic - all that was connected to his field were located near his desk and organised randomly. After all you never knew what book would give you the hint to solve an engineering problem or throw up more of them. The shelves that were closer to his bed ended up inhabiting the new, in his eyes large, book collection of classical and few modern pieces. Categorising them by genre seemed the best idea, happily going over the newly bought books. 

Hyungwon loved the classical novels that even now, in a time of confusion and unrest, remained known to the wider audience. He had loved reading "All Quiet on the Western Front", when he had dreamt of being a solider, only to understand the horrors he would see wouldn't sit will with his mental strength. Fondly he remembered reading books like "Anna Karenina" and any Haruki Murakami novel - those all left him questioning the bonds and connections between people, between people and the society around them. His taste had been moulded by his literature teacher, who noticed how the slender male swallowed book after book - hungry to read new stories, dive into new worlds and ponder over the actions of fictional characters. The literature teacher always had hoped Hyungwon would study literature or something related to it, though couldn't see the day one of his favourite students graduated as cancer robbed him from the world too early.

After putting everything away and staring at them at awe, he had the hard decision of what to start to read, because for now there was no reading needed to be done for class. He settled upon a book Hyunwoo had told him would be an interesting read - “My family and other animals” by Gerald Durrell. Thinking back at his school days the slender figure remembered it being on the extra reading list for summer, but he never came around to it and now felt like could fill a gap from his childhood. He struggled to remember why he hadn't gotten around to it, but remembered that summer having had his mind on other things. That summer was the summer his childhood best friends had confessed to liking him, shining a light on the whole previous relationship. It wasn't a moment to sit down and read a book, when your mind was trying to figure out what would be next - especially as his childhood friend was a male. With a fond smile he remembered that time, though set it aside so for this moment he could focus on the book. Settled on his bed, comfortable enough to switch between positions until he found the ideal one, Hyungwon started to read and soon enough found himself chuckling to himself. Honestly his knowledge of the pre World War Two era was lacking, but it didn’t seem to matter too much, when reading mister Durrells descriptions of Corfu, his family and especially the mother seemed to grow on Hyungwon quickly. 

Back then Corfu was a place where Gerald Durrells family could easily go, now it was a highly guarded nature reserve with no human habitation for the past 75 years. Whenever anyone said that ‘a lot has changed’ they would only be scratching the surface of the truth. With the war the planet had changed from a overpopulated problem ridden place to one where nature slowly took over abandoned cities, towns and villages. For years it was impossible for scientists to do much more than to focus on the war, giving nature time to make its own adjustments and slowly push out humans from space they weren't welcome anymore. Certain areas hadn’t been seen by man for the past one hundred years and if you believed the stories, it was for the best. The date having been able to be collected over the past few years indicated the planet was a lot healthier and climate change had either slowed down or slowly died out. As there wasn't a world wide connection between scientists, the reports seemed to contradict each other - however one was sure, Mother Nature loved fewer people to care for. 

Add to that the formerly lively full of life capitals now only were whimpering shadows of their former glory days. Seoul was surely one of the sadder pictures of current state on Earth, simply since so many had chosen to leave and move to areas where the chance of survival was higher. A huge amount also could be blamed on the sever bombing that took place over the past few years, simply because there was the off chance to harm the Asia Alliance Forces - a thought, but in the end only hurt civilians, not the military. One of the still striving cities on the map were Hong Kong, Moscow along with New York. 

Late into the afternoon Hyunwon, his book in his hand, moved from his room to Hoseoks, without knocking or even thinking of it as he had a rather interesting part in the book, leaving him to forget his manners. A pesky way of existing as so easily his mind would be captured by the happenings in a book, grounding him in another world and forgetting the true settings around him. Raising his eyes from the captivating pages, they landed on Hoseok at the window and on the phone, fresh out of the shower. His voice was soft and quiet as he discussed matters of work, but Hyungwon fell death to the muttering, because all he saw was Hosoks beautifully sculpted body. If a greek sculpture of a god from the hellenistic era had come to life it would be Hoseok with a perfectly sculpted ass and really every single piece of anatomy in view of Hyungwon. Some details were still hidden away as Hoseok was standing to face the window, but enough to give a good picture what he was working with - in short a good deal of the physical ideal. Hyungwon knew his Suitor was handsome and very attractive, as he owned a pair of eyes, but this was the first time getting a nearly full picture of the other. Feeling his cheeks ablaze and probably looking like boiled lobster, the male spun around quickly and try to move away, yet embarrassment had nailed him onto his spot as he held the book before his face. There was no need for it, because he couldn't see anything, but there he was standing near the door, book pressed against his face as he felt more embarrassed by the second. Why did his legs decide to not work at this very moment?

About only a minute later, he heard a bit of shuffling and Hoseok clearing his throat. Hyungwon finally found the strength to move and yet couldn't, hearing the other speak up - another nail landed in his foot, keeping him in place. Nerves kicked in, quickly deciding to speak up because the other could.  
“Sorry sorry sorry..I...uhm had this question about...uhm..but like uhm...didn’t knock and … and uh well...uh...you know...because...uhm..next weeks...yes...needed...info,” Hyungwon quickly started to ramble, aware his words made no sense and a sentence structure was out of the window behind Hoseok.  
“I won't be going to China, but instead be here to overlook the work done around Gimpo and see if the Incheon airport could be maybe saved and reboot. The area is desperate need of help,” Hoseok spoke, trying to see Hyungwon’s face and ended up giving up as he walked towards his closet instead. Although a man, who wasn't easily embarrassed or felt like he should show less skin - this was a whole different moment all together. No one had ever walked in on him being butt naked, not even his ex-boyfriend who was notorious for never knocking nor apologising for the lack of manners. This situation was anything less than humiliating, one which Hoseok honestly simply wanted to blow over or forget.

“Ah, o-o-ookay.” Hyungwon nodded, finally able to find the strength to walking out of the room and into his own, closing the door as he needed a moment. He locked it as well, not sure why and yet it left his pounding heart calm down a bit more. Having just walked into Hoseok being completely naked, by now having a nearly full idea of how the man looked fully naked and not minding the view, not at all. The thing was that Hyungwon had never really focused on his sexual urges beyond the moments in the shower, where his hand was a good enough companion. Add to that as he entered the system and could have used people called “Fluffers” for his sexual needs, none of it really was something he was curious about or had time for. School needed a lot of attention, the time and effort to keep himself on the needed level to get a proper education. Add to that he for a good amount of time worked through the loss of his parents, the broken heart given to him by his first girlfriend - having meaningless sex didn't fit into the equation. So while there was a good portion of adoptees, who used Fluffers, he stood out with more focus on his own life filled to the brim with studies, trying to figure out what was next and struggling with the cacophony of life itself. Fluffers were this societies answer to call girls and boys, who enjoyed a lot respect as now their work was seen to be honourable. They usually were people, who didn’t fully suit the system and yet the government didn’t want them causing more problems than it was worth. The whole idea was dreamt up simply so no one would end up on the streets or worse dead, but instead had some sort of job and were useful to society. After all their profession was one of the oldest in the world, people clearly had a demand for them - why not give them more respect and keep them safe. Hyungwon respected their work, but couldn’t bring himself to use their services - it seemed so empty and always those questions.

In order to get the service of a Fluffer, one needed to provide what you liked, which meant a pretty good understanding of your desires in the bedroom - since a good part of adoptions happened to find sex toys, it all worked out. The better one was in understanding their sexual kinks, likes and wishes the higher the chance that once adopted they would be fully able to pleasure their Suitor. Yet Hyungwon didn’t fit that bill, not for a second, and add to that he wasn’t sure what he liked - he had only had one girlfriend, where things never developed into the more sexual area. Mostly because she was very much focused on keeping her virginity until marriage and Hyungwon wouldn’t be the man to push her to do something she didn’t wish for. There were enough people pushing their partners into a more sexual relationship already, he wouldn't one of them. Add to that, even though he wouldn’t admit it to this day, Hyungwon never really was sexually attracted to her or at least thinking back he wasn’t. It was a cute innocent love, but nothing too deep to add another level. 

With that all in mind he couldn’t push aside the image in his head, a small part of him curious to get a full picture of his Suitor and yet feeling he never would again. Although he hadn't seen Hoseoks face, surely no one appreciated of giving an unwelcomed peepshow to someone they barely knew. Hyunwon felt a fear within himself that maybe his Suitor would punish him, even though he couldn't imagine how. However it wasn't a thought he lingered too long on, his mind constantly coming back to Hoseok - a very naked Hoseok. Was he a pervert for wanting to see more? How would this sit in his whole idea where his life would be heading? The questions started to pile up, hindering him from reading and instead trying to ponder over them as he listened to music laying on his bed. Hyungwon figured that it wasn’t wrong to think of his Suitor as an attractive man, as one needed to be blind not to see that - girls eyes followed him and even some men let their eyes stick to on the male. An adoptive should have pride in his Suitor looks, so it was easier when the one who adopted you is a handsome specimen, add to that a gentleman and caring. Hoseok was all that, plus sculpted out of the wet dream fantasies of probably half of the teenage population - among who Hyungwon felt himself belong to at the current moment. 

However this wasn’t him just being proud according to the unwritten rules of the relationship between adoptive and Suitor. It was a different kind of feeling all together, one which made him come face to face with the whole sexual aspect of his existence. Hyungwon would be lying to himself if he said he didn't like the view, would have enjoyed a longer moment to take all in and yet this was the first time he felt attracted to a man. Sure he had been confessed too before, but back then it seemed like two teenagers trying to figure themselves out. Yet with Hoseok it wasn't the feeling of figuring yourself out, but much more of uncharted territory that gave the mixed bag of curiosity and also fear. The latter emotion one which confused Hyungwon, because why would he be scared to understand his sexual side a lot better, but there it was staring at him with cold dead eyes. But the longer he thought about it, curiosity clearly outweighed the fear and slowly pushed it aside - yet put him in front of another question. Would he want a sexual relationship with Hoseok? Would Hoseok want it? 

The first time they saw each other again was for dinner, Hyungwon having stayed in his room for the rest of the day and Hoseok had no idea how to clear the air between them. Having opted to order food from the in-house kitchen, waiting for the younger male to slowly come out of the room. After all this was new grounds for Hoseok as well, especially because after the loss of his boyfriend he had closed himself off from everything. Work had been his healer, his friends Jiyong and Daesung the small support system for the darker days - but no other personal close connection with another person. He couldn't simply bounce back, his mind and heart kept him locked down in place in order to really digest everything and go over every single small detail of that faithful time. Only now it felt like he was moving, like there were new winds on the ocean of life and fresh air slowly entered his lungs. Hyungwon was different, the good kind which would change your path of life. 

Silence lingered over them as they settled around the dinner table, putting a bit of distance between themselves - Hyungwon more than Hoseok. Usually they sat only a chair apart from each other, chatting a good bit before having the chance to eat, but today there were two chairs between them and Hyungwon stared hole after hole into the table.  
“I want to apologize. I am really truly sorry. I feel so bad and I am just so sorry and really I should known my manners - I just want to make it clear I am so sorry,” Hyungwon finally muttered softly, looking over at the male and wanting to make it clear it wasn’t his intention to walk in while the male wasn’t dressed. “I really did not want to get a peek of uh well.”  
“Of my body?” Hoseok filled in the end of the others sentence, trying to push this conversation on and move past it. “I figured you hadn’t going by your reaction of seeing me.”  
“I just had seen someone I barely know naked. Well uh not barely know, you know,” he spoke, remembering the moment again as a small sense of being flustered entered his system once more. Hyungwon figured that Hoseok knew more of him because of the file, but he knew quite little of his Suitor, if you didn’t count how the man looked naked, his job and some character points. Even if he had seen him shirtless, never like this and with little left to the imagination. 

“Hyungwon, have you never seen another man naked before?”  
“Fully? No. “  
“No? How did you pass P.E?” Hoseok raised a brow and Hyungwon shrunk in his seat, letting out a soft sigh. They had different lives, a fact that only came up again and again - right now adding embarrassment to the well seasoned dinner.  
“Well,” he started, “Towels are a thing, plus usually it was the last class so I just went home. I was this thin kid and some boys chose to tease me, calling me girly and I just chose not to give them the chance.”  
“Ah I see,” he replied slowly, nodding before giving him a soft smile. Whatever happened or whatever he was told, there was still a soft kind smile on his lips - that was how Hoseok responded. "I accept your apology for entering without knocking and beyond that we can simply forget this ever happened, okay? Though, might I ask, do you have an knowledge of the dating world?”  
“I dated someone for two years before my parents death,” Hyungwon replied, looking at Hoseok only to see the short simple answer was just that - short. Letting out a dry cough he figure that his file didn’t have information about that part of his life, so he should fill in some gaps. However he didn’t know what to say, plus Hoseok was looking at him to get a larger scope than his short reply. “Anything specific?”  
“Why did you break up?”

“Well when my parents died I lost my statutes and my girlfriend started to act...different. At first I didn’t pay much attention to it as I was focused on the funeral, the proceedings and making sure all was properly done. Grieving blinded me to many things, but at the time I thought I was allowed to do that. However once she put distance between us, emotionally as well as physically, I finally and clearly too late took notice. She said it was nothing, typical for her when she wasn't sure how to word he feelings without hurting someone, which had me resorting to discuss matters with a mutual friend. It wasn’t like I just asked point blank, no, but much more manoeuvred the conversation onto the path I needed to and honestly I regret doing so,” Hyungwon spoke, words flowing from his lips so effortlessly, a sense of disconnect between them and his actual true feelings concerning the topic. Just like the passing of his parents, he had put distance between himself and the emotions connected to it - he chose to simply ignore them. It hurt to think of how he realised his girlfriend of two years made it seem so easy to simply end things over statues, but what hurt more was he lost a good chunk of his support system. He lost someone, who he had opened up to and found comfort. 

Hoseok took note of it, but also decided not to push the man for information to why this was such a well rehearsed story. This was a matter not discussed over dinner, but when both were slowly opening up and ready to discuss deeper emotions. “After a couple of beers he finally told me that she was conflicted over the fact that I didn’t have a proper...er any, none statues anymore and could damage hers, plus she wanted to settle down and I wanted to study. Probably right then and there I decided what was needed to be done - the next day I broke up with her, to save her face and really didn’t need a reason beyond I am damaging her statues. I loved her, thus had in my silly mind though that we could move past this and her families standings would be enough for us to continue. I was wrong. It hurt to end things, but her reaction showed me it was the right thing to do - at least in some parts. She didn’t cry or show sadness, simply nodded in agreement and left once her green herbal tea was finished. Right after that, I would say only a few days after, I entered the system and disappeared from my home, got my educational future sorted out and tried to forget her. She is married now, twins and a husband working for the armed forces, I believe.”

There was silence, Hoseok observing Hyungwon’s face to detect the smallest of facial expressions to hint of what the male was really truly feeling. However after having gone over this story more than once, probably a couple of million times, Hyungwon barely even felt like it was apart of his life and much more a distant memory where painful unneeded emotions were connected too. A wall was put between himself now and the Hyungwon, who had lived with his parents in the surviving suburbs of Seoul - two different men, two different periods in his life. He had severed most of the former feelings from his current self, but the more precious feelings couldn’t be simply sliced up and so they ached within his chest. Every time he tried to apply logic to the past, it was simply eaten up by those last remaining specks of lingering affection and honestly at times Hyungwon feared they were growing stronger. Thus he tried to forget, smash his fist against the delete button located in his mind and forget his life before the system. Mind over heart, that was the way he had chosen. 

“I was dating someone for nearly three years,” Hoseok finally spoke, breaking the silence between them as he looked out of the window. It felt like the right moment to balance out the situation, where Hyungwon had shared a painful memory and so would Hoseok - even if it was hard, painful even. “He was a wonderful man, caring and headstrong with a love for horror movies as well as thrillers. However during one UN sanctioned...job we got hit by a rogue Danish hitsquad just outside of Copenhagen and taken prisoners. Our driver was killed on the spot and translator probably too, because we never saw her again - young lady, so talented. She had this bright smile that would make you forget a cloudy sky. We were interrogated and beaten, separated to be tortured or forced to watch each other being put through hell. I don't even know what was worse - hearing how your own ribs crack or seeing someone you love so deeply being hurt, unable to do anything. I struggled against the cuffs keeping me down, bloodying my wrists to the point I was called insane for so happily harming myself, just because some man I knew. Sometimes I can still hear his screams at night, feel those metal handcuffs dig into my flesh and the burning need to protect him - I never could protect him in the end. It went on for a couple of days or longer, but really my perception of time is rather screwed so I don't know the actual timespan. Finally a rescue mission was initiated and I was broken free from my cell, but something went wrong with the other team and in the end only me along with the Team Alpha made it onto the helicopter. I remember so clearly begging them to let me go back, let me go get the man I so deeply love. Heh, you know the leader of Team Alpha finally knocked me out to make sure I wouldn't jump out of the helicopter.” 

There was a pause, where you could physically see the man struggle with himself to speak and think back at that moment, the pain and heartache. Hyungwon realized it wasn’t not only him, who had suffered harsh blows from life herself, but also Hoseok even though nothing in his persona hinted it. He was cheerful and kind, soft and honestly rather good natured from as far as Hyungwon could gather, but here he with his heart aching for his Suitor and how much it had to hurt to lose someone like that in such a brutal way. While his loses had made him a lot more closed up and distant towards human interaction, here sat Hoseok still giving humanity a chance and smiling at everyone. That was strength. Silently he moved closer, not leaving a seat between them as he felt the need to hug his Suitor and yet wasn't sure if the other wished for it - maybe in a moment like this it was better not to touch him. Hyungwon wanted too, though - give non-verbal support in a moment of remembering great pain. Slowly it seemed Hoseok was gathering himself, eyes locking onto Hyungwons worried face as a small glimmer of a smile came to his lips.

“When I was released from the hospital, passed health and mental checks … I was left with this huge place and no one there to come home too. First I thought of getting a pet, but I don’t have time to fully commit to their care. After a while Jiyong suggested the idea of adopting, which left me to contemplate what I would get from it and how I would approach it. Because of how I am, I didn’t want someone to just have a sexual relationship with and I really didn’t want a simple maid. Finally I figured out I wanted a companion, lack of a better word. Someone, who fitted me enough and whatever happened next would happen. The reason, Hyungwon, why I don’t give a three point presentation is because I don’t fully know what the word would entail or want to box this up in a one path solution. Having seen how Jiyong and his partner are, honestly I want life to simply flow, knowing fully well how fleeting happy calm moments of life are.”

Around a simple dning room table sat two men, who both longing for affection and a sense of family. Hearts maybe still shattered, pieces aching within their chests and yet life moved on without taking notice of the pain lingering within them. Slowly Hyungwons hand reached out to rest upon Hoseoks, noticing how the fingers under his touched seemed to relax from being flexed for a bit too long. It was apparent how different their hands were. Hyungwon did have strong manly hands, but with long slender fingers and well kept fingernails. Hoseok was no match to those fingers, but his hands seemed so much more stronger and as if they had seen life. Small scars decorated the pale skin, small reminders that you didn’t see immediately, but under certain angles of the light could see the outlines. Some had ran deeper than others, but remained nonetheless. Putting his other hand over his Suitors hand as well, he gave it a small squeeze - it wasn't a hug, but a silent 'I am here.', which seemed to do the job for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments and feedback always welcomed!  
> It is great to hear from the readers.


	5. Drinks and news

Hyungwon was still conflicted on how to break his news to the rest of his friend, yet slowly found a way to ease himself into the situation, so much so when the lecture on how the process of presenting your thesis work and how to choose an advisor rolled around he was ready to talk to them. Although he initially had wanted to break the news over the break, Hyungwon had ended up trying to settle into his new life and nearly too happily ignoring the idea of social engagement. With the professor talking about the different ways to approach the subject matter, how to find a fitting thesis advisor, how to set up a workable time schedule - the five friends were busy chatting.

_MinMin: “Drinks? Tonight? Our place?”_   
_Hyunwoo: “I am in.”_   
_Hyungwon: “I was about to suggest a meetup.”_   
_Jooheon: “Who are you and what did you do with Hyungwon?”_   
_Changhyun: “The exams melted his brain. Quick someone schedule a check-up on our hermit.”_   
_MinMin: “Someone check Hyunwoo too!”_   
_Kihyun: “What did the exams do with our antisocial puppy? Tsk tsk tsk.”_   
_Hyunwoo: “Kihyun, go to sleep! Why are you awake again?”_   
_Kihyun: "THIS is more interesting!!!"_   
_Hyungwon: “Hurhur, I am being serious. Considering at least two of us have life updates to share and we didn’t manage to meet up during the break week. SO it would be logical to meet up again before the whole thesis mess, that is right around the corner.”_   
_Jooheon: “...”_   
_MinMin: “Crisis averted. Still our cute way to logical to be human Wonnie.”_   
_Kihyun: "Two? What am I missing out on?"_   
_Changhyun: "What is going on? Who are these two? Did Minhyuk finally figure out a way to have a child with Jooheon?"_   
_Jooheon: "GUYS! It is not us."_   
_MinMin: "We decided a pet would be better. Less diapers."_   
_Kihyun: "...MinMin I will wait for the updates."_   
_Hyunwoo: “I can bring the food. My mom overcooked again and none of us will manage to eat everything. Even if we tried.”_   
_Jooheon: “Tell me she overdid it on the meat again. Whatever she does to it is close to magic.”_   
_Changhyun: “How can you discuss food in every single chat?”_   
_MinMin: “With me he can discuss other things too.”_   
_Hyunwoo: “TMI!”_   
_MinMin: “We have mostly beer at out place, so any other wishes need to be brought along on your own. Also I doubt anyone can sleep over.”_   
_Jooheon: “Food over everything else. That is a life fact.”_   
_Hyungwon: “Hyunwoo I can help you with the food.”_   
_Hyunwoo: “Noted.”_

What followed the usual banter between friends, but Hyungwon barely focused on it as he wondered how he will inform Hoseok and especially how he would be able to explain everything to his friends, without causing them to worry. While the chat raced on with sarcastic comments and the usual jokes, his mind was occupied trying to figure out if his Suitor would even let him be in public alone. Technically speaking an adoptive was allowed to do whatever, though most always stuck with those who adopted them to keep up the proper relationship, to make sure they didn't seem to want too much independence. Even if his Suitor had said Hyungwon was his companion, did it mean that his social life could commence without a single change? Add to that while Hosoek had all the details about Hyungwon, there were large gaping holes of information considering his Suitors. The combination of lacking information and what front to put up, left Hyungwon to mentally groan a bit too loudly and wishing living would be a lot more easier.  
“How will he know?” Hyunwoo whispered, taking the words straight out of Hyungwon’s mouth. He had gotten used to observing his slender tall friend, knowing full well that only about 15-25% of what Hyungwon was thinking made it out of Hyungwons mouth. The rest of it was happily locked away, stored into the right box and kept away from the world.

“I don’t know. We haven’t gotten to that part.” The confession was spoken with a sheepish look in the males eyes, only to get disapproval thrown back at to him. It wasn't like Hyungwon didn't know this wasn't the best answer, but he wouldn't lie either.  
“Where have you gotten too then?” Hyunwoo countered, clearly displeased by this bit of news as well as worried. Hyungwon took a good amount of time to open up, but as an adoptive time wasn't always something to waste.  
“Uh,” Hyungwon let out a sound filled to the very brim with awkwardness, looking over at his friend before focusing on the conversation moving along on his laptop screen. Somehow Minhyuk and Jooheon were discussing which professor was the hottest in the economics department. Changhyun insisted that his physics laboratory intern had that title, but wasn’t taken notice off. The usual. “We sort of have had different conversation than the usual basics...”

There wasn’t much more time to discuss the matters, as the lecturer demanded everyone attention once more as now he would go into each topic in depth and explain the key things to keep in mind, at least to Hyungwon. Still needed a topic of his bachelor's thesis and an advisor - a topic that still burdened his mind. It was a purely theoretical piece, which meant even more hours sitting on the uncomfortable library chairs, hoping to have a heureka moment and that caffeine would keep him up. Scribbling down advise how to find the thesis subject - looking over what has been done before, look into what really interests them with an eye on a masters degree and finally choosing something they are passionate about. None of this seemed helpful, not really.

Hyunwoo wasn’t so focused as he stared at his friend with clear concern and unhappiness painted on his face, brows slightly furrowed together. As Minhyuk had once noted that their friend looked like an angry bear, not sure if he should attack or simply give up. Hyunwoo knew his friend, knew how Hyungwon was very much living in his own head and wouldn’t be the one to initiate chats with his Suitor. However the basics needed to be discussed and understood, especially since Hyunwoo wasn’t sure his friend understood his Suitors job, which could and probably would cause problems. All he wanted was Hyungwon to be happy, yet that hadn’t settled in.

After about another thirty minutes the lecture was over, leaving everyone to hastily stuff their belonging into a bag and run for the exits - for anyone in the bachelor's year today was the last day of lectures. A few days of quiet would rule the halls, the amount of people rushing about the halls welcomed even, and then would come Monday were everyone rushed about to find their wished thesis advisor. Hyungwon already dreaded said day, fearing he would be turned down and would have to work together with someone he could never stomach. A fear settled itself thickly in his stomach as he collected his things, getting a chance to chat with his friends for a bit before everyone went on with their day.

Having time to kill before meet up for drinks, Hyungwon had decided to try and make it back home to tell his Suitor everything and then return to the university grounds. Having drinks meant that he would have to make sure to catch the last bus that left the school ground at 11:45PM, the last protected ride before the true fighting would start. Walking down the halls and out of the door, there was a moment of happiness seeing Hoseok standing on the spot he did yesterday and looking more like a UNofficial. He was in his military uniform, leaving people to stop and really stare at him - so much so some girls even took pictures of him. Even now dating a man in a uniform was considered a catch and some girls wet dream. Hyunwoo stayed at the steps, citing he would call his mother and ask how they would get the food - there was a good chance the eager housewife would drop them off herself. Hyungwon had a feeling his friend simply didn’t want to talk to his Suitor.

“Hey,” Hoseok said once Hyungwon was in earshot, smiling at him. “How was today?”  
“Good,” Hyungwon replied, giving the usual respectable bow before coming closer. They were in public, understanding each others place. He noted that Hoseok looked drop dead gorgeous dressed in more formal wear, had a posture to die for and commanded the space he was in. It would be hard not to fall for his looks. “I need to ask you a question.”  
A brow raised itself slowly, Hoseok looked at his adoptee with curiosity. Hyungwon had the arguments ready that as a companion and having these freedoms, he should or would like to have the option to have a night with friends. Although just as easily as he had come up with arguments, he found reason enough to get a counter argument and even be forbidden from going. In his head he could happily argue with himself and even lose, giving up on several projects since the negative comments outnumbered the positive ones.

“Well my friends want to meet up, catch up and celebrate a bit - being last semester bachelor's, Hyunwoo getting engaged and my adoption,” he spoke with a firmness in his voice, glad that it hadn’t faded away. Once his mind was set on something Hyungwon did have the courage to get it, but as the situation was new he didn’t know how much such certainty would help him out. For now clinging onto the positive and firmness, he hoped to achieve his goal.  
“By all means go, have fun. Though we should settle how you get back home,” he spoke and looked behind his adoptive, giving a small bow of his head in greeting. That naturally triggered Hyungwon to look behind himself to see Hyunwoo approaching with a steady step and clearly not wanting to be too friendly with Hoseok. Hyunwoo didn’t explain why he had such a distaste for the Hoseok, but then again he was a very protective friend and didn’t like anyone from the UN, even if they protected his father. That small fact didn’t come from the lips of his close friend, but Changhyun, who said that Hyunwoo doesn’t agree with the UNs work and disagrees with their approach. As it wasn’t proper or accepted to talk down on such an organisation, Hyunwoo kept his mouth shut and yet opinions standing strong. Add to that it wouldn't look too go if the son of a politician would loudly declare his own understandings of a complex matter, disregarding the backlash it would cause his family.

“He can catch a ride home with me,” the man spoke, giving a small nod in greeting as well before looking at Hyungwon. “Mom is bringing the food. She is so eager to see you again, you know. Be ready to have a reply on when you will come to dinner, no backing out.”  
Hoseok nodded slowly as Hyungwon eyed his friend, noting he had seen the other like this only a few times - mostly when he found that his friends could be in danger. Hyunwoo had a heightened sense of danger and need to protect his friends, which had been on display several times before. In a sense he was like a father bear, ready to take down anyone putting his loved ones in danger. To him the UN was a source of said threat, so his friendliness had been replaced by cold respective gestures - Hyungwon only hoped this wouldn’t end up getting awkward or friendship destroying.  
“Just leave your bag with me. I was called in for some work related things and thus wouldn’t be home till later tonight,” Hoseok explained, waiting for this adoptive to shrug off the old battered leather backpack. He held onto it as if it didn’t weigh a single thing, when to Hyungwon it felt like he was carrying around an extra weight he didn’t ask for. “I will tell the guards of you arriving separate from me and they will let you in once you arrive.”  
“See you.”

Hoseok gave a warm smile to Hyungwon, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly as he did so and reciprocate the sentiment to his adoptive. Giving a small bow of his head as a goodbye to Hyunwoo, the male climbed into his car and drove off. Hyunwon watched the vehicle move away, head tilted to the side as a small smile stayed on his lips. It was impossible not to smile, when Hoseok gave you his nearly signature beaming smile and warmth that emitted from it. Letting out a small sigh, he turned around to see a stone faced Hyunwoo, looking like he was either constipated or trying his best to behave.  
“You could be nicer to him as long as he is with you,” Hyungwon spoke, now simply standing there with nothing to his name and oddly used to it, quickly mumbling to himself. “Shit, forgot to ask for a number again.”  
“I am sorry, but I do not trust or like him.” Hyunwoo spoke, giving his friend an awkward smile before sighing and checking his phone. “Let us walk to the West Exit. She will be there waiting with food for everyone. Anyway with Hoseok...I will try to behave and yet what my father has told me doesn’t sit right in my mind - they are trained killers masqueraded as these angels of peace and help." Hyungwon I am sure your Suitor had killed people and is unbothered by the deed, he is of the UN - nothing good comes from there.”  
“Hoseok doesn’t seem like that,” Hyunwon countered even without thinking, stopping for a moment before he continued on. “He lost his partner because he is in the UN. When he spoke of it, he looked like a kicked puppy stranded in the rain with all the love taken from him. Hoseok seems...he seems like a man with a large heart and a lot of love to give, not a heartless UN official. Not to me..”

“So that you have been talking about your pasts rather than settling the most important information?” Hyunwoo asked with a nearly annoyed tone in his voice, staring at his friend in disbelief. He soon after sighed, apologising for his words as he saw a small moment of pain cross over his friends face. At times you couldn't force how things or conversations developed, so blaming someone for it seemed oddly single minded.  
“Yeah. Not by choice, but by accident.” Hyungwon finally commented. “We had a small run in and ended up discussing my life.”  
“Did you tell him about your ex?”  
“That is how it all was started off. He has this whole file on me, but not the details of my personal life and we got to talk about it, as he was interested and my Suitor. So when he asked then I couldn’t deny him an answer and was honest, just like he is with me.”  
“I still need evidence, but I will try to behave.”  
The two of them chuckled a bit as they continued to walk through the large university campus - it was one of the few areas fully untouched by bombs. Although no official agreement had been reached what should be left untouched, however no hospitals, schools or cemeteries were attacked. Even though so much had changed in the world, there was a respect for those three things and no fights happened close to the establishments - there were even documented cases where a ceasefire was set up, so the troops could move past a hospital complex and cause no harm.

Hyunwoo’s mom was a good bit shorter than her son, but always with a huge smile on her face and wearing the latest fashion trends - even if they were a bit too flashy and left it hard to overlook her. She always had this warmth about her, which wasn’t just evident with her actions - hugs and kisses -, but also how she spoke and how her being a mother made every bit of sense. Even with her loveable warm personality, the female had extensive knowledge about art and literature as well as a hand in accounting. Add to that she loved driving her golden Range Rover, even though every single official would have advised her to be less of a driving target.  
Right now she was dressed in the latest fashion trend of wearing a vintage Burberry trench coat and a long flowery dress as he raven locks had been put up into a tight bun. Makeup was a simple red lip and eyeliner, looking classically elegant. Her voice was a soft one, but loud and would be heard before you could see her.

“Hyungwonnie!” she let out a happy shout, arms stretched wide to wrap them around the slender figure tightly. Whenever she hugged Hyungwon it felt like an actual mother hugging her son, giving him comfort, love and support. “Ah I have not see you in centuries!”  
“Mom give him a moment to breath. I think his lungs need time to fill up with oxygen again,”  
“It is nice to see you too,” Hyungwon spoke, letting out a cough or two in order to regain himself. When she hugged anyone it would be a proper one, never half-assing it and very much wanting to give you mental support.  
“Ah you are so gaunt!” she spoke quickly, putting her hands on both sides of Hyungwons face in order to observe it. “Too pale! Don't they feed you? Hyunwoo don't you tell him to eat?! Dinner. Our place, truly you need to be fed properly. When can you come?”  
“Next week Wednesday?”  
“Wonderful, wonderful!” she spoke, clapping her hands together turning towards her son with a beaming smile. “Now the food.”  
Opening the trunk of her car, about three bags filled to the very brim with food containers and a small scent wafted from them - Hyungwon slowly realising he was rather hungry. Hyunwoo started to heave the bags out of the car, passing the lightest one to his friend and several times thanking his mother for bringing over the food. She cheerfully only could confirm her pleasure over being helpful and making sure the starving university students had enough to eat - if a dinner wasn’t a four course meal, was it really a dinner?

They walked, bags in hand, towards the shared dorm of Minhyuk and Jooheon, knowing full well they would be the first ones to arrive. Changhyun had a prior engagement and would join them later tonight, Kihyun being stuck in America only could wish them luck with the morning after hangover. Thus it would be a usual night of overeating, enjoying the taste of beer and in the morning having regret manifest itself within their bodies as they try to fully sober up.

Hyungwon was a rather light drinker, tending to be among the first to be tipsy or simply drunk - a fact that Minhyuk found adorable, but joined the rest seeing it to be worrisome. They cared for Hyungwon like brothers would, teasing him while making sure he had love surrounding him from every single angle there is. Jooheon was always worried over the lack of social interaction Hyungwon engaged in, Minhyuk chiming in and suggesting to develop his friends dating life with blind dates and mysteriously sexy one night stands. Hyunwoo would be the one to usually pull the two in and try to simply make sure Hyungwon was happy, managed everything well enough and had someone to talk to. Changhyun, to an outsider, seemed like he cared the least and yet he would be the one to stay with his friend in the library to the late hours of the night to study. They suited each others style of learning and naturally had become study buddies over the course of several gruesome exam seasons. Minhyuk had another role to fill in the group of friends - a motherly character, who in a drunk state would hand out heavy amounts of tough love. No one wished to cross him in such a mindset, because even if he was a cheery character - the words of a drunken man could sound rather harsh and hurtful.

Jooheon and Minhyuk lived in the West Halls, sixth floor in what was called “family living” apartment. As they were an official couple they were eligible for such a living situation, counting as a family of two. With the countries constantly at each other throats over minor things, the had been shifts in society and one of them was the fact people stopped caring about others personal love lives. Being from the LGBTQA+ community wasn’t something that was even worth discussing - no one really knew why, but after a while people stopped caring about someones sexuality and hungered to see love blossom in the world. Thus the debate over who could marry whom died out as the UN stated that any consenting adults, who are above 21 years of age, are allowed to marry and seen as equals in front of the law. They form a family. With that life had become less invasive, people caring a lot more about their family than what someone did behind closed doors. Thus Jooheon and Minhyuk easily got their own small one bedroom apartment, which usually filled up too quickly and yet was homely.

To Hyungwons and Hyunwoos luck the dorm had a working elevator, thus they didn’t need to drag the heavy bags up dimly lit stairs.  
“You know they will bombard you with questions,” Hyunwoo finally spoke, having enjoyed the comfortable silence they shared with each other while walking over. Hyungwon, mostly happily living in his head, only gave a small nod before sighing.  
“I know. Try not to be too mean about Hoseok, please?” he asked, looking at the male from the corner of his eyes. “I know you don’t like the UN officials, but please.”  
“Look,” Hyunwoo spoke, picking up the bags as the elevator doors opened. Moving inside they pressed the fifth floor button and watched the doors fall shut. “Hyungwon, I will try my best to keep them at bay. I know my personal feelings shouldn’t be pushed to the forefront like this, thus I will try to behave. You seem in a better place, which really shows me things are improving, but not fully happy. Before the latter settles in, I don't trust your Suitor.”  
Hyungwon gave a small nod and a smile, knowing that his friends words were coming from a good honest place filled with the want to make sure he was safe, loved and above all not lost in this chaotic world. Thought it could seem overbearing, to Hyungwon it was the right amount of support to move forward and be a bit more open about his own life - even if it meant questions that didn’t have simple answers.  
The metal box stopped on the right floor and the two men left to stroll down the long blank hallways to the right door - 617, residence of Minhyuk and Jooheon. Hyungwon, who had a free arm, knocked on the door and waited with Hyunwoo until the simple white entryway opened. There stood Jooheon with a smile on his lips, the sound of his boyfriend rushing about in the apartment heard to the corridor as the rest could only chuckle. With smiles upon their lips the two entered the apartment, soon enough greeted by a energetic Minhyuk.

It took them a good while to unpack the food, where they discovered, much to Jooheon's happiness, that Hyunwoo's mother had overdone it with the meat. Hyungwon knew the amount before them was probably a small percentage of the original size, leaving him to ponder how they all had managed to eat so much. By the time they had set everything up and finished one or two beers Changhyun joined the party, having changed clothes and bringing along a few more flavoured beers - just in case.

Settling around the living room table to eat, Hyunwoo was the first one up to tell everyone of his news - along with surprised faces, there was genuine happiness and words of congratulations were spoken several times over. Naturally Minhyuk asked a multitude of questions regarding his friends fiancees family, statues, nationality and close to anything else, besides her DNA code and biological statues. Changhyun, Jooheon and Hyungwon listened in, though focused their attention on the amazing meal before them - after all Hyunwoo's mother was an amazing cook, thus overeating was the only way to appreciate the food.

Once Minhyuks endless curiosity was somewhat fed, it was Hyungwon's turn to announce to his friends the fact the he was in the system and now had been adopted by a Suitor. There was silence as everyone around the table looked at each other - they all had known, but this bit of news was something that no one expected to hear for some times. No one said anything at first, before Hyunwoo cleared his throat to congratulate his friend - it was the ice breaker as everyone else quickly joined in and clearly held back the amount of questions amounting in their heads. Maybe because of everyones large curiosity a silence settled in as they continued to eat, trying to figure out, who would be the first one to start questioning their friend.

Hyungwon was ready for the initial awkwardness, somewhat glad that they didn't bombard him right away - instead one of them would take on the questioning as everyone else would listen.

“So,” Minhyuk started with a grin on his face, finishing his fifth beer and ready to question his friend. “So...you have Suitor.”  
Jooheon and Changhyun exchanged looks of happiness that the always too curious Minhyuk would be the one asking the questions - at least this way every single excruciating detail would come to life without awkwardness.  
“Yeah I do,” Hyungwon replied, eyes focused on his beer can, knowing full well everyones eyes were now on him while Hyunwoo enjoyed the bliss of being nearly invisible.  
“AND?” Minhyuk asked, edging a bit forward, “Do I need to pull the information out of you?”  
“Uh,” Hyungwon spoke, smiling a bit sheepishly. “His name is Shin Hoseok, UN official with a kicking body and a sculpted ass.”  
The words left his mouth before he could do a thing about it, eyes widening as the realisation sunk in and mouth clamped tightly shut. Looking up his friends staring at him with pure awe, having for the first time heard their friend comment about someone's physical appearance. Hyungwon usually was the one to point out a strangers personality or its flaws, how they avoided eye contact and other details - he never focused on someones body. Now with the help of a little intoxication they had gotten a comment no one expected.

“Woah, woah, what?” Changhyun spoke, taking the words directly out of his friends mouth. “Again from the top - “kicking body and a sculpted ass” - wanna give details?”  
Silence, Hyungwon blushing like crazy while Minhyuk was ready to truly start fishing out every single word from his friends mouth if it meant he would get more details. Jooheon, who usually didn’t really go along with his boyfriends happy interest in someones elses lovelife, even moved along with Minhyuk to get the juicer details.  
“What? He works out a lot, so he shirtless often,” Hyungwon spoke, mind having lost the control over his mouth, by now simply giving up and letting his full lips spout out whatever information there was. “I got a good view last night when I walked into his room and he was there...naked.”  
“Wait, wait so you saw your Suitor in the completely nude last night?” Minhyuk asked, not even giving silence a chance to settle in as he happily clapped his hands together and looked around. “It has happened. Halt the press, call the news - our Hyungwon has seen someone else naked!”  
“Not completely naked. Just his backside!” Hyungwon replied quickly, but instead of understanding nods only got teased further by his friends. With a groan he hid his face behind his hands, having wished his mouth wouldn’t have spoken so freely about this matter - yet here he was and the beer was truly at fault. The main commentator was Minhyuk with Jooheon and Changhyun chiming in while Hyunwoo simply patted his friends back, trying to somehow give him drunken support. Nothing really helped as a deep red blush settled on Hyungwon's cheeks and left him to wish he had never taken a drop of beer into his system.

“And?”  
“AND WHAT?” Hyungwon groaned out, hoping that somehow they would change topics quickly and he wouldn't have to answer to any more embarrassing questions.  
“Ou come on. How was the sight? Look we won’t focus back on Hyunwoo again, trust us. You just added information we shall not ignore Hyungwon!” Minhyuk replied, grinning happily as Jooheon chuckled. “Our Hyungwonnie finally will be more than studying and sleeping so heavily you could be corpse. What a proud day!”  
“Uh...well,”Hyungwon stuttered, looking at his friends and deciding it would be best to have a small drink of encouragement. His bottle was half full, thus he started to take a small sip which turned into him nearly finishing the whole thing before he found himself capable of answering to anything. “It isn’t like I lingered there for too long. He looks uh good, I mean he is sculpted considering he works out twice a day. Also we are just companions - it isn’t like he adopted me to have wild sex all over the apartment from sunrise to sunset.”  
“You really will make this logical?” Jooheon sighed, shaking his head at the fact that even now with a bright red blush and alcohol buzzing in his system Hyungwon could be logical about this.  
“If he didn’t he wouldn’t be drunk to the point I would be at the hospital to have Hyungwons stomach pumped.” Changhyun commented with a small chuckle, seeing how Minhyuks glee slowly faded away to a simple wide smile.  
“True,” Hyunwoo spoke with a firm nod, “I am not going to nurse him again.”  
Hyungwon gave his friend an annoyed look before letting out a small cough to clear his throat as he set down his beer bottle. Though it didn’t mean he would say anything, simply hoped it would end the whole conversation and they could continue on discussing something other than last nights unexpected peep show.  
“You really got a full view didn’t you.” Minhyuk spoke with a small smirk on his face, having eyed his friend from some time. “I know you did.”

“I did not! He was facing the window - I got his ass, arm, legs and back. Minhyuk you know how anatomy works, at least the male anatomy considering your and Jooheons healthy sexual appetite.” Hyungwon tried to somehow push the topic on a different path, away from him and onto something that would distract them enough not to return. To his luck his friends eased off him, Hyunwoo and Changhyun discussing sports while Jooheon teased his boyfriend over being a bit too nosy. Hyungwon breathed a small sigh of relief, knowing he wasn’t out of the questioning yet and still for now had a moment of peace. Much to his luck intoxication meant that people didn't think to one conversation for too long, their attention spans shortened a good bit.  
His drunken mind happily chose to reply the sight of Hoseok being naked again, leaving Hyungwon to close his eyes and finish his beer before trying to find something to eat. Instead of focusing the small blush on his cheeks seemingly permanent as well as a small heat spreading in his stomach at the thought.

As the hour grew later, the beer bottled multiplied and the mood was laid back, Hyungwon chose to help Minhyuk clean up the table a bit as the rest of their friends heatedly discussed the upcoming sports event. Gathering the dishes Hyungwon was happy he had cut back on the alcohol, managing to bring everything over to the kitchen without smashing into anything. Minhyuk had already started to wash the containers as well as the dishes, happily singing the latest popular songs fresh off the internet radio.  
It took several trips to gather up everything, leaving Hyungwon to feel like he was sobering up a bit and control what he spoke, thought, maybe even feel. Minhyuk had stopped to take a small break, having opened up a new bottle of beer as he watched his friend set the last batch of dirty dishes inside the sink. A more brooding thoughtful Minhyuk had emerged which never promised anything good, because usually what followed was a man using his words like a weapon.

“So how old is your Suitor?” he asked, clearly not done with being a bit too nosy and still curious about things. Yet his tone of voice wasn't cheerful, but much more stern - that of a mother scared their child had become tangled up in something they didn't understand.  
“Uh…” Hyunwon let out a small sound, knowing full well he not a single detail on Hoseok besides what he does for a living and being handsome. “I don’t know.”  
“Uhm okay. Anything about his family? Past lovers? Schooling? Anything?” Minhyuk asked, frowning at his friend for not knowing the basics and clearly struggling to give replies beyond ‘uhm’ and ‘uh’. Minhyuk seemed very nosy, but at heart he was rather motherly - even if it came with a hefty dose of tough love. There was a pause with both males staring at each other, Hyungwon slowly dwarfing before the other seeing the intense stare. “He is a first time Suitor, right?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon replied shyly, knowing that for sure as they hadn’t had talked about it directly, but Hoseok had said he was only turned onto the idea after the loss of his boyfriend.  
“Huh,” Minhyuk let out a sound of understanding as well as further annoyance, “Well if I were you I would be ready to be sent back if you don’t take up the initiative of getting to know this...this...Hoseok. The latest numbers show that six out of ten first time Suitors tend to send their adoptive back, so keep that in mind while continuing on without a single bit of knowledge about him. If you don’t fit into the box, Hyungwon, you will be sent back!”

There was dead silence as Hyungwon looked at his friend with pure horror in his eyes, the words slowly sinking into his drunken mind only to evoke fear. It slowly morphed into this large monster, slowly starting to consume him and his thoughts. Only it was stopped as Hyungwon was startled by the loud slap, seeing Hyunwoo give his friend a head slap as he clearly was annoyed by the others words. “Have you completely lost every filter out there along with your drunken mind Minhyuk?”  
Jooheon quickly injected himself, putting himself between his two friends and told Hyungwon to pull Hyunwoo out of the kitchen as he would talk to his boyfriend. Hyunwoo clearly was ready to give his drunken friend a good piece fo his mind, which was what let Hyungwon slowly reanimated and moved to push his infuriated friend out of the small space and into the living room as Changhyun sat there slightly horrified.

It wasn't hard to hear the heated mutters coming from the kitchen as the rest of them settled back into their seats, awkwardness settling along with silence. Hyunwoo huffed in annoyance as if this way he would let out the annoyance raging within his body and Hyungwon wished his mind would get out of the state of pure horror. Changhyun moved over to his friend, putting an arm around him and giving the slender tall males shoulder a small squeeze, before he handed his friend a lemon flavoured beer.

The mood clearly was squashed, along with Hyunwoo slowly becoming sleeping from the food and alcohol - thus he sleepily self texted his brother to come and pick them up. Hyungwon nursed the new drink with caution as he wasn't sure if the taste was something he enjoyed or not, especially since his drunken mind tried to focus him on the terrifying thought of being sent back into the system, away from Hoseok. Before he could get into his head over this matter Jooheon and Minhyuk emerged from the kitchen, the latter having lost the serious look upon his face and instead looked rather apologetic. Changhyun looked at everyone, slowly getting up and suggesting they would collect the beer bottles off the floor as clearly the party was ending.

"Hyungwonnie," Minhyuk spoke softly, falling onto the couch next to his friend and noticed how Hyungwon silently shrunk away from him. "I am sorry Hyungwonnie. I didn't mean to be so harsh with my words. I am so sorry for what I said!"  
It was hard to see his own friend apologising this intensely, even if it was very much appreciated by his drunken mind - those words had been a new source for deep rooted fears. Looking at his friend Hyungwon knew he wasn't angry with the other and knew how Minhyuk could end up getting, but his feelings had been hurt and the apology was more than welcomed in his drunken mind.  
"I know, Minhyuk. Apology accepted," Hyungwon spoke, scooting a bit closer to hug his friend only to be outdid by the man in question and eloped in a tight squeeze that tried to push out the smallest bit of air out of his lungs.  
"I am so glad you aren't furious with me, Hyungwonnie!" Minhyuk exclaimed, pulling away to look at the other with a small drunken smile before going in for another tight hug. Even if the mood of the party couldn't be saved, friendships were there to have rougher moments that hopefully ended like this - with a tight embrace and words of apology, if needed. Hyungwon was simply happy the night didn't end in a fight, even if his mind still pondered over his friends words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments and feedback very much welcomed.


	6. Let us talk

Hyunwoo’s older brother arrived a bit before midnight, watching how a rather sleepy Hyungwon and Hyunwoo were dragged to the car, helped inside and buckled up. As if the car somehow had a different air about it, Hyungwon reanimated and suddenly started to talk without pause. It was as if someone somehow had given him too much sugar and the high suddenly kicking in, leaving Minhyuk along with his boyfriend to give an apologetic look to Hyunwoo’s brother. All the way to the Falcons Eye Hyungwon continued to talk, make jokes he thought were funny and eagerly want to arrive home. Something close to twenty times he mentioned it, not that Hyunwoo’s brother was counting it and by the eleventh mention stopped even responding as it didn't lessen the excited Hyungwons willingness to repeat himself. Hyunwoo on the other hand was fully knocked out, silently slumbering next to his friend. 

After a nearly twenty minute drive the eagerness and energy slowly was easing away, leaving a sleepier version to climb out of the car and walk up to the guards. The brooding hulk like creatures eyed him with a certain kind of distrust before escorting him to the entrance and making sure he wouldn’t injure himself. They never seemed to speak much or smile, always a stern look on their faces and a happy distaste for strangers. Helped into the elevator Hyungwoon leaned against the cool sleek metal walls as he waited to arrive in the oversized apartment. With an annoyed huff he realised he needed to get his shoes off himself as well as manage to walk to his room without waking up Hoseok. 

The doors opened and he stumbled out, huffing in annoyance as he tried to simply kick off his old shoes and succeeded after several tries, without falling over. Walking into the dark apartment, he looked around as if hoping a GPS system would pop up and navigate his drunken mind and fatigued body to his bed. It didn’t, instead confused by the darkness and really just wanting to lay down Hyungwoo found himself a wonderful spot to sleep off the buzz in his system. It was the large beige couch in the living room, where large comfortable pillows were ideal to cuddle and a soft blanket was present as well. He didn’t remember much else once he had found a comfortable position - only one thing came to his mind. Everything smelt like Hoseok. Everything smelt like home.

Morning luckily didn’t come with bright sunshine that would awake Hyungwoo from his sleep in the most uncomfortable way, but with heavy rain showers and grey skies above. What did awake him was the smell of fresh strong coffee and soft music playing in the background, very much as if it were simple white noise. Begrudgingly Hyungwoo moved, only for the wonderful scent of coffee to intensify and leave his head to rise from the soft comforting pillow. Hair sticking out in odd angles and eyes burning from having his contacts in for so long, he looked around a bit confused. 

On the white coffee table with a rose gold stump sat a cup of freshly made coffee, milk and sugar on the side, as well as Hyungwoons glasses and contact container. Staring at it as if trying to figure out what life meant, he leaned over to get his glasses and the container - his eyes begged to be rid of the foreign objects held within them. Struggling, the discomfort clear in his small whines, Hyungwoon finally got the pesky things out of his eyes and the black rimmed glasses to sit on his nose. Licking his lips he silently picked up the coffee cup as the scent of bacon slowly entered his nostrils, leaving his head to turn towards the engaging scent.

He found Hoseok standing there with a tray filled to the very brim with food, looking at his adoptive with a usual small smile upon his lips. It was evident the male had barely slept, the bags under his eyes clear that they had only arrived this morning and oddly enough dimming the usually bright smile of Hoseok. Dressed in oversized rather comfortable clothing, Hoseoks frame seemed a lot larger than usual, evoking a sense of being able to protect one from everything found in the world.   
“Morning.”  
“Morning... What time is it?” Hyungwon spoke, shrugging the warm blanket around his figure more to keep the warmth surrounding him. It was a wonderful cocoon keeping him happily half asleep as his body tired to kickstart itself - after drinking it always took a lot longer, robbed him or energy and usually was simply bothersome to live through.   
“11AM. You gave me quite the fright,” Hosoek commented, walking over and setting everything down on the table. Hyunwoon had learned the broad shouldered male was a pretty good cook, especially having mastered the intricate delights of breakfast, yet today he seemed to have outdone himself. Everything smelt amazing, begging to be eaten and Hyungwon’s angry grumbling stomach was confirmation of that. Several mouthwatering scents entered the slender figures nostrils, leaving him to lean in a bit more to take in the large breakfast barely fitting onto the beautiful living room table. 

“Huh?” Hyunwon, still asleep and hoping he hadn’t acted weird while getting the buzz out of his system, now feared to have acted out of the ordinary. His body turned slightly away from the table, able to look at his Suitor. Hyunwoo had told him several times that when at a certain level of intoxication is achieved, Hyungwon would display a cuter side and telling you his thoughts without a filter applied. He hoped it wasn’t that.   
“I had figured you were in your room asleep as I brought you the coffee, but I found the bed untouched, empty. So I started to search for you, a bit frantically I admit, but still once you have lost someone there is always fear within you and making your actions less controlled. Finally as I was rounding the apartment for the third time I heard some muttering from this couch and came over to find you cuddling one of the larger pillows - safe and sound. The pillow was even given a name Big Hoseokkie.”

There was a blush slowly displaying itself on the slender figured features, realising he had shown a cuter side and yet also given a scare to Hoseok. Hyungwoon bowed his head in apology, but remembered that once he was home the idea to have to navigate himself to his bedroom seemed more work than his legs were willing to do. “Sorry about that. I was tired and just wanted to sleep, so I ended up here. It was comfortable though.”  
Hoseok nodded slowly, gesturing for Hyungwon to start eating as he himself was silently a bowl of rice where he piled on some vegetables and a small egg roll. Eyeing the other it was clear he was contemplating if or if not to mention something that he personally found sticking in his mind, constantly replaying itself. It didn’t take much for Hyungwon to notice as those brown eyes were fixated on him as if he was something like prey. Quirking a brow, hoping it was enough while he filled his stomach with a delicious mixture of rice, bacon and veggies, he remembered Jooheon suggesting they should talk some things out. After all they lived under the same roof.

“What?” Hyungwon finally asked, having washed everything down with coffee - that left him feeling a bit more alive and less like he was this hollow thing.   
“When I found you,” Hoseok started, setting down his bowl and instead picking up his own cup of coffee. The rim of the cup hovered near his lips, slowly being lowered as Hoseok chose to continue on before sipping his drink, “You muttered a plea, well several of them, for me not to send you back. Well not to me, but giant couch pillow named Big Hoseokkie you were holding onto for dear life. Hyungwon, do you think I would send you back?”  
There was silence as the man in question simply stared at his Suitor, then his coffee cup, the table, walls and anything else as long as it wasn’t making him give a reply. He blamed Minhyuk for bringing up the fact of how many first time Suitors send back the adoptees as they find them too boring or not the right fit. It didn’t take much to remember how seriously the other had been telling him everything, how the fear within Hyungwon grew into a large monster liking being that he had tried to kill off with beer. Yet now, there it was again, lingering in the shadows and waiting for a moment to take hold of Hyungwon again. 

“I don’t know,” was an honest answer to a question he didn’t want to have been voiced. “I don’t know you or your mindset, so it is hard to figure out how things are. Honestly I blame my friend for telling me how people like me are sent back into the system because I don’t fit a box. How first time Suitors are prone to sending back their first adoptees. He sort of evoked this fear within me. Hyunwoo should have hit him harder, now that I think about it.”

“Ah,” Hoseok let out a sound of understanding, only to be met by a rather cold unhappy look from Hyungwon. This was his reaction to mostly everything, which right now infuriated the still half asleep figure curled up on the couch and staring at Hoseok seated on the armchair. Watching the broad chested male sit up and come join him on the couch, Hyungwon instinctively pulled his legs up to rest against his chest as he held onto his coffee cup - maybe he could curl up and hide away. It was too early for this, but also the ideal time to discuss this matter, however when you feared being left alone again said topic was never the best to start the day with.  
“I have no intentions of sending you back,” Hoseok started off, having regained himself from the frosty gaze, which had been sent over by his adoptee, who now looked like a scared kitten curled up in the most comfortable way possible. “I have to admit I have noticed as well that we haven’t discussed the basic matters, but instead picked on subjects which need a deeper conversation. I am so used to observing that I have forgotten that for any kind of relationship to work you need to share what is going on with you and what lies buried in your past. However I want you to remember that I shall not send you back, Hyungwon. I am not apart of those first time Suitors. I know what I did.”

“Can I have that in writing?” Hyungwon asked with a small smile on his lips, sipping his coffee as he took in Hoseok first reaction of surprise before amusement set it. “There is also the fact that you know everything about me, because of that extensive file, but I know nothing of you. Yesterday when they asked about you I could barely reply, which didn’t sit well with any of them and I got teased for not having asked you about the everything under the sun.”  
“So do it now. What is the most burning questions you have?”  
“How old are you? Where were you born? What is your family like? Do they know about me? Why the UN? Did you date much before adopting? Did you lov…?” Hyungwon sprouted out questions like a waterfall, however over the last one he tripped and stayed silent as he felt a bit too self conscious to finish it. 

“I turn 27 in May. Born here in Seoul, but mostly grew up on the Arirang Compound,” Hoseok replied, looking directly at Hyungwon as he himself was surprised by such an large amount of questions. He had a feeling those weren’t the only ones lingering in the boys mind. “ Now the questions which need a wider range. I’ll start with my family and then we can dissect my love life.”  
Hyungwon nodded slowly, honestly ready to retract the last question as he still remembered the pain he saw in Hoseoks eyes when he spoke of it. Different to himself, it was never good to poke at afresh wounds even if in times eyes they seemed ancient and could be forgotten in a moments notice. It was never like that, could never be - the emotional trauma that came along losing someone you loved deeply wasn’t something to simply shrug off, push aside and say all was good. 

“I grew up with my mother and father, my older brother and younger sister. My brother is three years older than me, my sister two years younger. My father was the general officer of the 45th Air Force Unit and died when I was about 18 years old in the battle of Crimson Skies. I don’t know how much is taught about that battle or discussed, because I have put a good amount of distance between it and myself. By then my older brother was at the age where he simply took over our fathers position and so none of us lost rank or money. My brother already had a good starting rank in the army and so I was set to attend university - however my sister met and fell in love with an UN official from Siberia. A chance opened up for me to join the UN instead and secure my families statues - I obeyed, because it was easier to do so. I wasn’t very passionate about economics, but my father had been and so I wanted to honour him. My sister married that man and they moved to Siberia, while I started training for the UN and met my last boyfriend.” Hoseok spoke, leaning against the sofa as he had picked up his bowl of food once more and took a few bites after unloading the first bit of information and gathering strength to continue on. The following topic was clearly painful for him, thus it was no surprise he wanted to be mentally ready for it. “To finish, my mother is aware I adopted, but my brother is currently in Finland, trying to recover some agents and my sister just had her twins. I will tell them the moment a landline is set up and secured. I am sure they all want to meet you, though my mother was hesitant over this news - she doesn’t think much of it, but has chosen to accept it. She is waiting for me to visit her, so I will surely get a better understanding on where she stands then. You are welcomed to come with me.”

“Congratulation to your sister,” Hyungwon spoke, trying to imagine Hoseok as an uncle and it wasn’t hard to do so. Some people fitted into the described way of being a children's favourite and his Suitor was surely that - relaxed, but observant and surely a lot of fun when it came to climbing. Add to that Hoseok had this natural calm warmth to him, somehow seeming like the ideal father to grow up with.   
“I will forward your words. Now before adopting I have had three relationships - first was my high school sweetheart, who is now a professor in Hong Kong; second was someone I had field training with in the UN and honestly it was a lot more physical than emotional; third was my ex, who I did love, yes. All of them I loved, but in different ways - my high school sweetheart was a simple love, a teenage love or so it feels to me now. The field training one had little emotional connections, but a lot more that of physical and mental support during very rough moments. The last...I would say was my first love, at least it feels like that. Odd, whenever I think of him and feel the sadness there is also this calm he always ignited within me with his presence. Whatever mental state I was in, he would give me this sense of being centered and loved so I could do whatever needed to succeed.”

Hyungwon listened carefully, trying to remember everything as he absorbed Hoseoks facial expressions. When the topic of family was brought up his face was warm, filled with a certain kind of happiness and small eagerness - clearly the man missed them and yet lacked the time to properly visit them. It was hard to decode that face as Changkyun wore it often when others talked about their affairs, but the man only wanting to return home and spend time with his loved ones. However the roads to Gwangju were blocked, so there was no chance for him to go home - nearly two years had passed in such a way.  
“Why not continue dating?” Hyungwon asked silently, having picked up his food again and feeling like any question he had should be voiced as the information channel had been opened up. “Though as much as I remember from dating, I don’t miss the hassle that it brought along.”  
“I tried too. It has been nearly two years since he was announced dead and laid to rest on Peace Hill. However I found it, as you said, a hassle,” he spoke and looked at Hyungwon, giving him a small smile. “Can I ask you in return?”  
“Sure.”

Two years seemed like a long time, but really felt like a blink of an eye to anyone struggling with loss - that was something Hyungwon had learned when grieving for his parents. Only now had come a time when thinking of them didn’t make him sad, but instead left the male remember the happier times and silly in jokes they shared.   
“Why engineering? How did you meet your friends? Most importantly, should we get you a new laptop and a phone?” The last bit left them two chuckling, the question seeming so meaningless and materialistic. 

“My old laptop works, but he programs make it rather slow, so getting a new one would be wonderful, yes. I never had a phone,” he replied slowly, seeing Hoseok raise a brow on this piece of news. “I chose engineering as it fit my interests and I always wanted to know how something is put together, constructed and made to last. Also it is one of the departments, which didn’t ask for my social statues so I had an easier time getting in you know.. Though I think I never said out front it is civil engineering I am studying - that is how I met Hyunwoo. He is studying architecture and has a minor in engineering, so we had many lectures together and started to talk more. Turns out his father knew my parents rather well, so we had more to discuss and I didn’t need to explain the system to him. It was easier that way as it doesn’t take a lot of effort to put two and two together. Hyunwoo is childhood friends with Jooheon, who is studying traditional music, and introduced us during the second semester of the first year. Jooheon and Minhyuk have been dating forever, so I met the two of them on the same day. Minhyuk is an extrovert and as the saying goes - introverts don’t find friends, extroverts adopt them. He studies modern art and East Asian Art History, minoring in painting. Changkyun is on the same course as Minhyuk and frequently joined us for lunch, so he became apart of the bunch. Kihyun is missing, because he got a chance to study modern music in New York. Time difference and the poor international connection makes it hard for us to talk to him, but we write each other as much as possible.”

“As I caught from Hyunwoo, they initially didn’t know you were in the system,” Hosoek continued on, trying to piece together the information given to him. A part of the male was glad his adoptive had so some friends and wasn’t cut off from the world, which had been a small fear he held in his mind when reading the file. After all what was written there made it obvious that Hyungwon was an introvert, but didn’t really give any more details as the shortest file was that on his mental health.  
“No. There wasn’t anything to indicate I was, so the topic never came up and Hyunwoo seemed comfortable with keeping it to himself,” Hyungwon explained and sighed softly, setting everything aside to turn so he could face Hoseok. “I didn’t know what the system meant to me and didn’t spend time thinking of it either, so the less questions I had to answer, the better. I am glad I was adopted, that I am sure of.”

There was a clear sign of happiness that settled upon Hoseok’s face as the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, it even reaching his eyes and leaving them sparkling with the emotion. It was one thing to be grateful for someones actions, but it was good to hear that Hyungwon wasn’t discomforted by the changes that had happened in his life even if it made him question his own stance on things. It wouldn’t be a simple answer or one that came quickly, but for now Hyungwon knew apart of said answer was that he was glad to be here. Not in the materialistic way, but the fact that he had Hoseok in his life - whatever position he would take in, he was there. Someone who you could count on. Someone who could become family even. 

It turned out they had more to discuss than initially realizing it, as they spent the whole breakfast talking about their choice in music, films and general entertainment, ideas on life, general statues of the world. Hoseok was a man of loving smooth sounds and poetic lyrics, while Hyungwon enjoyed a lot more of the simple natured pop music, but didn’t limit himself to it. Neither of them really had a preference in movies, but could agree that gore was not something they wished to see in their lives along with any kind of other horror. Hyungwon had never been to a theatre, listening to Hoseok talk about his own experiences with great eagerness and want. They settled questions regarding their day to day life - Hyungwon had freedom to do whatever he wished, though would keep Hoseok posted as much as possible. It was a general rule of thumb, nothing special. Agreeing that Hyungwon needed new clothes and footwear was a topic where the man in question only nodded and didn’t really have much to say. In a sense this was the part of Suitor and adoptive relationship, where the one with more statues and money simply did as he saw fit in order to have a representable adoptive at his side. Hoseok had expressed his want to make sure Hyungwon could have newer belongings and leave aside the more life beaten items in his possession, by no means throwing them away. In a way the UN official understood that what his adoptive owned were small mementos of his past and held meaning, not going to try and erase them.

“We are invited to dinner as well,” Hoseok spoke as he started to clean up the table, Hyungwon moving to help him and happily realising he didn’t feel totally like crap. There was still an uneasiness in his bones, but no need to throw up or keep himself on the coach - even though it was comfortable, very inviting and a wonderful place to rest. “Jiyong, who is my boss rank wise, as invited us to join them for dinner tomorrow evening. Daesung is eager to meet you as well and has been bombarding me with questions about you.”  
“Ou,” Hyungwon mouthed, picking up some things as well so that Hoseok wouldn’t have to carry a heavy tray back to the kitchen. “How are they like? 

“Jiyong is in his personal time a easy going man with a big loving heart, very focused on his work and with me a very kind man. Truly someone who has a lot of love to give and yet knows how to shut it all off when he stands before his troops - I admire him. He hasn’t had it easy by being the head of the Korean UN forces, receiving a lot of criticism and harsh comments. People at times truly forget how much words could hurt another, dismantle their healthy mental state and attack them personally. Much of it because he was the youngest man ever to become the head of the forces, so any mistake was made out to be world destroying and wrong. I started out the same day he did so I have seen most of it first hand - honestly I feel like Daesung is mostly what keeps him together at rough times,” Hoseok commented, watching how Hyunwon took over and started to wash dishes and listening to every piece of information handed to him. “He adopted Daesung from the same home you come from, but I don’t know under which goals. Slowly however they developed a very close intimate bond, which where Daesung was there to stitch Jiyong up whenever had been pushed to the very edge. Daesung is very homely, warm, extremely caring and had changed their apartment into an adorable home, filled to the brim with memories. Honestly I don’t think I would have my friend be alive without Daesung - Jiyong does take things too seriously and so when a harsh slap lands across his face he is sure he deserves it. He has no chill. So having Daesung in his life, who loves him for himself is what keeps him going and functional. True soulmates, who love each other without a question in the world.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Hyungwon muttered more to himself than anyone else, feeling a small longing for such a setting and yet not sure how to get it. In a sense he always wanted what his father and mother had, where they could only exchange glances between each other and understand each other wordlessly. The smallest touch showed affection and commitment of two souls having decided to live together, help each other grow and heal from whatever pain they had felt. A beautiful union, even if rare.

Day rolled into night rather comfortably, as both men continued on their chat about life and what it had brought them. Hoseok talked a bit about his upbringing and how life was on the compound, but didn’t linger on it too long stating that there wasn’t much to discuss or remember. Living up at an army base meant you lived in a small gated community, where everyone had their nose in your business if you wanted it there or not. Answering each others questions about what they wanted from life and how their views on matters had changed were what they discussed over lunch and dinner, both times opting to simply order from the inhouse kitchen rather than cook. Hoseok had a very sober view of the world, mostly because of his work and also he didn’t seem to expect things to fall into his lap - a notion Hyungwon agreed with quickly. It was easy to see that both showed an eagerness to work hard towards their goals, not expecting a simple lives path and rather a rough challenged filled bumpy road. Both were evidently hard working, driven and eager to know more about life - once you opened up the line of discussion, hours could pass by without notice. Ending up back on the couch Hyungwon explained to Hoseok that his parents had both worked in the field of politics, had married at a very young age and done everything in their abilities to give their son all that was needed. He didn’t linger too much on the loss of his beloved mother and father, because it left him choked up and unsure how to word these conflicting emotions inside of him. His heart always sent out this pulse of pain whenever the topic arose, rendering him wordless and big eyes filling up with pain, sadness and loss. It left him paralysed, knowing full well that even now he silently mourned the loss of his loving parents and never could say goodbye to them properly, mourn them fully and cry enough. It was that sight that had Hoseok for the first time initiate physical contact, pulling the slender figure into a tight hug that was very much needed, although a surprise to Hyungwon leaving him disarmed. Strong arms pulled him closer and into an embrace that somehow made his heart skip two beats while letting him feel at ease at the same time, leaving Hyunwons eyes to close as his hands dared to grip the males shirt a bit too tightly. It had been years since anyone gave him such a hug, where comfort and support radiated so strongly, rendering it impossible for him to hold back a small sob of pain. Hyungwon missed his parents, more than he allowed himself to admit. 

The very moment he had been told about their death, he was in a room with several other people and couldn’t emote a single feeling - colour only drained from his face, small silent tears spilling from his eyes. Once back home Hyungwon realised he couldn’t spend days crying his heart out, but needed to arrange the funeral, his own life, needed to vacate the house and pack up everything to be stored away in a warehouse. His mind fooled him into pushing aside emotions, instead focus on the work needed to be done, while at times he ended up crying uncontrollably as he packed up his things. What made it worse were the visit from neighbours expressing their sorrow and condolences, his parents friends from work calling to make sure he was alright - telling a lie that he was coping was easier to discuss the truth. Hyungwon nearly cynically thought that the people did this only because of etiquette, not really caring about his emotions and feelings. The more he believed that the easier it was to deal with the funeral, breaking up with his girlfriend and entering the only safe place he knew - the system.

Yet now he was here with someone giving him a hug that dismantled the wall of foolishness, pulling out the raw unfiltered emotions and wordlessly reassuring that someone was there to lean on, to have a shoulder to cry on. It nearly left Hyungwon breathless as his heart tightened painfully, but at the same time felt at ease. An odd mixture of feelings raced through his system, rendering him speechless and unable to express his gratitude for such a moment between them. Hoseoks hug was what he had needed all those years ago, to pull him away from this cold front and instead give Hyungwon the chance to mourn as a child, who lost his parents. In all honesty Hyungwon could feel himself clinging onto the other for dear life, unable to let go of this warmth and support. It was this ease slowly wrapping itself around his frail frame, reassuring him as he sunk deeper into Hoseoks arms and at a loss how to live without it. In a sense you could become dependant on this warmth, this physical reassurance he could truly open up a bit more and show a more vulnerable side - be more himself and less the Hyungwon shown to the rest of the world.

They stayed like that for what it felt like a good eternity, where Hyungwons heart and mind tried to fit into their system comfort given to them by Hoseok. The latter didn’t seem in a rush to pull away, which was only welcomed by his adoptive, who seemed to cling onto him. It took a while for the slender figure to peel himself away, a bit embarrassed and over his actions, but not regretting it for a single moment.   
“Are you okay?” Hoseok finally asked, watching the other still hang his head and not fully ready to face him.   
“You have lost someone you love - make a guess,” he replied, finding that his voice had a weird sound to it and slowly registering it was simply unsteady from the sob he had let out. The usually soft voice had turned horse and coloured in by unspeakable pain, trying to somehow leave his frail looking body. All the emotions kept locked up inside tried to climb out of his system all at once. The tangled mess of complex feelings rendering his voice to try to express everything and nothing.

Instead of a reply, a guess or suggestion Hoseok once more pulled Hyungwon into his embrace, constantly checking if this was okay with the slender male as he wrapped his arms tighter around him. Neither of them had the chance to have this kind of mental support that manifested itself physically, but once present seemed to cling onto it rather naturally. Adjusting his body to half lay back against the couch he gently pulled Hyungwon along, not needing to exert a lot of energy seeing how the slender figure followed suit. His adoptive was slender and light, a contrast to his more muscular heavy built - yet it didn't matter when locked in a tight all consuming hug. Hoseok smelt like a mixture of vanilla and tobacco, which was probably his cologne radiating off those simple clothes. Hyungwon never wore artificial scents, but carried around a natural fragrance of spring - at least to Hoseok it was the first thing he thought off. The difference in built didn't even seem to matter as both did their best to fit against each others frames, intensifying the physical contact shared between them along with the comfort. 

Hyungwon buried his face in the broad chest of Hoseok, choosing to enjoy this moment of physical contact to the fullest and ignore the world around them. Like a scared kitten he chose to cling onto the other, silently working through the emotions rampaging in his body and trying to knock down carefully built walls. However Hoseok, staring holes into the ceiling, was dealing with his rapidly beating heart and knew all to well there the source of it lay - right in his arms, tightly wrapped up in them. A smile came to his lips as his eyes chose to close themselves, not wanting to think of the meaning and instead enjoying this moment of calm, the moment of comfort. 

Two souls found comfort in each others embrace in the middle of a half destroyed Seoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments and feedback always welcomed!
> 
> Things are slowly developing.


	7. Dinner with friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. It took me a while to edit this because of uni.

Morning came slowly, covered with thick fog and heavily clouded skies as a somber feeling painted all across the city. The apartment was barely lit by the natural light coming from the outside or any lamps inside, when the two figures lying on the sofas slowly started to stir from sleep. Hoseok was the first to open his eyes, blinking a few times as it had been a long time since he had felt someone else body resting upon him and a even breath ghosting over his neck. His eyes flickered down to see Hyungwon still asleep, calm and peaceful - last nights sadness and pain had melted away. He looked a lot younger like this, innocent, but not in the way you would expect - it wasn’t like the lack of experience of life, but a natural part of his looks. A vulnerability graced the adoptees features, usually hidden away by a shy protected exterior and now laying bare in front of Hoseoks eyes. Gazing down he was suddenly oddly aware of how stunning Hyungwon was as it wasn't a thought he entertained daily - now it was like someone had made him see the stunning truth.

Hyungwons seemingly untameable hair was a mess, like yesterday morning sticking out at odd angles and trying to fall onto their owners face. There slumbered a urge within Hoseok to brush those wild strands away to see the sleeping figure better, however he hesitated to do so. Unsure if his currently faster beating heart was due to first lingering affection for Hyungwon or something more - if it was what would that mean. Hoseok hadn’t felt anything for anyone after his ex-boyfriends death, thus right now laying with Hyungwon seemed like his heart had learnt to feel, fly and dance again. The feeling was close in intoxicating, he himself unable to fully understand what it meant and yet gleeful to have signs of recovery. Yet he doubted how sober his own mind was to understand this, because it very well could be he wished for there to be something and fill up the loneliness in his heart. For nearly two weeks he had only seen Hyungwon, spent yesterday dissecting each others lives - Hoseok could be fooling himself. Happily fooling himself.

For a moment he let himself enjoy a sunnier version - that maybe he was slowly developing feelings for the slender figure resting upon his chest. They were getting to know each other, slowly understanding the lives they have lived and Hyungwon was a smart man, who happened to be handsome as well. It didn’t seem like they had a topic that wouldn’t be befitting to be discussed, their political views were compatible and then there was this cute little smile Hyungwon had whenever he tried to hide his happiness over something. Those moments that seemingly lit up a room just as they did the adoptees face, lingering in your memory. Even though their lives were completely different, maybe through something as silly as fate those two life strings started to tangle together. Hoseok, unknown to him why, liked the idea of sharing his life with Hyungwon and having this mental support system in place, but above all having someone to share the things happening. A lot of it had been locked up in the broad shouldered mans head, which wasn’t something he was used to and struggled to find an outlet for - however with Hyungwon he had a simple way of expressing anything. 

A dormant part of him silently whispered a sweet tale of love to come and fill his heart, together slowly healing its broken wings and give it new reasons to flutter at the sight of love once more. Sweet nearly angelic like whisper promising that this time would be different, love would be a constant and not something to lose in the battlefield of life. Love would give him the voice to speak of the darkness in his life, to speak of the high flying dreams and crushing failures. A promise of being able to fall into someones embrace and feel comfort, security yet above all be understood wordlessly. A melody that Hoseok felt he ached for more than he actually dared to admit, dared to accept and fully come to understand. Hyungwon maybe being the one to answer to this silent whisper, holding a megaphone to it and maybe sing along. 

Hoseok soon enough set aside his thoughts and chose a neutral expression, feeling how the other was slowly waking up. One could feel when someone started to wake up by those small movements the other made, but especially when Hyungwons brows knitted together and eyes slowly fluttered open. Shock passed through those brown sleepy eyes, before settling on a small sense of confusion and calm. Nothing suggested that he was uncomfortable, yet a sense of not sure how he had ended up like this. “Morning.” A sleepy voice spoke, where last nights heavily tangled emotions clearly were erased away. Hyungwon once more felt like he couldn’t pull away from the other embrace, gaze or even the feeling of comfort nestled deep within his system.   
“Good morning,” Hoseok replied, checking if there was any sense of discomfort displayed by Hyungwon. After all there was a good chance that even though they had a moment of bonding last night, didn’t mean it would be something to continue with. “Want coffee?”

“Uh, yeah,” Hyungwon replied, blinking a few times as he slowly felt the strength come back to his happily asleep limbs. He had never woken up like this, not even with his girlfriend as they did cuddle, but always awoke less tethered together. Yesterdays chats had opened up wounds and topics that he had never thought would be up for discussion with anyone, but here he laid and felt completely at ease. It flashed through his mind that while he knew how he felt, he had no clue how Hoseok did. “How are you feeling?”

There was clear confusion on Hoseoks face, the question having a wide range of implications and yet rounded back to the same two topics - last night and right now. Clarity slowly settled upon his face, even if it took some time to erase away the remains of confusion and uncertainty within his eyes. “Sleep helped, but the wounds are there. We both decided to touch upon touchy subjects, but this surely helped. At least me.”  
“Yeah, same over here. Thank you,” Hyungwon spoke, blinking a few times and yet keeping a steady eye contact. “I haven’t...never been...like this. Would it…” Hesitation, that was what was clearly displayed in the slender figures words, but a small amount of pure unfiltered hope as well. Not sure why, but there was this small longing to something like this to be a constant in his life. Something to cling onto. “Would it, this, be something we could do again? I understand if not.”

“We can,” Hoseok replied without thinking twice, looking at Hyungwon with a small smile on his lips. His reply came quickly, without a single doubt in his mind as he selfishly wished to have someone to cuddle during dark nights or light mornings. “Yes, we can. This...I haven’t had anyone sleeping on my chest like that for some time. I missed the comfort it brought me. Honestly I have always been better with physical comfort rather than spoken.”  
“How do you know?” The question seemed so obvious to Hyungwon, but clearly not to Hoseok, who looked a bit confused before smiling.   
“Experience?” he replied, before trying to figure out how to word something you could feel and always had felt. “I honestly figured it out when I had someone to comfort me in the hardest moments in life. Some people are amazing with words, but others are better to simply be there physically. I am bad with words when it comes to emotions or anything that is hard to put into a spoken language, but I have learned how to give good hugs and take the most from physical affection.”

“Then I am like that too. Should I make coffee?” Hyungwon replied, not actually wanting to move any single bit of himself off Hoseok, but coffee was essential to actually wake up. Even though he suggested it, nothing in his actions showed a want to get up and greet a new day, something which Hoseok picked up and happily encouraged.  
“How...how about we stay like this for a moment longer?”  
Hyungwon hesitated, but easily settled even further into this warm embrace and head finding rest against the males chest so he could look out towards the window. Gloomy Seoul was very much something he enjoyed watching, feeling as if the weather accurately showed the former cities current state of absolute somber mess. Today it wasn’t echoing within him as loudly as usually, maybe because his mind was lulled into this sense of comforting affection surrounding him fully. A barrier you couldn’t touch or see, but sense with every single fiber of your body and happily have it around him. 

The wonderful cocoon of comfort wasn’t to last as Hoseoks phone went off, the monotone ringtone filling the otherwise silent apartment and leaving both to sigh, heavily at that. Hyungwon slowly peeled himself off, sitting up and watching how the other pulled himself up to grab the annoying device as he answered the call. Figuring the moment of comfort had rolled passed them, the slender figure pushed himself onto his legs to silently walk into the kitchen, switching on the coffee machine and checking if the fridge had anything close to food. Tonight was the dinner, so that meal had been covered and yet lunch along with breakfast needed to be solved - a craving for pancakes hit him.

Such phone calls could end up taking hours or few minutes, which made it hard to predict how long Hyungwon needed to wait. Instead of hoping this time it would be a short call, the male took out milk along with sugar to make himself coffee. His mind was calm, but that didn’t mean his thoughts had stopped rumbling through is brain - having found comfort in Hoseoks arms made him wonder. When he had been with his ex, there had mostly been hormones and the typical first relationship mistakes. Never had there been a moment like that, not once and Hyungwon now wondered if the lack of emotion directed towards his ex came from that. They had a bond, sure, but failed to deepen it and make it something that lingered in your mind - could that even have happened when you were just a teenager?

Brow furrowed together, he stared at the machine as if trying to figure out how much coffee did he want in his coffee. Questions about his relationships to others, especially those he claimed to love always made Hyungwon wondering, pondering what would come next and how it ended up being.  
“You know all you have to do is press the button,” Hoseok spoke, standing near his adoptive after having ended the call. “It is easy.”  
“Uh yeah. Just...do you want pancakes?” Whenever Hyungwon tripped over his words, it was clear his mind tried to figure something out that couldn’t be explained away by logic or he was simply sleepy. Hoseok put his money on both.   
“Sure. We can order some from the kitchen as I am not sure I am able to make them,” Hoseok spoke with a small smile, moving to the inhouse phone, effortlessly ordering them a wonderful breakfast. “That was Jiyong. He asked us to bring whatever dessert we wanted as Daesung wasn’t sure how much of a sweet tooth you have and worried you might not like his food.”  
Hyungwon looked at his Suitor was clear surprise painted across his face, which was slowly melted by his focus on making coffee. “Do I have to act like your adoptive around them as well?”

“No,” Hoseok gave a firm answer, a voice that never had reached Hyungwon ears before now and left him staring at the male with a small fright in his eyes. “No, no you don’t. I am actually rather certain that that Daesung will be happy to meet someone coming from the same place he did. It would be the first time as far as I know.”  
“So do you know if they like ice cream?” Hyungwon asked, not sure how to reply to any of what Hoseok said and instead focusing on what other burning questions needed to be resolved. “I really don’t like cake or any other sweets, but ice cream always killed my cravings.”  
“I know Daesung has a sweet tooth by default and Jiyong isn’t picky either, though he loathes any kind of desserts made with alcohol,” Hosoek spoke with a chuckle, eyeing the other for a short moment. “I suggest we go out after breakfast, get the ice cream and everything else we need. Next week I will be busy so there won’t be a chance for us to deal with those kind od errands.”  
“Sure. I think I somehow managed to agree to a dinner at Hyunwoo’s next week as well. His mother doesn’t like to hear the word “no” or “busy”. I can stay over at their place, so no need to worry about how I get back home. I might bring back some of her cooking too. She is always worried I don't get enough to eat.” Hyungwon replied, again not even close to what Hoseok said as his mind clearly was trying to focus on several things at once - his own thoughts, staying awake and functional around the other male. 

“Sounds nice." Hoseok replied slowly, watching the male with a curious gaze before deciding they could discuss what is on Hyungwons mind later. Instead he picked a lighter conversation piece, at least he hoped so. "I also hope you get a chance to figure out your thesis topic. The way you spoke about it made it seem like you really need to figure it out quickly and start working on it.”  
“Sooner rather than later. I want to have things settled before all the good professors are taken. Technically one said he would keep a spot open for me, but the first come first serve rule sadly applies here.” Hyungwon replied, deciding he would try to keep up with the chat, finding discussing his thesis a lighter topic than anything else. It was a mundane boring thing to dissect and really not expect a clear answer - harmless.   
"What professor?" 

"Wood," Hyunwon replied, looking at Hoseok before remembering he wanted to make coffee and for that cups were needed. "The longer description is wood constructions, material analysis and calculations, but professor for wood covers it all. He is dying to get fresh blood into the faculty and noted my rather good hand in the calculations - so he suggested I pick a topic from his field. He is rather chill and his knowledge extensive, so it would be very comfortable to work with him and maybe with luck somehow get a spot with in the faculty. A long shot, but it is there."  
"Is there one? I mean, a topic that interests you?" Hoseok asked back, interested in the idea even though he had no idea what actually went into such a field and what he could expect. Seeing Hyungwon having reanimated himself, the broad shouldered male did wonder what was going on in that head of his adoptive, but decided instead to order them some food over the phone. It gave Hyungwon a chance to find the right cups, milk and sugar as well as finally turn on the coffee machine. After the short call ended, he was all ears again.

"As you know with the war wooden structures are only used by those with little money or those who choose not to be apart of the current ruling society," Hyungwon spoke carefully, not sure how much Hoseok wanted to discuss the current political climate at around eight in the morning. He chose to reduce his commentary, instead focusing on the main idea. "However we used to build castles out of wood and the past knowledge is rather wise. There are a few blueprints of such structures still available and the professor is keen on learning how they were doing it. After all a lot of the knowledge we used to have about trees and how to build from them has been lost, so he is trying to recover as much as possible. The Japanese research teams are ahead of us, which irritates him to no end, but then again they have the largest knowledge back to survive over these war years."

"I think your professor is mister Choi Seunghyun, right?" Hoseok spoke, amused by the shocked face of Hyungwon and how adorable he looked - even though he had seen the tougher parts in life, he could be so adorably surprised. "Not just everyone can do research in such a field you know and especially see blueprints of old royal structures. He has a stage 6 security clearance and I have met him a few times, because of his very heightened interest of how the defected live."  
"Do all professors have a uh security clearance?" Hyungwon asked, not sure how to feel about this bit of news. After all he had questioned how professor Choi had gathered so much information, but then again university professors had access to the oldest knowledge pools around - anything was possible.   
"No, no," Hoseok would with a chuckle that soon turned into a laughter rumbling out of his chest. "Simply those, who might come in handy and have shown to be trust worthy. Add to that professor Choi was helped us with a couple of things over the years. It builds trust."

Hyungwon needed a moment to digest everything, which came to his luck as Hoseoks phone went off again and he disappeared into his study, while the slender figure made them coffee. As he was finishing with his own doze of caffeine the breakfast had arrived from the kitchen, smelling delicious and beckoning to be eaten. However as per usual the all too important UN calls wouldn't end because of the arrival of a meal, thus Hyungwon silently decked the table and started to eat - after all they had things to do today. Never having addressed it the both of them probably silently agreed that when such calls happened they wouldn't stand to hinder a meal or the normal course of day. 

About fifteen minutes later and a grim look plastered on his face Hoseok returned, only to have coffee melt away his previous worries and replace them with more mundane problems. Hyungwon voiced his want to shower before leaving to do some grocery shopping and thus left the table early, not waiting for the other to finish and instead have a moment for himself - his room served as the ideal space to do so, especially once he even locked his door. 

Last night had been a overwhelming amount of emotions unleashing themselves in his system, yet just when he was sure he would crumble under the unspoken and pushed aside emotions - there was Hoseoks embrace. There was Hyungwons heart fluttering ever so slightly at the thought, even now, how those strong arms somehow guarded him against all the darkness he at times felt linger at the horizon. However what really occupied his already reeling mind was how he nearly wished himself back into that embrace the moment it had left him and wondering if he actually would get a chance to return. The scent of Hoseok lingered in his nose, the touch upon his skin and the presence in his mind - everything seemed to spin around that one male, so much so Hyungwon decided a colder shower was needed. Finding himself incapable of taking the cold piercing water against his skin. he switched it to his normal warm water and hoped those droplets flowing down the drain would somehow ease his mind. 

The more he fought, the harder it seemed for him to deny a simple truth - he wanted to return into that comforting embrace. What it actually meant to him stayed as fogged up as the bathroom mirror, yet there was this one clear cut conclusion. Something started to take roots within him, a small inkling and yet it was there slowly making itself comfortable in his heart. As the water rained down against his skin, Hyunwon figured that this could maybe simply be the start of a deeper friendship - a conclusion that actually didn't make sense, but comforted him. It was what pushed him out of the shower, make him get dressed and together with Hoseok get into the car. 

Settling into the car, Hyungwon had cleared his mind enough to discard the constant questions he harboured about his own life, feelings and wishes. Dressed in simple jeans, his usual sneakers and simple white socks, a knitted sweater and dress shirt - he looked very much like someone going into a lecture and yet then there was Hoseok. His style was a lot more polished, gentleman like even, with semi former dark grey trousers, a deep purple dress shirt and dark blue jacket along with the matching shoes, the UN official clearly could set off a runway looking like that. In a sense it showed the difference in how life had treated them - Hyungwon at 24 had seen the rougher side of life and kept himself looking like someone to fade into the background, while Hoseok knew his worth. Add to that the UN official had a natural confidence about himself, which took a simple item of clothing and transformed into an outfit to stun people. 

Grocery shopping was something they had figured out nearly wordlessly - they knew what was needed and so while one was in charge of pushing the cart the other gathered whatever they needed. Usually Hyungwon moved around, though with certain items it was Hoseok, who took over knowing better what he needed for cooking. Today was no different, though the pile of groceries was surely bigger than ever before - Hyungwon chose to stock up on certain things, like ramen, as he knew the moment he would start writing his thesis nothing else mattered. The easier something was to prepare the higher the chance he would buy and eat it. Add to that Hoseok seemed to become increasingly busy with work, a factor that left the slender figures mood turn gloomy ever so slightly. Of course there was the dinner at Hyunwoo's that would be a distraction and the endless hours going over books to find the needed information - however there wouldn't be Hoseok, welcoming home and maybe even providing a comforting hug. 

They arrived back home with enough time to put the large amounts of food away, Hoseok to squeeze in a work out session and Hyungwon to check if there were any news from the university. Lazily he let himself drop onto his too large bed as he watched his laptop boot up, watching the screen lazily as his mind seemed to have taken a break from racing around. For now he lived in the comforting feeling that whatever was developing was something he rather enjoyed and fully embraced. Questioning what it all meant in the long term only created a setting of his mood clouding over and pondering whether anything good would come out of it. Instead he checked the group chat, where Minhyuk had insisted they should get together again and only be shot down by everyone fussing over their thesis. Hyunwoo had messaged him privately, curious to hear what the other was up to and generally looking for a bit of socialising.   
Hyungwon tried to type out the mess in his head, yet four attempts in he was realising how hard it was and not sure if it made a lick of sense. To him it did, sort of. Editing out some parts that sounded like a love struck teenager, he finally sent a rather too lengthy reply to the question of "how are you?" and decided to read up on a few news before he would even think of moving. To his luck Hyunwoo wasn't someone to reply quickly, which meant he could enjoy mindlessly browsing the internet and not be bothered by a reply. Time rolled on too quickly, something which Hyungwon unhappily noted as he closed the device again to get ready and without a reply from his friend. Instead of trying to understand his own thoughts, the slender figure changed into more formal clothing and left his room to join a dressed up Hoseok in the living room.

If only it was so simple to go to any social commitment by going up a few floors, sadly today was an exception to the rule. Standing in the simple elevator, both males dressed in a casual chic attire, as Hyungwon held onto the ice cream box and Hoseok onto a bottle of Georgian red wine from the early 21st century. The car stopped and door slowly slid open - it was easy to see what Hoseok had meant with Daesung turning the apartment homely. Upon first glance you could see personal touches everywhere with the simple use of pictures and other memorabilia, along with of course Daesung and Jiyong standing there wearing bright smiles. When it was hard to imagine Hoseok as an UN official, then it was impossible and downright rude to think in such a way of Jiyong. The slender figure seemed to fragile for his own good and to fight against lives cruel tricks, yet when paired with Daesung had a balance to him. It was odd to note how two people actually wordlessly complimented each other. 

“Welcome! Welcome!” Daesung spoke, bolting out of place to give Hoseok a firm hug before moving to stand before Hyungwon and taking in the males rather uncertain look in his eyes. Instead of pushing a hug onto the slender figure, he simply patted the males shoulder and welcomed him once more. Taking the ice cream he happily looked at the content, moving towards the kitchen as it was Jiyongs turn to welcome his guests.   
“On time as per usual,” Jiyong commented, moving towards Hyungwon and not pushing the male for a hug either, instead simply welcomed him politely with a handshake. “Hyungwon, it is a true pleasure to meet you.”  
Pushing off their shoes, everyone moved towards the dining area - it was hard not to walk towards the mouth watering scent and once one caught the sight of the heavily decked table, Hyungwon swallowed down a good amount of saliva. “I wasn’t sure if you liked meat so I made fish and chicken as well. I can also give you fully vegetarian options or vegan. Hoseok didn’t really give me answers when I quizzed him on what you liked.”

Daesung walked into the room with even more bowls filled with food as he explained himself, smiling as Jiyong simply joined him to help fill the table with even more delicious delicacies. Hoseok chuckled, while Hyungwon looked at the domestic bliss that played out before his eyes and once more could feel a dire wish for it. He didn’t want to be a perfect little house wife, but did long for how Jiyong and Daesung exchanged those small glances between each other. Touches were placed here and there, but the non verbal and physical clearly spoke bounds about the depth of their relationship. The longer he focused on the two, the more he saw the unspoken affection both carried for each other in their hearts, yet especially how it seemed all so natural. It was nearly like words seemed surplus in this relationship, instead glances and small movements spoke volumes to the other - it was mesmerising to watch. 

“Okay, come people eat. I have more waiting in the kitchen,” Daesung spoke happily, gesturing for his guests to take their seats. There was this beaming smile on the mans lips, that suited his face like nothing else. It seemed nearly impossible to image that man unhappy, sad or even crying - at least Hyungwon couldn't.   
Taking a seat it was like a festival of scents paraded itself in ones nose, while your eyes feasted for you - four pairs of eyes took in everything before them. Without much knowledge on where to start, Daesung pushed the bowl of vegetables closer to Hyungwon as if telling him to start. It was obvious everyone was curious to know more about the slender man, currently scooping a filled tomato onto his plate an adding some chicken quickly after. However all of them couldn’t resist the urge to eat, digging into the display as if they had been kept unfed for weeks, maybe months. 

“As always the meat is divine,” Hoseok spoke, having packed his plate full to the very brim as he slowly worked on clearing it.   
“Everything is,” Hyungwon commented soon after, having mainly stuck to the different kinds of vegetables and chicken. Certain he would have the chance to taste all, he for now focused on what he had scooped onto his plate. Looking up from it, he found Daesung beaming with happiness over the fact the guests were enjoying everything. Jiyong, catching the happy expression inked onto his lovers face, only chuckled and leaned in to leave a sweet and sour kiss against the others cheek. He clearly whispered something that left Daesung to chuckle shyly and focus on eating himself and not just observing.

“How is the report coming along?”  
“JI!” Daesung nearly whined in annoyance, giving him a playful angry glance before chuckling. “Come one, for one leave work in your office.”  
“That is nearly impossible,” Hyungwon commented, leaving the table to fall silent before Hoseok couldn’t help his chuckle to leave his lips. “What? That phone is in constant use, nearly a part of you.”  
“Be happy no mission has happened. Then you get someone truly married to their study and work.”   
“Hey be fair.” Jiyong and Hoseok spoke in union, leaving everyone to let out a few chuckles in amusement.   
“Fine married to that laptop and phone, better?” That comment especially left Hyungwon snickering, giving Hosoek the chance to make a small jab at his won adoptee.  
“As far as I remember you are married to your studies as well.”  
“Only when there is need.”

They continued on to eat, the plates never staying empty for too long as they exchanged suggestions on what to eat next and what to pair it with - a constant chatter as a backdrop. Hyungwon only slowly realised they hadn't spent a single minute discussing his past or anyones, didn't dip a toe into his statues or any of the other usual topics. Instead they talked about the politics, latest attacks, general mood gripping the world and what their plans would be for the coming holidays - a mundane chatter that the slender figure had missed. Ever so often the whole conversation would be about him, his misfortune and the lengthy discussion of the system - around this dinner table there was an understanding of all of that and a wordless mutual agreement to not touch upon it. The liberation he felt having such a moment in time was like breathing easily after a long cold and blocked nose.

However a mood killer was the cellphone and leaving Jiyong to bolt up from his chair, quickly answering the call and moving away from the lively chatter to hear the caller clearly. There were no questions asked to whom would call at such a hour or why Jiyong would so quickly pick up the intruding call. This was apart of their lives, even if it was rather annoying and at times would kill any mood. However the rest of them decided not to be bothered, continuing the discussion of how Seoul increasingly was looking like an abandoned city and where to move next - even though the UN would decide in the end, they could make suggestions. Daesung hoped for a chance to stay in Korea, while Hoseok voiced the fear that they might be moved to join a bigger force found in Bangkok. Hyungwon couldn't really comment on the topic, besides his own small wish to simply have a quiet life wherever he ends up living. 

Jiyong reappeared to call over Hoseok, leaving Daesung and Hyungwon to finish what they had on their plates while exchanging small glances with each other. As they were done both stood up, Hyungwon silently deciding to help Daesung to clean up the first row of empty dishes. Daesung only gave a small smile in return, not thinking he needed to comment on the others manners and found the moment of privacy rather good. After all this was the first adoptive that wasn’t a sex toy or a simple maid, someone he could talk to topics more diverse than what their Suitors do for a living. How Daesung hated the talks about nothing, filling the air with meaningless words.  
“I think we will have to finish dinner before they finish that call,” Daesung commented, knowing all too well how his future husbands work was.   
“Seems like their life is connected to those phones. Honestly I am used to it even I have lived around it such a short time. He so rarely looks happy after them,” Hyungwon commented, setting down the dirty plates and looking over at Daesung, who observed him with a raised brow. Blinking several times Hyungwon felt like he had said something weird or unfitting, yet rethinking his words there didn’t seem anything truly wrong with his statement. “What?”

“Nothing. I am just surprised I guess,” Daesung spoke, trying to push down his smile and yet couldn’t fully. Hyungwon wondered where this glee stemmed from and yet couldn't bring himself to ask. “I mean...uhm, well. Me and Jiyong were worried for Hoseok, because well he mourned for so long that we were scared he wouldn’t get an adoptee, who would know how to uhm well.”  
“Understand him?” Hyungwon spoke, trying to figure out what that chopped up sentences was trying to say.  
“Yes,” Daesung spoke with a small sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know we were there when he was finally told the whole story, we watched him mourn and struggle to get back into the game. Honestly I was the one to suggest this adoption, purely suggesting and only later when discussing it with Jiyong I understood the deeper implications. Jiyong was truly worried that this mind end up hurting him, not helping to move on from losing the man he so deeply loved. However…”

Hyungwon listened, every single word sinking in slowly to develop its full meaning and also giving a better backdrop to understand where Hoseok was coming from. Although they had discussed this, it was interesting to get the input from someone else and finding a new dimension to the topic. This wasn’t simply adopting or finding a companion, this was a lot more about moving on and finding a new path in life that wouldn’t contain heartache and copious amounts of pain. “However...I am at ease now. You seem to suit him, which I find rather calming to know. Jiyong will probably still try to see if you are the ideal fit, but I can see it is. Hoseok already seems a lot more at ease and not locked up in his own mind, pondering over work or trying to kill himself with it. Sure this is just the start, but it is promising.”

“Uh…” Hyungwon spoke, blinking several times as he tried to figure out a good response. “I am glad.”

Daesung gave him a firm nod, moving around once more so he could start serving them ice cream and coffee - naturally he hadn't simply waited for the guests to bring sweets. Three different types of cake and other sweets were beautiful presented on small adorable cake trays, which were brought to the living room as the coffee slowly brewed away and the UN officials were caught up in a call. Like this Hyungwon had the chance to catch more of the couples living space, see more of those small touches that turned simple four walls into a welcoming home of a loving couple.

Even though small nicknacks were placed everywhere it didn't seem cluttered, much more all going with a theme that Hyungwon hadn't seen in use for some time - love. The pictures, small presents or items were all grouped together and placed so you couldn't help, but to catch a glimpse. There was not one picture in which Jiyong wasn't carrying a wide beaming smile to match that of his fiancee. The pure love and admiration coming from the whole set up could power the whole world, when really it was only two men expressing their feelings for each other.

They settled on the living room couch, deciding not to wait for the other two busy men and instead enjoy a nice bite of ice creme. Even though he had spent about two hours eating everything Daesung had cooked, Hyungwon would always have some space left for delicious ice creme. The two ended up discussing their own lives, learning how they had ended up in the system and what it meant for their lives. Daesung birth had robbed his mother of all strength and without a father in sight, the small infant ended up in the system only three days old. As it was and is forbidden to adopt infants without being married, having two kids and a secure income Daesung stayed in the system and grew up knowing the ins and outs of it. Around when he was seventeen or eighteen he came face to face with Jiyong, the man who ended up changing his whole life. Hyungwon listened in awe of the mans story, suddenly finding his own rather simple and the usual one - yet Daesung still was curious and had more questions that the slender figure could provide answers. To his luck and about 45 minutes later Hoseok and Jiyog rejoined them, pushing the conversation onto simpler topics.

The evening ended with Daesung packing up half of the left overs and insisting Hoseok and Hyungwon to take them, not even listening to the explanation that there was no room. Jiyong only watched silently, arm around his boyfriends larger frame and a soft fatherly smile on his lips. Hyungwon silently noted that when Daesung spoke rather animatedly or passionately, the other would sit back and let the other shine and make sure was heard. Even now, where Daesung and Hoseok debated how much food was too much to take along, Jiyong only watched on and his eyes were especially focused on his fiancee. It was like he constantly noticed something new and interesting in the others face, in pure awe of it.

Hyungwon wished someone looked at him like that, yet instead pushed himself to focus on the debate and smile shyly when Daesung tried to hand him another container of food. He was rather sure that Hyunwoo's mother and the other would get along well, both finding Hyungwon should eat more. In the end equipped with around twelve different sized food boxes the pair entered the elevator, thanking their hosts for a wonderful evening before the elevator doors closed. Hoseok leaned against the metal wall, however Hyungwon remained looking at the couple only to catch a glimpse of the start of a kiss.

"Your friends are very fun," he commented a bit absentmindedly, looking at Hoseok once the doors fully shut and trying not to feel like he had seen something he shouldn't have. "Daesung especially."

"I don't think no one could have been a bigger hit with them than you," the broad shouldered male replied, a sleepy smile on his lips. "I am glad you enjoyed yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Likes, kudos and comments highly welcomed!!!  
> Love to hear feedback.


	8. The mundane life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon finally gets his thesis settled and thinks it will also leave Hoseok into a mood of celebration. Yet gets the opposite reaction. He also meets his best friends fiancee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deeply apologize for the long wait for this new chapter. With my thesis I simply couldn't get around to writing and now with that stress off my shoulders should be able to write a lot more!

The daily at times grey mundane life wasn’t one Hyungwon minded too much, because it was a rhythm, which suited his own biological clock. Studying and going through copious amounts of material was what really made him enjoy his studies, even though they were at times too stressful. Right now was one of those moments, where the level of stress seemed to slowly become too much as he needed a thesis topic. No matter how many times he checked the online database for ideas, looked in the library at older works or went over his books - no topic seemed to pop up. 

A problem he hadn’t even seen as one before now stared at him with cold eyes - did he want a masters degree? For so many years Hyungwon had expected he wouldn’t be able to go further, turn into someone working for the system and be content, at least try. Now with Hoseok openly supporting him it was clear he could go further, maybe even work if he really pushed his luck. It wasn't unheard of that someone from the system worked, but that was seen as a flaw of the Suitor not being able to provide everything his adoptee needed. Hyungwon didn't want that kind of storyline to be attached to Hoseok, which meant his own ambitions would maybe send him down the lane of doctors degree and discreetly helping out at his university. That meant that not every single topic was suitable, which meant a selection needed to be made befitting someone wanting to go into the masters program. 

The distress grew to be a constant mask forcing itself on Hyungwons face only being replaced by tiredness and exhaustion, which in return worried Hoseok as he didn’t know how to comfort the other. Hoseok welcomed the hard working nature of his adoptee and the fact he wouldn’t settle easily, however the accommodating stress was not one happily welcomed into their home. It brought out the painful fact that both males were exhausted by their work, desperate for a sense of calm and need to recharge their batteries. At first it made Hoseok chuckle realizing two workaholics had met, pushing each other towards greater heights - yet both lost sight on the fact that they needed rest. A moment to recharge their batteries and dial down on trying to learn everything the world around them had to offer - a switch off button. 

Silently they had come to the setting of Hyungwon in the evening coming to lay in Hoseoks embrace, staring at the TV with a blank expression and muscles protesting against any sort of movement. They didn’t speak, simply enjoyed the emotional and physical calmness that washed over both as they cuddled. For Hyungwon it was the part of day where he could switch off from the whole thesis stress, trying his best to ignore how his heart silently started to remember small details about Hoseok. The scent his Suitor carried, one which wasn’t from a fragrance bottle, but a mixture of different scents collected over a lifetime and coming together in a rather intoxicating combination. He swore that on some nights there was a more smokier note to Hoseok, but other times there was the defined smell of jasmine - the combination worked, as insane as it sounds. How Hoseok, sometimes and seemingly absentmindedly, laid his hand on Hyungwons lower back, thumb silently rubbing soothing circles. How Hyungwons muscles were lulled into the idea of relaxing, leaving his long limbs to hang off the sofa and his Suitor. Or how Hoseoks breath would sometimes brush over his hair as if a light breeze had touched the strands of hair. The small focused frown Hoseok carried when focused on the TV show or how his expression eased back into one of relaxation once he discarded bothersome pondering. Up close you could see that his rather masculine face carried small soft touches that brought balance. Hyungwon silently decided that the softest touch were his Suitors lips, which sometimes curled into the sweetest brightest smile and even without a reason looked irresistibly soft. 

In return Hoseok had made the same mental notes, however they started off noticing a lot more physical aspects. Hyungwon was tall and slender, yet his whole body seemed always tense and under a lot of stress. Yet after a while of lazing in each others arms the younger one seemed to relax himself a bit, however never enough - at least not in Hoseoks eyes. Maybe that was why he sometimes tried to coax the other to relax by rubbing soothing circles against the slender figures lower back. Other times he would try to himself keep a calm and relaxed mood, simply to make things easier for Hyungwon. In silence he hoped the tenseness of Hyungwon came from life and not from them cuddling - after all he was sure the slender figure could easily express his dislike. It puzzled him how one slender figure could hold so much tension in their frame, but reminded himself of the life the other had led. Hyungwon hadn’t had it easy and lacked a family setting, thus any struggle stayed with him even if he had friends. Because of the mans nature it was no surprise he keep things in rather than to discuss them with everyone. Especially since it wasn’t simple relating to his situation and potential life outlook. Hoseok in the silence of his heart started to wish to help the male, to share his burden and worries - give him a mental support passing that of a friend or Suitor. Be more than he was now, but how?

With his wish followed him noticing how Hyungwon looked when completely at ease - the tension washed away and a youthful looked came to shine. Round eyes and full lips made up a mans face filled with softness, which was constantly underlined by a thirst to prove oneself and want to succeed. No one was given such a jawline for aesthetic reasons. Hoseok caught glimpses of a sweet smile that seemed a rare guest on Hyungwons lips, but suited him the best. He wished for it to stay on the full lips, but in a rather selfish moment didn't want others to see it. After all Hoseok was the reason that smile came to daylight, thus why should others be granted to see such a beautiful sight? 

For both these nightly moments of physical affection were needed to unwind from the day, however started to gather more of a meaning than either of them wanted to admit. Hoseok sometimes silently waited for evening to come, for Hyungwon to come into his arms and watch a silly entertainment show. He would start his day and schedule knowing that the reward for the hard work awaited around eight in the evening, ready to cuddle and happily fall asleep. His commitment to do his work in the set time frame was what didn’t go unnoticed by Jiyong or Daesung. Neither said a word, but Daesung felt a sense of happiness over the development while Jiyong was a lot more careful with words of praise. Yet in his own thoughts the man was glad to see Hoseok be more than just work till you drop man. Hoseok himself at times caught himself nearly daydreaming of an event that was surely to arrive, leaving him to question his own sanity or if he had enough coffee. 

The slender figure found himself very much attached to this physical affection, to the point where after extremely stressful days could only end with an extended cuddle session. It came to a point where driving back home there wasn’t a need for dinner, shower or sleep - instead to find himself in the arms of Hoseok. He by now knew in what clothes it felt the best to rest against the well defined chest of Hoseok. Big hoodies and basketball shorts were the key along with his long limbs happily lazing on the couch. No other ways were allowed or accepted. Hyungwon felt a sense of ease and calm becoming apart of his life that had gone missing the day he buried his parents. Now there wasn’t simply him and his thoughts, but at least physically a way to ease the burden he had carried for so many years. Hoseok wasn't just a Suitor to him

 

With the deadline for a thesis topic approaching fast, Hyungwon sat in the library once more going over different ideas. It was unnoticed by him that one of his favorite professors was approaching carrying a bright smile - professor Choi. That man was known for his sharp mind and bright smile, as well as a high drive to push his field towards the new era. Eager to leave a mark on history he worked tirelessly and without an excuse to why he shouldn't find out the truth - something that had him working closely with the UN. Some questions posed were those that the public didn't benefit to know and thus the professor made a deal: he would get access to any resources in the hands of the UN and he would keep his mouth shut about it, help the UN in the process.  
“Hyungwon, how is it going?”

“Slow...painfully slow,” the slender figure replies a bit shyly, still not used to his professors rather bright personality. Around the university the male was known for it, equally so for his very serious demeanour when it came to his studies. Hyungwon had had several classes with him, even enjoyed the oral exam even though he hated doing them. Yet even now with the beamingly smiling man before him, he turned shy and felt like a first semester sitting in a lecture he understood only half of the words.   
“Thesis topic? My boy, why don’t you join my team? I have no bachelor student and the university is pushing me to accept someone. This university and those endless quotas you need to fill. I tell you they are more like a ministry rather than a place of knowledge and pushing towards new horizons. Honestly I am not too keen on it, however I would all too happily have you in my mist,” the male spoke, his eyes wandering over the whole library hall as if he was looking for someone. “You see I have a very promising doctors graduate already under my wing, so all I need is a bright bachelor student and they will leave me alone. So how about it?”

Hyungwon looked at the male, knowing full well that he wouldn’t mind working with the professor for the coming half year on his thesis. Add to that the resources were surely there and his paper would be good enough for a masters application - it hit all the right spots and Hyungwon actually enjoyed the professor. Slowly he started to nod his head, choosing to take the offer and thus push off the burden of looking for something fitting. With his nod becoming firmer a small shy smile pushed itself onto his features.  
“Wonderful, simply divine,” professor Choi spoke, grinning from ear to ear before gesturing someone to come over.

Slowly Hyungwon turned around to see the doctor grad in question was in fact the well known favorite of all - Lee Jongsuk - famous for his bright mind and topping the schools rankings for best looking male. Wiggling out of his seat, Hyungwon gave the other a deep bow and tried to greet him as respectfully as possible. Thanks to Minhyuk’s at time too extensive knowledge of people, he knew that Jongsuk came from a wealthy old money family and ever since he was young won several national competitions. The man was a small celebrity inside the secure walls of this university. Outside Jongsuks father was one of the most successful IT businessmen of their time and his mother supposedly was related to the former royal family of Great Britain. Jongsuk from a young age showed signs of a genius, but mainly was known for his adorable shy nature and warm smile. Hyungwon felt like smiling himself whenever he saw that smile. “Jongsuk, welcome the last member of our team.”

The broad shouldered, but slender figure gave Hyungwon a small smile before turning to the professor to greet the man as well. A bright smile and handsome looks were a sure fire combination to get the girls attention, which happened even now even though people ought to be studying. Hyungwon felt rather awkward around the two men, because he had no idea how to act and especially how to address Jongsuk. The problem was that even after adoption he wasn’t on the same social level as Jongsuk, which easily meant they were going to just be friends and always have social restrictions. It was in a way the old older and younger classifications still happily alive and kicking, leaving the slender figure with a shy awkward smile. Within the trio Jongsuk was the highest ranked socially speaking, while professor Choi was the most respected member of society. Hyungwon was simply a student and adoptee, nothing more.

Generally it was seen as uncommon from someone coming from the system to push themselves into a higher social standing. In the recent years many had likened such thinking to seeing adoptees as simple slaves, making their usual life as house maids and sexual partners seem even more dubious. Thus adoptee statues was not public knowledge, giving them the anonymity needed to live their lives peacefully. Yet as always there were those, who were too curious for their own good and “by accident” found out someones actual statues. Engagements cancelled, marriages ended by divorce and families torn apart only because of those “social justice” seekers, who claimed to work for the greater good and not let those lying adoptees delude someone. Hyungwon had decided to keep his statutes off the books, but when asked he would confirm it and stand by the fact as he had chosen to live a life like that. In silence he was glad to have a Suitor, because then his own life was a lot more secure and out of the hands of those, whose moral compass seemed out of tune.

“Wonderful, simply wonderful. Lee Jongsuk meet Chae Hyungwon,” professor Choi spoke, the two boys once more greeting each other with equally deep bows. That left the slender figure rather surprised, simply since by no means needed Jongsuk to be so polite with him. The start seemed nonetheless good, leaving mister Choi with a beaming smile. “Wonderful. Come, I will show you what I have been working one. I think both of you will be thrilled to see what will be the basis of your work.”  
Leading the way professor Choi started to walk towards his cabinet, the two students following him suit as they tried to find a way to pick up a conversation. It was clear that neither of them knew how, which surprised Hyungwon. After all Jongsuk was the most popular boy in university, beloved by all and seemed to know everyone from master degree up. It seemed to Hyungwon that both of them had a shy nature about themselves, which in a odd way put him at ease as he at times struggled with too talkative people. Minhyuk was a rather big exception. Minhyuk was a walking exception come to think of it.

“He wanted you to join for some time,” Jongsuk finally spoke, giving Hyungwon a small smile. “He became even more determined a bit before the semester started. I wondered why he took this long to ask you.”  
“Yeah?” Hyungwon replied, trying to sound rather uncaring and yet wondered what professor Choi’s intentions were. Hoseok had mentioned knowing about Choi Seunghyun, leaving an uneasy feeling to settle itself in the pits of Hyungwons stomach. It was his learnt distrust which was kicking in, but Hyungwon for now simply ignored it. “I am just glad I have this settled. The thesis process is a bit too stressful for me. The deadline for the topics is in five days as well - they are reminding you daily about that fact. Too stressful.”  
“It doesn’t really get any better,” Jongsuk admitted, which left both chuckling lightly. “Even though I wrote my bachelor and masters work under mister Choi, still finding the right topic seemed like three headaches mashed into one.”  
“With added on stress and anxiety,” Hyungwon added to the recipie, leaving both men once more admitting a few chuckles. Tension slowly erasing itself from the mood, the two boys soon enough found themselves before the door of professor Choi’s study, the man beaming proudly at his selection of students.   
“Now boys. Come inside.”

 

There was a lot of information to take in, leaving Hyungwon to be at his professors study until the late evening and Hyunwon call was what released him from this. Hyungwon remembered he had agreed to the dinner, but while listening to professor Choi it was easy to forget the world around you. The way he spoke about his own work captured ones mind, pulling the listener deeper into the stories and leaving time to be a meaningless thing, rather annoying really. Only by pure luck did he manage to message his friend about his whereabouts, because otherwise Hyungwon was sure he would have lost track of any sort of time. With several goodbyes and promising to come next day at 10AM sharp, Hyungwon slipped out of the office only to meet Hyunwon and his mother. Seeing them both left Hyungwon feeling like family was waiting for him, giving his mood a small boost and the needed energy to get through the dinner.

To understand how a dinner at Hyunwon looked like, one needed to imagine a a feast fit for a king and no end in sight. How she managed to cook up so many different dishes always baffled Hyungwon, but didn't hinder him to at least try every single thing served. Tonight was no exception as the moment they arrived finger food were served by Hyunwon's fiancee and from there on there was a nearly five course meal. The whole family had come together, leaving a lot to discuss and chat about - laughter was apart of the dinner, just like the feeling of being stuffed to the max. Hyungwon loved these dinners, because this was the family vibe and feeling he so endlessly missed, wishing in silence he could simply stay in this scene forever. Reality was shunned from the table as he dreamt of being apart of this joy filled family with a few dad jokes thrown in - moments in paradise in a sense. 

The table never seemed to empty as food was brought out again and again, Hyunwon's mother being helped by her son's fiancee. Hyunwon’s fiancee surely was the ideal candidate to be married to a diplomat's son, as well as having invested a good amount of time into her education. She was smaller than Hyunwon, very slender and had a beautiful face - very much the basis of any rich girl trying to find a suitable husband. Hyungwon likened her to looking like a doll with perfect manners and good understanding of the world - perfectly groomed to fit any man of high rank. With the world at constant war several old habits seeped back into society, one of them being arranged marriages and making sure the partner came from a respectable family. To Hyungwon it was simply an old idea that seemed to fit into the current world, even though it was flawed and clearly could have a better reason to exist. Yet much to his surprise Hyoyeon actually was interested in her studies and displayed an eager wish to continue with them once everything was settled. However there remained the question if she could and would be allowed by her parents - with only a few words it was clear they were traditionalists and very conservative. She had never ventured outside the secure guarded community they lived in and was allowed to only have friends from the right social circle, the right rank. Every single thing in her life was controlled by a strict understanding of how girls of her rank had to be - Hyungwon could only pity. Sure his life has been uncertain for a long period of time, but her was never in a golden cage surrounded by more cages. 

It was a rule of thumb that girls from that sort of statues would go to university and yet not really push past bachelor, instead marrying and focusing on other more socially suited activities. Several girls did so and thus chose degrees that were simple enough, gave them time to prep themselves for marriage, children, household and have time left to start building a social statues of their own. As it was a safe way to keep your statues, many simply followed it suit and knew nothing would happen to them. Safety at times outlawed wishing to push past boundaries as many were scared to live a life much like Hyungwon had. Yet there were those, who didn’t think that marriage was the end game and displayed a wish to complete their studies and if possible be of help to their husbands. After all with the decaying established world two bright minds were better than one, especially since any set up marriage also hoped to foster love and not simply a way to keep ones statues. There was a pushback against this setting, one which slowly gathered momentum and was welcomed by both sexes. It wasn't a quick change of thought and action, but slowly it was clear that women could fulfil the equal amount of social duties as men - sometimes even better. 

After dinner Hyunwon and Hyungwon sat on the veranda, with Hyoyeon joining them soon as well bringing along coffee together with some snacks. Hyungwon wondered if he could push down the coffee or even a bit of the provided snacks, but still ended up sipping the warm drink from time to time. The night was calm and warm, making it easier to laze on the garden stools as the full moon shone down upon them. Hyoyeon wasn't too talkative, happily not bothering Hyungwon with millions of questions and instead found comfort in enjoying the beauty of the night. She requested for them to speak freely as she wished to understand her fiancee more as well as his close friend - Hyungwon honestly wasn’t sure how natural he could be, but promised he would try.

“So your thesis is settled huh?” Hyunwon started off after a small silence to digest, looking at his friend in order to try to keep a light casual conversation. “Professor Choi is a good choice.”  
“I am simply glad it is settled. The topic is rather interesting and calculations seem to be a good work. I hope...uh.”  
Hyungwon looked at Hyunwon’s fiancee and wasn’t sure how much she knew about him, thus wasn’t sure how freely he could speak. Hyungwon being adopted naturally settled him in a very good spot in society, but nothing close to Hyunwon’s fiance and didn’t really wish for her to feel discomfort. Even though the adoption system was well established, some did have the false idea of it being a sexual service masquerading as something more and felt upset over it. Add to that in the eyes of more wealthy families his statues was still seen as lower and he accepted it without complaint. He wouldn’t start to redo the social standings of the world. Surely not agreeing with them, Hyungwon always worked on making sure his own affairs would in order and then concern himself with the rest of the world. A bit selfish, yet a way not to lose sight of himself in a world where rank ruled everything and anything.  
“Hyunwon’s mother filled me in,” Hyoyeon finally spoke, leaving both males surprised and yet relieved. Her voice was a soft one, but the melody of her sentences had a punctuation to it that was foreign to Hyungwons ears. Everything was said clearly, like a knife was used to carve out every single word and leave her own opinion standing unquestioned. “She didn’t really make any groundwork and simply told me, requesting I would keep any personal feelings to myself as she considering you, Hyungwon, as her own son. I have not managed to form a fully fledged opinion on the system, but going by the emotions put into me through my parents I do not think warmly of it. ”

“Seems fair enough” Hyungwon commented, choosing to react first as Hyunwon clearly needed a moment. “Uh well, I hope that with helping professor Choi, I have a reason to do my masters.”  
“Did Hoseok agree? I mean did he actually agree to you going towards a masters degree?” Hyunwon asked, latching onto this topic and not that of his fiancee. The inner workings of families would be a discussion for another time - especially since Hyunwon wanted to clearly know more.   
“He did, yes,” Hyungwon spoke, looking over at the female, who looked quite a bit confused. “Hoseok is my Suitor. He is an UN official, very nice and as I just stated doesn’t mind me continuing my education. I guess why my friend is so surprised, is because several Suitors usually keep their adoptees at home and be done with it. That general setting is mostly known, off which several people construct their own opinions, without understanding other settings. Though I would like to add that my Suitor is by no means breaking new ground, much more being an open minded version.”

“True,” she spoke, smiling a bit shyly as both men looked at her a bit confused. “My mother generally goes on rants about the system, as she doesn’t understand why our society supports an system that boils down to giving out sex slaves with no repercussions. My father does agree, through always says that this is what the general public sees and what a good portion of Suitors do. He slowly has softened on this topic, mostly because he has worked with people from the system and somewhat understands where they are coming from. For him there could be other ways we could deal with the less fortunate like with fund raisers and such - he has a big love for charities of the good old days.”  
Hyungwon stayed silent, trying to decide if he should dwell on the topic or drop it - Hyunwon seemed calm and nearly wordlessly agreeing to have a discussion about a complex matter. Thus the slender figure took a small moment to gather his thoughts before starting to talk. “Well, yes there are endless amounts of Suitors simply wanting to have someone to have sex with and keep the house clean. However nothing can even happen before a huge amount of paperwork and screening, plus the follow up check ups done up to nearly fifteen years or longer until the adoptee wishes to be left alone,” he spoke calmly, noticing her rather surprised expression and choosing not to react. “Though not a favourite topic of mine, I can tell you my story. I lost my parents before becoming of age and thus became statuesless. As I had nowhere to go or anyone to ask for help, I joined the system simply to survive and not be killed during one of the nightly attacks. I have been in that system up until a few weeks, er well nearly a month ago. It is a fairly well done setting - regular check ups, a space to call your own, well made meals and the protection of your own personal agent. After adoption there are usually yearly full body check ups done around Christmas or New Years, few just after New Years. The adoptees aren't simply handed out to anyone, who wants them and there are many, who never end up adopted. They get a job with the system and take care of the coming generations. I should add that Suitors go through a screening process, get their financial statues checked along with their work. In a way it could boil down to slavery for some, but for many it is a way out of a nearly hopeless situation and secure their own lives.”

Hyungwon stopped to take a sip of his drink as the female let it all sink into her mind, clearly finding confusion settling over the new batch of information. “Nightly attacks? What are you talking about?” It was now the two friends looking at her with utter confusion, leaving the female to display a small sign of feeling rather irritated. Only an eye roll was missing from her, yet instead she moved all of her long dark hair over her right shoulder before speaking. With a heavy nearly dramatic sigh she spoke, clearly trying to keep her tone of voice calm and collected. “There haven’t been any attacks on this area for years! Those who are statuesless usually just join the resistance and are killed that way, which serves them right. Nightly attacks have not taken lives in years. Those, who are taking lives, are the resistance and their blind happiness to ignoring any kind of rules. Those, who lose statues, simply find it easy to join that bunch of people and not work for a better life, like you Hyungwon.”

“Miss,” Hyunwon’s father was the one to speak, his voice very calm and yet filled to the brim with authority, so much so Hyungwon felt like he was back in school. None of the three had noticed him slowly joining them on the veranda, now feeling like having been caught by the headmaster. Freezing in his seat he knew he should offer up his seat, yet that tone of voice had him nailed down to his spot. “I do have to inform you, that the nightly attacks Hyungwon speaks of are very much occurring to this date. That is why we aren’t letting our son out at night and our wonderful guest leave either. The UN are working tirelessly to make sure our cities and closed communities are safe, undisturbed and above all keep calm in society. Add to that I would like to make it clear that even though those living outside of our society aren’t the most respectable of people, I do with them to be shown respect in this house. No one chooses to be statuesless, but yes they choose to join the resistance as our current society gives only very few options. The world is not as black and white as your loving parents wish it to be.”

It was clear why this man was so respected among others, because of his bright mind and honest words you always got an idea of how intelligent he truly was. That fact however seemed for now to be ignored by the young female, who chose to excuse herself - Hyungwon looked oddly confused by her reaction while his friend only sighed. “She hates to be corrected on these matters. We have had some disagreements on several topics.”  
“Hmm yes she does seem to be unhappy about my words, however I shall not allow ignorance,” Hyunwon’s father spoke, coming closer and having a beverage in his hand and a small soft smile on his lips. The trio continued on chatting about simpler matters, keeping their mood light and unbothered up until it was time for rest. Hyunwon's fiancee did not return the entire time, choosing to help out in the kicthen and later on join Hyunwon's mother in watching TV. It was such a simple homely setting, one which Hyungwon wished he could always capture in his mind forever and return to whenever needed. 

The night calm took over the house, but not Seoul. Several bombs went off in the former area of Itaewon, destroying the last bits of the formerly lively area and erasing yet another part of the former buzzing city. Large gaping holes were left behind the bombs, under them lay resistance fighters and UN forces, over them the sharp noises of guns going off as the battles raged on. By no city could be saved, priceless architectural works of genius lost in the sands of time and several million lives lost. Although Hoseok was asleep in his bed as the attacks went off, the phone on his bedside table constantly buzzed with new updates from the fights - messages he needed to read once awake. Consequences that arose from such actions needed to be dealt with, reports written and above all updating the map of the city - losing another chunk. The only silver lining was the fact that those lost areas were taken over by nature. That was the thought Hoseok worked with while having to read such messages over morning coffee, answering the calls from his superiors and in silence waiting for Hyungwon return home. 

 

In the evening of the next day elevator doors closed, Hyungwons bag dropped on the floor and shoes were unceremoniously pushed off his tired feet - the white-noise of the TV faintly reaching the corridor. Scent of curry lingered in the air, leading the slender figure deeper inside the apartment to find the living room table set for dinner as Hoseok lounged on the sofa. In his usual black sweats and a oversized shirt, he greeted Hyungwon with a lazy smile as he pushed himself up into a seating position. The torment of the day was clear on the older mans face, but also a longing and happiness to have Hyungwon back at home and soon enough in his arms. 

A small soft smile settled on the slender figures face, silently glad he was home and could spend the evening with one of his favourite people. Even though he had enjoyed the dinner and family setting, Hoseok provided him with something else in life - something that wasn't a childs need for a father and mother. Hyungwon didn't know exactly what Hoseok gave him that was so important and needed, but understood fully how much he craved it. Nearly losing every single bone in his body as he plopped down before the table, happily missing the sofa as he chose to sit on the floor - legs sprawled out as a content sigh passed his lips. Hoseok messed about with the others dark locks, knowing full well there was no hairstyle to be ruined. Hyungwon wasn’t fussy about his looks, which was why he didn’t mind such actions.

“Yesterday I got my thesis settled,” he males spoke, head leaning back to look up at his Suitor a small grin on his lips. There was glee on his face even though it had to fight with fatigue to even be expressed on Hyungwons face.  
“Yeah?” Hoseok asked back, brows raised, letting his eyes wander over the long beautiful neck of Hyungwon. It was probably the first time he noticed the males long pale neck, a small previously dormant part of him suggesting it should be decorated with marks. Hoseok pushed the though into the very back of his mind, into a deep corner and tried his best to ignore the fact he even dared to think of it.  
“Mhm,” Hyungwon spoke, eyes falling shut as a sudden wave of fatigue rendered him unable to speak. “As discussed, mister Choi. He is currently working on digitalising every wooden construction ever built in Korea, mapping out how they were built, how the construction changed and naturally curious to why they were built. I will probably do a paper on the history and how people think they managed to build such structures, bring in doc grads work on if this would work in this day and age. The doctor grad is super nice and funny. His name is Jongsuk, the most popular and very handsome man on campus. He is rather shy like me, thus it was rather nice to chat with him and he has extensive knowledge on the topic. We agreed to meet up every day around 10 to start the work. You know he is very unlike other people of his rank - a lot more open to talking to anyone and very funny, when he overcomes his shyness.”

Hoseok picked up a bowl of food while he listened to Hyungwon talking, simply enjoying listening to the others day. His own had been one call after another, getting orders to visit the Japan base in order to start setting up a mission into Finland. It seemed the region was a hotbed for rebellion, thus the UN wanted to neutralize any kind of threat that came from there early on. That together with last nights bombings had taken every single ounce of energy out of his system. Problem was that Hoseok rather enjoyed their mundane life too much to once more return into duty - this right now was comfortable and by now something he craved. He ignored the small annoyance in the back of his mind over Hyungwons rather unfiltered comments about this doctors graduate. This was probably the first time the slender figure ever spoke of someone so openly and more than with one sentence.

“You know he is a small super star on campus - all the girls gush over him and even the men can’t say anything bad. He is really charming and makes the mood light, but I really love how smart he is. You know he worked out the general idea of how we could adapt some currently unused wooden structures to suit our needs? Yeah he worked it out the second year of his bachelors and now working on making sure the theory part is as flawless as it could get. Plus he is the captain of the swim team and I think even has won some medals. He suggested me to try it out, but I am not sure if I even remember how to swim - luckily he wasn’t too pushy with his suggestion. Mainly I want to discuss with him if there is a way to truly adapt those structures to suit maybe even basic army base needs in the field. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Jongsuk really has a captivating way of talking, much like mister Choi.”

Hyungwon, mostly because his stomach was growling at him angrily, picked up his own bowl to push some food into his mouth. Looking over at Hoseok, to see how he reacted, the male was surprised to see a more controlled and nearly disinterested man watching TV and eating. Immediately a deep unhappy frown settled upon Hyungwons features, mind confused to why someone so warm like Hoseok suddenly seemed completely detached. “It is good you found someone to write the thesis with. Should be easier right?” Hoseok spoke, leaving his adoptive a bit dumbfounded over how the man seemed so cold to the topic and yet his voice hid it away perfectly. Add to that the TV screen didn’t even display the show and only some ad done by a famous model lounging on modern car. The adoptee simply couldn't wrap his mind around the current disconnect between his news and the ideas rushing in his mind and how his Suitor for the first time truly didn't care. A small insecure voice within him whispered that maybe Hoseok truly didn't care and only acted as if - Hyungwon quickly tried to shut of said voice, but still. 

“Uh...yeah,” Hyungwon spoke, not sure how much he should say and yet chose to ignore Hoseoks expression. “We agreed to do tests as well in order to get a better picture of the situation.”  
Hoseok gave a small nod, filling up his bowl again and rather happily had the topic killed of - Hyungwon chose not to push it further either and eat as well. A heavy silence fell between them as neither really knew how the situation should be saved or even could be, should be. Hoseok battled himself to apologize for his coldness, yet found it nearly too silly to admit the reason for it. After all how could he have a reason to be jealous when between them was nothing more than companionship of the friendly kind. That there was a handsome man helping Hyungwon out with his thesis shouldn’t even affect Hoseok - yet here he was and couldn’t get rid of it either. Instead feeling utterly silly, while his heart sobbed at the fact his feelings were true and valid. Feeling uncomfortable about his own actions even the food didn't seem to sit with him well, sitting heavy in his stomach just like the guilt for his mindless actions. 

Hyungwon on the other side pondered over Hoseok and how his mind grew more confused, even upset over the lact of reaction. The past what felt like weeks the older male had been there for him and tried to help, comfort and support - now he was cold as ice, uncaring and left Hyungwon pouting. He hadn’t done it since his kindergarten days, but now he felt oddly at right to be upset with his Suitor and his action. Maybe because of himself being true to his feelings did he decide to give the other male the cold shoulder, not noticing how Hoseok battled with himself to apologize and mentally remember how adorable Hyungwon looked with his pout. Instead he watched the show about idols being put through difficult mind games and stuffed his face with the dinner provided. Hyungwon always found it difficult to read people and understand them, but had hoped that Hoseok would be the first one he wouldn't struggle with and not have emotions make things difficult. The hope was no laying dead in a ditch inside Hyungwons mind, finding emotion too much of a complex thing and always end up making thing too complex for his mind.

The evening rolled on, emotions simmered down and yet the slender figure nearly wished to end the night without the now tradition. Several times he wished to bolt up from his seated position and leave, but either caught sight of Hoseok looking at him with a sadness in his eyes or couldn’t bring his own feet to move. As upset as he might have been, a good chunk of him wished to resolve this, to find himself in the muscular mans embrace and erase the burdensome feelings from his soul. An even bigger chunk simply couldn't give up on the feeling of being embraced in a way that slowly lessened the burden resting on heart, created by the unspoken emotions he always had to keep inside. Hoseok simply knew how to hug him, how to have their bodies lay in a way that it seemed the only natural way to be together after a long day filled to the very brim with work. 

With a small physical touches, nudges, did the two males communicate the idea of maybe settling in their usual setting and let the uncomfortable distancing silence die. Hyungwon was hesitant to move into Hoseoks arms, yet the calmness radiating from the other lured him into the embrace and nearly feeling silly it took so long to return to it. Slowly settling perfectly into his Suitors embrace, the male let his eyes drift shut to understand why he felt an odd mix of lingering feelings of being upset and sudden nervousness. The previous day had gone so well and expect for Hoseok seeming cold towards a certain topic, there wasn’t a thing that could make him this moody. Especially considering how much support his Suitor had given him mentally and now seemed to downplay a small victory for Hyungwon. It was odd to find himself like this, especially as Hyungwon prided himself to being drama free and not understanding too emotional moment. When it came to the matters of the mind Hyungwon understood everything perfectly, but once his heart and emotions were concerned he was confused by his own self. It was like a stranger acted instead of him, someone who couldn't logically explain away everything. Yet here he lay in this wonderful warm embrace, battling his emotions and trying not to seem stiff as a board, giving Hoseok the chance to ask about his mood. 

“I am really happy you could solve your thesis problem. You looked so annoyed and upset these past days,” Hoseok spoke, rather suddenly and giving Hyungwon was small scare, leaving him to jump in Hoseoks arms. The latter looked at the slender figure with a small concern that grew into a deepening sadness in his eyes, before simply giving him a soft smile as if a wordless apology. “Mister Choi is a wonderful man and surely amazing in being a thesis advisor, but also having someone to do it together with ideal setting.”  
There was a silence, time to let things settle in and Hyungwon to wrestle with the different emotions passing through his framework. He was happy that Hoseok showed his supportive side again, even though it had been clear he disliked to hear about Jongsuk for some odd unexplanatory reason. Yet there was also this underlying annoyance that the other even seemed to be bothered by a complete stranger, not at all mainly overflowing with happiness like Hyungwon had expected. The difference in Hoseoks reaction was what Hyungwon battled to understand, yet couldn’t bring himself to move and ask about it. “Hoseok?”  
“Hmm?”

“How do you know a relationship between two people is evolving or uh changing?” Hyungwon asked a seemingly random question unbefitting into the current discussion, trying to make space in his head as he figured things out. Yet in an odd, very odd way seemed to still fit in a small bit or it simply was Hyungwons tired mind that sensed logic in this. It was a question he didn’t know the answer too, because of the utter lack of experience combined with a small amount of curiosity having built up over the past few days. Staying silent he waited for a reply, growing oddly restless to the point of raising himself up and away from Hoseok to look at him. He was met with kind eyes that searched those of Hyungwon, a face riddled with surprise that tried to sort out thousands of other emotions and reactions. Clearly taken aback by the sudden question, it was as if for a rare moment Hyungwon managed to surprise the always prepared UN official.

The question was actually more than accurate to the current mood, summing up Hyungwons and Hoseoks emotions along with the emotional tension between them. There hadn’t been glee filled shouts of happiness from Hoseok, which had been expected from Hyungwon. Hoseok had not expected to be annoyed by the presence of a new interesting figure in Hyungwons life. A confusing mass of emotions gripped both of them, leaving the duo paralysed by the question what would happen next. Even if they chose to cuddle like every night, it wasn’t the same anymore. It was different, but in what way? Surely neither of them could deny that the cuddling had pushed the relationship between them onto a new level that left the boundaries of friendship, but struggled to be confined into a new perfectly labeled box. It wasn't like either really minded the small changes between their interactions, how they noticed more things about the other and how even though life had several other options on hand, they chose to extensively spend time together.

After all Hoseok could have found himself a wife or a husband. Being a UN official gave him several freedoms to move in the social ranks and find the ideal fitting partner, but here he laid once more with Hyungwon in his arms and feel content with the world. Although Hyungwon didn't have said freedom, he could have always waited until he could work for the system and being a relationship with an agent or fellow home keeper. They had options, but chose to stay around each other. 

“There are subtle changes that amount to things signalling a relationship evolving,” the male replied after a good amount of silence between them. Silence filled with both pairs of eyes searching those of the other, several unasked questions laying themselves bare before them and yet not being addressed. How could they be as the questions were there, but seeming muddy and hard to read - they were out of focus, but there. A small voice in Hyungwons heart whispering him an answer he wasn’t ready to hear out and Hoseok hoping he had controlled himself enough not to display every single emotion running amok within him. “Things you maybe don’t notice, but your heart feels and attaches itself to in order to nurture the growing feelings. I always liked to imagine it like a plant, because of it takes time to grow and blossom, also making it harder to later rid and get every single part of the root out of your system.”

“How do you know where it is heading?” Hyungwon asked, having let a smaller stretch of time be filled with silence.   
“I, personally, know by looking into their eyes and hoping my questions would find an answer however painful.”  
It wasn’t a staring contest that emerged, but a long held eye contact where neither party seemed to be willing to break. Hyungwon had never seen Hoseoks eyes so open, so unfiltered in telling how he felt and he swore he could see a bit of helplessness shine through brightly. It took him aback a bit, but something within him held onto that moment and searched deeper to find a vulnerability yet to be seen by him. It was hidden way deep, but there and slowly told a story of a heart that was scared to beat for another and yet in silence longed to do just that.  
Hoseok saw so many questions, confusion and more inquiries. He could sink deeper and deeper, unable to really name everything he saw and yet behind all those screens lay a small glimmer of unabashed hope. That small glimmer that shone brightly once you focused on it, not yet having made aware of itself to its owner, but there. Slowly growing and leaving Hyungwon to grow more attached to Hoseok. Maybe spotting just that was the reason his lips slowly curled into a smile and his arms tightened to bring the slender figure to rest against him once more. Breaking the eye contact and reopening the line of physical comfort, he let the younger nuzzle closer and nearly hide his face away in the broad chest of Hoseok. Words would only ruin the newly found questions, emotions and understandings of each other - the silence now was welcomed by Hyungwon, whose heart was beating rapidly against his chest.   
Tonight the only words spoken were those in silence of each of their minds, hidden away from the other. Unnoticed by both their body language spoke bounds - Hyungwon heavily leaning against Hoseok, nearly clinging onto him. The small hue of a blush decorating his cheeks as the thought of what he had seen in Hoseoks eyes. How more than usual their bodies clung onto each other as if that was the only way to ease their racing hearts and minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are very much welcomed. Feedback is something I always love to hear.


	9. Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work calls, but Hoseok's heart and mind call for something rather different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more on the lengthy side and brings in a lot more of Hoseok. I felt like I hadn't had the chance to really write him out, so here is a chapter focusing on him.   
> Also I fear here are still mistakes and I apologize for them.

There is always hope that when something good happens, a meaningful event that evokes a shift - then there is time to focus on it. A moment in time put on pause to really enjoy it, let oneself be immersed by it and remember every single detail. That was surely not the case for Hoseok and Hyungwon, who would have wished to linger on the moment and dissect the feelings within their hearts. The world outside of the apartment however had different plans, especially when it came to Hosoek and his job.

With the situation not wanting to better itself towards peace and instead demand for more chaos, Hoseoks workload grew exponentially to the point where he would come from one mission and step on another helicopter to leave for another country within a few hours. It came to a point where he wasn’t at home for nearly two months, leaving the gym to slowly collect dust and Hyungwon to learn how to sleep with a body pillow. The home turned a bit colder and less like a place you wanted to return to, more like a space where you slept and ate. Hoseok himself had time to think, to feel and above all figure out what could or should come next. After all the man knew his heart, which had begged him so painfully to feel love again and demanding for change from the pain of a past love to be kicked out for overstaying its time. Yet he couldn’t simply let go as he had invested such large chunks of himself into that previous relationship, sinking countless hours loving a man he had to bury many years ago. A battle was ignited. 

However he could not ignore, even if he at first tried too, the fact his heart had found a way to love and cherish Hyungwon more than a simple close friendship like relationship. It longed to be close to the tall male with the cutest dazed looks in the morning and the most angelic peaceful sleeping pace one could imagine. Angrily it ached when once more it realized it couldn’t spend time listening to Hyungwon’s thoughts on a matter or get to know the other more - Hoseok was truly at war with his heart, which in silent union was backed up by his mind. How else would his thoughts wander to Hyungwon, that adorable shy smile and eagerness to learn more about the world around him. Be reminded what day of the week was and what silly show was on, a show they never ended up watching and before it ended were fast asleep in the protective bubble of their embrace. Clearly Hoseok was fighting a losing battle, yet he tried.  
Even at battle in real life and mentally, he did things that seemed ‘innocent’ enough not to singal much more than simply him keeping in touch with Hyungwon. Of course it was ‘normal’ and ‘innocent’ to send your companion postcards from anywhere you ended up waking up, writing small encouraging words and also admitting the want to be home. Going through the trouble to make sure those postcards would arrive at their destination and hoping they would bring a smile to the receiver. A small gesture, which hid a lot of work invested into it. 

After nearly a month and a half away Hoseok finally had a day back in Seoul, one which he decided to selfishly claim for himself. Knowing Hyungwon stuck to his schedule religiously, the male knew that at 9AM on the dot the tall male would exit the Eagles Eye apartment complex, probably dressed in the simplest of fashion and a water bottle in hand. It nearly filled his heart with glee to see just that happen along with Hyungwons rather surprised face to spot the man standing outside, dressed in casual clothing and smiling wide.  
“Wha..what...huh?” Hyungwon managed to get out, the outside spring wind slowly ruffling his hair as he stared at the handsome man before him. In a silent corner of his heart there was a small outburst of joy over the fact he could see Hoseok again, to see that smile and bathe in the handsomeness. Above all that part of him wished he could lay in those arms again, sleep without problems and maybe just a tiny bit cling onto him.  
“I have 24 hours in Seoul before heading off on another mission. Instead of sleeping in the army base I figured I would use the fact I am home and spend some time with you, if possible,” Hoseok spoke, barely managing to hide his hope and eagerness to steal Hyungwon away from professor Choi and especially that Jongsuk. The latter had ghosted around the UN officials head in the most uncomfortable way possible.

“Uhm..” Hyungwon continued to stare at the other, slowly having everything sink in as he pondered over his options. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to spend time with Hoseok, to push aside his thesis and be a silly twenty something man, enjoying a break. After all even his professor had raised concerns and worries over how tirelessly Hyungwon worked, wishing the man to take a break. Maybe he should listen to the wise advise of his very wise professor. “Uh yeah sure. I need to stop at the university to return two books and tell them I am having a break. Professor Choi already said I should have one...come to think of it Daesung even threatened to steal me away for a day at the sea.”  
“Daesung does love the sea, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled such a stunt. I am glad he had been looking after you,” Hoseok spoke with a small chuckle passing over his lips, “We should use the fact I am home for the coming 24 hours. Let us get you something you actually need - phone and laptop.”  
“I can’t refuse, so okay.” Hyungwon spoke lightly, even though he didn’t think Hoseok actually needed to buy him anything. Truly to him it was not needed to be pampered with new tech, especially now where he would happily return to their couch and rest in a protective embrace. However there was still a good part of him that was trained to be a adoptee, to behave and to follow the wishes of his Suitors. It wasn’t a favoured part of him, but after years of getting it beat into your system, it sits tight. 

“You can refuse me if you don’t want them. I won’t push you into anything that you don’t wish for,” Hoseok spoke, oddly enough those words carried a lot more meaning behind them than he actually wished to admit. Swallowing he still managed to push a smile upon his lips, ready to do whatever else Hyungwon wished to do. Main thing was to have time with the other.   
“No,” Hyungwon shook his head, smiling brightly as honestly he would go shopping for military equipment if it meant that he was outside of the university and with Hoseok. “Let us go!”  
There was a small awkward pause where Hyungwon felt the need to hug Hoseok, yet with not having seen each other for so long it seemed unfitting. Instead he came closer and nudged the male to start moving towards the car, to get the day started and forget the awkward moment. He wished to do it, but it lingered in his mind while buckling up and driving towards the university. It gnawed in the back of his mind asking him why he didn’t simply hug Hoseok, why not let down a guard and do it - see what happens. The reason why he didn’t lose himself in deep thought were the encouraging questions about his thesis.

Hyungwon had gotten on rather well, found enough basis to start his work and had spent the last two weeks putting everything discussed, calculates and researched into a cohesive text. That meant sitting in the library and typing away, being only dragged out of work focus by his friends and Minhyuk’s demand the male get a tan, not look like a ghost moving between books. They made a very short stop at the university as luck would have it Hyunwon was in the parking lot and agreed to take the books to the right place. The man knew how much Hyungwon had missed Hoseok and thus didn’t even think twice about offering up his services. Even though not sure where this would lead, Hyunwon wanted his friend happy and seeing Hyungwon smile so warmly was enough of a reason. On the way to town Hyunwon did mention Jongsuk, but was sparse with his words and much more focused on explaining what he was doing up until they came to the electronics store. Hoseok once more gave him free will to get whatever and so Hyungwon spent a good 5 minutes explaining what he usually uses his laptop for, what it surely needed and only had the pain of choosing. The newer models were an impressive update to his old one, even though he still would cling onto it and not leave it behind even if he got a new one. Much to his happiness when it came to the topic of a phone Hoseok knew more and arranged for the newest model of Samsung, setting up the right packages. Naturally the first number saved on that device was Hoseoks number. 

After that came a long needed sitting session in the most popular cafes in Seoul - Pink Bubble - where they decided to also have lunch. Pink Bubble was indeed a cafe that consisted of several shades of pink and kept the theme going as much as possible, adding in only marble and white to balance things. Hoseok sadly couldn’t tell Hyungwon what his missions were, but truly the other only asked if they had been dangerous and if any injuries occured. Such a simple question, but again Hoseok’s heart beat a bit faster knowing the other cared and worried - another small reason for his heart to stubbornly demand for more than it was getting. Hyungwon on the other had slowly realized more and more how dangerous Hoseoks work was and above all how he himself felt a heavy pain in his chest thinking he could lose the other. Body pillows couldn’t hug away that pain. 

They had a rather long lunch, one where Hyungwon and Hoseok discussed simple matters about their lives, the upcoming schedules and the need for the tall figure to get new clothes. However for that there was today no time and would fall into the care of Daesung. Hoseok all too happily laughed how Hyungwon compared Daesung as a overly protective mother cat, sometimes hovering around with a worried expression on his face. He nearly burst out in a fit of laughter at the suggestion Jiyong should get them a cat and call it Hyungwon the Second, simply to get some peace. It was such a calm conversation about nothing, about the day to day life and yet both enjoyed it to the brim, because it was simple. No heavy emotions, no complaints - simply the two of them in a overly pink cafe talking about the lives they had. It was comfortable and calming, like they were old souls meeting up to enjoy good weather, food and company.  
However it did not last as night fall came and Hoseok insisted to bring Hyungwon back home, a drive spent in silence as the both of them hated the passing of time and how they wished for it to have a pause button.

“When is your flight?” Hyungwon finally asked, choosing that today the silence was an unneeded passenger.  
“Tomorrow morning at 8AM,” Hoseok spoke with a heavy sigh, “A long distance one I think. I have by now forgotten where I am even supposed to be heading. Everyone is trying to evoke the other.”  
“Can’t they do it closer to home?” Hyungwon muttered to himself, a bit surprised by his own words and choosing to speak up to hide them away. “Do you think you will be back soon? Your gym is awfully dusty and Daesung threatened to come clean it soon.”  
“He wouldn’t dare!” Hoseok exclaimed with a small laugh following, trying to keep the mood light even if Eagles Eye was slowly showing itself to them. “I will be, yes. Until then you need to keep him out of that space. The last time he cleaned it I couldn’t find anything for weeks and somehow he thought I should have weights in my bedroom to work out in any time of day.”  
Both of them chuckled, knowing well that Daesung cared and meant well even though his motherly side sometimes left him to act a bit insane. Hyungwon likened it to Minhyuk, who could be too loud and too annoying, but still cared and would bend over backwards to make sure his friend were taken care of. Maybe that was why Hyungwon had no problem with his neighbour, since he was used to Minhyuk and his antics. 

Slowly but surely the tall apartment complex came into view and it was time to say a goodbye, that hopefully lasted a short while. Hyungwon, maybe on purpose, moved slowly to collect the purchases and lingered at the car door to say his goodbye. Feeling upset and annoyed he couldn’t cuddle Hoseok on that night either, he simply took in the last moments before needing to return to his body pillow. It wasn’t like Hoseok minded all too much as he simply took in how Hyungwon looked under the street lamps illuminating the approaching night, how the male tried to find things to chat about and failed only to deliver the shiest of smiles. In the end they broke away from their long goodbye, because of night coming and Hoseok not wishing to deal with the streets at that hour. He drove away with a heavy heart and mind, slept poorly and in the morning boarded his helicopter. 

***

To understand the new United Nations, one had to understand what happened. The world went insane in every sense of the word - countries ended diplomatic relations and agreements were dropped. It wasn’t the work of one person or government, but a row of mistakes and miscalculations which lead to complete and utter chaos, nation against nation - in the end only leaving behind abandoned cities and homes, humanity showing its ugliest side. For several years it wasn’t safe to live anywhere, because no one trusted anyone and the chance of a bomb landing upon your home was higher than getting shot.   
The UN noticed that and started to adapt itself, watching other organisations slowly die or be dissolved. Through the years they revamped themselves into a more military based organization, focused on keeping the fragile peace like state that existed now. Highly trained personnel was hired and trained to ultimate perfection, injecting them with a heightened moral compass and understanding of the inner workings of this new world. A world where the population had grown to be a shadow of what it used to be, not even cracking the billion mark and having given up the idea of trying too. A world where huge amounts of the formally human occupied territories were taken back by nature, where humanity didn’t have the confidence to invade it once more. 

However as it presented this guardian angel like existence, there were more than enough of those wishing to erase it and once more watch chaos run amok. Thus the UN set up fake representative posts in the capitals that remained, keeping the true base of work hidden away on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The island in question was on no world map and the UN kept it that way, setting up enough signal distortion to protect them from curious eyes.  
It was a cold place to visit due to the high security alert and general vibe - no one smiled. It was a place from where the world was kept at a fake peace and the rebellions at bay. Hoseok and Jiyong walked along one of the corridors, staring down a bleak barely lit beige walkpath towards one of the huge meeting rooms. Upon arriving at the heavy metal door, Jiyong stood before the door and started to punch in numbers. Following a finger scan from the right hand, palm scan from the left hand, retina recognition for both eyes and voice recognition. Hoseok needed to follow the same before the door slowly opened and they walked into the room.

There stood their boss, general Yunho, around him people from even higher up that Hoseok didn’t know and Jiyong knew just their codenames. There were the UN official communications master Seungri, special forces commander Kyuhyun and finally the high representative of Asia mister Song. The later held all of the power of one region in the palm of his hand, known to be ruthless with those who betrayed their country and never showed much of a smile.   
“We have asked you here to review an old case,” Yunho spoke, not giving much more information as he started the video. Hoseok felt his whole body turn cold as it was the mission he had lost his beloved ex boyfriend, lost a huge part of himself in Denmark. It was chilling to see the recording after so many years, emotions fresh and pain slowly pumping itself into his system.

They landed in Denmark in the city crumbles of Copenhagen, met by their driver and interpreter The driver had been a man from a humble background, having survived the worst bombings of Copenhagen and only after losing his family joined the UN cause to have meaning back in his life. Always with him were pictures of his lost family - a wife, four kids and a dalmation- and the written promise to his now dead family to not give up on life, even if it was hard. A man with so much pain in his life, but the warmest brightest smile on his face. The interpreter, a young twenty something woman from the seaside, was a stunning beauty with a captivating voice and smile. She spoke little about herself, but what she did mention that after being jolted by her former fiancee she decided to get lost in work. Setting out towards the former border with Germany they were ambushed about 105km outside of the former capital, the driver shot immediately and the woman dragged away - Hoseok swore he heard a gun shot when he was there, now sometimes wonders if he misheard it. He did hope she was alive, but they never could confirm her whereabouts. What followed were then the recordings obtained from the place Hoseok and his now dead lover had been tortured - every single spot where his injuries had been started to ache and his heart clenched painfully. It was hard to breath, hard to keep himself calm. Hoseok barely remembered the first time he watched these videos and honestly back then only thanks to the shielding from Jiyong could he recover in peace. Yet a part of his mind swore they had also had shots of him and his ex being tortured, now it was mostly shots of him and nothing from his ex, if anything a few shots when the capturers talked to the male. However the video then started to replay at the scene where Hoseok was rescued - people burst in, notice the barely awake Hoseok, remove the cuffs, then the men from Team Alpha drag him out. Again and again the same moment.

“UN worker number 4067, do you recognize this?” general Yunho asked, choosing a very odd way to address Hoseok, yet still got the reply trained into the broad shouldered male.  
“Yes sir!”  
“Do you accept this as an accurate recording?”   
“Yes sir!”  
“At ease.” Yunho spoke and looked at the men around the table, giving himself a small nod. “This incident has been called into question with recent developments. The situation in Denmark is becoming increasingly dangerous and so this instance has been called into question. We are under the impression that rebel forces have obtained military gear and slowly either eliminating or managing to bring UN officials onto their side. The current count of lost agents is around twenty.”  
“This is unacceptable,” communications master Seungri spoke quickly, earning a firm hum from the special forces commander Kyuhyun. “That mission to Denmark already was one that started off under a bad light. Now we have more and more military gear disappearing along with loyal men. What has been taken in form of military gear?”

“I agree sir, which is why the UN is looking over this case,” Yunho spoke again, leaving both Jiyong and Hosoek confused to how they have any part to play in this. “In our investigation and information brought back from the black OPs team Moonlight, there is a heavy suggestion this mission was the starting point of change. In the files before you is a list - mainly guns and ammunition, but the worst is they have managed to get their hands on three tanks.”  
“Change? Missions have gone sour before,” the booing voice of mister Song came from the far end of the table. “Tanks as well? This is unacceptable. We will discuss this after the current meeting.”  
“The black OPs team has conclusive evidence from several different rebel cities that former agent Lee is now the leader of the rebellion and with his knowledge from the time working with the UN has united several other fighters.”

Hoseoks heart froze and dropped heavily, painfully so, as in the voice of general Yunho there was no doubt in sight. The idea that the man he loved had defected, had chosen to leave behind everything for whatever life he had now - it hurt. It wasn’t the hurt of stabbing your toe against the edge of a table, no it was a paralyzing pain taking over every single cell within his body. It washed over him and left his breath caught in his throat, nearly having him choke on it. Once the first wave of pain had settled itself, a much more sober heart and mind of Hoseok realized he isn’t as distraught as he thought he would be. It still ached within him, old wounds reminding him of how much he had suffered from the loss of his love and the emptiness it had brought along. Yet he didn’t feel hopeless or lost, if anything a good chunk of him wanted to know more about when his ex defected and how, especially the how. Hidden away from his conscious thoughts, was the small fact that this last strong shake of pain broke off the last piece that had stubbornly even if happily stayed in Hoseoks heart. What before had insisted things would never change, now was left behind a small speck with no right to speak and carrying the immense disappointment Hoseok felt. 

Jiyong on the other hand was not as easily sobered, stepping forward with pain and disbelief carried in his dark orbs. “And where does this evidence suddenly come from? Why have I not been informed by any of this?” he asked with his voice shaky and barely under control, receiving a raised rather questioning brow raise from half of the table. Known for working with both mind and heart, it wasn't uncommon for him to lose his cool and yet even now he seemed beside himself. “Officer Lee was one of the most noble men around - sure hot headed, but he would never give up on his morals! He was a man of great integrity and above all would never had had officer Shin in danger, whatever his beliefs.”  
With a sigh, a rather defeated and even pain filled one, general Yunho moved towards the computer to minimize the screen showing Hoseoks freeing and pulled up fresh pictures from the outskirts what was formerly known as Frankfurt. Outside of a bunker like structure stood a well built tall man with luscious dark locks and a three day beard, an automatic rifle strapped over his shoulder and a smoke between his fingers. It took only a moment for both Jiyong and Hoseok to realize that was officer Lee, simply having buffed out a bit more and now happily showcasing a beard - something that never had been an option before.   
Jiyong felt like someone had punched him in the gut with the first news, used their other fist for these pictures and now he wasn’t sure how he stood on his legs. That was without a single doubt in his mind officer Lee, a man he for years invited to dinner and watched how he had made Hoseok happy. A man, who he had introduced to his husband with the words ‘a honest and true man’ and let him become friends with Daesung. The thought sickened him, the knowledge someone this dual had come into their lives and only lied. A man, who carried out orders and did what was needed to be done in order to secure a situation. Colour drained from his face, eyes slowly moving over to take a look at Hoseok. The man had turned into a perfect statue, nothing in his face showing the inner turmoil going on inside of him.

There was shock, disgust, sadness, happiness, anger and many other smaller emotions all mixed together in a tornado of feelings, slowly sweeping through his body. Shock over the fact his ex was alive, disgust to what he had become, sadness over the love lost, happiness officer Lee was alive and then came the destructive anger over so many things. Anger over having been played to believe he had lost his beloved only to discover that the man had willingly given up their mutual life for a rebellion. Anger over being such a fool not to notice, even if his ex had played the perfect part. Anger over having mourned over a man, who hadn’t in reality deserved a tear coming from him.   
“When did he defect?” The voice was not Hoseoks, the kind hearted and soft spoken man, but that of someone in duty and trying his best not to let personal life infiltrate his work. What seemed like just yesterday where he had buried his beloved boyfriend and his own heart six feet under. Now it was him seeing his ex in a new sobering and unflattering light.   
“On his mission to Island, a year before the joint mission. He was sent to…”

“...sent to retrieve a rogue agent and clear up the site, erase any UN involvement as things had gone not to plan. Several locals had been killed by a mad man and then had drowned himself while the UN tried to clear the situation and arrest him.” Hoseok finished the mans sentence, looking at both of his bosses before eyes focused back on the screen. “He returned a week before the calculated time and with the agent ready to confess everything, before killing himself in his cell. Officer Lee was kept for questioning, needed to past tests and finally was released once nothing in his report seemed off. Since then you knew?”  
“The report was too perfect,” general Yunho spoke, deciding not to comment on Jiyong appearance as he answered to Hoseok and respecting that the man could be so logical about this. As one should be since in situations like this emotions only lead to mistakes, mistakes cost lives and the military had no chance to lose those. “We didn’t know, however it was suspected. He showed signs that indicated such suspicious to be true. The logins into certain databases concerning the latest sightings of rebels and more small details scattered around over several weeks, months. We chose to observe him. The Denmark mission was sanctioned from the highest level, so we couldn’t decline him going into the field and hoped he wouldn’t choose this moment to betray his duties. It was a calculated mission with too much risk, but we had to take it.”  
“You calculated the loss of my life as well?”

“The rescue mission was sanctioned, because of your life and the potential risk of losing two top agents. The command center, understanding the situation, chose to save you, general, as otherwise we did not know what would happen. There were signs officer Lee had set up for you to be taken with him, but not as what - prisoner or someone to push to defect as well,” Yunho spoke calmly, stopping the video from playing at the moment where officer Lee knocked out the first round of agents only to be sedated by the second round. “There was never an Omega team dispatched.”  
“What?” Jiyong and Hoseok asked in union, nearly comically if the situation on hand wasn't so serious and both of them seemed only to get more baffling news as time passed by. The men around the table viewed them critically, but wordlessly.  
“We only sent out team Alpha, who split and regrouped to rescue officer Shin. Officer Lee was never freed, because there was no one to free.”  
Bringing up different before unseen video of that day from team Alphas headsets it was easy to put together a picture - Hoseok had been saved from his cell, which he had seen several times now, while a small part of the team was dispatch to try and kill officer Lee. That part of the mission was failed, they retreated and caught up with everyone else. “No team Omega. Once we informed the higher ups, the allowed us to use team Alpha, but that was it.”  
“What part of that mission wasn’t a lie?” Jiyong, by now having managed to pull himself together enough to sound official again and yet the pain hadn’t fully left his voice. 

“Every given piece of information was correct. The rescue mission is a well managed web of lies. Officier Lee and Shin were sent to Denmark on official orders,” Yunho spoke, moving to the file on the table. “We lost officier Lee from sight around two years ago. First sighting after all this time were from the pictures taken in Frankfurt. Last known place was in Lisbon.”  
“Lisbon has been under unknown rule for the past fifty years. How did a former, even if defected, UN official enter?”  
“That is what we don’t know.” special forces commander Kyuhyun spoke firmly, raising to his feet to activate the next video. “Especially since we recently sighted him in Copenhagen again, wearing the rebellion jacket and matching hand tattoo.”

That night, the sky filled with stars and the moon as Hoseok and Jiyong sat on the beach with two beers in their hands. The words still echoing in their heads, leaving Hoseoks mind reeling and coming up with the worst accusations against himself. How he could be such a fool and blind to someones obvious actions, only because of love. How he had mourned a man, who hadn't deserved a single ounce of it. His mind was truly a horrible place to be, up until he remembered a small thing. Hyungwon was probably on their living room couch, cuddling a pillow and asleep even though he wanted to watch that one comedy show. He was sure Hyungwon had spent the whole day at university, nose buried in a book or in long discussions with his professor. Probably now he lay there with this ever so calm expression painted upon his face, mouth slightly agape and those soft pink lips pushed out calm breaths. Hyungwon probably had even made himself some snacks and now they lay forgotten on the table as he hugged that pillow tightly. It made him smile warmly.  
“That is something I didn’t expect to see,” Jiyong spoke, taking a long sip of his beer.

“I just...I just remember something that cheered me up I guess,” Hoseok commented, coughing slightly before deciding to come clean. “Today is Wednesday and there is this comedy show Hyungwon likes - though he has been so exhausted he always knocks out before it begins. So it usually ends up with us on the couch cuddling, me watching the show and him knocked out even before the starting credits. Just that thought...it made me smile.”  
Jiyong thought about how he ought to react, should react and yet came to a simple conclusion - not to push his friend and instead continue the chat normally. Daesung had already expressed his rather certain ideas about where Hoseok and Hyungwon were heading - a sixth sin he called it. Jiyong was still rather uncertain about it, but in the end had decided to be there for his friend. After todays meeting even more than before. “Daesung does that on Saturday nights. You know the show “Know your idol!” - he loves it, but rarely manages to see it. Saturdays he does most of the housework, so he is too exhausted to watch it. I end up recording it for him and watching it over breakfast. Stubbornly he still demands we settle down to watch. He likes this new band called StarLights - a six member group of boys, whose nicknames are somehow connected to the universe. They are rather cute you know. But around the 3 minute mark his head falls on my shoulder and he is fast asleep, but with no chance in hell will he accept the idea of going to bed. No. He is watching it after all!”

“Hyungwon likes to watch it on Saturdays as well, because he claims the other shows are too boring. So we watch it over dinner and settle on a movie later,” Hoseok spoke, a small content smile settling itself on his features and a feeling how he mentally as well as physically missed Hyungwon. In honesty Hoseok enjoyed talking to Jiyong, away from everyone else and enjoying a drink - yet in this very moment he felt the inner turmoil to be one that couldn’t be settled with simply words. Though he would try. “Though as much as this small piece of memory is lifting my mood, I can not hide that the news has…”  
“...reset a lot of things in your memory?” Jiyong filled in the end of the sentence, knowing fully well how his friend could be when talking about this topic. “You know I was informed we had a mowel, but was sure none of my agents would fit in. That was my mistake, I admit it.”  
“I lived with him and didn’t notice!” Hoseok exclaimed, taking a short sip of his drink. “He was a double agent all this time and I didn’t know. However...thinking about it - he never really agreed with the policies we have set to protect and at time seemed to express a utterly huge interest for those living off the grid. Back then I thought he wanted to understand the enemy, but now - he had access to all the information needed, probably in the end used it to flee in Denmark.”

“You can not beat yourself up about it as clearly no on knew or expected it to be him. Yes he showed interest in those topics, but how many times did he save us and the regiment? I probably stopped counting after France or Uruguay. He was a honest man in the sense he protected his own and would do all to make sure everything was right - you loved a good man. The fact he didn’t fit into our system is and was not meant to be something you fix.”  
“But…” Hoseok started and Jiyong made a ‘zip it’ sound, leaving the man to swallow down his comment and instead focus on the sea before him. His mind was rushing about as if a storm had moved into it, destroying memories left and right, no apologies made. Yet staring at the deep blue sea with a small silver line of the moon shining upon it there was a small calm slowly wrapping itself around him and his mind. Hoseok remembered Hyungwon, that cute sleepy smile and expression just before the first morning coffee. The embraces they shared and which he now painfully ached for, even though they had seemed as small details in a bigger contexts of the mundane life. Far away from home those small memories warmed his heart and planted the seeds of longing within his soul. Actions Hoseok in the silence of his heart didn’t mind, nearly too eagerly welcoming it.  
“Hoseok,” Jiyong spoke after a small pause, having himself be enchanted by the night calm sea. “Maybe todays news was what karma wanted you to know, so your heart could be free for a more deserving one?” Patting his friends broad back, Jiyong slowly rose to his feet with a heavy sigh, sounding more like an old man than someone young enough to lead a military troop. “In the light of now someone can seem like the most deserving for your love, trust and commitment. In the sands of time it can be they are only a learning curve to finally let in someone, who silently had settled in your mind, soul and heart. Goodnight, Hoseok.”

***

Hoseok excited the elevator, hearing the TV playing in the living room and without thinking he walked towards it, after having pushed off his shoes and set aside his bag. The official uniform had been packed away neatly and replaced with a more casual outfit of ripped jeans simple white shirt and a blazer, leaving Hoseok to look like a normal man off the street. The word exhaustion nearly tattooed on his face, he finally saw Hyungwon sprawled out on the couch, hugging a bag of popcorn as he watched a movie - Hoseok smiled softly at the sight.  
Hyungwon wore a light blue hoodie three sizes too big for him, basketball shorts to match and his glasses - hair a complete mess and Hoseok doubted that the younger one had done much more than laze around. It wasn’t a sight of heart attack inducing beauty, but more a homely sight giving Hoseok even more reason to be here. To be home.

As he stared at the figure, Hyungwon slowly turned to check, who had arrived and smiling brightly spotting Hoseok instead of Daesung. He adored the neighbour from above, but the worried nearly motherly gaze was at times a bit hard to bare. Though the dinners provided by Daesung were homely, amazing and above all reminded Hyungwon of his own mother, whose memory he carried in his heart even if it was painful.  
“Welcome home,” Hyungwon spoke, slowly gathering his limbs to turn around and sit up facing Hoseok properly. The glasses on his face sat a bit crookedly, hair a pure mess and dust from popcorn had ended up on his hoodie, yet the male looked still too adorable. Feeling how his heart picked up on pace and a small amount of butterflies fly about in his stomach, making a small soft smile come to Hoseoks lips. Without needing to think of it too much, Hoseok knew well he missed Hyungwon and not just like you would miss a friend - he missed Hyungwon as you would miss a lover. It took only one small moment for him to be sure that he had developed feelings for Hyungwon. Heart ready to love again.

“Glad to be home,” Hoseok spoke, moving around the furniture to sit down and receive a hug from the slender figure - it was only a confirmation of how much he missed Hyungwon. It wasn’t simply seeing him, but also being around the male and knowing the small amount of affection they shared between each other. By now Hoseok wished it to be more, so much more, but what had been given to him was enough to soothe over his eagerly beating heart. Only slowly did Hyungwon peel himself off Hoseok to settle back into watching the movie he barely paid attention to anyway. His mind was fired from the constant work, having decided to take a break for the limited time called the weekend.  
Unknown to Hoseok, Hyungwon had been longing to see Hoseok again, even if they spent a day together just recently, and feeling the apartment to be rather cold without the muscly guy around. At first he thought he missed the other solely because he didn’t have anyone to hug, to talk to or welcome him home after a long day at the library. Slowly it sank in that he missed Hoseok. It wasn’t physical, but much more a mental heartache that wouldn’t lessen and only grew with the passing of time. It wasn’t something he was aware of on a hourly basis, but at night he felt his heart beg him to do anything in order to be calm and collected. Yet he couldn’t go into his Suitors bedroom and ask for hugs - that huge space was empty, only with a lingering scent of the others scent moving around. The only way he could calm his longing was to wear something from Hoseok - only by chance Hyungwon had found Hoseoks hoodie in the wash and wore it whenever possible. By now the scent of him had mixed with his own. 

“How did the briefing go?” Hyungwon asked, looking at the male from the corner of his eye before raising a brow. With a small shy smile he noted how the other slowly took in the hoodie and probably recognized it.   
“You and Daesung talked, huh?” Hoseok asked, chuckling softly as he saw Hyungwon nod slowly to the males words. “I guess Jiyong was so beside himself enough for Daesung to issue a warning to you too.”  
“He didn’t really mention anything besides the fact that you had a briefing and that you were coming home for a longer period of time,” Hyungwon replied casually, turning down the volume on the TV before fully turning to face the male. “But he seemed worried about what had happened. He didn’t even come to check on me during last night.”  
Hoseok looked at the male for a long time, trying to figure out how to word it without giving away information that might be classified and leave him in trouble. “Remember the night we fell asleep hugging? Could we have a repeat of it?” Hyungwon looked taken aback by the sudden mention of said emotional night, but not against it as he slowly adjusted to lay down and Hoseok nearly crawled into the males arms - even switched around it felt good to be cocooned up like this. “We were called in considering a row of interconnected missions, but me especially as it was connected back to my ex. Jiyong was called in with me as he was our supervisor.”

There was hesitation in Hoseoks voice, but one that wasn’t born from fighting his own emotions and much more trying to figure out how to word the situation right.   
“So what happened?” Hyungwon asked, even though a good part of him didn’t want to hear or know what this meant. Another part understood this was a way to fully figure out and digest what had happened, this was a way of coping. A small voice wished he could tell his Suitor how much he had missed him, yet right now it seemed like an unneeded comment as Hoseok wasn’t emotionally on that wavelength. Instead he started to slowly smooth his right palm over the males back in a calming mater, hoping it would be seen as a good gesture to relax.   
“In short? It turned out that my ex had happily betrayed his country, the UN in order to join the troops fighting for a different cause,” Hoseok replied with his voice contoured by the feelings connected to the topic - annoyance, upset and slowly disgust for such a choice. One small detail had tainted previously positive emotions, leaving behind a growing sense of resentment. “Long story I don't feel like is discussing my relationship with him and his with the UN. For now I feel simply like a fool for having not noticed every single sign, instead blinded by love and commitment to the man I saw as my one and only.”

“Is there any...uhm you know proof of you being a fool?” Hyungwon asked shyly, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as the information slowly settled in his mind. Hoseok seemed to stay silent, trying to gather up examples and yet fell short to find concrete ones.   
“I wish there were simple ones to show you my foolishness, but there are none. He was passionate and driven, especially with the topic of those off the grid - of course now his actions have a different light shone on them than back then. Yet I feel so..silly.”  
“But…” Hyungwon started and stopped, feeling a small pang of pain in his heart before continuing. “...you loved him. Isn’t love about loving everything the other has and offers, even if they are flaws and sometimes make you go insane? My mother never liked my father noting down the smallest details of the day, but when it came to small romantic moments he could bring back a memory in exquisite detail. You loved a man, who was passionate for his job and life - back then you didn’t feel bothered by it, but now with new information you do. I find it to be apart of love - not just rainbows and sunshine, but complex life moments you can’t easily decode, maybe even find meaning later on. After all back then you knew him as the man you have been describing to me, not a traitor - people aren't black and white.”

Both of them fell silent after Hyungwon spoke, Hoseok enjoying the warm embrace and soothing touches to his back. Let himself be lulled into an easier state of mind by the natural scent of Hyungwon and his home. Find calmness in the fact that he wasn’t alone on a beach somewhere in the middle of nowhere, but instead in the embrace of someone he was growing attached too. In the silence he wondered if Hyungwon would be ready to extend their cuddle sessions into the night, joining him in bed and make even the lonely nights better. However he held back with such a request as it might push boundaries the slender figure was not ready to have moved or tested. For now he would stay alone in the nights, remembering the embraces of the evening. Add to that he realised after dropping such a news onto the other, it seemed like a stark contrast to be asking for such a change in physical actions. Instead in his heart he silently wished for it, the white noise in the background filling in the silence between the two exhausted men.  
Time slowly rolled on, both of them enjoying the physical comfort they presented for each other and how exhaustion slowly asked for both of them to rest. Hyungwon had never comforted someone in such a way, but didn’t find it awkward and rather felt glad Hoseok wished for it. For years Hyungwon had been sure that once he would be adopted it would either be a highly sexualized relationship or nothing at all, him having to keep on living with a lack of love in his life. Now he was glad Hoseok was his Suitor. Because they could simply lay in each others arms and be there when the emotional scares ached too painfully, able to at least try and soothe the pain away. This realisation was what pushed him to then be a bit more honest about what he felt in that very moment, about the whole time Hoseok had not been around and left him without a single hug. A good chunk bit of his protective shell cracked open as courage step forward.   
“Hoseok?” 

“Yeah?” A sleepy voice replied, exhaustion coming from every single letter as Hoseoks body had grown heavy against Hyungwons slender figure. It wasn’t a reason to complain, because Hyungwon nearly ached for it as he had been deprived for so many weeks. Hoseok in the time of their silence had tried to remember every single second, because it healed him in the most wonderful way. It was how his heart finally had set aside its battle armour and nearly drunkenly clung onto the moment they were in, remembering every single detail. There was a sense of calm within Hoseok, that had not lived within him ever before.   
“I missed you,” Hyungwon spoke slowly, carefully as if scared the other would jump up and leave once those words sunk in. Nothing happen, so he took a deep breath to add on the words he felt would show the off the scope of feelings within him, “A lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments and feedback very much welcomed!


	10. A kiss goodnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon's honest words push things to move forward and Hoseok to open up about a painful time in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started off SO different, but I had a urge to write out this whole situation. So it became a chapter of its own. Honestly I have no idea how. The coming two chapters will come with delays as the internet is a mess.

Hoseok felt how his sleepiness rather easily was pushed aside, blinking several times, and even doubting that he heard correctly - yet his head rose to look at Hyungwon. Met with those deep brown eyes and a soft smile, the shyness still all over Hyungwon’s face, it was obvious how the slender figure felt lighter after speaking those words freely. A honest soft smile decorated his face, shining brightly and hopefully to bring across every single unspoken emotion and feeling Hyungwon couldn’t put into words. Hoseok felt a sense of overwhelming glee from those words and seeing such honesty, his heart painfully squeezing together before erupting in euphoric beatings, nearly trying to leap from the mans chest. A need to simply kiss the other all over overtook Hoseok, but he held back as clearly the moment was too delicate to overload it - he needed to move forward a bit more lightly. Add to that he wasn’t sure how the other would react, because even now a small part of him reminded Hoseok to take things slowly and with caution. 

“I missed you a lot too,” he finally replied, the same bright smile on his face and feeling like a heavy burden had been lifted from his chest, able to breath again. It was then when his mind simply decided to go unchecked and speak before even thinking twice. “Hyungwon? Would you…would you like to spend the night with me?”  
The male in question stared at the other with wide eyes, not having expected such a suggestion to come his way, but there it was sitting out in the open. Hoseok only sluggishly realized what he said, feeling his whole existence turn rigid as he waited for a reply. Any reply. How could he have such a lapse in control and suggest something with heavy sexual undertones, while their whole relationship had been close to pure. His mind kicked into action to do some damage control. “I mean…what I wanted to say is…Uh you know…cuddles.”  
“Okay,” Hyungwon spoke, giving a small nod of agreement as he himself hadn’t thought of anything sexual and simply seen it as an extension of their cuddle sessions. After all the couch was painfully uncomfortable to sleep on and cuddling in bed was much better, especially as both needed their rest and who knew when Hoseok would be home again long enough for a repeat. Add to that Hyungwon had for some time now wondered what it would be like to slumber comfortably in Hoseoks arms, always waking up to that handsome asleep face. A part of his felt it should be the singular option to wake up too. “Though I’ll need to wash up first.”

Hyungwon only slowly wiggled himself out of under Hoseok, picked up a few dirty dishes and moved through the kitchen into his room. He needed that moment to calm himself from the excitement occupying his body – the idea of a night in Hoseoks bed seemed simply like a dream, a secret wish filled dream. Thus a nice shower would be a good way to calm himself and feel ready for bed, hopefully. Hoseok was left there staring at the slender figure with a small sense of awe – it was probably the first time someone had taken such a suggestion without seeing any sexual undertones. Add to that his whole mind was in a state of celebration, because their time together wouldn’t be limited to the couch, but for one night was lengthened. Hoseok was a natural cuddler in bed, something his ex had at first complained about and later simply accepted as a natural part of their relationship. For so long he had ached to have someone to cuddle again as any pillow seemed like a weak understudy for the real thing. To him Hyungwon would be an upgrade from both the pillow and his ex – in his mind their bodies fitted together better and Hyungwon knew how to hold someone. 

Picking himself up Hoseok still felt a need for comforting, because even though he might be repulsed by his ex’s actions he still felt a painful ache. Trying to push aside the darker thoughts, he turned off the lights in the apartment and walked into his room. Deciding that he should keep things normal, casual even he went about his usual night routine – everything he wore went to the dirty laundry basket, a nice shower including grooming, putting on underwear and bed. Simple things to unwind not look at any more screens and switch his busy mind off – even though the latter part rarely was managed. Tonight he seemed a bit more focused and detail driven, not even sure why and feeling a bit silly over how his mind was being overly analytical. His body was fine. He was fine. It was simply a Suitor and his adoptee moving forward in their companionship relationship. Nothing extraordinary, except for the fact that Hoseok had wished for this situation for some time now. 

About thirty minutes later Hyungwon, having showered, dried and dressed in his usual checkered light blue PJs, stood at the door of Hoseok and wasn’t sure how to enter. The last time he did he had seen the man in the nude and couldn’t really get rid of the embarrassment for some time, the mental image sticking around for a good amount of time. He never felt awkward or uncomfortable remembering what happened, after a while catching himself wondering if he ever would get a better view, a full view. Standing there and contemplating on how to move forward, Hyungwon finally decided to face the music and walk in – he was rather grateful to see Hoseok already in bed and looking at some paperwork. Little did he know Hoseok did this solely to look causal and not like an expectant kitten for its milk. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Hyungwon took a few more steps into the males room and looked around a bit.

He would have happily wanted to see more, but saw how the other pulled back the covers for him to join – Hyungwon with small steps walked towards the large bed and started to climb in. It was more elevated than his own, he nearly expected small stairs to climb in, thus he unusual height had him struggling a tad bit. Finally getting himself settled down, seated on the left side of the bed and looking at Hoseok with bated breath, as if expecting further instructions on what to do. Honestly Hyungwon felt like he had never slept before and Hoseok was going to show him a brand new world, full of excitement and slumber. His eyes landed on the males built broad chest that could easily serve as a pillow or protection against anything – truly it seemed like a protective shield against death itself. However the longer he looked the more he picked up on faint and more prominent scars the male sported on his upper body, leaving him to frown a bit. It never really occurred to him that Hoseok would have had such battle scars, small tell tale signs of someones dangerous way of life and the stories they brought along.

“What is it? You don’t have to sleep in this bed if you don’t want,” Hoseok quickly said, ready to be as understanding as possible over Hyungwon probably wishing to sleep in his own bed. After all this had a very small awkward undertone to it, because of how he asked.   
“Your scars,” Hyungwon replied as if he had no concept on how to reply to Hoseoks words and instead wrapped up in his own world. “How odd. I only now noticed them.”  
“Ou,” Hoseok spoke, realizing that even if he had been shirtless before Hyungwon never took notice of the smaller details or his body in general. After all if there is no need or context one doesn’t always focus on every single detail, but takes in the broader picture and adds in details when need arises. Tonight, probably because they had been apart for so long and feelings were on a high, Hyungwon took more notice of the sculpted well-trained upper body of Hoseok. “Most of them are faint, much due to the good work of the doctors at the base. Some they couldn’t erase – those are mainly from that forsaken mission to Denmark.”  
Hyungwon slowly moved closer, as if on the couch, and started to move under the covers so he could join Hoseok– laying down in a soft warm comfortable bed was truly a different feeling from the usually cold one he had in his room. He had grown used to cold small beds, but the one in his current room was huge and never seemed to be welcoming. Right now the feeling was that of a warm embrace welcoming him into the new surrounding, pulling him in and rather happily never letting go. His body and eyes were now even closer to the other, able to pick up on the scars a lot better and wondering about the story behind them. In this small moment of heavenly comfort he felt confident enough to ask to know more about Hoseoks past. “Tell me about the mission to Denmark, if you can.”

“We had just come back from a mission to Bali,” Hoseok spoke, left arm wrapping protectively around Hyungwon as the right one set aside the file he had been holding. “Got the mission papers and were put on a plane. It was only the fifth mission to Europe for me and my ex seemed oddly silent on the way there. I honestly blamed it on being exhausted from back to back missions, hoping once we were home to have time for us. We hadn’t had spent couple time for what seemed months at that point. I felt a small distance between us, which I knew was natural because of talking to Jiyong and plus in our work it is natural for your private life to play second fiddle.”  
“We landed in Denmark and were greeted by the UN provided staff. The translator was such a sweet sweet girl and the driver too – I sometimes have nightmares about what happened to them. In all these years and only that is the thing to serve as food for those pain filled dreams called nightmares.”

Hoseok stopped for a moment to swallow, looking down to notice Hyungwon looking at him and listening with great attention, large eyes kind only on the edges was sitting worry. Those brown eyes were deep and seemed liquid with emotions, even if Hoseok couldn’t name what they were just yet, he hoped one day to do so. It was so easy to look into them and simply be lost – forgetting the pain in ones own life and enjoy the warmth coming from the,. Smiling briefly he continued on with his story. “We knew what the mission goal was – which I can’t tell you – and set off. My ex became more animated and I figured he simply had gotten his fatigue under control, able to be the UN official needed. We are trained to always function at our utmost best, never letting anyone see the UN sweat, be unprepared or exhausted. We don’t rest; we fight with an unwavering amount of energy. The drive out of Copenhagen was depressing as so much of the city, even back then, had already been lost to the sends of time. Where great buildings used to be were now only the shells of the former glory, housing different kinds of animals and plants. Honestly our mission report warned us some locals could live there as well, but highly suggested not to go investigate. I somehow didn’t feel the need to talk with my ex and instead looked out of the window, maybe I sensed some sort of trouble coming our way. Jiyong always says I have a six sense for such matters. Maybe I was just being moody, I don’t know. You know back then I was so in love with him that so many fights and arguments between us I blamed on myself and the youth I owned. He was older and seemingly wiser, so I tried my best to always match up. Anyway then we were attacked and honestly I don’t remember how it even happened anymore – pushed into the depths of my subconscious I guess. What I remember was the obnoxiously loud gun used to kill the driver, that man who even then looked at us and smiled as if he didn’t wish to burden our minds with more horror. He didn’t beg to be left alive or sob in the realization that the sands of time had run out for him, looking at me and as if in silence wishing me luck in life. I still remember that fatherly smile. We never got to bury him.”

The pain with which Hoseok spoke led Hyungwon to place his left hand on the males chest, letting to slowly slide along the skin and over the males shoulder to hug him, tightly. Hyungwons face became buried against Hoseoks chest, the warmth radiating from him registering in his mind and yet ignored as he wished to hug the other as tightly as possible. He knew painfully well how it is not to be able to bury someone you feel strong about, be it family, friends, loved ones or those who touched your heart. It wasn’t about how long you knew them, but the impact they had. A heavy weight of sadness rested against Hyungwon, who tried hard not to be too emotional so Hoseok would have it easier. 

Feeling how the others arm curled around him as well, the dire need for this sort of physical comfort clear from the tight hug. No words could have signaled how Hyungwon understood; how Hoseok still mourned the fact of how he lost the driver and couldn’t burry him. How would someone word all these complex emotions tangled up in the intricate web of memories. There was silence for a good ten minutes as both of them rested in each others arms, trying to ease the pain Hoseok felt stabbing his chest. The heavy pain didn’t want to go away, even if Hyungwon was clinging onto him for dear life – some things could not be solved or erased by it. Swallowing his eyes fell shut, once more remembering that smile and those kind eyes of the driver – if there had been a mistake in his life then it had been not being able to protect said man. He steadied himself enough not to cry, instead focused on talking again. 

“It is a blur afterwards. They dragged the translator away and for a time I swore I heard a second shot as well, but now I don’t know. We were cuffed, blindfolded, and for a time gagged. Or was just I. You see I was told my ex had swapped sides and I don’t know when it was – maybe I was the only one who was beaten up and tortured, he maybe only getting some of it at the start. I don’t know from what point onwards did he act and what was real – I don’t know the man I loved. I remember how my body ached in pain over my wounds and broken bones, heart ached ever so painfully for the loss of those two precious people and unable to be with my boyfriend. I felt like such a weak fool to have even been so love struck to miss my boyfriend, when more was at stake,” Hoseok spoke, the words coming out of his mouth were filled with nothing but pain and regret, sadness and unspoken sorrow. Going over the story what seemed like the millionth time didn’t lessen the emotional blows it packed and Hoseok wished, so dearly, that talking about it would become easier. Hyungwon moved himself to rest more against Hoseoks chest; free arm able to moved up and down the others arm and shoulder hoping the small touches could ease the pain resting within Hoseok at the very moment. 

He was at loss. The emotional pain painted by those words seemed like an untamable sea, which now especially seemed to be ruthlessly moody and swallowing up even bigger chunks of Hoseok. Suddenly it dawned on him what Daesung had to go through with Jiyong, how much of the pain and suffering they shared together. It wasn’t simply the wonderful adorable home life, love filled gazes and touches – there was this indescribable amount of emotional baggage dived up between the two. Hyungwon understood what Hoseok meant when he said Daesung patched up Jiyong every time things had gone extremely sour. Hyungwon felt the strong wish to do the same and if possible even more – not erase the pain, but ease it.

“How long did it take to save you?” Hyungwon asked after silence settled itself next to the pain filled moment, his fingers tracing patterns over the males soft warm skin and not daring to look up. He was scared to see emotions in Hoseoks face for which he had no comforting words or touches, emotions to deep to ever be erased or he could yet master. Hoseok on the other hand was torn between feeling a deeper comfort trying to settle and a mind gripping calm over said touches, while his heart painfully ached for the memories it had to relive once again.   
“Officially they say it was about two weeks,” he spoke in a more somber tone of voice, unable to hide the emotions and not feeling a need for it either. This was Hyungwon, someone he could always be honest with and not feel judged in the aftermath of everything. Hoseok wasn’t going to hide what he felt at the very moment, not going to hide away how the past still would haunt him and leave pain behind. It would have been easier to hide everything away, bottle it up and expect Hyungwon to deal with it later on – however he chose the path of honesty. He wished to let the other male into his life and that meant sharing the plethora of emotions settled within his soul, however painful they might be. “I was in recovery four times that amount of time, I think. When I finally was back in Seoul they medical team found several ribs to have been broken, a dislocated shoulder, broken arm, more cut wound than sand on a beach and of course the bruises. I was isolated from the whole team and let to rest until I was deemed fit to be interrogated. For two weeks they asked me again and again what happened, pushing me to relive every second. By the end I didn’t if I had, did or still was grieving for the losses I had to go through. ”

Hyungwon nodded a bit, not sure what to say or even if he could say anything that would help Hoseok at the very moment. He simply rested against the other male, fingers drawing up patterns he didn’t know and silence settled over the whole bedroom. It was for the best as both of them seemed to have their minds full with thoughts of varying kind, but somehow circling back to the two of them. Hyungwon tried to digest the story he had been told and the feelings it provoked within him, which was mostly sadness over Hosoek having to live through such a hardship. He wished to somehow help the other verbally, be able to discuss what happened and work through the horror. Yet he lacked the knowledge of how to do so and especially how to approach it without sounding endlessly dumb. Hyungwon wished he could somehow hurt Hoseoks ex for what he had done and let Hoseok experience. In his mind that ex was no man to love if they had been so ready to give up on all they had so easily. He wondered, even for the briefest of moments, of how hard it had been for Jiyong and Daesung. Above all he hoped his presence would be enough to help Hoseok slowly start healing. The handsome man had grieved and suffered enough for one mission that had never seemed to be destined for success, but for disaster. 

Hoseok on the other hand had to digest the new light having been thrown onto the whole situation. For years he had seen it one way, blamed himself for not having been stronger, faster, better, smarter and protected everyone. He had spent nights tormented with nightmares of what had happened and unable to listen to his friends, stubbornly stating how much he had done wrong. Painstakingly he had gone through every single word spoken and unspoken, wishing he could have changed the way he acted and reacted. Once he heard the truth from Yunho he felt like he had wasted time on something that had been a cruel tragedy of life, where on person had no morals to live by. He felt fury over how his ex could let two innocent people lose their lives. By the time his destructive pattern of thought had come to an end Hoseok pondered over if his ex even loved him or was he a pawn in a bigger game. He had felt sick to his stomach knowing he still kept some memorabilia from their time and had wished to set it ablaze, erase his ex from his life. Yet now with Hyungwon in his arms his mind was a lot kinder to him, happily accepting the idea that someone else could have been in the wrong and he couldn’t protect everyone, even if he tried. He needed to protect himself from the tiresome aspects of this job and, something Hoseok felt even more strongly about, to protect Hyungwon.

As the minutes ticked on the less busy their minds became, both of them focused on the fatigue slowly taking over their bodies and welcoming it with open arms. Slowly Hoseok moved to switch off the lights in his room, leaving it to be suddenly douched in darkness. The only source of light was the large windows, letting in the moonlight and small specks of cold blue street light. Mainly it was the white golden glow of the moon settling itself over the bed, which illuminated both males so securely tucked away in each others arms. A more intimate feeling seemed to take over as Hyungwon nearly instinctively hugged himself closer to the other male, not leaving any space between them. Hyungwon could once more feel the onslaught of new emotions and thoughts racing to steal sleep from his eyes, leaving him to focus on the fatigue even more while, for the first time, in someones arms. He had held his girlfriend, but that never had such a feeling that came through now. In his first relationship there never was, or so it seemed, like a calm moment where emotions could settle and a comfort arise. There was always something going on, ideas spoken or bodies shifting – add to that Hyungwon’s ex wasn’t a good hugger. Hoseok, on the other hand, held him as if Hyungwon was the most precious creature in the world, delicate and yet also the stone he clung onto for emotional support. It was the fairytale princess being held by a prince, but a concept more at home in reality. 

Finally it seemed like the roller coaster ride of emotions settled down, both of them given themselves to the mistresses of sleep. Last specks of tension within their bodies faded away into the darkness of night, the small touches turning lazy and slow. 

“Good night,” Hoseok spoke in a soft whisper not to ruin the calmness of the night, moving ever so lightly as his lips placed a chaste kiss against the crown of Hyungwons head. Eyes shut Hoseoks lips lingered there for a few moments, soft although a bit damp curls pressed against his lips and lightly tickling his nose. Hyungwon’s hair smelt of summer nights and roses, an odd mixture and yet Hoseok took it in as the sole source of oxygen let into his lungs, a luxury kind of. Hyungwon’s heart leaped into his throat and at the same time felt an odd ease of calm taking over it, not sure which one of the reactions was the surprise of the kiss and which for the happiness to have gotten one. It was such a small touch, tiny gesture which left him craving for more than he was ready to ask for – a kiss on the forehead, cheek and lips. How he craved the latter one at this very moment, but did not know how to ask or signal his wish. In the end he abounded the demands of his hearts and let his brain shush the frantically begging heart so Hyungwon could relish the moment. 

His eyes looked into the moonlit room – the edge of the bed blurred by the darkness of the night, the nightstand next to it was empty and bare. The room was dressed in different objects and their shadows, highlighted by the beautiful moonlight. Hyungwons mind only went back to Hoseok, the small chaste kiss and how his whole self expressed a wish for more. Slowly he shifted a tad bit, a moment which was reacted to by a grunt coming from Hoseok, and Hyungwon looked up at Hoseok once more with his lip between his teeth. Their eyes, even though filled with sleep, locked together and a sudden wordless conversation took place – one, which seemed to let Hoseoks lips mold into a soft calm smile. That was probably the encouraging signal Hyungwon uncertain self needed to push himself softly upwards, their faces coming closer than ever before. Both let out small uneven breaths, waiting for what would come next. Hyungwon’s tongue peaked up ever so slightly to wet his lips, scrapping together every single last bit of his courage and close to gap between them.

Their lips touched softly with a underlying uncertainly, Hoseok not having expected such a move from Hyungwon and the latter not sure of how he suddenly was so courageous. If the kiss began with a sudden surge of bravery, then it ended slowly as Hyungwon moved away unwillingly only to once more look at Hoseok, feeling his own cheeks ablaze with a blush. Their eyes searched each others, Hyungwon frantically wanting to see if there was any sign of disgust or discomfort could be decked, while Hosoek tried to grasp the depth of the feelings displayed in Hyungwon’s eyes. The memory of the kiss lingered on both of their lips, a soft touch that seemed to heat up their skin as well as let their heart leap with joy once more. One simple touch of the lips now tried to break the barrier of emotions both men had built up within themselves over the years.

“I uh…Just uhm…good night,” Hyungwon spoke, his words coming out in stuttered whispers as the male wasn’t sure what he should do, say or how to go about things. He slowly eased himself back into his previous position, trying to hide away only to be stopped by Hoseoks strong arms. Once more their gazes locked together, Hyungwon’s eyes speaking of his fear and hopes, while Hoseok’s eyes held feelings of hope, a hope for more than this small kiss. A warm hand cupped Hyungwons rosy cheek, thumb moving over the heated pinkish flesh as the same warm smile stayed on Hoseoks lips, eyes turning kind and loving. 

“Sweet dreams,” Hoseok finally said in a whisper like voice, letting Hyungwon slip back into the comfortable position he had been before. There wasn’t awkwardness between them, but much more a small clarity in the otherwise confusingly cloudy skies of emotions. Hyungwon was thankful towards the other to have not pressed for explanations, but instead let the moment be what it was and sleep to be their companion for the coming hours. Hyungwon himself found his head resting against Hoseoks chest, eyes once more taking in the edge of the bed and heart beating rapidly. Swallowing dryly he wished to push aside the rush of emotions within him, instead simply nuzzling his face more into the soft chest and his lips leaving a small kiss against Hoseoks chest. The man in question closed his eyes as his lips stayed decorated with the warm smile as his heart calmly and gleefully declared poems of deep affection towards Hyungwon.

For now the moonlight was the witness to their unspoken emotions, wishes for confession and the soft kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos and feedback welcomed. If anyone wants to give feedback if I should open a public Twitter to post when I will update or have delays?


	11. Missing Hoseok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon discusses his feelings with everyone, but Hoseok - he is again on a mission, which makes Hyungwon's heart ache.

2 weeks later

“Wait so hold up, hold up,” Minhyuk shouted tipsily, holding up his hand and stopping Hyungwon from continuing on with updating everyone about his life. It had taken Minhyuk about three beers and one soju to get the male talking, get through the rather disinteresting thesis problems until finally they got to the juicer bit. He would not let this go. Everyone else around the table - Hyunwoo, Jooheon and Changhyun - simply took sips of their drink and watched with entertained faces how Minhyuk tried to pull out every single word from Hyungwons mouth. Teeth pulling was easier. “So you're telling me that you and your Suitor have had this cuddle relationship and I hear of this only now? That you two kissed? Under the moonlight? Woah I need to subscribe to this beautiful fantasy of yours.”  
“Uh yeah,” Hyungwon replied with a nod and his own beer bottle coming to his lips. He chose the moment to drink as Minhyuk edged closer, the bottle in his hand taken away from Jooheon for good measure. It wouldn’t have been the first time Minhyuk would start flailing about and spilling his drink on everyone like rain. It wouldn’t also be the first time Minhyuk would manage to spoil either the carpet or sofa while drunk - Jooheon probably could write books on how his drunk boyfriend was a bigger handful than sober.  
“ _AND?_ ” Minhyuk asked, persisting on getting every single detail and not taking Hyungwons shy way of answering as an excuse to not know more.

“Let him be, Minhyuk. We all aren’t like you when it comes to sharing ones personal life,” Changhyun spoke, trying his best to insert himself so that Hyunwgon wouldn’t feel pushed into opening up about something he wasn’t ready for. After all the shy slender male truly wasn’t someone to talk about his personal life, which is why they so late found out about his adoptee statues.  
“Minhyuk,” Jooheon groaned out, massaging his face in a half faked and half serious annoyance. “What have you been sharing this time?”  
“Nothing. Just our day trip of us going shopping for clothing,” he replied, waving off his boyfriends emotional spills as he had his own goal in mind - making Hyungwon talk.  
“I mean you have ripped couple of Jooheons favourite shirts,” Hyunwoo threw in his own two cents, getting an annoyed look from Minhyuk. His attention was still on Hyungwon, but for the time being decided he would not take these comments laying down.  
“For you, mister blue balls, information,” Minhyuk started, giving Hyungwon a small moment to breath and compose himself. However it didn’t mean he wouldn’t continue on thinking about the night that now seemed like it had happened in a movie, a parallel universe that seemed miles away.

Hyungwon stayed silent and repeated the memory in his head of how they woke up after the first night spent in the same bed. He had been the first to stir, face pressed firmly against Hoseoks soft chest, everything around him smelling like the other male. It was a scent he would happily bathe, live and breath in, replacing oxygen with the intoxicating scent of his handsome Suitor. Even in his sleepy state he could feel a small tingle on his lips, his body quickly remembering the kiss that they had shared in the moonlit room. Hyungwon feeling like a blush was slowly spreading its wings on his cheek, leaving him to hide his face further in the others chest. He felt Hoseoks arm still tightly around his slender body, pressing the two of them firmly together as if he was scared to lose the other in his dreams. Legs a tangled mess Hyungwon really had no motivation, wish or desire to move anywhere from the comfortable cocoon he was in. Slowly he realized how he never before had been held this securely, feeling like Hoseok even in his dreams wished to stay as close as possible to him. Hyungwons heart picked up paces, fluttering in the delightful knowledge that both of them had a desire to be with each other. Still not sure to what extent, but what they had now could be enough for at least half a lifetime.

Not sure how much time passed until Hoseok stirred, letting out a muffled grunt of annoyance over having to even consider leaving sleep behind. Hoseok quickly felt a sense of utter joy sweep into him as he realized to have woken up with Hyungwon in his arms, tangled together and not bothering to questions whose limb were whose. Aware of everything, his nose picked up Hyungwon distinct scent and how that adorable face was tightly cuddled against his chest. Swearing he could feel those soft lips once more pressed against his skin, he couldn’t hold back on wishing to kiss them once more. The cheer though, fed with the memory of the innocent kiss from last night, left him feeling like his whole body had awakened from a deep winter sleep. After what happened in Denmark, Hoseok knew his heart locked itself away behind heavy doors, soul badly wounded and mind only filled with thoughts of grief. After a while they all fell into a slumber of healing, of trying to reboot themselves enough to be of use once more. Hyungwon had been the first signs of spring to bring them back from their deep sleep, giving them a reason to bloom once more. Love did bloom in his heart, of that Hoseok was sure.

The tranquil moment of peace was probably the calmest and sweetest way they could have awoken, neither wishing to leave. Hyungwon did move eventually, able to lift his head enough to take a peak at Hoseok, giving him a soft sleepy smile and not daring to speak. No words seemed fitting as even ‘good morning’ would be a bothersome comment about a new day that was more than simply ‘good’. However something else knew how to fully destroy the mood as Hoseok’s phone went off, leaving both of them to let out audible groans of pure annoyance and Hoseok to move to pick it up. Hyungwon had grown to resent that phone, laying in the warm bed and knowing full well that call would take away his chance to cuddle any further. He would end up being right as Hoseok was commanded to leave for Brazil within the coming four hours. Hyungwon had stayed in bed while Hoseok dashed around, stopping here and there to look at the slender figure with an apologetic gaze in his eyes. Hoseok in silence remembered how Hyungwon looked like stretched out on his bed, hair a wonderful mess and sleep decorating Hyungwon’s face - there was nothing more beautiful with a slight edge of sexy than that sight. In the end they had a moment where it seemed like another kiss would be exchanged, yet Hoseok instead chickened out and only gave Hyungwon a big old teddy bear hug.

“Hellllloooooo?” Minhyuk waved his hand in front of Hyungwon’s face, leaving the latter to blink several times as he reconnected back to earth. “Well it seems like he is still alive and with us, I think.”  
“Limit his alcohol will ya?” Hyunwoo spoke, trying to make sure Hyungwon would be cut off and not look as dazed. The male had a small guess that the dazed look didn’t come from the alcohol Minhyuk had been nurturing the other with, but from something else.  
“Well at least that hasn’t changed,” Changhyun commented, chuckling under his breath, as he moved to take the alcohol bottle away from Hyungwon. The latter sported a small shy blush which faded as quickly as it arrived, much to the glee of Minhyuk.  
“I don’t think it is the alcohol that is making him this dazed,” Minhyuk spoke with a grin, leaning in closer to Hyungwon. “Come on, I know it. You are day dreaming of that kiss, aren’t you?!”

“Well I hope Jongsuk catches on soon,” Hyunwoo commented, taking a sip of his bottle with a knowing smile on his lips. Knowing his friend well, Hyunwoo decided to throw in another name so Minhyuk wouldn’t stop prying about Hoseok - a man Hyungwon clearly harboured feelings for but couldn’t really label them yet. Thus Jongsuk was a willing victim. Finally Minhyuk managed to pull his attention away from Hyunwon and fully focus on the others sentance, clearly a lot more interested in getting even more information.  
“ _The Jongsuk_?” he asked, seemingly getting even giddier as he got a nod from the otherwise silent observant Hyunwoo. “My my, our Hyungwon is a talented one.”  
“What am I missing?” Changhyun asked a bit confused, deciding he would also take the bait and follow along the path of being too curious for ones own good.  
“Well if you guys ever would visit the library you would know. Jongsuk lingers around Hyungwon, looks at him dreamily and honestly I am surprised he hasn’t asked you out,” Hyunwoo spoke, looking at his stunned friend with a small pity in his eyes. The male knew how bad Hyungwon was picking up on someone clearly showing interest, especially when he had only considered the other a nice good friend. “You surely noticed something! I have seen no one else get those long looks from him and I swear some girls are probably coming up with ways to get rid of you Hyungwon. Jongsuk is clearly falling, hard.”  
“We are friends,” Hyungwon commented, the statement seeming so naive and yet truly like the man himself. “It is nice to work with him since we have the same work vibe and understand each others thoughts very easily. He is a nice good friend, with a very good sense of humor and understanding of engineering.”  
“Of course you would say that,” Minhyuk sighed and tried to get his bottle back, only to settle on opening another one and feeling like that would do him well. After all it was a lot of hard work getting the best bits out of Hyungwon, which meant he deserved having a drink or two. No one understood the hardships Minhyuk had to face when it came to getting the most information in life - he wasn't there just to gossip, but to know the vital bits of knowledge that no book taught you.  
“It isn’t Jongsuk, is it,” Jooheon finally spoke, having to deal with a rather clingy tipsy Minhyuk who decided the best seat was on his lap. Everyone zeroed their gazes fully onto Jooheon, who had a oddly fatherly look of knowledge in his eyes. “It isn’t Jongsuk you want to be falling for you, hard. It is Hoseok, isn’t it?”

The silence that fell over the room could be deafening as Hyungwon’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink and bottom lip was pulled between his teeth. Minhyuk immediately simmered down, looking at his friend with wide glee filled eyes and was joined by both Hyunwoo and Changhyun. Jooheon nodded slowly, understanding the males bright cheeks and probably fluttering heart too well. It wasn’t like he had forgotten how his own sometimes timid nature left him hiding his feelings for Minhyuk - only the laters flirting was the reason they had ended up together in the first place. Hyunwoo, taking a moment to think, had to nod in agreement as well and figured he should have seen the signs even before someone else. Changhyun was simply stunned, because he had lived in the firm belief that Hyungwon didn’t even know what a relationship was, much less wishing for one.  
“Does he know?” Hyunwoo asked, the first to get their senses back, cutting off Minhyuk who was eager to get in not a word, but probably a whole chapter of reactions.  
“No, I doubt he has an idea of how I feel. We just kissed,” Hyungwon confessed and looked at everyone else. He was convinced that them sharing a kiss didn’t mean they would end up happily married together or confessing their love on a romantic date - it was just a kiss. Granted one shared after another emotionally loaded night, but still just a kiss. The scars from his previous relationship sat deep and haunted his thoughts, thus Hyungwon was very careful with his hopes.  
“He had to be dumb as a rock not to know,” Minhyuk finally committed, his first excitement ebbing away. “You two kissed!”

“Yeah they are now practically married with a white picket fence house,” Changhyun made a sarcastic comment, getting a slap on the knee from Minhyuk, who had grown tired over everyones side notes. “Ow! What? Might I remind you, Minhyuk, that you spent the second half of middle school kissing a lot of people, hmm? How about we talk about Lee Changmin during theater practice?”  
“ _Lee Changmin_? Masters degree in theater studies Lee Changmin?” Jooheon asked with a raised brow, looking at his boyfriend with a rather quizzical look placed all over his face.  
“Yes, yes, yes,” Minhyuk replied, trying to kill off the topic and rather annoyed that Changhyun would talk about old stale news. “Can we focus back on Hyungwon? My dating history is not one for tonight.”  
“Yeah it is more like a month long special,” Changhyun made another comment, getting a slap over the back of his head in return.  
“Changhyun I swear one more word I will tell everyone why you puked after a simple Viking ride,” Minhyuk threatened, managing to very easily kill off the topic of Hyungwon’s personal life and instead have a heated exchange of words with Changhyun , Jooheon being the referee. Hyunwoo slowly came closer to Hyungwon, who sat there looking like he wasn’t sure what to do - to live or to die.

“Do you think he feels like you do?” he asked quietly, letting Minhyuk’s voice boom over their conversation so no one butted in once more. After all once Changhyun was in the mood he could easily go up against Minhyuk, both having rather good stories about each other and Jooheon sometimes a willing listener to them.  
“I don’t know Hyunwoo,” Hyungwon sight and rubbed his eyes, feeling a sense of fatigue coming over him in waves. Add to that he really had no more desire to talk about something that was so endlessly confusing, yet also glee filled. “I don’t even know where I had the courage to kiss him! It just...uh…”  
Words could not describe the mess of thoughts, feelings and desires rushing through him that very moment, ending up tongue tied over a man he had grown so fond of. He wished he could say he wasn’t sure how much he could read into anything as he lives in the university library and Hosoek is on missions constantly. They barely have time to talk, if they do it is highly emotional and ends up draining the both of them - yet then he remembered the soft fond smiles, light touches and wordless moments shared between them. Remembers the ever fast beating heart of his and the wish that right now he could see Hoseok, talk to him about everything going on in his head. Even now two weeks later Hyungwon could remember how it felt to kiss Hoseok, how right it felt and how he longed he could have stolen a few more thousand kisses before having to say good bye to Hoseok. The next time he sees the other he would probably burn that cellphone first and then any other way of communicating with Hoseok, selfishly demanding time for them so he could figure out how to confess.  
“You know,” Hyunwoo spoke, watching how Minhyuk was trying to get out of Jooheon’s lap to attack Changhyun only to be held back by his boyfriend. Their nights so often ended up like this. “My mother always said that when you find someone that speaks not to your physical liking, but to your heart, mind and soul - then no matter keeps you apart, that connection will keep you together. It isn’t what the logical mind tells you, but what your heart whispers softly and dreamingly that should be listened too. Me and my fiance don’t have that, but I think you do. Take your time to listen.”

The next morning the bunch of friends all slowly awoke, groggy from sleeping on the floor and in desperate need of food, coffee and a shower. However in a small apartment things weren’t easy to manage - Minhyuk and Jooheon could shower together, but still three remained. Thus Changhyun chose to shower as the last and clean up the bottles, while Hyungwon and Hyunwoo started to set things up for breakfast, especially the latter being rather skilled with doing so. In the morning light it seemed so much clearer how small this space was, leaving everything trying their best not to take up too much space. It was still a mess as all had different ways of waking up, needing their time before being fully awake and setting themselves into the mood of dealing with the coming day. Especially Hyungwon had problems as he slept like a dead person and awoke slowly, leaving his movements slow and reactions to anything even slower. Yet they all still managed to shower, eat and not have a fist fight - friendship.  
After all the messiness of the morning everyone had to set off to their respected areas of writing their thesis or meeting with their advisors to look over the information they had gathered. Hyungwon was glad to get into the quiet space of the library, needing time for himself as last night had given him a lot of food for thought. A small part of his dreaded to see Jongsuk, feeling like he couldn’t face the other with the words of Hyunwoo ghosting around in his head. What was worse was the fact that he really had not noticed anything, simply having thought the both of them had a good friendship. No one before had shown any interest in him and surely Jongsuk simply was being a very attentive listener, which was why it was so simple to work with him and not have to repeat oneself. Just before entering the library he decided to ignore his friends, taking it only as drunk talk and nothing with actual weight behind it.

Said thinking worked as the morning half of work went smoothly, him and Jongsuk being able to get through several problems and finding even a few new books to quote from. The less he thought about Hyunwoo's words the easier the work flowed, leaving Hyungwon in the belief there was nothing out of the ordinary between them. Around lunch time he got a text from Minhyuk suggesting they call could grab a bite to eat and continue on their nightly relaxation with alcohol later on. Hyungwon only agreed after everyone else did. Outside of the library everyone already waited for him, wanting to catch a glimpse of the Jongsuk and leaving Hyungwon to sometimes wish they weren’t so noisy. Much to his luck the pack of friends started to move towards the dining halls before being able to see Jongsuk, leaving one awkward moment from happening.  
“Hyungwon!” The booming authorial voice of Jiyong came over the parking lot, surprising the slender figure, slowly spotting Jiyong in his uniform standing before a heavily armoured all black car. Out of the rolled down car window looked Daesung, giving a lazy wave to the male and smiling as per usual - that man never seemed to have a bad day. The pack of males halted, along with several others, to look at the UN official, who has called out Hyungwons name.  
“I don’t think I can join in for the second night,” Hyungwon spoke as they walked towards the car, trying to ignore how so many other people were staring at him. It wasn’t common to see anyone from the UN showing up at the university, demanding to see a student, especially if said student in question was happily approaching said vehicle.

“Who is that? Your Suitor?” Minhyuk quickly asked, wanting to make sure he wasn’t being rude. Add to that his usual curiosity was getting the best of him, which ended up with him having thousand and one questions. Hyunwoo had been tightlipped about Hyungwon's suitor and clearly the slender shy figure wouldn't go about gushing over his Suitor, thus this was the chance to maybe see the other.  
“No his boss and behind him is Daesung, who is basically his husband,” Hyungwon replied matter of factly, a bit too used to these facts.  
“Woah, he really is military!” Changhyun replied, getting a quizzical brow from Hyungwon and a groan of annoyance from Hyunwoo.  
“Of course. You guys I think I would lie?”  
“No, but that seemed just too out there.” Minhyuk commented, staring at the car, the men inside and outside – trying to fit everything in his head. New questions were slowly forming in his head, all needing an answer right away and yet not sure if his friend was allowed to answer them. Honestly he wished to know more purely to understand the social situation along with later being able to ask the right questions.  
“Minhyuk thought he was a boring business man.” Jooheon commented with a small chuckle.  
“I did not. I said a boring man, who had a business or did business.” Minhyuk corrected his boyfriend, trying his best not to let out a whine.

“Hey Jiyong, Daesung,” Hyungwon spoke, groaning mentally over his friends and their no filter approach to life. “These are my friends - Jooheon, Hyunwoo, Minhyuk and Changhyun. Everyone these are my neighbours and friends. Daesung doubles up as a parent figure.”  
“Hello! Pleasure to meet all of you! I indeed sometimes have to baby Hyungwon!” Daesung spoke happily. “We are heading to the base and were told to pick you up as well seeing Hoseok is somewhere on a mission again. They are doing maintenance work back home and as it all is highly confidential, it is easier to stay at the base. Hoseok is coming back too... hopefully.”  
“Ou,” Hyungwon spoke, smiling softly and trying his best to hide the fact that he had hoped Hosoek would be back by now, “Uhm...I don’t have any clothes with me.”  
“You own more than the stuff on your body?” Minhyuk asked sarcastically, leaving the rest of the pack of friends to roll their eyes. Even in situations like these his comments never seemed to stay in his head, demanding a way out.  
“At least I don’t need new clothes every few weeks, because they are ripped.” Hyungwon replied, trying not to be too cocky, but at times could find Minhyuk’s comments too much.  
“You will find out the joys of clothes being ripped from your body soon enough.” Minhyuk spoke with a smirk, remembering very well what everyone in the friends circle had learned last night.  
“MINHYUK!” Jooheon, Changhyun and Hyunwoo shouted, Minhyuk giving them all a playful smile and sticking his tongue out to them in revenge.

“Anyway,” Jiyong spoke ignoring the playfulness of the conversation and focusing more on Hyungwon, “Daesung packed a bag of essentials for you as we were all ushered out of the building quite quickly. It will be a one night stay, for now. If they decide we need to stay longer then surely someone would be found to drive you to university and back. Sadly the situation in Africa has gotten worse and everyone connected to the UN has been placed under heightened security. That means you as well - as of now until the arrival of Hoseok, you are under my protection.”  
“Ah okay.” Hyungwon nodded in understanding, turning towards his friends to raise his hand in a small wave. Truthfully a small part was glad he could skip out on social drinking for the second night in a row. A short goodbye later, Hyungwon watched his friends slowly leave and him having the chance to enter the car. Opening the door he noticed an envelope on the seat, picking it up he slipped into his seat and buckled up.  
“What is this?” Hyungwon asked looking at the crème coloured envelope. It had only his name on it, typed out on a typing machine and feeling rather light.  
“The medical check up invite,” Daesung replied as Jiyong started the car and navigated themselves out of the parking lot, “As I understood since there was a need for a check up of another two adoptives it can be done at the army base.”  
“Ou...huh,” Hyungwon, “I haven’t had one in so long. The last one was about a month before Hoseok adopted me. Daesung when did you stop having them?”

“When I and Ji had dated for about two months. It was rather unusual as back then the check ups were meant to last until death.” Daesung replied, remembering the day of his last check up and the glee he felt over it. Somehow that was a signal of him committing even more to the love of his life, not being simply an adoptive anymore. Add to that he never really felt good around the signed doctor, who could not keep his comments to himself and never managed to find a good point to talk about.  
“They now usually last for 15 years, but I have not yet heard anyone getting to that point. I really dislike them examining my body,” Hyungwon spoke, knowing he could easily discuss this with Daesung and Jiyong around. With anyone else there would have been a need for context, explanations and questions he rather not answer - Hyungwon honestly didn't like explaining the system to anyone in fear they might misunderstand. “They always comment on how weak I look. At least the doctor back in the home did.”  
“He was a creep ever since I was there. He would always make notes on my face and weight.” Daesung commented, remembering his time there and how every single aspect of his looks.  
“Yes! Also always those darn pictures,” Hyungwon groaned out, remembering he would have to have that also happen. A good part of him was glad Hoseok wasn’t there to see that, because he wasn’t always too confident in standing just in his boxers.

“Pictures?” Jiyong asked rather surprised, stopping at a red light and able to properly look at both males, “What for?”  
“Records. They are used to see if any physical differences had showed up. I remember my agent explaining that this way a court case is more solid when a Suitor is abusing their adoptive.” Hyungwon explained, not sure if the explanations he got were accurate or even truthful, hoping Daesung would back him up.  
“Plus none of these examinations happened without your agent in the room.” Daesung added, having nodded his head while Hyungwon had explained. “Because there had been cases where doctors abused their rights and wanted more of a sight. They had several issues with the system in the starting days. Some of them made copies of the pictures and sold them, which some say still happens to this day even though when caught the price to pay is high. Remember Ji? My agent was there with me up until I requested for the check ups to stop.”  
“Ah I heard about those doctors. There is now a list of banned doctors that is nearly two pages long,” Hyungwon spoke, not even noticing the worried glaces Jiyong was throwing both at him and Daesung. “I heard some areas still has problems, but they have it mostly under control. If I remember my agent correctly then the pictures are only there for medical evidence and the doctors can access them through one computer, to limit the spreading of said pictures. Anyway I guess Hoseok requested the agent to stay out of our business after adoption, huh?”  
“The UN passed a law years ago that stated that depending on the severity of your misuse of power, it is either the list or life in prison,” Daesung spoke, noticing Jiyong’s rather worried looks and yet not willing to let the subject die. This was very much apart of being a adoptive, a part that was barely known and demanded a lot more attention. “I guess he did, as now that is a paper one can request, but only with a clean criminal record. Say Hyungwon, as Hoseok isn’t here I can come with you if you don’t want Jiyong in the room.”  
“Uh,” Hyungwon let out a small sound, looking between the two of them and then down at the letter. “If that is possible, then yes. Sorry Ji.”  
“No worries. I would suggest the same, because after all Daesung is the one, who babies you.”

They arrived at the base around twenty minutes later, passing through three different kinds of security checks before being shown the rooms they would spend the night at. Hyungwon was given an en suite, while Jiyong and Daesung received a studio like space - enough room for everyone. His backpack was put on the first free chair and the small bag he had gotten from Daesung was left at the door, Hyungwon taking a moment to lay down in his bed. With a heavy sigh he stared at the unevenly white painted ceiling, oddly feeling like his head was empty and yet so busy no clear thought could enter it, leaving him to frown deeply.  
Without much spectacle Hyungwon and Daesung set out to the medical area where the check ups were being held, while Jiyong left to meet up with his commanders. The base was large, but easy to navigate as well as filled to the brim with personnel - not even the university grounds seemed this busy. The sea of plain looking beige and brown buildings seemed never ending, taking up large portions of the grounds and only being outnumbered by the several vehicles driving about. Not a minute passed in quiet, every single second filled to the brim with noise and commotion, making one wonder how anyone managed to think clearly in such chaos.

The examination turned out to be a lot more pleasant than either adoptive actually imagines - the army doctor being quick and precise with his questions, inquiries and suggestions of what should be done. With eagle eyes did the male go over previous pictures, making sure he didn’t miss an inch and much to Hyungwon’s glee there was no weird undertone in the comments he made. In silence he wished the same doctor would do these check ups until needed, but mostly stayed silent and answered the questions asked of him. As nearly expected the doctor raised concerns over how much stress and exhaustion his thesis caused Hyungwon, the doctor quickly advising the nurse to take a blood sample to send into testing. He simply explained that he would make further comments once he sees the results and knows what would be a good suggestion. No unneeded comments about his body were made, even if the doctor noted down that the males slender figure could use a few kilos on his hips.  
About 45 minutes later Hyungwon and Daesung could leave, the later holding a copy of the medical exam in his hands while Hyungwon silently walked beside him. Outside the medical center were a regiment of men, who had probably gotten a chance to spend some free time with their spouses and enjoy the actually rather nice weather. It seemed like a good amount of soldiers had returned from duty, the mood cheery and free as for the coming few hours no more tasks needed to be fulfilled. However once Hyungwon and Daesung came into hearing distance, both of them mentally groaned at what the subject of discussion was.

“The system is a disgusting prostitution ring!” a pilot, surrounded by his fellow regiment men and their wives, said with a loud voice filled with nothing but disgust. “And it is funded by our taxes! What a disgusting establishment to support in any way.”  
Hyungwon silently slipped on his jacket, hanging his head in silence and not wishing to even try to get into a fight of words. It wasn’t like he was surprised by such thoughts or words, having over heard them before and simply knew now to ignore such people. Of course it could seem like that to those who only saw the outside layer without the content behind it and many didn’t see a reason to investigate in depth. The exterior says it all after-all. Daesung took a step closer to Hyungwon to give him a small smile, knowing what the other thought with needing to exchange words.  
“Those men and women are simply weak to fight for their statues in life or too dumb to ask for help. Really no one needs the system,” the man went on, people nodding around him and some even cheering. It was odd how it seemed like this was a rally to gather around like minded people, but in reality was simply a bunch of men talking a bit too loudly. Hyungwon wondered if this was the only time they could speak their mind and wouldn't use a filter because of that. “They are weak. Just like those...whatever perverse dudes are called adopting those people. They are simply unlucky and unable to find a normal partner. Freaks!”  
“Regiment 101 of the Flying Eagles,” Jiyong’s voice suddenly boomed out of one of the commanding tents, a row of highly ranked sergeants standing behind him with a stern look on their faces. “I see you have enough time to discuss social issues in depth and have a deep understanding of their flawed nature along with ideas how to change things. Wonderful. You all will have even more time doing so tonight running ten laps around the base fully equipped for battle. At the gates at nineteen hundred hours. DISMISSED!”

Hyungwon and Daesung did not linger around, picking up their step to get back to their housing and hopefully have a calmer meal. In a silent moment between the two of them they chuckled, rather amused over how Jiyong handled the whole situation. Night came slowly, but comfortably over a nice simple dinner and a chat about the daily lives they lead. Nothing too burdensome or tiresome, simply there to fill in the hours and air time as they digested the food they had eaten. Jiyong didn't come for dinner, thus the two adoptees could discuss whatever matter, but staying on light comfortable topics in order not to stir up any kind of uncomfortable emotions. Around nine or ten in the evening Hyungwon settled for bed, knocking out quite quickly.

First thing he felt was air rushing past his locks and then the soft surface of the bed coming into contact with his back, soon enough the heavy body of Hoseok covering his own. Limbs tangled together immediately, desperately trying to hold onto either as if their mental stability was depending on it. Hyungwon felt a fire flaming up and in waves pushing over his physic, dying to hold onto Hoseok and have those lips devour his own. A needy whimper passed his mouth just before those desired lips of Hoseok covered his own, an unabashed hunger for a heated kiss unable to be hidden away. Hyungwon at first held onto the others muscular arms, but somehow his hands found the courage to explore more and find their way underneath Hoseoks shirt. Heated skin came into contact with his fingertips, the ab muscles jumping from contact and the man above him letting out a grunt of desire - no sound could be sexier at the very moment. Hyungwon nearly too eagerly started to explore the sculpted abs, lips busy trying to keep up with the demands Hoseok was setting them. Laboured breaths and sounds of need passed between them as their bodies twisted and moved to fit together even better. Hyungwon was sure he had never felt such lust in his life, leaving him rather light headed and in need of air - breaking the kiss didn’t seem to give him the desired oxygen. If anything he became even more intoxicated by Hoseoks scent, oddly drunken and happily lost to the lust devouring his being. Instead it gave Hosoek a moment take off his shirt and that of Hyungwon, marveling at the smooth creamy skin now on display for his eager eyes and mouth. This was the first time he had seen the other shirtless and mentally thousand or more pictures were taken of the figure underneath him carrying a small blush and ivory skin. The pure hunger for his Hyungwon left the other to shudder underneath him, moaning out Hoseoks name and gripping those dark locks once Hoseoks lips came into contact with the long neck of his beloved. Hungerly he marked the pale skin, hands eagerly exploring the newly presented body of Hyungwon as he slowly became drunk of those sounds the other emitted. It was simply too hard to stay silent when all your body and mind screamed were to be taken by Hoseok, unable to handle the tightness in his pants or the fire burning underneath his skin. Hyungwon begged for more, head tipping back with moans spilling out of his mouth while Hoseok left marks on the otherwise untainted skin. Both intoxicated from simply the intensity they felt, Hyungwon’s fingers finally grew familiar enough with Hoseok sculpted upper body to move south and cup Hoseoks crotch. “More,” he moaned out in the most sinful way possible...

Hyungwon awoke with a gasp, not needing to look down to know his body had reacted to the dream rather clearly. Not sure where the dream came from, but it lingered in his mind and all the man wished was to feel the real deal. With a grunt Hyungwon pushed off the blanket and himself off the bed headding towards where the shower was, deciding he needed on that could leave a layer of ice on his skin. Willing his mind to stop thinking about the fever dream of lust, Hyungwon still found himself going back to those thoughts and finding it hard to rid of himself of his boner. In the end he had no other choice then to see if said fever dream would continue even under a cold as ice shower - to his luck it did to a certain point, enough to settle his body natural reaction and feeling less tension in the process.

After the shower sleep was no option, thus the male decided to dress himself and wander around the sleeping area as quietly as possible. Now with night having taken a hold of the base only a few soldiers standing guard were able to be seen, everyone else having fallen asleep or left. Hyungwon walked noiselessly, trying not to pull any attention onto himself and find a quiet spot to think. Much to his luck there was a clearing a few meters away from where his room was, a space wide enough and filled only with the light from the stars above. This seemed like the most ideal spot to let his busy mind wander as the cool night air would further calm his mind.

It was a clear night and one that calmed down Hyungwon’s racing heart, his mind still pondering over where such a wet dream came from. He never before had dreamt up such a thing, but now here he was and a small part of him wishing it would become reality - the longing for Hoseok wasn’t mental anymore, it had grown physical as well. Swallowing thickly Hyungwon let his mind wander, thinking about Hyunwoo’s words as well as Jooheon’s, finally listening to his heart. Truly Hoseok had made a nest there, comfortably taking up a large portion of it and not making any excuses either. In the silence of the night and without a witness in sight Hyungwon wished he could be here with Hoseok, share the moment and his feelings without any prior emotional load clouding their minds. Nothing from the past, only the present and them both - it seemed like such a little wish. Just like one of those thousand upon thousand of stars glittering up in the dark sky with a moon in sight.

“Can’t sleep?” Jiyong asked, leaving Hyungwon to jump on the spot and his trail of thought coming to a screeching halt. Quickly turning around the male nodded slowly as he saw the other look at him apologetically, fully dressed in his uniform and with two men behind him. Jiyong turned around, gesturing for the two soldiers with machine guns to leave the two f them.  
“Yeah,” Hyungwon replied, watching the two leave before turning back and continued to look out onto the destroyed city of Seoul.  
“When this base was built then this part of the city was still there. Slowly it got destroyed and wiped away by the sands of time. Now there are just heaps of rubble used by the UN for defence,” Jiyong spoke, taking a seat next to the slender man clearly not here to discuss the destruction of the wonderful city of Seoul. Truthfully he was worried as he had been alerted five minutes ago that Hyungwon was wandering on the grounds, having stopped on the football field and now was seated there. Hoseok had asked him to keep an eye on the younger one, worried the UN army base wouldn't be a comfortable experience for the slender figure.  
“Soon this city will disappear,” Hyungwon spoke, sadness dripping from his voice as he truly could not take to see such a city slowly rotting away only because the world was in utter chaos. Even though he wasn't from here, something about the slowly disappearing city made his heart ache in pain as to him these senseless killings had no gain for anyone, only loss and destruction.  
“It will,” Jiyong spoke, trying to see if he could pick up on a bad mood of Hyungwons or fear, anything to truly worry about and maybe even wake up Daesung for. Neither could be found, leaving him at a loss to how to ask why the other was awake at his ungodly hour. “Daesung said your physical was good.”  
“They pointed out that I have am clearly being treated right and so no signs of mental or physical distress.” Hyungwon spoke, trying go along with the small talk.  
“What do you believe?”

“I think Daesung should be the general cook for every adoptive house. That way all of them would be in great health and happy moods.” Hyungwon commented with a soft smile on his lips, knowing full well Daesung loves to hear compliments on his excellent cooking.  
“He is indeed a gem, isn’t he?” Jiyong spoke in a dream like manner, clearly in love with the handsome man he adopted all those years ago and to this day treasured. To him it was clear as day to him how much he had had with finding Daesung and his heart choosing to fall in love with the smiling sun. No one else, so it seemed to him, could have dealt with all of his moods and problems that came home with him after every mission. Daesung was his other half, the one he needed to stay sane.  
“You are indeed very lucky to have him.” Hyungwon spoke, finally looking at Jiyong again with a small smile on his lips trying to mask the true turmoil going on inside of his own mind. Jiyong decided that the why to someone would be awake was not important, because a much more burning question lay on his tongue. For weeks now Jiyong wanted to find out what were Hyungwon’s intentions, because he knew how Hoseok felt - it was obvious from simply the small smiles the man carried. In order to be able to protect his friend and ready for another crushed Hoseok, Jiyong had decided to be a bit too curious about matters not really concerning him. It was not his nature, but seeing his close friend once more crushed would be too much to deal if it came without a single bit of warning.  
“Just like you are with Hoseok.” Jiyong replied and watched the others reaction, making sure not to miss a single bit of information coming from the others body language. Hyungwon fell silent, lost in thoughts before slowly starting to nod his head in agreement and naturally agreeing with said statement. He truly was very lucky to have been adopted by Hoseok, to have found someone to open up to and show someone his true self. “Hyungwon, can I ask you something?”  
“Of course.” Hyungwon replied a bit too quickly, smiling shyly in apology as the otherwise quiet night didn’t fit such quick outbursts.  
“Do you care for Hoseok?” Jiyong asked carefully, looking directly into Hyungwon’s eyes and trying to see if he could find an answer without words. He was met with kind soft eyes that at first seemed taken aback by the sudden straight forward question and then settled into a calm gaze of knowing.

“Yes, yes of course.” Hyungwon replied, thinking he was safe in answering in such a way and not having to come out to confess his true feelings for Hoseok. After all he cared for Hoseok no matter what the other felt for him, thus in no way was he lying to Jiyong and simply answering a question with all the honesty he could come up with.  
“Hyungwon, may I be as bold to suggest more than an adoptive and Suitor?” Jiyong persisted, being a lot better at getting the right reactions out of Hyungwon than Minhyuk had been the night before. Honestly he usually would never pressure someone to come out and speak openly about personal matters, but he chose to use this chance and get the information needed. Naturally he would apologize to the both of them in the right moment, the nagging feeling of guilt already setting in the back of his mind.  
Silence fell between them as Hyungwon seemed to grow afraid to confirm anything, because the moment he did it would be real and not just in his own heart and mind. However Hyungwon could not escape the firm gaze of Jiyong, unable to hide away in the darkness of a room or the unspoken words he usually shared with Hoseok. What harm could it do to tell this man what he felt - maybe then his mind would feel less busy and it would be easier to tell Hoseok. “Yes. But I haven’t told him.”  
“Why?” Jiyong shot back quickly, his face not showing a single bit of emotion and simply curious to why someone would hide away affection for another. Honestly at this very moment it would have not made a single bit of difference if the person asking had been Jiyong or Daesung as the both of them could be easily exchanged - the same tone of voice and kind eyes, equipped with quick sharp questions no one wanted to answer too quickly.  
“Because … because uh,” Hyungwon stuttered, as he had not expected to talk about this with Jiyong or anyone at the given moment. Even stating the fact hadn't made things easier, if anything only clearer and so much more confusing. Honestly he had hoped to be able to simply let his feelings clear out themselves in silence, yet clearly the curiosity of others wouldn’t let it happen. “My first girlfriend, who I thought to be my first love, left me because of my statutes and because her feelings simply disappeared for me. I know Hoseok is not like that, but he is a handsome man, a handsome Suitor. He has such much to give and there are surely others in a much better statues to accept his heart than me - I am only an adoptive. I am scared of losing him and his affections, especially that adorable smile he gives me when I manage to say something entertaining. I am scared of the answer he would give me and if I could actually accept it or not. I wish only happiness for him, even if my heart longs to be said source.”  
“You are scared,” Jiyong concluded, somehow understanding the young mans heart and his desire to do everything right and not have a precious moment dissolve into nothingness. After all there was no greater pain than losing a chance to love and be loved by someone, who truly has decided to love every bit of you as it comes. An understanding made itself clear in his mind, knowing now that he had not to worry and if anything speak words of wisdom filled to the brim with courage, to make sure the younger would go forward with his confession.

“I wish I wouldn’t be scared.” Hyungwon confessed with a broken voice, truly unable to hide how much he wanted for this fear to leave him and simply love Hoseok freely. “I simply wish to have him by my side again.”  
“Miss him?” Jiyong asked once more, looking at the slender man and needing that small bit of confirmation he needed to know Hyungwon had no ill thoughts towards Hoseok. It was so clear to him already, but the vocal agreement would be what would seal the deal in his eyes.  
“More than I ever have anyone.” Another confession so earnest and true it was impossible to be touched by it, leaving Jiyong to simply nod in understanding as he put an arm around the youngers frame and gave him a small but warm hug. They sat in silence as billion diamonds shimmered in the sky above them, to those simple bright lights unknown the complex feelings of a human heart and the endless struggles they brought their owners. Silence was what was needed to calm Hyungwon's aching heart, which longed so loudly to be with Hoseok and not have to discuss these complex matters with anyone else. It always seemed so much easier to talk to Hoseok, because the words came out in a perfect flow of sense and no action contradicted them either. Yet once someone else came into play Hyungwon felt like he was no master of any language only lost in the web of intense emotions clouding his mind and paining his heart.

A part of him was glad Jiyong had been there to listen to him, even if he had been a bit too nosey about the matter - Hyungwon did feel a bit lighter once the fear had been names and somehow labeled. The hug, even if it came from the side and wasn't an all around one, was the mental support needed to further calm down. In a way he was glad that Daesung wasn't here, otherwise probably both would end up crying and being emotional - that would have made the guards even more curious about matters not concerning them.  
"Hyungwon," Jiyong suddenly spoke, looking up at the sky as he smiled at the thousand twinkling lights and they replied with a even brighter glow. "You know whenever I look at Daesung I always thank the day I had enough courage to confess my true feelings to him. Of course I was scared, just like you, but in that moment I had decided that even if I get a no I had at least told Daesung what I felt. I selfishly hoped for a good answer, but mentally prepared for the worst - in the end I got the best present ever and that was the confession from Daesung. In nearly tears he told me about his feelings and how many times he had wished to blur them out to me, too scared he would scare away another Suitor and end up back in the system. I to this day remember how my heart suddenly burst out with nothing but love, my whole being consumed by it and to this day nothing has changed. Every morning I wake up to that bright smile and warm hugs, soft kisses and tender touches - Daesung makes my life just that one bit better. All we both needed was courage, Hyungwon. I understand you are scared, but maybe your heart is braver in this moment than you courage itself? Let your heart lead you when courage has left you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos and feedback highly welcomed.  
> Have been struggling to find my writing muse and also this chapter really was a mess at the start. Honestly I can't wait to edit the next one.


	12. Those three words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When finally the flood gates of feelings and confessions open up.

_A warm breeze blew over Hyungwon’s cheek, soft ruffling his messy hair as the sun above was undisturbed by a single cloud. There was no one else at the sea side, waves coming upon the shore in a gentle manner and nothing around him trying to disturb the tranquillity. This was natures way of creating a safe haven of pure beauty, to let the soul rest and eyes take in what can be created. The moment could not have been better, yet the slender figured knew fully well how he wished to share this beautiful sight with someone else. It was something he felt deep down in his heart, a silent wish begging to be aired out into the world and told with the most honest of words, some maybe not even yet invented and yet needed to fully express himself. Without knowing there was no need for a vocal demand of his desire, because there it was - Hoseok hugging him from behind and able to create a wonderful sense of comfort, peace and calm. Nothing could ease the tension in Hyungwon’s body, but those wonderful strong arms which could erase even the biggest worries from any muscle found in a human being. No place in this world could be safer and also more desirable, because Hyungwon always wished to return into the embrace of Hoseok and never leave. He wanted to bathe his senses in the others wonderful cologne, feel the steady breath on his neck and know a small smile decorated that handsome face. Time could stop right here and now, leaving him to have everything he ever wished for and live happily in a bubble of happiness. Hyungwon wished he could stop time and selfishly only have Hoseok to himself, be locked in these arms and never be torn away - thus the moment he had now he cherished. However the feeling slowly started to slip, fade away and unable to be reached again - it felt like it was being ripped away from Hyungwon unceremoniously._

With a groan of pure annoyance Hyungwon awoke to Daesung nudging him constantly, smiling widely at the asleep creature hating the world from taking him away from dreamland. Daesung seemed to know how to slowly bring someone back into the world of the awake, though seemed apologetic while doing so. The male seemed like the ideal person to be a parental figure, even knowing how to slowly wake up the most stubborn of sleepyheads.  
“Hyungwonnie,” Daesung spoke with his signature eye smile and a soft voice, a lulling one as clearly Hyungwon was not ready to be awake. Truthfully he didn’t, wishing he could cling onto the beautiful dream of simplicity and happiness. “Your phone.”  
The slender figure sleepily glared at the male in pure confusion, his brain only slowly coming back to its sense and blindly the male started to look for his ever buzzing phone. Staring at the screen he honestly wasn’t sure in what language those messages were, puzzled by the curious Hangeul symbols and nothing making sense. Just a few seconds ago he was dreaming of the warm embrace of Hoseok and now needed to somehow be a functional human being - it was a lot to ask of him at seven in the morning. Especially when his brain had been working over time to get his thesis towards the finish line, feeling as if his brain needed even more sleep to come back into working order.  
“You slept deeply indeed,” Daesung chuckled, looking for the first space to take a seat. “Last night rebel bombs landed smack in the middle of Seoul, just about 5 minutes away from our base. Main roads are impassable and I am guessing that you won’t be going to university today, but be here until it is deemed safe to return. Right now the whole base is being checked and made sure no one is missing, has injuries or any other issues.”

Hyungwon nodded before his phone started to buzz angrily in his hands, the male looking at it and realizing it was a call - Minhyuk. Everyone else was probably awake and trying to check on their loved ones, Minhyuk probably having awoken everyone in his friends circle to make sure they were okay. Answering the call the first thing to be heard from Minhyuk was him screaming several curses and other words into the speaker, the volume of his voice making it impossible to understand what he was yelling about. Daesung laughed silently as Hyungwon held the phone away from his ear, only pulling it closer once there was rustling and Jooheons worried voice came through the speaker. That was the difference between the two - Minhyuk would go into loud worried mode, while Jooheon tried to keep his calm while his voice was drenched in concern.  
“Hyungwon! Why the fuck haven’t you picked up your phone? Don’t tell me you have been asleep,” the male spoke, probably having to struggle against Minhyuk, who was not done screaming into his phone. Minhyuk was at times impossible to deal with since once he decided to do something he would walk through concrete walls and look unbothered by such an action. A worried Minhyuk meant he would walk through a war to check up on you and also give a six part lecture on picking up ones phone. In a sense he was the mom of their friends group, even if a bit overbearing and nosey - in the end it was him being always concerned for his friends well being. In Hyungwon's mind Jooheon deserved some sort of award for putting up with his boyfriends antics.  
“Mmhmmm,” Hyungwon let out a sound of agreement, messing with his hair and trying to somehow wake up. He was the worst in the mornings, only gently being awoken by Hoseok seemed to do the trick. Otherwise it was too hard to leave behind sleep, especially when the bed was comfortable and the dreams nice. Right now was the worse case scenario as he had been forcefully awoken and given tasks, which meant he was more than confused about his surroundings. Especially now he decided that not only did he loathe Hoseoks phone, but his own as well - both of them needed to disappear or at least be switched off. 

“You...you actually slept through the attack?” Jooheon asked carefully, nearly laughing at the realization that his wonderfully shy and loyal friend managed not to be awoken by the explosions only five minutes away from the base. Having not heard the sirens that surely went off and only now was awake, because of his cellphone not seeming to respect the idea of sleep. “Ahh..hahah...that explains it. Everyone has been trying to get hold of you ever since the first bombs landed. Hyunwoo is probably walking up walls in worry over you as he awoke each and every one of us to ask if we could get a hold of you, yes even before Minhyuk. There is very little communication and so he doesn’t know what state you are in. The whole city is in lock down mode and no one is allowed to leave their own homes. I guess your professor already emailed you not to come and finish your work where you are. Jesus, Hyungwon, you actually slept through all this? I can’t believe it. Please try to get a hold of Hyunwoo. Anyway okay, okay I will now go calm down Minhyuk. Talk to you soon!”  
Hyungwon listened to everything, feeling rather odd that he hadn’t even stirred while bombs destroyed the last intact areas and truly happy his friends were this worried. Ending the call he saw the endless amounts of calls, texts and messages on several social media platforms. Among them was also one call from Hoseok, which tugged on his heart as he wished he would have been awake for that. Soon enough an odd smile came to his lips, thinking that he really was wealthy in friends and love given to him by the people in his life. 

“We should get breakfast. Jiyong is waiting,” Daesung commented, watching how the long limbs of Hyungwon only slowly obeyed the commands from their owner. He didn’t want to ask too many questions from the half asleep figure, only wanting a nod that Hyungwon heard him and he could go back to his place to change. After all right now he was in his PJs and morning gown, having only come over to check that Hyungwon wasn’t sitting in a corner terrified.  
Once he had the nod of agreement, the male left and Hyungwon was left to sit on his bed trying to push the last bits of sleep off him - a truly hard task. The room looked the same, even though he knew outside of it a good part of Seoul had been once more destroyed - wiped from this earth and soon from memory. He wondered how much would be left of this city, how many of the memory once housed in those buildings would be remembered without the physical embodiment. With a heavy sigh he left his thoughts and wonderful dream in his bed, while he went to show and get ready for breakfast - food was a good enough motivator to get himself going again. 

The whole city was in lockdown for nearly two and a half weeks, with no one let in or able to get out - that meant Hyungwon sitting in the staff room and silently typing away on his thesis. At any hour of the day one guard was about ten steps away from him, watching over the slender figure and not speaking a single word. A marble statue could do that job just as well, but not look as menacing as the male did. The first day Hyungwon felt extremely uncomfortable as the male held onto a semi automatic gun - it was the first time he had ever seen such a thing up close and felt feat the moment he saw it. Slowly he grew accustomed to it being around, even if he questioned why. The only disturbance came from Daesung, who insisted that the slender figure would eat and at least walk a few hours in the day. Jiyong was barely seen, rushing between military buildings and looking deeply exhausted whenever they managed to have dinner together. As the week rolled on worry slowly etched itself on Daesungs face, leaving Hyungwon to try and comfort the male on their walks - they were a comfort for each other, even if Daesung didn’t know.  
The lockdown also meant one thing that truly hurt Hyungwon’s heart - Hoseok was not able to return home ending up being stranded at a foreign UN station. In the moment of despair came small moments of light as Hyungwon and Hoseok, without much previous discussion started to send each other pictures. Oddly enough conversations over the phone seemed to impersonal, calls or texts, too shallow and thus somehow showing the other what they saw conveyed more than typed out words. Hyungwon, subconsciously, held himself back as he didn’t want to tell Hoseok how much he missed and longed for the other through text. He had this wish to say it in person, to look into those caring eyes of Hoseok and speak from his heart, not stare at a cold screen waiting for a reply that never could convey emotions. Maybe once the first time he had spoken those words and knew the weight they carried, he could type them out on his phone and send them off - for now they were too precious to be given the hard task to convey everyone he wished.  
Seeing the same moon, living under the same stars or simply having pictures of the day to day life. Hoseok would send pictures from the gym or the walks he would take around the base, which was hidden deep in a thick forest filled to the brim with different kind of green plants. Hyungwon in return would send pictures of his studies, from walks with Daesung in areas that were allowed. After the first three days, it got difficult to send him anything Hoseok didn’t know by heart and so started the selfies, mostly with him already close to knocking out in bed. Hyungwon did manage to get some selfies during study breaks, where he started to loath his thesis that didn’t want to seem to come to an end.  
To Hoseok they were a pure god send as he had missed seeing Hyungwon’s face more than anything else, even if it meant his heart ached and mind constantly day dreamed up ideas how things would be if he could be with the other. The adorable half asleep expressions Hyungwon carried was what warmed Hoseoks heart and also left him wishing to have the slender figure back in his embrace. No bigger wish sat in his heart than to tell Hyungwon how his heart had once more learned something so valuable, so endlessly needed in his life. In the lonely nights staying guard he had time to think, to listen to his mind and heart - in the end it was obvious he had completely fallen for the handsome slender male. 

After probably another two weeks Hoseok was finally able to return to Seoul, phone filled to the brim with picture of his Hyungwon and his whole existence desiring to be with the slender figure. The plane ride back seemed longer than usual, the seconds ticking by just as slowly as hours would and his own heart growing restless, unable to wait a second longer. Even before boarding the plane he knew how his heart begged Hoseok to finally come clean to Hyungwon, even if they had been apart for so long. Thinking about it the pair had never really had a lot of time to spend, but when they did it was intense and emotion driven, letting them grow closer rather quickly. Add to that Hoseok felt like there was never a set time to how long one would take to fall for another - some took seconds, weeks, months, years and in their case maybe a few important moments shared between them. For now he longed to return home, to return to Hyungwon.  
Hyungwon, together with Daesung and Jiyong, were able to return to Eagles Eye only a few hours before Hoseok was set to land. The fact that the man would return was one that everyone knew, especially not Jiyong as the higher ups decided to slowly start moving their officers back home. It was decided such actions would be only logical way to proceed and not endanger anyones return back home - after all the latest intel was that the enemy forces now had fighter jets. Back home UN wanted to make sure everything was safe and that Eagles Eye still was a suitable location to live, but also on request of Jiyong as he saw how Hyungwon needed only a bit more to finish his thesis. Other staff and inhabitants of said building returned the moment the chance of given, many disliking the housing at the base and wished for a more intimate setting which was not apart of the military base world. JIyong had extended their stay in the rather quiet and focused army base to give the slender figure time to focus, a move very much welcomed by Daesung. Only a few hours before departure Hyungwon announced to have finished his thesis of nearly seventy pages and was greeted with the news he could return home. With glee the slender figure packed his bags, hoping deep down this meant Hoseoks return as well.

Once back home he dropped his things in his room, changed into nothing more than a large hoodie and sweats before crashing on the large sofa, his whole body feeling heavy and the heaviest his eyes. Switching on the TV he simply laid there as his exhausted mind tried to gleefully cheer at the fact he was finished with his thesis, even though a thought didn’t seem to last longer than a second. After months of living in a library, ramen and coffee he would hand in the work that possibly was the ticket for a masters and further education. Knowing Hosoek supported him was what kept the male going even if he grew tired, annoyed or disinterested from writing his final bachelor's work. Hyungwon slowly started to drift off, unable to follow neither a trail of thought or the TV show.  
Only two hours later Hoseok arrived home, the bag dropping from his hand the moment he left the lift and his heart hoping to find Hyungwon somewhere, maybe awake and ready to greet him. Rushing into the apartment he noticed the TV being on and nearly wanted to loudly greet the other, only noticing the tall figure curled up on the sofa. Immediately his mind flashed back to when he found a slightly drunk Hyungwon hugging a pillow, not wishing to part from it. It had been the first time he noticed how handsome the male was and how he wished to protect him, hide the slender figure away from the world and the negativity it held. The simple memory made Hoseok smile as he rounded the sofa and sat close to where the sleeping figure was resting. It wasn’t hard to notice those deep dark circles under Hyungwon’s eyes and the tension filling every bit of the others body. With a sigh Hoseok wished he could have been here the last weeks, months, able to give some sort of remedy to the exhausted body of Hyungwon. 

Slowly he moved to get the remote, turning off whatever show was on and deciding he should carry the other to bed - the sofa was comfortable, but not ideal to sleep on. Trying to move silently, making sure not to disturb the others slumber, Hoseok picked Hyungwon up bridal style and started walking towards the others bedroom. Trying to be as silent as possible, he didn’t think the other would awake from being carried until he saw the youngers face contort a bit and eyes sleepily half opening just as Hoseok was entering Hyungwons room. Gazes met, the sleepy expression on the others face melted Hoseoks heart and he wished he could right then and there tell the slender figure all his heart desires.  
“Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked with a sleepy, nearly hoarse voice, trying to figure out what was happening and if the wasn’t confusing the male with someone else. A smile cracked over Hoseoks whole face, watching how Hyungwon looked around with a frown and then back at him - that sleepy expression would forever be burnt into Hoseoks mind. “No…”  
Hoseok raised a brow to the males word, unsure what he should do and moved more into Hyungwon’s room to set him down. Confusion running together with hurt, he had hoped that the time apart hadn’t meant their physical contact would also lessen - even though he would respect the others wish if it was like that. After all they hadn’t been able to properly talk or be together for big chunks of time, of course feelings change. Ready to set the male down and promise not to initiate any more physical contact, he notice how this wasn't fully what Hyungwon meant either, waiting for another peep to come from the half asleep figure fighting with fatigue.  
“No…” Hyungwon muttered again, arms moving to clutch onto Hoseoks shirt and leaving the other to stop any action. 

“Don’t want to sleep here?” Hoseok asked, maybe a bit too hopefully from the sleepy figure muttering the same word over like a small child having learnt his first word, stubbornly repeating it. A small sleepy nod immediately came from Hyungwon, Hoseoks arms tightening around the others figure a bit as he couldn’t control the happiness he felt. “Okay. Then no. Let us go sleep.”  
With glee shaking his heart he watched how Hyungwon tried to curl up against his chest even more and seek out physical contact with Hoseok, the sleepy figure still finding comfort in their closeness. With easier steps Hoseok left behind Hyungwon’s bedroom and entered his own, silently placing the slender figure on his bed, watching him curl up even more. Nearly too hastily did he rid himself of his clothing and changed into more comfortable sleepwear, consisting of PJ bottoms and no top. Easily he slipped under his covers, slowly guiding Hyungwon to do the same and hoping it wouldn’t disturb the others sleep too much, only finding how adorably clingy the slender figure was in such a state. No pillow was needed as Hoseok’s chest was enough, even blankets seemed surplus as long as he could cuddle Hoseok. Right now Hyungwon could easily be the cutest koala.  
In the silence of a moonless night Hoseok held the sleeping figure, somehow too excited to find sleep and too happy to even need it. He felt at home, at ease and happy that even the distance between them didn’t change a thing. Slowly time moved forward, Hoseok feeling a sense of calm washing over him as he sunk into the bed more and more. The steady breath of Hyungwon brushed over his skin, the sleeping figure not ready to move a inch away from the man he had missed for so long. Finally sleep took over Hoseok at the early hours of the morning, hugging the slender figure firmly against his body and not sure if he would ever let go again.

Morning came slowly, the sun hidden behind thick grey clouds promising to bring rain and not sunlit skies. Hoseoks usually light filled room was more hidden in shadows, as both figures slowly started to stir from their sleep, clearly still wishing to dedicate themselves to slumber for a few more hours. Yet the day ahead was not free of tasks, thus neither could simply lounge around in the soft warm sheets and enjoy the company of each other, even if that was exactly what both would have welcomed. Simply one morning with no real commitments other than to each other. Hyungwon slowly opened his eyes, confusion washing over him before realizing Hoseok had returned home and with that Hyungwon having done the same. With a sleepy smile he looked up to see the other half asleep expression, noting how wonderfully adorable the military man looked with bed hair and having to fight to keep conscious. Exhaustion had happily settled into Hoseoks features along with the strain of the long hours from UN work - Hyungwon felt worry over picking up those small signs.  
“Morning,” Hoseok croaked out in a sleepy raspy voice, a tone that Hyungwon found incredibly sexy and wished he could hear it a lot more.  
“Morning,” he quickly replied, somehow more aware of how close he was to a half naked Hoseok and how every inch of him wished to stay like this. Maybe with less clothing articles - the latter thought pushed into the back of his mind rather quickly. “I finished my thesis.”  
“Ou?” Hoseok asked, knowing full well how hard the other had been working on it - if anything the bags under Hyungwon’s eyes were a clear confirmation to it. Smiling on of his hands moved from under the blanket to let his finger silently trace the bags under the others eyes, letting out a small sigh. “Who would have thought?”

Although wanting to establish a joking mood, the aura around them did turn quickly and a tension built up between them as Hoseoks delicate figures traced the males cheek, thumb moved over the others forehead and fingers finally softly combed the others locks. Gazes locked there was suddenly so much unsaid that it was impossible to figure out a way to state what they wished, what they desired to say to each other and phones never could. Both tried to open their mouths to speak, to push their vocal cords to bend to the will of their heart and speak the words having to be held back for so long - yet nothing. There was only the soft touch of Hoseok’s fingers alternating between combing through those silken locks and tracing the other beautiful features, remembering each and single detail. It was such a light touch, like a feather brushing against the skin and leaving behind the most exquisite of feelings.  
Hyungwon’s face was slender, bone structure clear and eyes so filled with a wide range of emotions that Hoseok could feel lumps in his throat and trying to push them aside. All the nights spent confirming the matters of the heart seemed far in the distance as he wasn’t sure what to say and how. Same was with Hyungwon, never having seen Hoseoks eyes brimming with different emotions - they urged him to speak as well as begged him to not bring hurt. The influx of so many complex and heavy feelings was what seemed to render both speechless, maybe because after such a long time apart it was hard to find the right words for the emotions inside of them.  
“Hoseok, I…” Hyungwon started, somehow working up the courage to at least say something as simple as ‘welcome back’ or ‘wanna grab breakfast’ - in the end he choked on his own feelings. Swallowing, thickly, he tried once more and hoped his heart would give the courage the rest of him lacked. “I...what I want to say...I…”

Once more the disturbing figure in the room was Hoseoks phone going off, leaving the small spark of courage to leave Hyungwon and simply look away from the intense gaze they shared between each other. Hoseok hesitated to move, but in the end did as he knew he could never ignore a phone call that came to his phone - it was his work, one which he loved. Hyungwon was left in their bed and silently tried to work on a plan, somehow hoping with more time he would have enough courage to say everything and be completely vulnerable. Why he was so hesitant about everything was the realisation that once he spoke what his heart wished for, it left him out in the open - unguarded and exposed. He feared rejection, because was not sure he could take such a blow - not from Hoseok. Even though a part of him was sure Hoseok felt something for him, he wasn't sure if what they felt were on equal levels and if not his own emotions would be burdensome to the other, maybe even make Hoseok give him back. That fear nearly left him paralyzed, unable to think clearly. Curling up in bed Hyungwon figured he could hand in his thesis and then, yes then could speak with Hoseok calmly.

Feeling a dip in the bed, he peaked out to see Hoseok seated at the foot of the bed and still talking, back to him. Bottom lip between his teeth Hyungwon wished to move, to hug the male from the back and cling onto him, maybe beg for Hoseok not to go and for once not to obey a command from the UN. Without thinking he moved out of the warm cocoon of the sheets and towards Hoseok, wordlessly wrapping his arms around the males middle as his face was conveniently hidden in the others strong broad back. Hyungwon for now didn't want to see the others face or discuss anything, he needed to simply hold onto Hoseok while his heart would beg him to finally speak what feelings he carried. After all they had a moment in time to do so, even if that pesky phone interrupted them quite frequently.  
Once the call ended there was silence filling every corner of the room, neither of them moving or every want too - Hoseok only wished to see Hyungwons face and ask what the latter wished to say only a few minutes ago. Silently he started to turn in the others arms, trying to see that handsome face and let the tension between them somehow slowly erase itself from existence. Yet while the wish was there, Hyungwon was not ready to face the music and chose the moment to rub sleep from his eyes and try to avoid the questioning look from Hoseok. He couldn't do this yet, not yet.  
"Hyungwon, what did you want to say?" Hoseok asked calmly, trying to somehow see the others face and drawing blanks instead. He of course could be the one to speak his mind, to let out everything his heart was struggling to hold in and yet the same fear of being vulnerable overcame him. This was Hyungwon, the slender figure with a bright mind, adorable smile and caring heart, who had slowly reawakened a dormant part in Hoseoks heart. How could he express his feelings truthfully and honestly? Up until this point he had only figured things out in the solitude of his own mind, but never put them into words which seemed to fade in comparison to his feelings.  
"Uhm, I wanted to say that I need to print and hand in my thesis. Yeah, but seeing work has..."  
"No work. It was a call that I have a weeks worth of vacation. We can go do the errands together, right?" Hoseok cut in and somehow wasn't sure if he was happy that Hyungwon had picked a mundane life task or not. Something in him knew that clearly the first thing the slender figure said after a long time apart wouldn't be about that thesis, yet for now neither seemed fully ready to jump over the shadow of small yet paralyzing fear. For now a small mundane thing could be the buffer for a conversation hanging in the air, one which would never be simple or emotionless and yet needed to happen in order for the both of them to move forward. 

The morning rolled on slowly as both of them showered and ordered breakfast, realizing close to everything in the fridge had turned spoiled as no one had been in the apartment for so long. All this time there was a tension between them that neither could put into words or a question, simply felt how it weighed down even the simplest of small talk. Hoseok tried to figure out a way to simply bring their conversation to a point where the tension would melt away as both could speak their minds, yet either him or Hyungwon simply chickened out. The latter tried his best to keep to the small game plan, that seemed silly and unneeded yet for now was all he had to cling onto as the last piece of protective armour. Although he trusted Hoseok and figured Hoseok felt something for him as well, the missing certainty and small fear of rejection kept him from being fully open and honest.  
Thus the tension was carried by both of them, driving in silence to the university which had its very own department in the library dedicated to printing and binding students work. Hyungwon, just to be sure, had his thesis saved in two external hard drives, three memory sticks and sent it to his own email - after all these months he couldn't lose that precious baby. Arriving the the university was like coming to a ghost town like scenario as the parking lot was empty and a few people walked around. Even now people were fearful of another attack and thus the university had allowed the students to finish their work where it was safe, only needing to arrive if they needed to hand something in. Anyone else, who would have had lectures, simply was offered online services until the authorities deemed the area safe again. Honestly a part of Hyungwon had hoped his friends would be close by to push the tension away for a little bit and be able to focus on other things, not his heart begging to come clean.

Walking to the library Hyungwon had in his eyes found small specks of luck as Hyunwoo and Jongsuk were on their ways to hand in their carefully nurtured thesis work. Giving a small smile to both, he was glad to have a distraction as they waited for everything to print and be properly bound into a book filled with knowledge, as well as they key to graduate from bachelor's. Hoseok chose to mostly speak to Hyunwoo as the latter conveyed to him how Hyungwon had slept through the attack, the frenzy behind trying to get ahold of the slender figure and how their friend Minhyuk was ready to walk to that army base. Everyone found amusement in the story, leaving Hyungwon to whine about the fact that his friend would tell this to both Hoseok and Jongsuk - although silently happy that this way the tension had left for a little while.  
"Come on you slept through a bomb attack," Hyunwoo teased, somehow aware of Hyungwon's nervous energy and hoping this would erase it only a little bit. "Who sleeps through a bomb attack so close to them?"  
"I was tired," Hyungwon came out with his defense, leaving everyone else to chuckle in pure amusement and him even cracking a smile. "Plus you didn't hear how Minhyuk yelled into the phone once I picked up. Luckily Jooheon could wrestle the phone from his boyfriends hands and I could have a calmer conversation."  
They continued on with small comments on the event, while waiting and Hoseok with great distaste noted how openly Jongsuk showed his own wishes. The tall figure chose a close proximity to Hyungwon, which the latter didn't seem to mind, and clearly was a lot more eager to talk to him than to anyone else there. Hoseok knew those gazes, knew those emotions and intensions held in the others dark brown orbs - it irked him to no end and also wondered how Hyungwon could stay so blind to them. 

Once the works were all bound and ready, they started to walk to their respective professors room, Hyunwoo promising to come back once he had dropped off his work. Silence settled between Hoseok, Hyungwon and Jongsuk as they walked towards professor Choi's office and unable to strike up a conversation, leaving the tension to once more settle between Hoseok and Hyungwon. It slowly crept up with small glances at each other and the endless unspoken words piling up till they threatened to bury them alive under them. Luckily before that could happen they arrived at the right office, Jongsuk and Hyungwon slipping inside to hand in their precious body of work. Hoseok was left there to stand, choosing to move towards a nearby window and simply wait until they were done. He had never been a man of jealousy, but right now he felt a kind of it as it dawned on him how many hours Jongsuk had with Hyungwon that he had missed out on. It left his mood to turn sober, a fact that didn't slip past Hyunwoo, who arrived about ten minutes later and tried to understand the situation on hand. From mister Choi's office one could hear small bursts of laughter, leaving Hoseok to frown ever so slightly before his face turned unreadable once more.  
"Mister Shin," Hyunwoo spoke and wasn't fully sure what he would say, especially once those unreadable eyes locked with his own. Swallowing he knew that gaze all too well as his own father had the same one, seemingly being the one thing every person working for or with the UN somehow managed to learn. A gaze that could not be decoded and left the question on the table how someoene truly felt about a situation - something Hyunwoo had grown to dislike. "Hyungwon is my close and dear friend. He is a wonderful man, but scared from his past and scared for what can happen to him as a man without a statues. Me, probably all of his closest friends feel very protective of him. Hyungwon is...he is someone I care for deeply, so my only request from you is to cherish him."  
Hoseok was taken aback from those words, not having expected such a statement to be made by the otherwise stoic looking Hyunwoo and thus had no good reply to give. Hearing the door of the office slowly being opened, he simply gave a firm nod of agreement and received an agreeing one back from Hyunwoo, who seemed happy with the given response. Jongsuk and Hyungwon exited the office space, clearly a burden left behind and much happier than they had been walking inside. Leaning against the now closed door Jongsuk looked at Hyungwon like he was the most rarest jewel in this world, eyes crinkling on the sides as a smile was fixed on his face. Hyungwon looked at his friend and Hoseok, giving them a bright smile before turning his focus back onto Jongsuk. In silence he was glad to have had this wonderful person as a travel buddy through the rough seas of a thesis time, able to ask for advice and be able to find a new friend to cherish. Jongsuk was easy to talk to and make silly jokes, lift ones mood when the reality was that ones mind was rather tired from the endless work. 

“So,” Jongsuk spoke, looking at Hyungwon as they stood before the professor's office with Hoseok and Hyunwoo standing a few feet away waiting for the slender figure to be finished. He took notice of Hoseok with a small unhappy look on his face that only flashed over his featured before it was replaced by a unreadbale expression. “Do you have any plans after having finished your bachelor's thesis?”  
“Rest my eyes from reading too much? Not only think about the thesis? Sleep?” Hyunwong spoke, with a small chuckle coming from his lips - both men seemed to find it amusing. Jongsuk was leaning closer to Hyungwon, a move he did rather naturally and wasn’t even noticed by Hyungwon anymore, but was by the two men observing. Hoseok felt annoyance over the fact that Hyungwon was so blind to the body language speaking boldly of Jongsuks wishes, hidden desires and affections. Meanwhile Hyunwoo could only mentally sigh as Minhyuk had been correct and his social radar was too finely tuned. “Otherwise I need to wait for the responses from the review board and do the verbal part around autumn. I honestly would rather not do the later part since they could easily rip my work apart. I hate public speaking.”  
“That is such a small amount to do,” Jongsuk said, taking a step closer to create a much more intimate moment between them even though standing in the wide university halls. Hoseok could feel something inside him rage, but he held back and knew that this was him being simply mindlessly jealous and needing to keep his feelings in check. This was truly the first time he found himself like this and was wandering if it came from the uncertainty of his own relationship with Hyungwon, not the dislike for Jongsuk. “I am sure they won’t grill you too hard, because you have backed up every argument with ideal examples. The work, as professor Choi said, is nearly flawless for someone who is only finishing his bachelors.”  
Hyungwon nearly blushed at the comment, laughing it off a bit awkwardly and not himself that sure his work would be that ideal. After all he felt like it could have been better, could have included more examples and maybe even more hours invested into it. He would probably never be a hundred percent pleased with his efforts, but for now was simple glad this burden was off his tired shoulders. “Uh I hope. So what about you?”

“Me? I think return to a normal non thesis life as well?” Jongsuk joked, Hyungwon chuckling along as both of them had spend ungodly hours only focusing on their work, neglecting their social and normal lives. It had gradually become this natural thing to push aside social commitments only to ensure the work one did would come out as they wished and not be sloppy. The longer one stayed int he library the bigger the wish to find several good arguments for every made statements, examples seemingly popping out from every corner. Jongsuk shifted a bit closer, his body language boldly wishing for physical contact with Hyungwon. Such actions had been the dead give away to Hyunwoo what the other males intensions were and had tried to alarm Hyungwon about it. However instead of his friend taking notice, Minhyuk had chosen to see everything with his own eagle vision and could only confirm what Hyunwoo already know. Much to everyones surprise Minhyuk didn't really make many comments, only stating a confirmation. “So...I think I will start right away - would you like to go on a date with me? I know a place that serves amazing Italian food - I figured after several months of cheap ramen and water, a nice meal would be a good change. Give us the chance to talk about something else than the energy efficiency of a building. What do you say?”  
Hyungwon stared at the male with a raised brows, eyes darting over to Hyunwoo and Hoseok before coming back to Jongsuk and giving him a small awkward smile. He wasn’t fully sure what this meant, mainly because it came unexpected and he had been put on the spot - two things that always left him at a loss for words. They had gotten along so well and Hyungwon had seen the other as a very good friend because so many interests aligned nearly perfectly, along with their humor and eagerness to succeed. Slowly it sank in that he had been indeed asked out, but no part of him wished to accept the offer. The man before him was a good friend, with whom it had been so easy to put together his thesis and make at times too nerdy jokes. Not someone he would consider dating, however stunningly handsome and smart he was.  
“Uh,” he let out a sound, feeling how the air around him had grown intense and burdensome. Swallowing Hyungwon knew his answer even without needing to put much thought into it. “I’m sorry, but I have to decline. Sorry. No.”

“So there someone else, huh?” Jongsuk asked as if he had expected it and yet still gave it a shot. His eyes quickly darted over to Hoseok and had to admit defeat, even if he had wished for a different answer. “I mean I figured, seeing how you are both handsome and with brains. Well I at least asked and know the answer. See you around.”  
Jongsuk gave the male a small wave before leaving, his step quicker than usual, Hyungwon left to stare at his friends back as Hyunwoo came closer to put a hand onto the males shoulder. Hyunwoo chose to ignore what had happened, feeling the man behind him would address that instead. This was clearly not the setting to discuss such matters and hoped dearly that at least his friend would find the courage to speak from the heart even if the fear was greater. In silence Hyunwoo chose not to tell Minhyuk that he had been right and spear his friend from the endless questioning, simply since for now other things mattered more and Minhyuk could be nosy later.  
“Finally done?” he asked with a small smile on his face, giving Hyungwon’s shoulder a small squeeze of encouragement. Hyungwon could hear how Hoseoks dammed phone went off again, watching with dismay how the other walked ahead of them. A small sigh passed his lips, but he nodded firmly to confirmation and gave his close friend a half baked smile to hide away the small despair in his soul. He only had wanted to hand in the thesis and then talk to Hoseok, but seeing how the latter walked away now somehow dimmed the happiness over finishing his work. An emotional roller coaster was not for which Hyungwon had bargained for.  
“Uh,” the other let out a sound and nodded, needing a moment to gather himself. “Yes. I handed everything in and probably will have to defend my work before a board after the summer.”

“Good. I’ll walk with you to the car,” Hyunwoo spoke, nudging the other to walk and not take notice of the tension that suddenly accompanied them, now even more clearly than before. “My mom is expecting you to dinner again, but I think before that we all deserve a small break from everything.”  
Hyungwon nodded, his eyes glued to Hoseok tense back and trying to hear something from the phone call - yet he was with no luck and thus focused on his friend. At this moment he was glad for his brother like friend to hang around, because it was nothing less than infuriating than to hear that phone go off and not able to talk to Hoseok. Silently he wished he could get rid of that bothersome device, maybe hand it to Hyunwoo and ask the man to hide it until he has had the chance to really talk to Hoseok. Maybe flushing the phone down the toilet could be another way or simply crushing it under a bolder - so many thoughts and none seemed realistic. “I will naturally come to the dinner. I will have a chance to meet you fiancee again and chat to her a bit more.”  
"Ah," he spoke with a small awkward smile on his face, looking at his friend before sighing, "My engagement has ended. My father and mother did not agree with several of her and her families views, especially on how the setting would be after our marriage and more delicate topics. My father especially had come to find their political views not to align with those of our family and could not support this kind of arrangement. My mother at first was not sure, but after a conversation with my father she changed her mind quickly and rather firmly, thus they decided this was not the way to go. Thus the engagement was ended about two weeks ago, agreeing not to let the press know until the general election within the part had happened. Personally I...I am happy."  
"Ou?" Hyungwon spoke, clearly surprised by this bit of news and wondering if his friend truly was happy or was choosing to say this. Looking at Hyunwoo he studied those all too familiar features, unable to come to a singular conclusion and yet figuring he would not ask too much just as his friend hadn't. Such matters were never simple and clear, but a complex tangled mess that took some time to clear out and make sense to everyone involved.

The walk to the car seemed shorter than usual, leaving Hyungwon to say his goodbyes and get into the car where a very stone faced Hoseok sat and waited, somehow battling with himself and not feeling comfortable enough to speak what was weighing so heavily on his mind. Tension between them was thick and heavy, weighing down any chance for a conversation and a brighter mood to take over. Hyungwon wasn’t sure what to say, especially as every time they managed to get around to the topic something had to interrupt them - be it that phone, their own fears or a confession out of the blue. There never seemed a right moment to make sure the setting was right to speak about what both had wanted for so long. Hyungwon by now felt like his own emotions were crushing him, needing to be let out and shown to the other - even if there would not come a positive answer, he would silently sweep his feelings under the rug and let them be.  
Finally at home they walked in silence towards the elevator, watching the metal doors open and shut once they were inside. The ride up onto their floor was spent looking everywhere, but into each others eyes and both men battled with the near discomfort of the silence between them.  
They arrived on their floor and Hoseok bolted out of the elevator first, taking a few steps and then stopping to turn to watch Hyungwon walk out as well and with a sigh push off his shoes. Even now the slender figure didn't seem to want to make eye contact, which seemed to be enough to shatter the silence between them.  
“This morning, what was it you wanted to tell me,” he suddenly asked, taking Hyungwon aback by the sudden question. Face unreadable Hoseok looked at the other and something in Hyungwon clicked into place - it was probably the only chance he would get to say what he had told to the stars and the moon, whispered in the solitude in his room in the army base.  
“I uh,” Hyungwon spoke, not sure how he could answer the question with the words he wished to use. In the confusion of emotions words failed him as well as they disappeared from his mind, nothing useful coming to him as he watched the tension between them only grow, suffocating the younger of the pair. “Hoseok, what do you mean?”  
“This morning...today you...you,” Hoseok spoke and sighed heavily, gaze and head dropping, struggling to hold a composure he wasn’t used to having to hold. His resolution to finally ask and get everything out in the open crumbled, maybe because of Hyungwon's question which was born out of being taken aback by the others sudden inquiry. “I should have known that I wouldn’t be the only one to fall for you. The day I heard Jongsuks name come out of your mouth I knew I should be careful of a man, who was known as the dream boat of the whole university. I spent nights hoping he wouldn't catch your eye and....”

“Hoseokkie,” Hyungwon spoke with such endearment that the others head snapped up to look at the slender figure as he approached, falling silent. Having listened to Hoseok Hyungwon was fed the confidence he needed to simply hand over the power of his vocal chords to his heart and switch off his ever doubtful brain. That did mean he could finally say what he had been trying to do since this morning, but it didn't mean it would all come out in one logical sentence. “Hoseok, I uh, well. Hoseok...Hoseokkie...you know, uhm heard Jongsuk said that he figured I had someone else when I turned him down. He is right, I do.”  
“He...he is?” Hoseok asked, not sure where this conversation was going, but his heart was begging in silence for a good outcome. With silent whispers it hoped that finally he could spoke freely about his feelings, not having to hold them in and ache in pain over the secret. If before the tension between them was deafening then now it was overloaded with emotions, leaving them both to try and grasp onto the simple words of their language to speak the complex thoughts of their feelings. It was no simple task as every single time a word would fit it seemed it could not fill out the shoes it needed to, falling short and unable to convey everything properly.  
“He is,” Hyungwon finally spoke in confirmation, taking another step closer as a small shy smile came to his lips. He looked so adorable with the shy smile and hopeful eyes, like a puppy wanting to finally receive the love it had not known before and yet wished to now. “Someone else has been slowly making a nest in my heart with comforting words, warm embraces and taking me for me. Someone, whose smile makes me smile and makes me ache for them when they are away for long periods of time, leaving me to whispers my feelings into lonely nights with no one to hear them. Someone, who came into my life and simply ended up being the right person, the person I needed to move forward and get to know what it means when your heart brims with glee, simply because the person you care for so deeply smiled. Know how it feels to desire for someone, truly miss them and above all know how precious are the moments to be with them, only them and the world being left behind a closed door. To understand that even if I fall short in some areas together we can overcome what has been a burden for so long and help each other heal, to understand each other and care for each other. Hoseok...I...”

“You like me?” Hoseok breathed out hopefully, looking at Hyungwon with nothing more than love in his eyes and feeling how his own insecurities came from a constantly overthinking thinking mind and previous scars not letting him move forward with his life. All the while his heart had powerfully declared nothing, but love for the slender figure and did not care if it would be returned as long as it would be allowed to love. All Hoseok wished to do was to love Hyungwon.  
“I love you,” Hyungwon corrected Hoseok ever so slightly, feeling as if he whispered those words and courage not fully there to scream it out to the world. There was a silence as Hoseok closed the gap between them and Hyungwon for the first time found out what a joy it was to be pressed against the nearest wall. With one swift movement the male was pressed between Hoseoks body and the wall, lips only inches away from the others and his heart pounding in rapid speed. Head cradled by Hoseoks one hand as the other arm slowly curled around Hyungwons middle. Without hesitation the slender figure looped his arms around Hoseoks neck, giving him the shiest smile as his eyes sparkled with affection and joy to be in the arms he had missed for so long. This was his home and comfort, where he could lose himself and also find the support from Hoseok - something that seemed to be present whatever time of day.  
“Please,” Hoseok begged with the softest of voices, nearly whispering his plea, simply wanting to hear those three words again and hope his rapidly beating heart wouldn’t stop trying to combust with nothing but joy, “Please say it again.”  
“I love you,” Hyungwon said, feeling like now he could speak those three words with even more confidence than before and smile brightly as he could not stop himself from confessing, repeating them a few more times as he left small pecks against Hoseoks cheeks and forehead. There was a bit of shyness in his actions as the more passionate one clearly seemed to be Hoseok and his own passion slowly grew in confidence to start matching up to that of his lover. The louder those words left his lips, the more confidence grew within him and heart seemingly pounding in his ears. He had set aside the final piece of armour, having taken a leap of faith into the strong arms of Hoseok and knew his fears had no more reason to exist.  
Soft lips were pressed up against his own as Hoseok took the chance, finally able to claim those lips without a single hindrance in the way and unable to hold back a single second longer, emotions driving him on along with a heart fully blooming under the warm light of the love Hyungwon provided. Moulding together their lip lock slowly grew in passion, their feelings poured into it bit by bit as they found a rhythm and motion to everything. Hoseok had hungered for a kiss for so long he was unable to hold back, having wanted to claim those plush lips of Hyungwons for the longest of time. Even now his heart was beating rapidly, seemingly picking up pace because of the shared kiss, because they could finally openly share what they desired for. “I love you”, he whispered out against Hyungwon's lips as he felt his own brush against those of the other, taking the chances to speak as he break the kiss fully and let his heart speak as loudly as possible. “Good god, I love you.I have spent hours upon hours trying to find the courage for these words, trying to find the courage and strength to tell you this without fearing rejection. I dreamt of you, I wished for you and held back so many times to claim these beautiful lips - Hyungwon, I love you. I have spent the last months loving you and wishing for nothing more than endless amounts of time to show the depth of my feelings for you, only you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments and feedback are highly welcomed.  
> Finally had the chance to finish and edit this chapter. Hope you guys like it!


	13. J'ai remarqué que vous aviez... des lèvres magnifiques.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now with the confession out of the way, let us see how these two work with their now reality.
> 
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> This chapter is dedicated to ever so wonderful, amazing and my fucking rock [jungleo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jungleo).

Their lips moved together rather naturally, Hoseok being the one to lead their liplock and Hyungwon following along effortlessly. The couch, which previously was only there for them to hug on, now started to get a makeover as Hoseok nugged the slender figure to lay down as he possessively kissed the pair of plush lips he might have had some wet dreams about. Truth to be told jealousy rushed through his veins the moment that bright smiling doctors graduate had asked Hyungwon out, having to somehow bottle it up until it found a good outlet. He had planned to let it all out while boxing, yet now found a much more suitable and rather good way. Neither of them had to be shy about their full lips, yet Hyungwon was on another level and Hoseok had for a while wished to devour them, wanting to see if they puffed up even more during a make out session. In the darker depths of his mind where lust ruled unchallenged there had been several selected thoughts about those lips. How they would feel to be kissed, what sounds would pass through and a curiosity grew to know what was hidden under the clothes Hyungwon wore. Right now his lust pushed into the forefront, demanding for its curiosities to be satisfied and not ready to be substituted for any other wish or desire. For so long he had pondered, imagined and let his mind take a plunge into the gutter, unable to hold back the growing passion he felt for the male - unfiltered and unabashed. It was the physical side that could now freely express itself in Hoseoks body language and the sweet whispers of love would rest, recharge their batteries to be expressed again in the right moment. 

Hands slowly started to wander, Hoseok a lot more curious and faster - for so many nights he had wanted to grab hold of the others ass and squeeze it, get a good feel for it. Hyungwon didn’t wear form fitting clothing, leaving the curves of his body a mystery. Now he found out that the younger admit the most wonderful shy moan he had ever heard, having to repeat the action quite a few times. His hands itched to feel Hyugwons skin under his finger tips, yet wasn’t sure how far the other was willing to go at this very moment. There was a small amount of shyness and uncertainty in his action, contradicting with his eagerly exploring fingers. They had confessed, sure, but Hoseok knew that Hyungwon had not had the amount of experience that he had and so they would need to try and take things slowly.   
Hyungwon was quite a bit more shy with his actions, yet it didn’t mean his whole self tried to cling onto Hoseok for dear life as he felt himself become breathless and cheeks flushed. Wanting to kiss Hoseok, but also desiring for air he broke the kiss off as he gasped air into his lungs. It was what he wished to do, yet Hoseoks hand once more groped his ass so firmly he let out a much louder moan than intended as his hips ever so slightly bucked forward. A bright blush bloomed onto his cheeks, hearing how the sound seemingly bounced off every single wall in the apartment. Too much at once, not enough to really satisfy his craving for more than was given. 

Without noticing his shirt had ridden up quite a bit, leaving Hoseoks hand to slowly move away from groping the others ass and watch Hyungwons reaction to his movements. It was nearly electrifying to let his fingers move over the soft skin of the slender figures lower abdomen, watching Hyungwon’s Adam’s apple dip down and move up, blush only deepen in its shade. His skin was pale, but soft - not defined by muscles like Hoseoks. Hungrily Hoseoks eyes took in every single movement coming from the younger, the hushed moans reaching his ears and above all seeing a mutual want from Hyungwon. Cheeks flushed, lips sinful and as a stark contrast a small shy smile on the slender figures lips. Unbeknown to Hyungwon he could move in a rather sexual way as he adjusted under the intensive gaze of Hoseok, swallowing thickly as those hungry eyes remembered every bit of his body. No one had ever looked at him like this and no one could make him feel this sexy. Very slowly, rather sensually did the slender figure adjust himself on the sofa, under the heated gaze which seemed to try to undress him and always succeeding. Hyungwon did wonder if the other would have a game plan - he surely would firstly rid Hoseok of his shirt, simply to let his lips explore the broad chest and carved out muscles. The thought alone left his blush to only bloom even further, eyes trying to look away and yet he couldn’t - his own thoughts, desires and wishes clear to read for Hoseok.   
“Hoseok.” The name came out as a dreamy sigh, their hands on a silent quest to find each other, letting their finger interlock into place and Hoseok leaning down once more to lock the man in place. Eager lips found themselves on the long swan like neck of Hyungwon, determined to leave behind a mark to signal to the world a bold statement - I can mark him, no one else. A simple action, only to be rewarded by more small sounds of nothing, but pleasure as Hyungwon’s breath grew a lot more laboured. 

“Hoseok?” Hyungwon finally breathed out more clearly, feeling like he needed a small time out so his head stopped spinning and mind could defog. He was between two chairs - wishing to continue and yet that small fearful part of him was not sure where this was heading, even less if he was ready for it. Hyungwon wished to be with Hoseok, no doubt, but all of this came too quickly and overwhelmed him. A small sound was emitted by the man on top of him, feeling how those eager lips only barely wanted to leave his neck. They seemed to have found a home there, together with an eager tongue mapping out the landscape of Hyungwon neck and teeth nibbling away on an even deeper mark. Those small love bites seemed like such a little thing, yet at the same time kept the passion burning bright between them. That simple realisation left Hyungwon to chuckle softly, making Hoseok to raise his head ever so slightly.   
“I am listening you know,” Hoseok replied, trying to settle so he wasn’t too heavy against the others chest. He could feel how his mind only focused on Hyungwon, every single detail slowly ingrained into his memory, only left dying to add on more. There was nearly this yearning to spend hours upon hours solely with Hyungwon, those lips and no words. Hoseok wished to remember every single sound of pleasure, every whisper of his name and above all have Hyungwon lost in the love he wanted to give the other. A hunger to have those plush pair of lips sealed against his own, those long limbs wrapped around him and nothing in the world parting their ways. As his clouded mind slowly started to clear he also understood that all of this was very new to Hyungwon, leaving him to fear of having overstepped boundaries. “Did I go too far?”

“No...no not at all,” Hyungwon spoke with a small smile on his lips, which spoke of nothing else than endlessly happiness. Eyes dreamy, cheeks flushed and hair messy Hyungwon looked nothing less than stunning - Hoseoks heart did a few flips of joy. The man under him seemed like an ethereal prince from a land far away, too stunning to be real and too bewitching to say no to. Especially those eyes seemed to only grow in depth, maybe because they were also a bit dilated and a clear sign of arousal hid within them. “I just needed a moment to breath...I didn’t uh…”  
“Me neither,” Hoseok confessed emitting a small soft sigh of relief, figuring he knew where Hyungwon was going with his sentence. “After the night we slept in the same bed I wanted to tell you everything, but again life came in the way and then came all the work...that Jongsuk and yeah. Every time I was nearly getting to it something happened - I mainly blame my phone and the fact that I was fearful, stupidly fearful.”  
“I still don’t see how you saw him as an opponent. I never saw him as more than a friend, even if he is handsome,” Hyungwon spoke and got a small annoyed sound from Hoseok in return, finding it oddly amusing how bothered the other got over the doctor grad. Hyungwon wasn’t blind and knew Jongsuk was handsome, stunning at times, but he never saw the male as nothing more than a colleague. To him working together with Jongsuk had been nothing less than a privilege, which helped him to succeed in his bachelor's work - nothing between them ever moved towards the lands of love or sexual. “Well he is handsome, but we never discussed...I mean with you I opened up easily. I feel safe with you, in your arms and know that nothing can happen to me if I entrust you with emotions I haven’t dealt with myself. He still doesn’t know me like you do.”

“I have seen those guys before - they are stunning and leave people wrapped around their finger. You spent countless of hours with him,” Hoseok countered as if needing to defend his jealousy, one which he understood was silly and only coming up with empty reasons. Neither could he hide the glee over the fact that he had been present when Jongsuk got turned down - the whole deal was made sweeter by the confession just seconds ago.   
“I did, so?” Hyungwon replied, turning serious and nearly wishing to ask if Hoseok is even listening to him. “You can spend hours, days, weeks, months and years with a person, but not know a single thing going on in their soul. You can also spend nights with one person and feel like you have shown them your soul - the parts that a whole, the parts that are broken, the parts that dream and the parts that push you to move forward. It is about how two people connect.”  
Hoseok looked at the male with a small awe in his heart, surprised by how wise those words sounded and the light under, which it put things. He actually listened instead of letting jealousy feed into his own insecurities and doubts. A new perspective was presented to him that left him to smile softly, adjusting his body so he could hover over Hyungwon looking directly into his eyes. For a reason unknown, Hyungwon held his breath as his eyes dove into those of Hoseok and was met with a wide range of feelings, leaving him rather speechless. His heart didn’t start pounding, no, it calmed down the longer he looked at the love and passion, desire and commitment radiating from Hoseoks eyes. Both of their faces soon had soft smiles upon them, words not having worked to convey their emotions and yet those gazes could - they transcended human speech.

Hoseok slowly leant down - the kiss wasn’t as passion driven as before, but softer and loving as it slowly tried to speak words not invented yet to express the love he felt for Hyungwon. The difference was so obvious as the first hunger had subsided, giving both of them time to enjoy the feeling of their lips slowly molding together, becoming one. No search for synced up rhythm, but much more letting their own lips find a good pace and move as one - another moment to let their souls connect. Didn’t mean it was less breath taking as Hyungwon felt his heart swell a thousand times and slowly turning into nothing, but a puddle of goo - the heat and love radiating from Hoseok leaving him boneless, but happy. Slower actions let the time flow so much more easily, the smallest of action suddenly carrying its weight in gold. Hoseok himself felt like he was drunk off the emotions, pressing himself closer to Hyungwon as his heart only swelled up in happiness. His whole body had missed this feeling of utter joy, utter happiness and glee that love brought him - a small part of him noted this was maybe the deepest kind of love he had felt.  
That lingering kiss seemed to be drawn out over centuries spent apart, even if it only was a few minutes at best. By the end Hoseoks firmly closed eyes and love filled head rested upon Hyungwons chest, listening to that ever beating heart as his head rose and fell with every breath the other took. There was silence as both of them were lulled into a land filled with nothing, but calmness and ease as love seemed to spread out through their bodies, easing away past pains and leaving them nested in happiness. 

“Boyfriend,” Hyungwon whispered more to himself than to anyone around, but in the end Hoseok let out the smallest adorable chuckle known to man. The sound was nearly melodic, leaving both of their faces lighten up in a bright smiles. Even though the title seemed so simple and nearly basic, for not Hyungwon didn’t know what else to say without sounding too endlessly cheesy. My love seemed like one to use in a moment of even greater intimacy, where he is ready to completely expose his soul to Hoseok.   
“Your first, I might add with pride,” he announced, raising his head ever so slightly to take in the dusty pink cheeks and full swollen lips of Hyungwon. Hoseok could not get enough of that sight, licking his own lips as his mind remembered everything.   
“Huh yes,” Hyungwon confessed, suddenly remembering he did not carry such a special spot for Hosoek - that small bit of realisation nearly crushed his mood. Although he would have loved to be higher up, the male reasoned that it didn’t matter what spot he took and much more that he now was the one, whom Hoseok loved. That for him was enough to move forward, trying his very best to outdo the previous lovers and make sure to take care of Hoseok. Knowing full well it was probably the hardest task in a relationship and that he had failed to do so in his past one. In silence Hyungwon promised to make sure that Hoseok felt loved and cared for, to be a better man for the handsome UN officer. Letting out a soft chuckle, he looked at the other. “Treat me well and gently, seeing you know more about this.”

“Of course,” Hoseok spoke with a serious tone, cracking a smile soon after as he adjusted himself a bit on top of Hyungwon. For a moment he looked intently at the other, as if that way he could get the answer to his question only ending up letting out a soft sigh. They needed to discuss things and figure out from where to start, especially since Hoseok did not wish to push Hyungwon into anything he didn’t wish for. “Can I ask you something?”  
“Shoot.”  
“Were you always into both sexes or…?” Hoseok asked, the question not uncalled for as they never really discussed that side of their lives as usually more pressing matters ended up needing to be talked about. Hoseok himself remembered the more confusing times in his life, trying to figure out what he liked and with whom he liked it with. Only through the curious ways of life did he himself understand his own sexuality, yet not wishing to label himself and comment on it. Hyungwon was a bit surprised by the question, looking to the side for a moment before able to look at Hoseoks inquisitive gaze. There lay their difference - Hyungwon didn’t have the chance or path of thinking to even question himself and Hoseok knew that. Adoptees would do whatever their Suitors wished for, if not they ended up back in the system and many did not wish to go down such a route. To this day it was a highly divisive topic, one where a lot of emotions were mixed in and making clear headed discussions nearly impossible to be held. “Have you...have you even thought about it?”

“No,” Hyungwon spoke with such adorable shyness that he seemed nearly too naive and innocent to have such a discussion in the first place. Honestly he never had put much thought into the whole matter, always having ended up catching the eye of both females and males. Minhyuk had teased him to no end about this, yet in the end always did say that he figured out his sexuality rather quickly while Jooheon only a year before they dated had understood where the winds blew. It wasn’t like Hyungwon had had much time to really focus on said topic - high school ate up time like a hungry giant and once he started dating his first girlfriend, all seem fine in the world. Truly their relationship had caused confusion for him, but in the end it simply hurt him with her breaking up with him so easily. In the end Hyungwon had focused on his studies and hopes of getting out of the system - two things that were enough to occupy his mind for a good amount of time. The only one who would try to question him was Minhyuk, but he was always cut off by their other friends and suggested to let his sexual frustration out on Jooheon. Suddenly he remembered the nearly wet dream he had, his blush only deepening on his cheeks and swallowing thickly. “But uhm...I did have a wet dream about us.”  
Hoseoks brows shot up into his hairline, it happened so quickly - the dreamy in love expression replaced by true surprise by those words. Adjusting himself once more, having to lay on his side in order to give his arm a small break and yet not wishing to lose the chance to look at Hyungwon. The latter turned onto his side as well, looking at those surprised and yet questioning eyes with a good amount of shyness within his own. His dream only grew more vivid in memory, remembering how Hoseoks body had covered his own and those needy sound of wanting more left Hyungwons lips. Swallowing several times in a row, a good part of his mind wondered if it would ever come to be - especially since he now knew how pleasant getting pushed up against a wall could be.   
Hoseok on the other hand waited to hear what the younger would say, unsure of how any of it would develop and what would come out of that pretty mouth. This close to the slender male and lust running ramped within him, Hoseok couldn’t stop himself from noting how beautiful that mouth was and how his mind dived into the gutter imagining all sorts of scenarios. He would wait, of course, with expressing his wishes and yet the already pre-existing wet dream could be a wonderful start. Dormant parts of Hoseoks mind, body and desires clearly had awoken from a deep sleep, rested and very much ready to find a way of expression.   
“Well,” Hyungwon started, seeing that Hoseok wasn’t going to say a word before he elaborated further. “It was at the army base and I knocked out pretty quickly once everything had been settled. I really hadn’t had a chance to do much after the check up and just wanted to rest. Minhyuk the day before had been questioning me and talked about how nice it is to tear of Jooheons clothing - don’t ask me how we got to that topic. It is Minhyuk. He is only thought is mostly Jooheon and how to be alone with him - he is insane for Jooheon. Anyway I usually don’t dream you know, never have. In the dream we uhm were making out heavily and had ended up in your bed, you all over me and the last thing I remember dreaming about was asking for more. Uh well begging for more than that you were giving me. I think we were shirtless as well, huh yeah and then I woke up.”

Hoseok looked at Hyungwon, truly staring into his eyes before slowly they started to drift along the males long neck and over his beautiful body just to the point where that shirt had ridden up. It still was flashing quite a bit of that beautiful untouched skin, Hoseoks hand slowly raising itself to be placed on the small patch of skin. The warmth radiating from the others palm left small chill to pass down Hyungwons spine, a delicious feeling that the slender figure craved for the moment it had passed. Slowly the hand started to move underneath the others shirt, Hoseok intently watching out for any kind of reaction from Hyungwon - he did not wish to discomfort Hyungwon. Much to his glee the slender figure etched closer as that warm hand explored the unseen regions hidden underneath his shirt. How Hoseok wished to rid the younger one from it, but held back as right now the mystery only made him even more eager to explore. In a sense Hyungwon was a beautiful gift wrapped up in the most delicate of materials, needing to be carefully unpacked and taken care for. Hosoek promised himself he would not rush, but slowly enjoy himself and let his eyes truly feast.   
Having slipped a good part of his arm underneath the simple shirt, his fingers came into contact with Hyungwons nipple and a small wicked smirk came to Hoseoks lips. Resting his hand on said spot, his thumb ever so lazily started to toy with the nub, letting it flick over it in different speeds and watching the others reaction. First Hyungwons bottom lip disappeared between his lips, leaving Hoseoks free arm to move around the others waist and pull him closer - the action making Hyungwon gasp and release a few hushed moans. Pulled in closer their breaths could mix while looking at each other, so close to a kiss it was only the matter of whom would close the distance first. 

“Here I thought my mind was in the gutter,” Hoseok whispered with a sinful tone to his voice, planting a small quick kiss against the corner of Hyungwon’s mouth as another hushed sound reached his ears. “Don’t hide them, baby. Let me hear you.”  
Hyungwon was sure his cheeks were bright red, feeling how his nipple slowly grew hard under the ministrations coming from Hoseok and feeling like he was slowly losing control over his vocal cords. It was impossible not to have his body react to Hoseoks small ministrations and yet he wished to somehow leave the other stunned - even if his body wished for the touches not to stop. Hoseok on the other hand drank up every single sound like a drop of water in the desert, not having expected the other to sound so beautiful emitting such sexual sounds. Truth to be told he could wait to hear more, his ears find it to be the most beautiful music ever to have existed on planet earth. Staring into the others eyes for a moment longer, another sound leaving his lips, the slender figure slowly pushed himself to sit up and leave the older rather confused. Swallowing, Hyungwon slowly moved to try and straddle Hoseok - curious to know what will happen, the older simply complied with the unspoken wishes of the slender figure. Hyungwon, tried his best to keep his confidence, moved his hands to the hem of his shirt and slowly pulled it off his slender frame.   
This was the first time he had taken his shirt off in such a scenario, feeling self conscious about everything - the colour of his skin, the slender frame he owned and barely defined chest. How long his body truly was and as a teenager battling with said image, always thinking he was too lanky and couldn't seduce even a mosquito to bite him. It was such a contrast to when he was at the doctors or when Daesung was with him for the check up - there taking off his shirt was a simple request with no meaning behind it. Now disregarding the item of clothing seemed like a ritual, something to push the existing moment forward and maybe even escalate it. He knew, all too well, that one of his nipples was erect and the other didn’t seem to shy away from joining. Hyungwons eyes lowered shyly, because of how aware he was about everything and the fact that the apartment wasn’t that warm without a shirt on. 

For the first time Hoseoks eyes could take in the other males much slender body, which didn’t mean he looked frail or too skinny. No, instead a proud chest and a beautiful figure was presented to the more than hungry eyes of Hoseok, leaving him stunned and breathless for a moment. Miles of beautiful untouched pale panels of skin were presented before him, as if a princes body was for the first time for display. There was such difference between their bodies and Hoseok knew, immediately, he loved every single inch he saw - Hyungwon was perfect to him. Slowly he sat up, further letting Hyungwon sink into his lap further as his eyes took in the beautiful body presented to him - his hands ever so gently taking hold of those slender hips of his boyfriend. Without much warning small soft warm kisses were placed on the newly exposed flesh, Hoseok half of the time nuzzling his nose into the others chest for good measure. He would inhale the others scent, swear it was the best one out there and let his senses get drunk of it. It was like he had received the most precious present known to man. He continued on to leave the most chaste wonderful kisses against the pale skin, unable to stop himself from altering between that and simply hugging the males frame against his own. They altered between lustful moments and the most gentle loving highs, one which left Hoseoks mind clouded with nothing less than happiness and delight.  
Hyungwon himself didn’t know why he had removed his shirt and finally let the other see more of his upper body, yet didn’t question it all too much right now. After all Hoseok had shown an endless amount of respect towards him, that now it seemed like the perfect time to hand out a small reward and feel those nearly worshipping touches come from the other. None of this felt like a Suitor and adoptee forced relationship, but more of what they both desired to give and receive. Those soft kisses, nuzzles and hugs left more of those delicious sparks of happiness dance through his whole framework - the soft nearly shy smile now a constant accessory of his. It felt like he had reached the beautiful gates of Nirvana, never before felt someone near worshipping and loving him as Hoseok did. His breath was nearly caught in his throat and yet always seemed to bounce back through those breathless chuckles of glee. This was such a gentle moment, one which would stay with him for a long time. 

Hyungwon slowly started to understand the subtle differences between lustful desire fueled touches and those loving ones, which left his heart flutter so heavily he was sure it would fly away into the heavens above. Knees weak, a smile on his face and a small blush on his cheeks - Hyungwon never had felt like this before, however cliche it sounded. Compared to his ex - he had never felt this level of respect and love, desire and want. Of course he was comparing apples with oranges - one was a teenage simple love, the other was so much more and harder to label.   
What Hoseok was doing didn’t seem like simply him being in the mood to be touchy, but a man finally able to express himself freely. Finally able to truly, fully and boundlessly hug the person he had longed for during long hours at work. Finally able to feel love again instead of this soul destroying pain of emptiness and loneliness, slowly eating away at him as he hoped for change. Hoseok had at first not minded his single life, but it had gotten harder and harder to return home into an empty apartment. Without having the warmth of another person brighten up your day and giving it that extra amount of glitter everyone needs. He understood that loving himself came first and worked on it, hard, for years and yet always felt lonely - in the depths of night wondering if his heart would ever feel love again. Hoseok wanted to love and had heaps of it to give out, but no one ready to receive it. Hyungwon had changed that - like a big gust of wind he had come in to blow out the painful sense of feeling painfully alone in the world and replaced it with warmth, happiness and love. Half of the time Hoseok wanted to hang onto Hyungwon, hang onto the rock in the storm and hope the darker days would pass. Now he could and did it feel amazing.

“I love you,” Hoseok whispered softly, deciding his own shirt seemed rather surplus at the given moment and with a quick action had the offending material on the floor next to their sofa. He had been walking around shirtless in the apartment since day one, yet still the small action left Hyungwon looking at Hoseok as if he had just seen a miracle. A much broader defined chest and chiseled abs greeted the slender figure eyes, leaving his pink tongue to peak out from his mouth and wet his lips. There was a small wish to lean down and leave behind the same worship like touches that Hoseok had just a few seconds ago. Run his long slender figures over the geography of the others muscular body and remember every dip and rise, make a mental mind map and happily update it every other second. Hyungwon had never before realised how much he adored the fact that Hoseok could so easily envelope him into a massive bear hug or protect him from harm. How deep down he longed for that - to feel protected, safe and loved. For years he had spent looking out for himself and now able to let himself fall, knowing Hosoek would catch him left his heart swell another thousand times.   
However the moment was once more disturbed by Hoseoks phone going off, leaving Hyungwon to let out the most annoyed groan ever to pass his lips. “I am so close to flinging that thing against a wall.”

Hoseok let out a small laugh as he fished out the offending electronic out of his pants pocket, showing Hyungwon that the caller was Daesung and not the UN - for the slender figure a reason to fling the device against the nest surface remained. It was the only thing on this planet that could destroy the most beautiful moment, always interrupting them and managing to whisk Hoseok away to another place. Hyungwon truly hoped he would one day, by accident of course, crush that phone and leave happily secluded from the world, him and Hoseok.   
“Hey Daesung-ah,” Hoseok answered the call, looking at Hyungwon with a small amused smile and only getting a small pout in return. Truthfully it was adorable how Hyungwon got agitated over said electronic device, which was why Hoseok now had an adorably pouting kitten in his lap. It was nearly a mental challenge to talk to Daesung - maybe right now the mobile phone was nothing less than an utter annoyance. “What’s up?”  
Hyungwon, truly a bit annoyed, decided to let said emotion out by planting his lips onto Hoseoks strong neck - after all he wasn’t conducting the phone call and still wished to continue their more playful mood. Nuzzling his face into the other males neck, he inhaled the signature scent Hoseok carried and couldn’t help his lips from placing kisses against the soft skin. They were feather light and tingled, Hyungwon plush lips brushing over the others neck nearly in an expert manner and finding the most delicate spots to leave behind small touches. The more he littered them over the untouched skin, the more he wished to add on - maybe some that would leave behind not light graces, but those much more angry red marks that spoke bounds of what happened. Hoseok on the other hand found himself struggling to listen to Daesung’s chatter and really would have liked to focus on those plush lips of Hyungwon mapping out his neck in exquisite detail. He could feel those plush pair remembering spots that clearly were a lot more sensitive, swearing he could feel the others tongue even come into play. Hyungwon was a lot more playful than Hoseok had imagined, glad about finding out about such a detail and yet cursing that he needed to be civil on the phone. Struggling to listen and enjoy, his mind did pick up Daesung mentioning of dinner or him simply popping by to simply visit - within seconds his mind managed to clear itself enough to manage a proper response.  
“Come over? Now?” Hoseok voiced Daesungs thoughts out loud, which left Hyungwon to sit up a bit more and with an alarmed expression painted across his face. Hyungwon was all too aware of his exposed upper body and the position he sat in, leaving him to feel his cheeks and ears heat up with touches of pink and red. Hoseok took in those pink tinted cheeks, plush lips and beautiful handsome male - he was going to be selfish and enjoy the company of Hyungwon all for himself, at least for today. “Daesung-ah I think tonight won’t work - Hyungwon is exhausted from his thesis work. You know he handed it today and I think he should rest, don’t you? I don't think Hyungwon would be happy with falling asleep at the dinner table, no? So maybe dinner tomorrow night?” Daesung on the other end quickly agreed, hoping that the slender figure would soon recover from his exhausting university work. “Though, yes yes of course bring some food down. See you in ten.”

Once the call ended Hyungwon looked at Hoseok with a small sadness in his eyes, unhappy that their moment of full solitude was ending like this. The expression was so endlessly adorable leaving Hoseoks face cracking into a wide smile, hand raising to cup the wonderfully handsome face of Hyungwon. “Go shower. I will set up the dinner and we could cuddle in bed, hmm? I promise no more phone calls.” the male suggested, letting his eyes slowly trail down the others exposed upper body - he barely could hide his hunger to have his way with the younger of the pair. That focused longing look was what left a shiver to run down Hyungwons spine as well as ravish the moment where Hoseok eyed him with such hunger. Never before had anyone looked at him with such desire, such lust and hunger - there was something nearly animalistic in that look, something sexy. It was unfiltered sexual desire, something that Hoseok seemed so good at hiding away and yet once it was exposed one couldn’t forget it. It was intoxicating as well as electrifying, because knowing someone desired for you like gave anyone a massive confidence boost. Especially since Hyungwon never thought he was all to sexy or desirable, if anything a simple man with a bit out there looks - yet in Hoseoks eyes he was nothing less than stunning.   
Only slowly did Hyungwon slip out of the others lap, pick up his shirt and fully stand up - still those focused eyes were on him and he gave Hoseok a small smirk. Those hungering eyes now took in also those long legs hidden behind a pair of jeans and maybe they did linger a bit longer on Hyungwons ass. This attention was all too welcomed by Hyungwon, relishing the fact he was this desired and with the added confidence boost felt so much more sexier, not simply like a plane man studying engineering. As he walked towards his room, there was a small sway of his hips, one which Hyungwon hoped his lover would see and maybe think about a bit longer.

Hoseok was left behind and let his head rest against the edge of the sofa, not sure if he had felt this alive in his whole life. If already simply kissing Hyungwon could leave his heart beating like after an intense workout, he didn’t want to think what would happen once they moved forward. Closing his eyes the image of Hyungwon flashed before his eyes immediately - long planes of pale beautiful skin, those soft kissable lips and love filled eyes. Having to swallow harshly, hands rose to rub his face and try to get a grip of himself - not even in his teenage years did he have such moment of pure awe. Yet every fiber of him felt truly alive, as if new life had been rewarded to them and now he felt like the strength of a dozen bulls coursed underneath his skin. Not to mention how his mind went around in circles, always rounding the corner back to Hyungwon, his heart gleeful to have finally spoken truthfully about matters.   
He barely heard the elevator arriving and doors opening, though he did catch Daesungs cheerful greeting and light steps towards Hoseok. Slowly his head turned to look at his long time friend holding probably up to eight containers filled to the brim with food and an all too knowing smile decorating Daesungs face. There was a silent greeting between them, one which really needed words in order for one of them not to burst out with every single question under the sun.   
“Don’t even start,” Hoseok warned the other, picking up his shirt to pull it over his body as now it was a lot chiller without Hyungwon around him. With Daesung arriving, it was like the mundane life had somehow managed to crowbar itself into his haven and demanded attention. Only that the real life was smiling widely and clearly sitting on a trunk load of comments, probably also more than eager to tell Jiyong what his finely tuned radar had picked up. A hopeless case.  
“What? I simply just walked in with dinner, finding my long time friend looking dazed, shirtless on a couch with Hyungwon nowhere to be found,” he commented, walking towards the kitchen with everything in his hands. Even sealed there was a very faint scent of the delicious cooking, promising to be an amazing meal even if sealed up and hidden away in Tupperware. Daesungs talent to make even the most simplest of dishes smell like a feast for a king was why he made such a perfect partner to Jiyong, who would probably manage to burn water. “I only hope that you didn’t overwhelm the poor boy with everything.”  
“You make me sound like a sex driven maniac with no boundaries or self awareness,” Hoseok commented dryly, trying to adjust his hair a bit and giving up in the end as honestly no one truly cared. Walking with his friend towards the kitchen, slowly flicking on some more lights as evening had arrived and more sources of light were needed for now. “We only made out...and confessed our feelings.”

“Clearly the first knocked you out more than the second,” Daesung teased, but had this motherly smile on his face. It was that specific one of happiness, where a mother would know that their offspring was in nothing less than the best hands and would be taken care of. With care he placed every single container on the kitchen top, unsealed them and without needing to ask started to open cupboards to find the right bowls or plates. Now the aroma of the cooking ruled supreme in the kitchen, the deliciously cooked meat and side dishes, not to mention the rice and veggies would leave anyones mouth watering. “How is Hyungwon?”  
“Exhausted as I said,” Hoseok commented, not saying it to keep his excuse going, but because he saw the others silent longing to spend a decade in a dream land. Even though his mind was more than preoccupied with their confession and kissing until breathing became optional, it didn't mean he was blind. Hyungwon looked downright in need of a beauty sleep with the length rivalling that of Sleeping Beauties. “However the outburst of emotions has made him smile a lot more brightly, genuinely. I think he is happy.”  
“Hoseok, I think he is so in love with you that he still doesn’t know the start and end of it.” Daesung commented, scooping a generous amount of plum pieces mixed with rice into one of the larger bowls, looking over at his long time friend. He knew, maybe a bit too well, that reality talk was right now only for deaf ears and yet he was worried. Having seen how Hyungwon at times is oblivious to his own emotions, Daesung feared that confrontations could arose from the simplest meaningless comments or realisations - he didn't want that. His voice was that of a wise elder, heeding caution in a moment of overflowing emotions.   
“You say it with a note of warning in your voice.” Hoseok countered with an amused expression, one which slowly faded taking in how seriously Daesung looked at him. His friend had not mentioned this to tease or lecture, but to truly give out a warning to him and make sure Hoseok wouldn't be taken aback as well. Equally thankful, he wondered how much he needed to control himself.   
“It is a warning Hoseok,” Daesung confirmed his friends words, hands still busy scooping out the food while talking to the other, “Look you have been in love, deeply in love in fact. You mourned the loss for so long Jiyong had to punch sense into you. He hasn’t. Love isn’t this simplistic road of happiness and fuzzy feelings - it is overwhelming, complex and limitless. It has difference facets that are unknown to that boy, but will come to his attention the longer he is in love with you Hoseok. He understands, quite recently really, how deeply he cares for you Hoseok and now has openly stated it. There is a stark difference between knowing something in your head and speaking it out loud, living with the truth of having completely and utterly fallen in love with someone. Give Hyungwon time and space to adjust in the new setting, in the new reality of being in love with you and having told you so as well. He barely has understood how hard he has fallen for you, it will take him a while to fully grasp the wide range of his emotions and the connections it makes to the past, future and present. Take care, my friend, as he and you will need to now together map out the terrain of your love.”

Hoseok listened carefully, completely silent as the words one by one sank in and made themselves be understood in the context of what had happened. He knew that now didn't come the easy part, but the one where both had to combine the pink tinted world of love with reality and navigate the moody seas that followed. Especially with Hyungwon never having been in such a situation and probably needing a lot more time that Hoseok does. Yet this nearly stubborn certainty sits inside the UN official, confident that his smart handsome boyfriend could manage anything thrown at him - especially if he was by his side. Slowly a small smile came to his face, looking at his long time friend and giving him a nod of agreement - one which Daesung had been waiting for as he had finished with scooping out the food. “Thank you for the dinner and the wise words. I am sure Hyungwon will be happy to get something home cooked. See you tomorrow.”  
“Make sure he actually gets rest." Daesung said teasingly, leaving their more serious conversation standing as it was and picking a more cheerful mood. How could he not with Jiyong awaiting him at him and only hid for the coming month at least. "See you tomorrow!”

Hyungwon sluggishly moved out of the wonderfully warm shower lightly scented by the lilac shower gel and moved to put on his PJs, a smaller towel sitting on his head to dry his locks. Walking around his room he dried his hair slowly and with the same laziness he managed to put his towel to dry before moving towards the kitchen. Somehow once the warm water had touched his skin and he spent a good twenty minutes in the shower, every single ounce of exhaustion came to daylight and dragged him down to walk like he did. All the months of hard work and endlessly typing away on the keyboard had exhausted Hyungwons mind and body to a point where all he wished for was to rest. Now the wished encompassed Hoseok, knowing all too well that he would not rest anywhere better than in those strong arms, which could protect him from the world. Simply the idea of letting himself fall into that warm loving embrace and rest comfortably, left Hyungwons body aching for those small touches and be fully surrounded by Hoseoks scent. If he could he would bathe in it and never see a reason for another scent to enter his life.   
Straight out of the shower and his hair semi dried, Hyungwon looked somehow younger - maybe it was because he had put on PJs and expression a bit more sleepier. Maybe it was because of the glow his skincare items had felt behind on his skin - a new factor in his life having been introduced by Daesung. During one of his thesis writing breaks, the other male had demanded they would go shopping and ended up giving a nearly 30 minute lecture on the right skin care items. Skeptical at first, Hyungwon did notice a change in his skin - it was softer and more glowing, which now left him looking like a dream like prince from a fairy tale. Add to that the shower clearly relaxed his tense body, the warm water massaging away a good amount of tension and leaving behind a more youthful looking Hyungwon.   
Hoseok took notice of it with a small smile on his lips, while the words from Daesung still sat with him - not in a haunting way, but much more for himself to realise the depth of the situation. Yet without even needing to focus or put a too fine a point on it, he could silently be in awe of the adorable the other look as well as radiant. Hyungwon stunned him with his looks on a daily basis, because in his eyes no man could look so fairy like, but have the will power and strength of a heard of oxen. 

In the small time frame between Daesung leaving and Hyungwon appearing in his etherial glow, Hoseok had managed to fill the table to the brim with the delicious food their neighbour had brought. The scent wafted through the air, leaving mouth water and eyes to glisten in glee over the meal they would have. With the same slow movements Hyungwon moved to sit down, still silently watched by Hoseok, who sat opposite him.  
"Daesung left?" Hyungwon asked, simply since he wasn't even aware of the man arriving, much less leaving.  
"Jiyong is home, what do you think?" Hoseok asked with a raised brow, an all too knowing smile on his face that was enough for Hyungwon to simply nod his head in understanding. Both let out small short chuckles before deciding on enjoying the wonderful food, Hyungwon nearly piling food onto his plate and like a vacuum cleaner have it all disappear into his body. There was a hunger within him, probably because of the relaxed state of mind and able to do more than to obsess over his work for university. Hoseok only welcomed such greed for food, simply since he wished for Hyungwon to be healthy and saw no need for the already very slim male to lose weight.  
As they sat there, silently eating and catching each others eye in a flirty way, Hoseok couldn't fully push aside Daesungs comment. It was there in his mind like a commanding officer, demanding attention and thought - with a small dismay the UN official decided to give something to that annoying thought so present in his head. Honestly he was a bit curious about one aspect himself - how would their feelings, their love, would affect of what their official social statues was?  
“So, do we need to change anything?” Hoseok finally asked, both males seemingly having finished extinguishing their hunger and now picking up a conversation. He only too late realised he had started the conversation right from the middle of his thought process, leaving him to nearly want to groan in annoyance even though such an emotion wasn't present within his body.  
“Hmm?” Hyungwon let out a small sound, having been slightly distracted with his own thoughts that weren't even connected to the current situation.  
“The system wise.” Hoseok clarified, giving the other a small apologetic smile for having started a chat without much of a context to hold it to. 

“I...don’t know” Hyungwon spoke, clearly unsure how it did affect them or much more importantly their social statues as a whole. After all when he was in the system and at the home, the male never truly dared to dream up a case where he would fall in love with his Suitor. His simple wish was to lead a normal life, whatever that would mean to him once or if he was adopted. Trying to make his mind think, a tedious task at best, Hyungwon knew that the only one with answers would be the man, who looked after him for all these years. “I could call my agent.”  
“Out of all the numbers you have his?” Hoseok, nearly laughing, commented on his lovers words and couldn't believe it.   
“No...but I have the code to identify myself.” Hyungwon replied, chuckling himself as he saw the humorous aspect rather clearly - it took him ages to have Hoseoks, Jiyongs, Daesungs and his friends mobile phone numbers, yet here he was ready to call his agent without much fuss. That was the absurdity of being in the system - everyday life seemed so much less developed than the inner workings of an organization protecting you.   
“Huh?”   
“Well every adoptee, who enters the system, has a four digit code they need to remember. Tattoo into their mind - that analogy works better I guess. Ironically and poetically it is the death date of my parents, so I remembered it the first time I saw those four numbers staring at me from the simple piece of paper," Hyungwon explained calmly, remembering how he burnt the paper within minutes of getting it and stunning everyone in the room. Back then he didn't saw why he could remember such a combination of random numbers so quickly, because it was simply too personal. "All I have to do is call the emergency hotline and state as my emergency that number - usually my agent should arrive within an hour to the location you made the call from. However if i say my name before the code, that is an alert and someone immediately will respond, pick the adoptive up from where the call is made and refuse to hand the adoptee back until the emergency status is deactivated.”  
“I never heard of this.” Hoseok confessed, clearly surprised by the information coming from the other and wondering if even Jiyong was aware of this. The general public knew a good amount of the system, simply that there would be no illusions about adoption, making the whole process easier and smoother. Of course with so much knowledge out there it was also easier to manipulate and above all misuse such organization. Yet Hoseok had an even deeper knowledge since he worked for the UN and they needed to be aware of everything going on - especially about the system, which was always under suspicion. “I mean the systems inner workings are mostly known to the UN, since we do need to make sure there is no human trafficking or slavery, however well made those contracts are. People find loopholes and abuse them. Our part is small, but there. Who picks you up so fast?  
“Best kept secret, I guess. I am pretty sure Daesung remembers his as well,” Hyungwon mused as he was rather amused by the fact that Hoseok was so surprised by such information. After all surely no one expected that the system would uncover all of its inner workings to the world - it was still there to protect humans, not exploit them. “Well as I understood there is a special force of sorts. Not every agent has an adoptee to take care of, so they are there to quickly dispatch if need be. If anything I never saw the system as some charity organization, but much more a part of the social service able to protect those, who don’t have a place. People working there have mostly a very high moral code and those, who show that they don't, simply disappear. At least that was the gossip.”

Hoseok nodded slowly, coming to understand indeed the system wasn't simply there to save people from the unapologetic rules of society, but much more a place that wouldn't stop caring about you once some adoption papers were signed. In a sense it was a very calming thought to him, simply since he knew now that whatever happened Hyungwon wouldn't be left hanging and could even, if need be, return to the system.“So if anything happens to me or Jiyong, you two would return to the system and be safe.”  
Hyungwon initially nodded firmly, yet the more nods came from him the less they were those of agreement and much more faint, barely even there. His mind took in those words and put a context to them, using the sources from the past and Hyungwon very strong feelings towards Hoseok. Quickly the slender face turned away from looking at Hoseok and instead staring towards his bedroom door, yet even from the side you could see what was unfolding on his handsome features. It was small split second, but it was enough to morph Hyungwon’s calm happy face into that of growing horror, which left his otherwise glowing skin look brained and sadness coming to sit comfortably in Hyungwons large brown eyes. It dawned on him, not for the first time and yet in a sense so, how easily he could lose Hoseok and be alone again, just like after his parents death. Up until now it hadn’t really been something he thought of, because Hoseok always came back and always unharmed. Yet the moment he attached his emotions, love and longing to be with Hoseok to the story along with his past, the situation gained in emotional complexity and depth. His mind reeled into action, suddenly reminding him of the time right after his parents died and how suddenly all changed. Of how he had lost his footing and needed months, years of time to find a balance again and manage his own grief to the best of his abilities. The idea that this fluffy comfort surrounding him would disappear, worst still live without Hoseok - his heart clenched so painfully, Hyungwon wanted to scream in pain, but nothing came from him. Not a single peep. Instead it all was let out through tears, combined with the most silent yet heartbreaking whimpers. Maybe because of his exhausted state the emotional escalation was so quick and overwhelming, yet Hyungwon barely could manage it and felt like it was suffocating him.   
Hoseok looked at the scene unfolding before his very own eyes and wanted to kick himself, slowly having his own words sink in and realising his suggestion was one that the slender figure never wished to actually hear and worse go through. Clearly today had not been the moment for such discussions as the emotional overload and mental exhaustion triggered such extreme outbursts of emotions. With terror did he notice tears framed those wide brown eyes, threatening to spill by the dozen as Hyungwons heart was gripped by the fright of losing Hoseok. Without noticing it his whole body started to shake in dread, tears finally springing free as his face came to be hidden behind his hands. Somehow him never having worked through the loss of this parents now outsourced all of it into the panic of one day being without Hoseok - the combination was successful to say the least. 

Hoseok, without much ceremony or words, quickly stood up and dashed around the table, kneeling before the slender figure. Strong arms, those same Hyungwon just had wished to slumber in, came to wrap around Hyungwons shaking frame to give a firm tight hug. It was like an anchor of calm and love, trying to pull back the slender figures mind from the turbulent emotional seas it was sailing on. It wasn't really helping, maybe because both of them were spooked over the situation unfolding. Hoseok was at a loss to how he could fix a situation, because honestly he had no idea that Hyungwon still was so sensitive to the topic on hand. Of course without having had to go through the loss of a parent, there was no context to relate to and now he stood there hugging a Hyungwon, who tried to calm himself enough to resume a more normal calm state of mind. Yet it seemed so endlessly hard to gather ones own mind and heart, when even now the loss of ones parents was the single most painful thing residing in his heart and slashing away at any areas that tired to heal themselves. Stubbornly it wouldn't become smaller or less painful, constantly there to remind him of the pain he felt and would feel for so much longer.   
Like this they stayed until Hyungwon's slender figure stopped shaking, yet his face was still hidden away behind his slender fingers, which now were wet with his tears. With a good amount of surprise he felt how Hoseoks arms left his body and placed themselves elsewhere, now able to lift him up into his arms and moving towards, what he presumed, the bedroom. With a small sense of shock he wasn't sure for how long he small freak out had lasted, but clearly it had been enough for his lover to decide a change of location was needed for the both of them. Hoseoks bedroom seeming like the ideal recovery chamber. 

They laid in bed in silence for a good while, Hyungwon hidden away from the worlds pains by the strong arms and gentle silence hugging the whole room - a setting that had established itself the moment Hyungwon had stopped crying and found a comfortable enough position to lay in. Hoseok had laid still this entire time, deep in thought and trying to find the right amount of weight to place onto Daesungs words and the situation that had just unfolded before him. Daesung had been spot on in telling Hoseok to be careful about the situation on hand, to understand that Hyungwon will need time to fully understand his love for Hoseok. Maybe even the man himself needed to fully grasp or at least try to understand the depth of everything - the light banter wouldn't leave, but behind it would now always stand a much more varied context. Add to that there would be times where both of them needed to face the hurtful scars of the past and give them a new meaning, help to work through the remaining emotions and be there for each other. Hoseok only now started to understand how different it was to love in silent compared to stating his love and living the reality. If anything it pushed him to make sure that his affections, adoration and love would be clear to Hyungwon at any given time of day - to have happiness outweigh any other emotion within their lives. Surely that wouldn't always be possible, but he would try his outmost best.   
Hyungwon had found laying in his stomach, head hidden away in the others chest and his arms having tightly wrapped themselves around Hoseok was the best way to calm his storm filled mind. It had taken a good amount of time before he could feel the dread leave his system, be washed away by either exhaustion or the comforting feeling of being with Hoseok. Yet even now he wouldn’t lessen his death grip around Hoseoks waist, keeping himself glued to the others side as if his life depended upon it. Silence reigned supreme between them, giving both of them enough space to work through everything. Honestly it all had exhausted Hyungwon a lot more than he had expected, said state of mind very vulnerable to tidal waves of fresh new emotions. Even with their confession things had moved fast, a rollar coaster with twists and turns at every single moment - it was hard not to get carried away and stay on that intense trip. He knew that Hoseoks words had not been meant that they would become reality immediately or ever, yet the realisation had hit him hard - his boyfriend was an office in the UN and could very easily end up dead, just like his parents. No warning. No goodbye. Only the dull reality and pain slicing away at his heart. With every fiber of his body did he try to bury those thoughts deep down in his mind, not to let them surface and haunt him like an unwanted memory of an awkward encounter.   
He couldn’t let what had happened to his parents always creep up in such a way, yet here he was and unable to let go of his boyfriend even if someone used force. Instead of letting go or adjusting his arms, Hyungwon moved his head ever so slightly in order to be able to see Hoseoks face. The man seemed serene, calm and resting - honestly Hyungwon for a moment thought the older had fallen asleep. From this angle he had seen Hoseok before, yet now it was somehow different and maybe that was why he kept staring intensely to find what had changed. 

“Yes?” Hoseok spoke with a sleepy voice, which was a lot lower than his usual one and rather sexy. The man was thinking as well as fighting off the urge to sleep, hoping to be able to talk to his boyfriend before they fell asleep and the chat would be pushed onto the next day.  
“I just wanted to see your face,” Hyungwon spoke, not really thinking of a witty reply and having decided to say what was on his mind. In a way he did simply only want to see Hoseoks face, see those handsome features and maybe catch a glimpse of a wonderfully dashing smile, just to calm his heart. Oddly enough with him freaking out like that left him uneasy to look at Hoseok again - he had no logical reason why he felt awkward, yet he did. Something about looking at the other gave him the knowledge that in the end everything will work out just fine, simply needing time and a bit more effort to clear out the rubble. Hoseoks face carried a balance of strength and wisdom, while Hyungwon had a lot more soft cuteness and sadness within his own.   
Hoseoks head turned a bit towards where the sound of the others voice, eyes slowly opening up to look directly into those of Hyungwon. Hoseoks deep brown eyes seemed somehow to have grown in depth, even though a little sleep filled and unfocused. It was as if the UN official not only carried love and sleep within his brown orbs, but also a want to protect Hyungwon and respect him, understand the ways of his mind and those of his own. Thoughts painted more and more colour into those brown pair of eyes, giving the rich coffee coloured eyes asking Hyungwon to venture deeper and understand Hoseoks heart. Yet there was above all so much love looking back at Hyungwon it was overwhelming him, leaving his bottom lip to disappear behind his teeth. “I am glad. I would like to look at you forever as well, but I did not have the heart to look at you crying. I never have made any of my partners cry.”  
“I am a bit of a mess when it comes to that topic.” Hyungwon commented, not even really answering to the others words and simply knowing that he was not the best around such touchy subjects. Although he would argue he had gotten better, the reality clearly was a lot different. 

“Shush, we don’t need to talk about it.” Hosoek spoke, not sure if their new serene moment would be demolished by discussing what had happened. Of course they needed to talk about it at some point, but he truly did not have the heart to watch those beautiful eyes of Hyungwon to be framed by tears once more.  
“I have to one day…” Hyungwon interjects, though his fighting words were a mere knee jerk reaction and would easily be erased if need be. Truthfully he never wanted to remember the event again and keep it hidden away in a dark corner of his mind, hoping he would never get lost enough to find it again and relive all those horrid weeks. If anything a good chunk of him with great defiance only wanted to spend time in the wonderful fluffy land of love together with Hoseok, ignoring the awfully dull and grey world outside.  
"Hyungwon," Hoseok spoke and never before had his name been spoken with a colourful multilayered variety emotions, mostly driven by exhaustion and love. "We both have lost loved ones and with us two there is a lot to unravel, however I think one day has seen enough emotional turmoil."  
Hyungwon, silent and listening, looked at Hoseok and oddly enough for the first time saw actual true exhaustion in the other - up until now it always seemed him to be the one and Hoseok there to catch him. Now, in the dimly lit room, it became evident that both of them needed someone to catch them in their falls. Without much though Hyungwons embrace tightened even more, his face lighting up with the smallest of smiles and a nod of agreement came from him - for one day it was enough, rest was needed. The longer he looked at the brown haired man and his expression, the larger his own desire to step up and provide Hoseok something he hadn't had in years - someone to truly lean on. "Hoseokkie?"

"Hmm?" the male responded, surprised by how his name had caught such a cute undertone and yet not minding it in his sleepy state of mind.  
"Lean on me."   
Those three words seemed like a fresh statement of logic, leaving the UN official to stare at the other with a surprised expression and yet this unfathomable glee - not sure where it came from, it sprung free inside of him without much pre-warning. Bodies shifted in the large bed under the wonderfully fluffy blanket, both of them turning to their sides and facing each other. No words spoken, Hoseok simply slipped a little bit lower to rest his head a lot more against Hyungwon chest. Hugging each other and like this able to lean on each other, there was an equality between them and Hoseok was much more aware of it than ever before. Sure he had rested in Hyungwon's arms before, but the other always seemed to fragile and in need of protection and yet now seemed tall like a column, ready to take on the others weight. A balance between them that was happily welcomed by both of the exhausted males as slowly sleep dragged them deeper into the world of slumber and dreams. Left behind were the turmoils of the past day as both men gave themselves happily into each others embraces and to rest, finally able to walk towards the next day with a stronger back and knowledge they had someone to lean on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos and feedback are highly welcomed.
> 
> Also I wanted to say that this large gap between two chapters comes from the fact that I had a massive writers block and sadly lost someone very close and dear to me. It took me some while to really actually write out everything. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.


	14. Hardships of reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I have a Twitter now. You can happily follow me there : @DSeshat
> 
> Second, I do apologize for the large gaps in between chapters. I struggled with having a writing muse while still trying to work through a lot of what happened in 2018. I won't promise much, but I am trying to get back into the game. So I tried to get as many emotions out as possible, feeding the angst. I hope going forward I can give you more chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. Still encourage to leave comments and kudos.

Morning arrived slowly, drowsily as the sun lazily pushed through the thin clouds - slowly colouring them in firstly soft blushed, pale and pastel colours until the colour scheme was switched over to more sharp lined deeper reddish orange. A warm wind pushed itself over the landscape of Seoul, ruffling the leaves on trees and being only stopped by the glazed windows of shops, apartments and other buildings. It was a sleepy morning, one which seemed to put Hyungwon under the spell of deep slumber. The emotional overload had left him in a deep dormancy, one which seemed needed in order to reboot the system running him and give a small break to his ever busy mind. It seemed like for the first morning in a long time, he could sleep without a true worry nagging him to get up

Yet once the sun had risen and shone with a yellowish glow, the sleeping figure started to stir in the mist of messy sheets and hair. It happened slowly, Hyungwon starting to awaken from a deep sleep and nearly having to question what year it was, who he was and why he had decided to awaken in the first place - he hadn’t slept this deeply for months. It felt nothing less than amazing, as if a new source of life had been tapped and he could simply now use it to do everything he had no chance for. Slowly he started to move his hands under his slender body and tried to see if his legs would somehow be of help - in the end he hoisted himself up only on his arms. That only half way before slumping back into the warm embrace of the bed. 

He slowly geared up for a second try to hold himself up with his arms and succeeded, looking around sleepily and honestly if anyone would start talking to the younger, probably only five percent of the information would arrive. His hair was in a state of absolute mess, sticking out in odd angles and not even a bird would claim it as its own. Slowly he had pushed himself up from the wonderful cocoon of warmth, rather annoyed expression on his face, because Hoseok was nowhere to be found and he rather disliked waking up like this. He had expected to be cuddled by the older male, to have time to wake up and not having to do it himself. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table told him that he had slept for at least ten or more hours, somehow glad to have finally been able to rest without a single worry on his mind.

Hoseok walked in with a coffee cup in his hands and his gym shorts hanging off his hips like they were still not sure if to stay up or sink to the floor. For him Hyungwon looked like a newly born fawn, barely having managed to grasp the concept of their long limbs and now needing to stand. To say that the other looked adorable would be failing at providing an adequate and befitting description - Hyungwon was close to enchantingly lovable, so endlessly precious that Hoseok would have swooned and taken pictures. Yet then again he was sure such moments would come again, because for now he selfishly wanted to keep this image only in his head. The UN official did not want to share anything when it came to Hyungwon, the man with whom he felt alive again and his heart could feel love, a good healthy love. Instead an adoring smile slowly grew on his lips, walking closer to the foot of the bed. He savored the moment of how endearingly lost the younger looked, but also sleepy and clearly not ready to face the day. Instead the idea of staying in a comfortable dream land would have been the better option, because no one really wanted to face reality when there was the comfort of a make believe world. Maybe that was why Hoseok adored that look, because to him Hyungwon was the dream world in real life, one which he loved to cuddle close and keep safe. 

“Morning,” he spoke softly, sitting down on the edge, able to look out of the window. Without a word lost, Hyungwon draped himself over the males strong shoulders and large back, cuddling the wonderful warm half naked body - ideal as the first stop to wake up. Hoseok smelled like sweat and coffee, an odd combination to enjoy and yet it didn’t repulse him either. For now all he wished for was to be a koala, enjoying the warmth emanating from his boyfriends big body and warm heart. His face ended buried against Hoseoks strong neck, taking in that indescribable scent and also finally feel like this was how he was supposed to wake up - surrounded by his lovers presence. By all means he wouldn’t mind continuing to stay in such a position until night fall. “Are you awake?”  
The response was something between a ‘yes’ and a simple sound, which Hoseok took as an agreement that the younger was awake enough to listen or trying too. Just to show that truly he was awake, Hyungwon cuddled closer, nose buried into the olders neck and leave the smallest of kisses behind. Like little kitten licks they felt, somehow there and yet so gentle one couldn’t be fully sure. Truly it was more than a task to wake up, because Hyungwon loved to sleep and had grown to adore it even more being able to be wrapped up in Hoseoks strong arms. Thus of course right now he was torn between two - waking up or falling back asleep cuddling Hoseoks strong back. He honestly didn’t really want to do much, because the idea of being lazy was so wonderfully intriguing after months and months, endless hours spent writing his thesis and offering up precious hours of sleep. No one could blame him for wanting to be useless for a day, use his boyfriend as the ideal cuddle partner and think of responsibilities tomorrow. After all it wasn’t his fault that Hoseok was ideal to waste days in bed with, disregard the world outside their door and enjoy each other in full.

“Sorry I didn’t stay in bed. Once 10AM came around I figured I could go work out and still be here when you wake up. You sleep like a rock, you know.” Hoseok continued to talk, having taken a long sip of his wonderfully warm coffee and enjoying the caffeine slowly kicking in. The combination of a good yet simple work out and a warm brew could awaken Hoseok even from the deepest winter sleep. Add to that he had never learned to simply take a break, to laze and enjoy the moment - of course he had calmed down, yet there was a certain tension within him. Within him was this endless drive to do and get things done, one which was the reason why he had risen in the ranks of the UN so quickly and successfully. Hoseok never said no to being a bit lazy, but probably would never do it on Hyungwon levels of uselessness.  
“Mmmhmm.” Hyungwon responded, clinging onto the small specks of being awake and hoping it would be enough in order not to fall asleep once more. It was cruel to expect him to awaken at all when there was no reason of deadline near - sleep seemed like such a luxurious item to behold. Hyungwon never understood those, who could pull several all nighters and continue on with their life - where was the respect for sleep?  
“You look so cute too,” Hoseok spoke, using the chance to speak freely without the other whining about anything. Although he never expressed his adoration for Hyungwons adorable state while half asleep, he harboured a well rooted love for it nonetheless. Add to that he somehow knew, just by his past experience, that no man really wished to hear about his cuteness. This dazed state had its perks. “Clinging onto me, calm expression and looking angelic. Lips slightly parted as puffs of air push past them, your hair messy and falling down to cover your face from too curious gazes. Makes me weak to look at you, enjoying the sight of someone looking so ethereal. Like a prince nearly, one who fully owns me and my heart - I don’t think you know how stunning you are Hyungwon.”

Silence - no response, only the two men slowly calmly breathing and Hyungwon slowly crawling out of the deep depths of slumber. As if predicted the slender male only managed to grasp five or so percent of Hoseoks words, yet too tired to show any response or be shy about it. He wasn’t used to praise, to someone else noticing something lovable about him and not using it as a source of friendly teasing. Maybe that was why he didn’t respond either, because this was new uncharted territory he didn’t know how to take in or evaluate - especially since it came from someone he did love, deeply. More than he for now understood as the depths and reaches of the affections for Hoseok had also not been felt, something Hyungwon felt he should explore and learn to understand.  
“You know when you are fully asleep your lips part and it looks like you are pouting in your dream. Especially after yesterday's make out session your lips looked so puffy, so kissable - and there was me trying my best not to wake up my sleeping angel. Tell me does everyone know how adorable you are? Also that small whine you emit when I want to move is simply to die for.” Hoseok continued on, having not heard any protest and thus enjoying the fact he could speak freely. “Not to mention how clearly you prefer my arm as a pillow over a real one - untangling myself from you was a hard task as it made it harder for me to leave this bed.”  
“I am not that adorable,” Hyungwon finally managed to whine out, but sounding unconvincing and rather sleepy still. He had listened to everything, knowing a small blush came to his cheeks as honestly no one rained so much praise over him and it made Hyungwon unsure how to accept it. How to react to it. In his last relationship they of course had used the three letter expression of love often, but it now sounded hollow and meaningless. Hyungwon had complimented her, but never really heard much back. Now here sat Hoseok, a man who so openly could speak of his affections to him and seemed to have silos full of love to hand out to Hyungwon. It was an overwhelming feeling to suddenly be this love, this accepted and adored - his chest felt like a billion butterflies fluttered about within him, making it easier to awaken and also blush endlessly. This love felt overwhelming in all the right ways.

“Yes, yes you are my beautiful boyfriend,” Hoseok spoke with the smallest of grins before turning ever so slightly and make Hyungwon raise his head and look at him. With no real ceremony, a small soft kiss was exchanged between them, just like the rising sun - welcomed and very much needed. It was warm and soft, another way to shake off the specks of sleep and fully embrace being awake. Hoseok turned even more, able to finally wrap an arm around the younger as the other held onto the coffee cup. In his mind he reminded himself not to get carried away as the cup was in his hand and getting out coffee stains was a pain - a makeout session would come another morning.  
Slowly the kiss between them dissolved, even though their lips lingered together for a moment longer to simply enjoy the wonderful soft touch. “I ran a bath. Wanna join?” Hoseok suggested, cupping Hyungwons face in his left hand and smiling softly. Taking a look at the slender males face up close he wished those beautiful eyes could open, yet he was already busy enough marveling at those full lips and handsome features. Slowly, as if a small bonus, those beautiful orbs opened up and their gazes locked - sleepy eyes met with those overflowing with love. Hyungwon felt how nearly automatically a smile etches itself onto his face finally able to look at Hoseok, to take in those loving eyes begging him to do the same and ever so stunningly handsome features.   
“I love you,” Hyungwon mumbled a soft whisper, somehow knowing his heart needed to speak those words and didn’t feel like they ended up coming unnaturally out of him. The effect they caused was immediate as Hoseoks face lit up with nothing less that adoration and even more love. Both men carried a deep affection for each other, one which neither truly knew how deep it ran and yet were faced with the reality that it surprised them as well.

“I love you.”  
“Also the bath sounds wonderful,” Hyungwon spoke sleepily and yet with a small sleepy smile dancing on his lips. Hoseok nodded, slowly at that, before moving away so the slender could fully hoist himself out of bed and he could rid himself of his coffee cup. Having to wait for the slender long limbed male to get up, Hoseok still used the chance to bring the younger closer for another kiss as clearly the first had not been nothing near to enough for him.This time he could have deeper more passion filled one, letting their lips truly mold together as one and maybe a bit of tongue slipping into each others mouths. It was like they couldn’t truly hold back once they started, their bodies calling out for each other and desiring to be together - a fact Hoseok knew too well and needed to control. He didn’t want to overwhelm Hyungwon and push something onto him he hadn’t yet thought of or even desired - with that reason in mind Hoseok broke off the kiss, licking his lips as he did so. After all he wanted to make sure anything happening between them came from a place of consent and want, not one being too pushy.   
“I’ll go order breakfast and you slip into the bath. I will be right there.

Hyungwon did have a small pout on his lips over the ended kiss, but didn’t dwell on it as the idea of a bath was more than welcomed. Sluggishly he dragged his body into Hoseoks bathroom, one which was much larger than his and looked like a miniature spa had come to life. For now he barely took notice of the walk in shower for two or the simply yet stylishly decorated space as he was drawn to the tub. On his way he started to stripp of his clothes, letting them drop onto the floor and eagerly getting into the tub, sinking into the warm water scented with mint and something else. It was a distinct smell, one which Hoseok carried as well and Hyungwon to this day couldn’t place. 

The bathtub could probably fit several people, but for now was simply ideal for the two of them as Hyungwons long limbs finally had space. Hyungwon sank further into the warm water, eyes falling shut as a happy hum soon came from his lips. His chin rested against the edge of the tub, while the warm water seemingly knew how to massage the trouble spots on his body. It was downright magical how water could ease out tension in ones muscle, slowly erase it and leave behind an ease Hyungwon barely knew. Soundlessly Hoseok came into the bathroom, taking in the ethereal looking figure lounging in the tub with slightly milky water. He wasn’t sure if the sight was too beautiful to behold or could have come from one of his more desire fueled wet dreams. Whatever the category would be, he enjoyed the view.  
Hyungwon slowly opened his eyes to see Hoseok move some towels closer to the bathtub, still wearing his shorts and stealing glances of him. “Come join,” he suggested without much thought, longing to have the chance to cuddle in this warmth with Hoseok and maybe able to steal a few more kisses. With the way he woke up Hyungwon felt like he been deprived   
“That eager to see me naked?” Hoseok asked teasingly, seeing how a small blush rose to Hyungwons cheeks and eyes falling shut, head turning slightly to the side. Chuckling under his breath, he checked if everything was done before stripping off the final pieces of clothing from his body. Hyungwon kept himself from looking and simply waiting for Hoseok to join him, his bigger urge was to cuddle the older male and not end up having things go down a very different road.   
Hyungwon had wanted to steal glances, sure, but after yesterdays conversations he felt like needing to do some thinking. What for him seemed sure was the fact that he was clearly attracted to Hoseok, in a growing trend was also a sexual curiosity and need to be with the male. Yet there was fear, tapping into the fact that Hyungwon didn’t know much beyond making out and feared he might end up disappointing his boyfriend. Hoseok had after all had partners before him and clearly knew his own desires well enough. A small pout formed on Hyungwons lips because of his thoughts, leaving Hoseok to slowly tug the male closer and finally half on top of himself.

“Why the pout, hmm?” he asked softly, wet hands moving to stroke over the males face and through his soft hair.   
“Ah just some thoughts,” Hyungwon said quickly, not immediately looking at Hoseok and only slowly rising his gaze to meet that of his boyfriend. The white lie soon blushed deep red for existing as those honest deep eyes of Hoseok clearly deserved only the truth. “I...I just thought about yesterdays conversation and how I really don’t have any experience in the uhm bedroom.”  
“So?” Hoseok asked a bit taken aback that the younger wasn’t even fully awake, but would tackle such a subject head on. “When I asked yesterday I simply wanted to clear the air and understand you better. I mean I didn’t know my sexual preferences from the go either.”  
“But you have had several partners and I fear I might di-”  
“Disappoint me?” Hoseok finished the sentence with his brows raised, still rather surprised they would have this chat at this hour. Yet a part of him knew that all of their deeper conversations happened in comfortable positions and close to each other - clearly the bath was only another area to chat about more meaningful things. “Hyungwon, love, please do not think in such ways. I know it is a lot to ask of you, but the fact that I have had several partners does not mean a thing for out relationship, because they are in the past. What matters is us, what happens between us and if we feel good. So I have had sexual partners before you, doesn’t mean I have a system in place to evaluate the experience.”  
Hyungwon stayed silent, because his mind tried to work on a logical counter argument and yet all failed to qualify, because nearly each came from him fearing not to match to what Hoseok had had. Those truthful words from the UN officially however did enough to erase those thoughts and counter arguments, leaving the younger to only pout even more. “Do you even find me sexually attractive?”

Hoseok silently cupped the males face between his hands, smiling softly at the younger male. “Yes. Very. However I hold back so that what we have now can grow stronger and when the moment comes I will make sure your first time is nothing but pleasurable,” he spoke with his usual soft tone of voice, letting their lips peck at first until it melted into a soft kiss that didn’t have any unneeded undertones. They had gotten a point where insecurities were being voiced and they needed to be discussed - Hoseok had hoped they would come up later and yet now knew such wishes simply did not come true. Slowly breaking their kiss, seemingly having all the time in the world, Hoseok decided that as the subject of their relationship was on the table, he would tackle something on his mind. “As we are again discussing everything between us - your agent?”  
“Hmm,” Hyungwon let out a sound of contemplation, happily dropping the topic of him feeling inadequate in some areas, “I guess we could go out and I would call him. Letting him come here would send out the wrong signal and make him unneededly tense.”  
Hoseok nodded slowly, figuring the younger was right and after all why not use todays more dreamy mood to get out of the house and enjoy a bit of the weather. “Then we shall. First let us enjoy this.” 

***

Seoul was rather calm and collected, few people strolling in the streets and majority sitting in some establishment, letting their minds be entertained. Hyungwon and Hoseok had found an adorable cafe in Seoul that seemed to be neutral enough to meet the agent in question and have the needed conversation. A small space with stylish interior, quiet jazz playing in the background and the bustle around coffee machines only increasing with every new customer. In the air laid the small selected scents of dark chocolate and cheesecake, giving the whole establishment a rather laid back feeling.

Hyungwon took out his cellphone as he waited in line to make his order, dialing the needed number and waiting for the line to open up. A bit unsure how to go about everything, he was happy that Hoseok was prepared to stay in the car and wait and not hover over the whole meeting like a hawk. It was something that the slender figure had to do alone, probably one of the only things he could do without needing anyone, but himself. Plus he was sure he would pick up on the olders nervousness and end up tense, maybe leaving the meeting to be awkward even though there was no need for it.   
“Hello, this is a secure emergency hotline of the Seoul Helpservice. Please state your emergency,” a friendly yet boring sounding female voice spoke, which did surprise Hyungwon. After all these years it seemed to be one of the few professions left where a roboter hadn’t taken over - in a sense he felt happiness over such a thing. To him the over use of robots seemed like a trap humanity created for themselves and happily walked into, only later to be surprised when something went completely and utterly wrong.  
“1-0-0-4,” he spoke calmly, closing his eyes as the wave of sadness washed over him. On the tenth of April his parents had been killed and from that date onwards he was a statuesless being. Never again held that combination the usual Korean meaning of angel and instead carried the heavy burden of the loss of his beloved mother and father. In an ironic way he now thought that maybe the date was ideal, because his parents could be angels and watch over whomever they chose.   
“Thank you for your call. Your emergency has been noted, Hyungwon. Please stay where you are. ”   
With that the call ended and the slender figure could order himself an iced caramel macchiato with extra ice. After paying he moved to sit near the window, able to see Hoseok seated in the car and on his phone, while also being able to observe people on the streets. It was a nice day and so many were out, probably enjoying the few days of the year where life seemed normal and nightly bombings hadn’t ruined the mood for everyone. Couples and families walked the streets, some having shopping bags in their hands and laughter on their lips - it was something Hyungwon used to long for and now he could reach for with his hand. 

About twenty minutes later a plane looking all black car pulled up at the cafe, out of which stepped Hyungwon agent and a sense of familiarity over took the younger - after all he had known his agents for a good chunk of his life. The man looked like he always did, which was why he stood out from the rest of the mass like a sore thumb. Agents from the system were meant to be seen, because the public shouldn’t never forget that in their current society these men and women kept many lives safe. Young children knew their appearance before the did that of the UN officials or police, because agents were that prominent in the day to day street scene. No one had actual numbers, but it was estimated that by now the system had one agent for three to five adoptees - yearly the number grew and by now some voices asked if society didn’t need a redo in order to lessen this growth.  
Stepping into the cafe the agent quickly spotted and Hyungwon and came closer, taking a seat as a wide familiar smile danced on their lips. It was odd seeing the man again as so much had changed and developed, while he still looked like he had all those months ago. As if time had not touched him a single time, preserving him for eternity as the watchful guardian angel Hyungwon always needed.

“I am glad you remembered the proper ways of contacting me.” the agent spoke, taking in Hyungwons looks and only have his smile grew wider. With content he noted how good the slender figure looked and clearly this adoption could be filed under success - another factor to lighten his mood. After all the agent had feared that Hyungwon was too closed to be accepted by anyone, having to maybe even return and face the sadness of not being wanted. All those fears seemed now dwarfish, nearly unnoticeable.  
“The number combination had meaning which was why I probably did.” Hyungwon replied a bit shyly, knowing all too well that his agent would be discreetly enough not to ask. That was why Hyungwon had grown to like his agent, because he knew that he would never be pushed to speak when he wasn’t comfortable doing so.  
“I see,” the agent replied, shrugging off his jacket and letting his casually drape over the back of the chair “So what is the cause?”  
“I uhm...have a question I guess.” Hyungwon replied, choosing to start the whole discussion in a rather roundabout way and yet wasn’t too confident to simply state the fact he had found love. It felt like such a private thing, one which he really only wanted to selfishly keep to himself. However being who he was nothing was ever going to be fully private, not until time had passed and he hopefully could develop his relationship with Hoseok further. Until then he was still only an adoptive.  
“I am guessing it has to do with your Suitor, who is sitting outside and trying to keep calm. It is rather interesting to see an UN official sweat. So shoot.”   
A job of an agent of the system was to notice everything, to make sure their adoptee was safe and taken care of. Agents were selected based off how much they could remember and notice in a short time, remembering it correctly and able to repeat things in inscurciating detail. Thus it didn’t surprise Hyungwon that his agent had noticed all those details and seemed nearly thrilled over them. This job wasn’t for everyone, clearly, and yet seemed to suit the man sitting next to him and having a warm fatherly smile on his lips. 

“It does,” Hyungwon confirms shy smile, fingers rubbing the glass his drink was in. “Do we, me uhm him need to change anything since we started dating?”  
“Congratulations,” the agent spoke with true happiness in his voice. In silence the man had hoped that Hyungwon would find someone to love and cherish, to finally be able to show the world how much he can give love to someone. To the agent it always seemed like Hyungwon carried this huge amount of love and want to care for another, suffering under the fact he couldn’t give it to anyone. With the years said burden grew, developed and seemingly caused heartache for the slender figure. “Well. A suitor and adoptee relationship, as defined in the legal terms of the contract, also covers the option of when the two fall in love and start dating. As it is an occurrence that does happen rather frequently, the system has incorporated into the general settings. Mainly because it lessens the paperwork amount and people's lives aren’t forever connected back to the system. However, Hyungwon, might I first ask you a couple of questions?”   
As the agent spoke, he patted his jacket for a notepad which he finally pulled out of his inside pocket along with a pen. Even though this was a joyous moment, he would not forget protocol and make sure that Hyungwon was in a safe situation. Love did not always mean that everything was healthy and working - love blinded and an agents job was to lessen said loss of sight.  
“Uhm sure,” Hyungwon nods slowly, his eyes darting outside to see that Hoseok was watching him with great intensity. His boyfriends demeanor wasn’t the one he was used too, but much more controlled and very much focused. As if any sign of distress would cause Hoseok to storm in and do whatever to protect Hyungwon - that intensity was something Hyungwon never before had seen and needed time to digest. As it was comforting, it was in a way scary seeing the otherwise so soft spoken man turn into such a scary figure.   
“Have you been sexually active?”   
“No.”  
“Has he used this emotional connection to initiate any sexual activities?”  
“No!”  
“Good, good.” the agent spoke, writing down his questions as well as the answers along with the emotion they were spoken with and facial expressions. That was what always had put Hyungwon off - how his replies were documented in the highest form of detail, not a single bit of information lost to the world. Every single bit of his emotions written down and documented, leaving him feeling like he was under questioning for a crime. “Do you plan on ending the medical check ups?”  
“I would have asked about that. I personally don’t see a reason why I should. Maybe moving them permanently to the base would make things easier- as far as I have heard many other places in Seoul have been inhaliated.” Hyungwon spoke, trying to ignore how everything was noted down and feeling like he should somehow either act more matter of factly or hide his true thoughts in another way.   
“I will make a note,” the agent muttered a reply, busy with scribbling down everything his former adoptee had said. “Neither do I. Keeping them going for another year seems befitting and also keep the files fresh if something changes again. Add to that your last medical check up gave glowing reviews to your health, besides the fact that the doctor seemed worried over your very fatigued state. I hope the thesis work has ended and you now have time to rest. Do you have a quick place to escape if something goes wrong?”  
“Yes, Hyunwoo. You have met him,” Hyungwon replied, knowing that even though he hadn’t discussed it, Hyunwoo would take him in no matter what. 

“Ah yes, very good.” the agent nods, knowing full well of whom Hyungwon spoke of, “Has mister Lee provided for what you need?”  
“I uhm...yes? I didn’t know what to ask for, so we simply went by the bare essentials. Is there anything else?” Hyungwon replies carefully, thinking about the past months and everything Hoseok had done for him. “Materialistically I never had many desires, so Hoseok got me the things he noticed or I simply pointed out to be in need of like clothes and such. Honestly I don’t know how to be spoiled or ask for it, so we both simply work from the basis of what comes to mind. But...I think emotionally has been someone I have been able to open up to and slowly rest past pains.”  
“To see you happy is something I always wished for, Hyungwon,” the agent spoke, his words true and honest - luckily left undocumented and thus kept their emotional weight, “Now I will need to add into the field of further information dating. Could you call him in?”  
Hyungwon slowly rose to his feet, knowing Hoseok was watching him, and walked to the door of the cafe to peak his head out and see that the UN officer was already getting out of the car to see what was happening. Motioning the man over, Hyungwon gave him a soft smile once the male came closer and seemed to have his nervousness wash away by that simple gesture. Turning around the slender figure returned to his seat, Hoseok on his heels and taking the last empty spot at the table.   
“Hello, mister Shin. Although there will be no official statues change for either of you, in the asterisks will need to be added that you two are dating. This will, simply put, make sure that Hyungwon won’t be lost in the jungle of laws and endless bureaucracy.” the agent spoke, not even taking the time for meaningless small talk or formalities, wishing to get the needed information and then leaving the two of them alone.

“What does that mean?” Hoseok spoke, seated and ready to discuss nearly anything. Truthfully he wasn’t feeling prepared and rather nervous, because it only slowly bit by bit had dawned on him that the whole system was a lot more structured than he had expected. Jiyong had tried to warn him about it, but Hoseok foolishly didn’t think that there would be so much fuss over them dating.   
“Well,” the agent spoke, clearly picking his words very carefully to make sure he wouldn’t step on anyones toes. “Hyungwon is in the eyes of the law, as an individual is a statueless person with no rights, no legal coverage - as to state it in the terms of law “a person without owning the rights of a person”. That statues will be connected to him until he has entered into the only legally strong enough bond in the current society - marriage. In the system he was under the protection of the system with the added legal and physical protection against any harm. Basically the system would have in the long run adopted him fully and given him a job - knowing his talents, I guess he would have been the head of a house. Now with the adoption all of those terms were handed to your name, mister Shin. Basically your own statues in life is stretched out to fit him in, equalling you both. However if there is something to happen to you, where his statues is still as that of your simple adoptee, he would return to being statuesless if the system does not take him back. They probably would as his track record is clean as a whistle, but that is still a process. However adding the asterisks of dating means, that if something happens to you, mister Shin, your family can request taking him under their “protection”. That is option A. Option B would be of second round family adoption by a close couple, whom are ready to have him in their lives. Said couple should agree upon it and be namely stated in your will and paperwork connected to Hyungwon. That all should be filed as a extra paperwork.”  
“So to make sure he is fully secure is…” Hoseok tried to let all of that information settle in his mind, somehow surprised that even now Hyungwon wasn’t more than simply someone, a disposable someone.  
“...marriage, yes.” The agent spoke, scribbling down his notes and missing how Hoseoks face seems emotionless and nearly cold, something which irked Hyungwon.  
“I see.” Hoseok breathed out, looking at his handsome boyfriend with rather sad eyes, somehow realising that even now the younger was not protected from the cold harsh world around them. He had hoped in a sense that this adoption would have been enough, would have brought Hyungwon back to a point of statues and now was faced with reality. Even with Hoseok being a rather high level UN official, said power and might didn’t translate into keeping Hyungwon safe and out of the system. It saddened him to know that his power had such a harsh limitation when it came to someone he truly, passionately loved.   
Add to that he was rather unsure how to feel about Hyungwon being seemingly unaffected by such news, taking it in so well. The younger seemed to have accepted this piece of information without much protest or annoyance - simply took it as a fact he could not change. The agent as well seemed overly calm about this, not at all sounding sympathetic or trying to see if there was a loophole. A conflicting combination of emotions run through Hoseok, leaving it a bit of a struggle to focus back on the conversation on hand.   
“The paperwork should be at the UN base as well, as I am sure that there are special terms attached. I highly suggest to clear out everything before going forward, because afterwards it is a bit of a mess. Hyungwon would end up in the middle of it and those things never end well.” the agent spoke, having managed to write down everything that had happened, filling up page after page with information obtained from their meeting.  
“I see. Is there any extra way to secure his life?” Hoseok asked finally, shaking off his state of conflicting emotions and thoughts to come back to the chat on hand.   
“Without marriage? No. Not even from the UN.” the agent reconfirmed, closing his notepad and looking at the two males. Hyungwon was sipping his coffee slowly and eyeing Hoseok, trying to understand what was going on in his boyfriends mind. Hoseok on the other hand had his eyes flicker between the agent and the slender figure, unable to hide how he could not come to terms with the newly provided information. In the end, after letting out a long heavy sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the world, Hoseok gave a small nod.   
“There a limits to every power.”

They drove home in silence, music softly playing in the background as Hoseok focused on driving and cleaning out his head. It was a mess, because in all idealistic fashion he had so dearly hoped today would be filled with nothing, but good news. Instead he was faced with the sad fact that his beloved Hyungwon in the eyes of the law was still an adoptee. It saddened him as well as it made him curious to why Hyungwon seemed to okay with everything said at that cafe. His mind seemingly started to make loops around that one thought, leaving soft sighs to pass over Hoseoks lips and worrying Hyungwon.  
The younger of the pair took in the information and half-way knew that dating wouldn’t solve his statuesless statues, because it could have not been that simple. In the eyes of the law he was a nobody until legally something changed - the fact that his heart had found love was not said legal push to change reality. What worried him was how burdened and clearly unhappy Hoseok seemed to be over this and how their previously cheery mood seemed to have been kicked into the mud. It was as if that one meeting had lessened the rose colour glasses effect on both of them, bringing their relationship back to earth and be faced with a reality that showed no mercy.   
Once back at home they crashed on the sofa, still silence looming over them and neither of the two knowing how to address the questions standing dominantly in the room. Hyungwon was scared to say anything, because he did not know what was going on in Hoseoks head. The other however was not sure how to express his frustration over pretty much everything, leaving him to bury his face in his hands. It was agonizing to think that their relationship, which meant so much to the two of them, had no legal weight in the eyes of the law - rendering their feelings meaningless in front of the code of law.   
The silence was dragged out, pulled to cover everything and stretched so thin it was bound to break. It did the moment Hyunwon’s and Hoseoks eyes met, both of their orbs giving away the emotions running wild within them - in the UN officials were fear, unhappiness, agony and yet still those huge amounts of love; in Hyungwon’s confusion, endless heaps of love and fear. That moment of nonverbal communication was what finally broke the camel's back.  
“You are so calm about it,” Hoseok finally confessed, his agony and upset over how his adoptee seemed unbothered by how little his statues has changed. Even though Hyungwon had moved forward in his life, taken leaps and not just steps, in the eyes of the society he is still someone without a place within it. Those six words needed to carry all the weight of his emotions currently residing in his body, failing to do so and crumbling under the burden - that was why such a pained sound escaped Hoseoks lips as if someone was physically hurting him.

Hyungwon, having sat on the sofa hugging his knees turned quickly upon hearing that sound and listening to those words. It pained him how Hoseok looked nearly defeated by todays meeting, clearly still struggling to really accept everything. Yet the adoptee didn’t know how to ease said emotional burden, because for him this was such a natural state of things. For the first time it truly seemed like their worlds clashed, both failing to have the knowledge the other owned and thus unable to give an accurate response - emotionally or physically.   
“After all those years in the system I...I got accustomed to it? By now the fact that I don’t have no rights is like a given, which is why I am not bothered by what my agent said. Staying in that home makes it even clearer to you. It is like constantly having a mirror held in front of your face, reminding you that even now with a roof over your head, food on your table and able to live normally - you are statuesless. Nothing really is yours.” Hyungwon confessed with honesty in his voice, one which Hoseok took in with light surprise and yet also left him to slightly understand. Even though he could not relate and probably never would understand, the way his boyfriend spoke seemed to truthfully speak of a reality he still needed to learn to accept.   
Once more a silence settled between them, one which wasn’t stretched thin or seemed uncomfortable, but one which was them communicating without using their voices. Their eyes searched each others, worked on showing their true selves and slowly erase those emotions causing them pain. Hyungwon’s and Hoseok’s hearts felt heavy as they worked on understanding each other. By no means did either of them want to have this turn into a fight over understanding, yet now used their chance to work through what they could and if need be use words. Yet the fact of the matter was that words could never always express every single bit of emotions and thoughts, sometimes hiding way the more uncomfortable and painful aspects. However it was hard to hide much when the person you loved looked into your eyes, silently begging to be honest with them.   
Slowly Hoseok moved into Hyungwons lap, once Hyungwon had let go of hugging his knees, settling in as if he had done it a million times and muscle memory was really the one that made him move. Softly he cupped Hyungwons face between his hands, thumbs slowly moving over the soft skin as he looked deeply into his boyfriend's eyes. It was somehow different how Hoseok looked at the other, because it wasn’t fully clear which emotions were in those dark orbs. It was as if the UN official himself was still struggling, but had decided that in this moment the main thing was to let their love speak. He didn’t look at Hyungwon as someone to desire or lust for, but someone he loved with every single bit of his being. Maybe because it was this undiluted love that for the first time presented itself royally to Hyungwon, that it was hard to pinpoint at first and yet slowly became clear.   
It was nothing less than overwhelming to see all of that in Hoseoks eyes, have a soothing touch move over his jawline and cheek - yet Hyungwon couldn’t do much more than reply. To set aside everything and open up as never before, letting everything within him unfold in his eyes and only to be seen by Hoseok.   
It was the first time he had let everything surface - the pain over the loss of his parents, the solitude he felt while in the system and every other emotion he rather not label as it would take him years to sort them out. Hyungwon never felt comfortable with someone looking into his eyes as Hoseok was doing now, but for some reason this time he didn’t mind. He felt safe and knew that everything on show right now wouldn’t be used against him or would harm him, because between them ruled trust. 

Letting their foreheads rest against each others, the two men continued looking at each other as if it was the first time the two truly saw each other. As if every single veil was lifted and the true unfiltered truth was before them, demanding to be taken seriously and acknowledged.   
“I so deeply wish that my love would be enough to keep you safe from every and any danger in the world,” Hoseok spoke softly, letting out a much softer sigh as if he needed to accept defeat over not being powerful enough to win against the law. “I wish I could simply look at you and say that with me at your side, you will never again will know pain. Yet here I am, a simple man loving you with all I have.”  
Hyungwon felt shy and happy, a soft smile on his lips as he slowly moved his head to peck the others beautiful soft lips. “But right now you are. I feel secure and loved, adored and above all for the first time in a long time at home,” the slender figure confessed with a clear shyness in his voice, but strong attention demanding honesty behind his shyness. “Forget the law and the stupid system, simply for now it is us and our love that will make the rules.”  
“Will it be enough? My love for you?” Hoseok asked with still a bit of uncertainty in his voice.  
“For me? More than enough.”

Later that night Hoseok and Hyungwon were invited to eat at Daesungs and Jiyongs place - once more Daesung had done all to fill the table up with endless amounts of delicious dishes. It was a relaxed dinner, where the mood was good and the jokes getting more absurd as the evening move forward. What helped was naturally alcohol along with the more relaxed mood surrounding the table, leaving everyone to simply relax and enjou the evening. Hyungwon, finally looking rested and not like he was going to drop from exhaustion, enjoyed it even more than the first time and yet his mind wandered back to the events from the day. Somehow because of the emotional weight of it, one couldn’t simply push it aside and act like it didn’t happen. If anything it lingered in ones mind like the sweet scent of flowers or how the air smells fresh after a heavy rain. Try as he might to push it aside, to ignore it and take part in the evening, his mind had chosen this moment to contemplate on everything going on.   
This state of not really focusing on the chats around him was picked up by everyone around the table, yet not sure how to address it. Hyungwon was someone who sometimes tuned out, something which each of the people there noticed at different times - Hoseok during the times he was at home and his boyfriend was focusing on his thesis; Daesung and Jiyong during the time spent at the camp. Add to that it didn’t dampen the mood and really after several stressful weeks it was natural to have a more unfocused mind. The mood was light and cheery, so of course having a moment of break left also ones mind to be less focused on every single simple dumb joke thrown around.   
“Where is the mind of Hyungwon?” Daesung asked playfully, trying to bring the younger back to the area of the events happening now.  
“Do you remember the code?” Hyungwon asked and somehow with those few words seemed to change the mood around the table, directing it down a more serious route instead of the aloof laughter filled one they had just minutes ago.   
“Of course I remember my code - 1991.” Daesung spoke without missing a beat, for a brief moment looking at the fellow adoptee with a small sadness in his eyes. The code to him always had been the one that meant things had gone 100% bad and the only way to save oneself were those four digits. Of course he didn’t know what it meant for Hyungwon, but the fact the younger thought about it seemed like a sign.  
“Told you he would. “ Hyungwon spoke, looking over at Hoseok with a small sigh passing his lips as his boyfriend looked more than displeased by this bit of news. Even though they had tried to set aside the topic, it seemed to follow them like a hurt puppy and reminding the two that they could not escape it. Maybe that was why Hoseok placed his hand on the youngers shoulder, giving it a small squeeze - even though he was sure his true feelings for Hyungwon were known, he wasn’t much into skinship in public. 

“You remember even now? That is creepy,” Jiyong spoke with a deep frown on his features, looking at his life partner with a good mixture of emotions. After all Jiyong had hoped that after all these years Daesung had moved on from the adoptee mindset worked into his system, having discarded it on the side of the rode the day started to walk together down the same path.  
“Seems like for both of them it is a reality that we don’t understand.” Hoseok commented oddly dryly, hints of deep sadness mixed with small specks of anger. His eyes were on Hyungwon, somehow glad the younger was speaking again and yet didn’t expect this topic to continue even into their dinner. In a way he wanted to understand the world and reality Hyungwon came from, yet didn’t expect it to be this confusing and really hard to relate too. It was probably the first time he could not relate and trying to seemed like learning a new language, one which wasn’t of logic and much more of emotion and experience.  
“I wonder if my agent even is active in the field.” Daesung, not even needing a moment and instead flowing with the chat as it seemed like something Hyungwon was interested and wanted to discuss. In a way Daesung wanted to give the younger the outlet he did not have with Hoseok - a space where there was someone who understood him wordlessly, because they knew that reality painfully well.   
“Mine was just glad I remembered how to contact him. Made me sound hopeless.” Hyungwon confessed with a smile cracking over his features, only to be met with the same from the other three.   
“Well, you are, “ Hoseok commented with a small chuckle, not yet able to shake off the previous feelings and yet teasing always lightened the mood.  
“You two really aren't bothered are you?” Jiyong spoke, the only one who couldn’t fully go along with this small gag and instead was still stuck on the previous words exchanged between them.

“Well, you see, the system is a different world. There you grow accustomed to the idea that in the grand scheme of things you don’t really matter,” Daesung said, taking his husbands hand between his two and pressing a light kiss against his knuckles. After several years together with was one of the many methods Daesung had developed to calm Jiyong down, to make his mood softer and a lot less grim.  
“Or have much to your name. I don’t remember a time I envied Hyunwoo, because he would have it so easy with the arranged marriage - back then I wanted to be adopted so bad and was hurt when I wasn’t. It is a very different mindset.” Hyungwon confessed, probably being honest about his jealousy and the dying wish to simply be free of the system. It was right after he had entered the system and only wanted out, feeling resentful towards his friend - now he felt bad for ever letting himself feel in such a way. Yet blaming himself seemed rather dumb as well, because ones mind grows over time and he back then had to juggle a lot, easily slipping down the road of jealousy rather than being logical about his own self.   
“I know what you mean. Being adopted seemed like this ideal dream, but hearing about how the higher up families did arranged marriages seemed even more like something to wish for. Even after my first adoption wasn’t...ideal, still the idea of adoption was something to desire. It wasn’t so much about statues change or wanting out, but much more that you suddenly weren’t this thing in the eyes of the law. You become a person again, someone, who can actually own something and not be apart of this dull regime. In a way it is like a rebirth.”

Jiyong looked at his husband for a long while, taking in his words and emotions standing behind them to hold up such a weight - in the end he kissed Daesungs hands softly. Even though he didn't always understand from where Daesung was coming from, because he lacked the experience and emotions to figure it out, Jiyong did hope that his mind would try to understand with the information given to him. It wasn't easy, by no means, but at least he would try and always remember that he never walked a mile in Daesungs shoes and any kind of judgment came from a place of not knowing what it is like to be an adoptee. Even after all these years Daesung had not shed that part of him like a snake would his skin, instead said chunk of his husband was one that would always follow them. It couldn't be cast aside or ignored, but acknowledged and dealt with.  
Hoseok looked for Hyungwons ahnd under the table as he listened the whole time, silently letting their fingers intertwine and hands rest on his thigh. In an ideal world he could ignore Hyungwons past and only focus on their hopefully shared future, but in the harsh reality around them a wider spectrum needed to be focused on. Both of their pasts would affect the now and to come, which meant that these kinds of chats could help them walk together on a less rocky path. Even though Hoseok struggled to understand and sympathize, he understood to some extent that his lack of experience in this feel didn't mean Hyungwons emotions and mindset was wrong. Being used to one set of rules didn't simply fade away within a few months and truly haunted you, reminded you of what could be if certain things didn't happen. Hoseok himself had to admit his previous relationship knowledge and heartaches had affected their current relationship statues - a realisation he didn't like and yet had to live with, digest and let settle.

“So as we are on the topic,” Hoseok picked up the conversation again after a few beats of silence had settled, remembering Hyungwon agents words about a couple adopting the younger if something goes wrong. He of course immediately thought of the only two people he would entrust his beloved Hyungwons life with - Daesung, for the motherly love and cooking, and Jiyong, who could kill a man if the need occured.   
“You want to ask if we would adopt Hyungwon if need be?” Jiyong spoke with a knowing smile on his lips, while Daesung beamed even wider as if he was trying to outshine the sun in the sky and the moon right now ruling the skies.  
“How...how did you know?” Hyungwon asked, having also thought of them two and somehow was glad his and Hoseoks thoughts aligned on this topic.  
While a bright joy filled laughter leaves Jiyongs lips, Daesung springs up from his chair and with a quick pace disappears into the large well decorated apartment. “He nagged me to get the according paperwork right around when we were at the army base,” Jiyong explains with an ease as he looked at his two friends with a certain kind of triumph in his mind. After all this was probably the first time after a long he has truly surprised his long time friend and thought a few steps ahead of him. Not that Jiyong blamed the other, because he wanted Hoseok to simply enjoy the untainted worry free moments of love taking hold of his entire body and lulling the mind in the blanket of security. After about two minutes Daesung came back with a stack of papers, having made a folder for them as well and clearly taken his time to work through everything. The matter was not a simple one.  
“I don’t know if I should be happy or scared,” Hyungwon muttered, watching the whole scene unfold as if he was in the cinema and watching something that actually truly did affect his own life.

“Be both,” Hoseok finally spoke with a laughter filling his words, unable to believe that even now his friends had his back in such a way. After all these years he was still surprised by the thoughtful and loving nature of his friends, one which once more filled up the room with love.  
“Well we might as well settle it,” Daesung speaks, a wide smile on his lips as he sets everything down on the table and with a look in his eyes that explained that even in this light mood he wasn't joking. If anything such a serious gaze in the males eyes was a rare sight in Hyungwon eyes, one which he would remember and also left him feeling at ease. His previous mindset given to him by the system could slowly be discharged and be left behind. “Plus this way your nickname for me makes sense - Daesung Mom.”  
“He actually called you that?” Hoseok asked with surprise, looking at his boyfriend with a small yet strong amusement in his eyes. Hyungwon playfully stuck out his tongue, knowing full well he had and the nickname was nothing less than accurate.   
“Half asleep, barely knowing what year it is Hyungwon did yes.”   
Daesung was clearly happy that the mood was lifted, leaving all four of them to discuss matters in a much lighter and laughter filled setting as they cleared the paperwork. The reality of the situation was that all four came from different backgrounds, but what made their friendship work was the fact that they could combine the knowledge they had to give a situation several aspects. With that they could each grow, understand and figure out what to do next - mostly it was all accompanied with nice food and laughter, but tonight showed sometimes things could not always be light. Darkness and light walked hand in hand, with knives behind their back ready to win over the other.

 

They had cuddled in bed for a good solid hour before even confessing that fatigue was quickly taking over their bodies and yet not Hyungwon’s mind. Instead he closed his eyes once the lights were out. Yet he didn’t feel sleepy and instead laid in Hoseoks strong arms, enjoyed the comfort and love wafting towards him in overwhelming waves. For the first time he understood how much he needed this nightly comfort to fall asleep, to slumber in peace and not be bothered by nightmares. The feeling of being loved, to be understood and have it sink into his brain was overwhelming him more and more - it was nearly impossible not to get choked up about it. That realization seemed to rock through him, flipping on lights to show that even the darkest depth he disliked about himself could be liked and even loved by another.   
Silently, after about fifteen minutes of silence he opened his eyes, coming into view were their intertwined hands resting on top of Hoseoks chest. Hoseoks hands had, Hyungwon knew this, small marks from combat and were strong from the endless hours of working out. They weren’t the slender hands of Hyungwon, seeming fragile and combined together created the strongest bond Hyungwon knew of. Without a single thought wasted his fingers started to stroke those of Hoseoks, a comforting touch and also one to calm his own heart. Oddly enough the whole day Hyungwon hadn’t felt calm and rather like he was on edge. Always close to a panic that had become foreign to him and his whole body - maybe that was why his mind didn’t want to rest. Even though the topics on hand had been ones he had grown accustomed too, with them back in his life the bubble of security seemed to have nearly burst even with Hoseok close to him. Add to that he had been mentally pushed back to time where uncertainty ruled his life, one which he had disliked and yet grown accustomed too - a part of him had still this youthful naive thought that being adopted solved everything. Today had shown that indeed that was not the fact, pushing him with rough blows towards an edge he couldn't see and now suddenly felt.   
A sudden wave of fear gripped his body, hand immediately tightening around Hoseoks as his eyes moved up to take in the surely calm expression of his boyfriend. Instead he was met with a quizzical gaze from his boyfriend. Room barely had illumination, so Hyungwon studying the others face was much more his frantic eyes looking for those much calmer dark orbs. This fear seemed to have crashed down, a painful and uneasy feeling gripping him soon after and leaving the desire to escape take over - all confusing and for Hyungwon misplaced feelings while being the arms of his lover.

“I love you,” he finally spoke, having nearly painfully squeezed Hoseoks hand one more time, with his voice sounding rather choked up and he didn’t even know why. Hoseok, not having fallen asleep either, somehow had expected the reality of today to catch up with the younger and had hoped it wouldn’t happen while they laid in bed like this. A part of his mind had constantly expected it, because of what he knew from the files on Hyungwon - it had felt invasive to read, but right now seemed to save the whole situation. Not sure what to say or even if there was something to say, Hoseok adjusted them so he could hug the others body closer to his own and press a kiss against the crown of Hyungwons head. A wordless statement of ‘it will be fine’ seemed like such a worthless cruel lie, thus telling it to his boyfriend wasn’t close to befitting. Instead he offered mental support, cuddling as close as possible.  
“I love you,” he replied with a calm loving voice, his free hand moving up to let his fingers stroke over the others cheek. Nearly to his happiness Hoseok could note that Hyungwon wasn’t crying as he had feared the younger would cry in the dark and not say a word. Even though they had shown their souls, Hyunwon still seemed to hold some things to himself, not yet quite ready to share with Hoseok or himself not ready to admit those things slumbered within his busy mind. It wasn’t something to blame him for or even get angry at, but simply apart of Hyungwon and how life had treated him. Especially after today Hoseok understood even more in depth that his boyfriend had grown to know the fact he was in the grand of scheme no one. Thus of course a no one wouldn’t burden someone else with their problems, instead manage them themselves and move forward. Hoseok found determination grew within him to show Hyungwon that with him he was someone, someone to love and take care of.   
“I don’t know why…” Hyungwon whispered, his voice filled with a certain kind of sadness and fear mixed together. His voice was uneasy and hard to listen to without getting emotional. Much to the youngers surprise the more he aired out his worries, the less burdened and overwhelmed he felt, even if it meant a part of his frustration would come out with tears - it was ease he was after.  
“I think reality finally sank in.” Hoseok spoke with the same calm voice, letting out a soft sigh. "Your life has changed too much to be used to what had been. Even if at first you seemed okay and knowledgeable, still it didn’t mean you were fully okay with it.."

“I hate it.”   
“What?”  
“Reality. I like the idea of being under your protection forever, no other option being even close to acceptable. As you said this afternoon - I wish that love was enough to ignore what is actual reality.” Hyungwon confessed his nearly childish belief, but one he carried as an armour and helped him to feel an ease he hadn’t for a long time. Even though reality was that even Hoseok could never win against the eternal champion called the Grim Reaper.   
“You are, Hyungwon, always. DO not doubt my ability to be ready to take a bullet for you. Today was talking about a future that I will do everything to prevent and we did in a sense thanks to Daesung and Jiyong. We know what to do and that is more than we can ask from life. I have a reason to come home too. I have a reason to do my duty, but also even more than before take care of myself so that I won’t die thinking about, who will comfort you and what the grief might do to you. It scares me to think of it and we are only talking about a hypothetical future, one which I don’t want. Hyungwon, I love you,” Hoseok spoke and not words filled with false hope painted beautiful with white lies, but words that he truly meant and wanted to see be fulfilled. To the UN official it was truly important to make sure that Hyungwon was safe and loved, taken care of and wouldn’t need to know the pain of loss once more. “I love you and want to protect you with every single fiber of my being. I want your smile to be as vibrant as it is now. I want your sleep to be calm and peaceful, filled with nothing by joy and happiness. I want you to be happy, loved and adored.”  
“I am scared of losing you,” Hyungwon whisper, lip between his teeth as those words still rung clear in his ears. They were comforting and calmed his heart down, one which now could happily beat again to the tune of love for Hoseok. Hearing those words maybe were the reason he didn’t fully lose every sense of calmness, but instead was able to find some sort of way to relax and slumber once more.   
“As I am of you.” Hoseok confirmed, embracing the male even tighter against his chest and giving the younger one a soft smile. “For now we are in each others arms and that is what matters. The darkness of the world for tonight is not here to harm us. It is fought off by our love and that is a weapon far greater than we can ever understand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! :)


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